My Girlfriend
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woah.. deja vu ah.
haha i've got a friend from church, also she's something like in the position of A.
her advice is.. "don't tell your gf that we're best friends", it's crazy to do that.
unfortunately.. girls are emotional creatures, they don't use their heads, they use their hearts.
so with a fruitful imagination, they can think up any scenario which makes them insecure..
but i think it's cool that she starts befriending A ba.
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Yea she's trying to but she doesn't really want to befriend A right now. She's trying to give me what I want but also I think she's pushing herself to accept A when she's not ready to, and I know she doesn't want to.
I deeply wish the both of them can get along.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
I think it's time you let your gf go.
You are too immature for a serious relationship.
Until you can get over A yourself and be comfortable being loving to your gf infront of A, you have no right to expect your gf to get over anything.
ah, this i agree wholeheartedly.
don't step into a relationship if your heart still belong to someone else.. even if a little bit of it.
only step into a relationship when you love only, and only the person you step into a relationship with.
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But I love only my gf. She doesn't believe me she says my actions are the opposite and that I actually truly care about A. She says that because she thinks in my heart there is a part even she cannot fill, that only A can fill. Maybe I did show her that I was affected when I stopped talking to A.
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that is called knowing the enemy.. :P
anyway TS, I don't know your age but I also assume you're not very very young either. Should be early or mid twenties. Let me give you a final piece of opinion, I think you should stop asking what would others do if they were you or what should you do.
You already heard many views here. It's time for you to make a decision by yourself and face whatever consequences that it brings. Nothing in this world has a 100% right answer or right way to do anything. It's always the better option than the others.
Just like Big 2, if you got good hands, play well is natural but doesn't mean you won't lose. If you got bad hands, it's about trying to break even by not losing with the full hand.
Simply, it's time to do what you should be doing and be responsible for whatever choice you make.
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=) Thanks. Really. Will update you all on good news?
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Originally posted by cuddles:
that is called knowing the enemy.. :P
anyway TS, I don't know your age but I also assume you're not very very young either. Should be early or mid twenties. Let me give you a final piece of opinion, I think you should stop asking what would others do if they were you or what should you do.
You already heard many views here. It's time for you to make a decision by yourself and face whatever consequences that it brings. Nothing in this world has a 100% right answer or right way to do anything. It's always the better option than the others.
Just like Big 2, if you got good hands, play well is natural but doesn't mean you won't lose. If you got bad hands, it's about trying to break even by not losing with the full hand.
Simply, it's time to do what you should be doing and be responsible for whatever choice you make.
sigh. pat pat TS, but don't feel condemn if you make mistakes. it's a learning process. =)
everyone makes mistakes too k?
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Yup. Hopefully things get better. =)
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Originally posted by Noughticated:
=) Thanks. Really. Will update you all on good news?
of course. bad news also update k?
a wise man learn from his mistakes.. a wiser man learns from other people's mistakes
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lol!
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It is hard for both of them to get along. I can tell you this based on my first hand experience.
My bf (going to be my husband soon) also has a very close girl friend. And he used to like her for quite some time before he met me. We have been together for 2 years plus now, he already proposed to me, we are getting married end of this month. But he still kept in touch with his close friend, in fact they are even closer now because he said he only treats her as his close friend and the girl also only regards him as her friend.
But that doesn't stop me from being jealous and insecure once in a while, because after all he used to really like her a lot in the past and like what your gf said, I used to believe that given the right time and place, they might end up together. I even had nightmares about it. Everytime I brought this up to him, he would say that I am thinking too much and that he and the girl is just close friends. He even hope I would get along with her, and that's why I have been making an effort to talk to her, etc.
But it doesn't change the fact that it is kinda awkward whenever we chat, I am not sure if she feels it, but I am definitely feeling it. You can say that I am thinking too much or whatever, but I don't think it is possible to become close friend with your SO's ex-crush or girlfriend.
So please don't pressure your girlfriend too much into doing this. It is good enough that she can be civil to A. Just let it go at that, I think it is very hard for them to become chummy chummy with each other. And meanwhile, you should start spending more time with your girlfriend, and more reassurance will be needed. And don't tell your gf that she is being paranoid, don't tell me you won't feel that way if she got a best boyfriend whom she is very close with and talks to him all the time.
Just put yourself in her shoes.
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Originally posted by rainee:
It is hard for both of them to get along. I can tell you this based on my first hand experience.
My bf (going to be my husband soon) also has a very close girl friend. And he used to like her for quite some time before he met me. We have been together for 2 years plus now, he already proposed to me, we are getting married end of this month. But he still kept in touch with his close friend, in fact they are even closer now because he said he only treats her as his close friend and the girl also only regards him as her friend.
But that doesn't stop me from being jealous and insecure once in a while, because after all he used to really like her a lot in the past and like what your gf said, I used to believe that given the right time and place, they might end up together. I even had nightmares about it. Everytime I brought this up to him, he would say that I am thinking too much and that he and the girl is just close friends. He even hope I would get along with her, and that's why I have been making an effort to talk to her, etc.
But it doesn't change the fact that it is kinda awkward whenever we chat, I am not sure if she feels it, but I am definitely feeling it. You can say that I am thinking too much or whatever, but I don't think it is possible to become close friend with your SO's ex-crush or girlfriend.
So please don't pressure your girlfriend too much into doing this. It is good enough that she can be civil to A. Just let it go at that, I think it is very hard for them to become chummy chummy with each other. And meanwhile, you should start spending more time with your girlfriend, and more reassurance will be needed. And don't tell your gf that she is being paranoid, don't tell me you won't feel that way if she got a best boyfriend whom she is very close with and talks to him all the time.
Just put yourself in her shoes.
but truthfully.. sian la. if want gf, lose good friend, and vice versa, and it's because of irrational paranoia, which can be solved if the girl is abit more rational.
but i'm speaking under the assumption that TS isn't fooling around on his part etc.
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Many many times you cannot have the cake and eat it.
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Originally posted by dumbdumb!:
but truthfully.. sian la. if want gf, lose good friend, and vice versa, and it's because of irrational paranoia, which can be solved if the girl is abit more rational.
but i'm speaking under the assumption that TS isn't fooling around on his part etc.
I never said anything about losing a good friend. There just needs to be a boundary between being good friends and fooling around.
I never asked my dear to stop being friends with the girl. But I did make it clear that there has to be certain boundaries to be observed. For example, no one to one date with the girl without anyone else present. For my part, I have agreed to be more rational and less emotional when it comes to this issue. So I agree they can continue to be close friends as long as the boundaries are not crossed. But cannot expect me to become best friends with the girl also la instantaneously. I admit I trust my SO but not her, maybe cos I have not known her long enough and we also seldom talk. So I need more time to observe lolz.
When you are in a relationship, sometimes you gotta make some compromise.
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Originally posted by mistyblue:
Many many times you cannot have the cake and eat it.
x 2 -
Originally posted by mistyblue:
Many many times you cannot have the cake and eat it.
Yes, I had wanted to type that in too!
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Originally posted by rainee:
I never said anything about losing a good friend. There just needs to be a boundary between being good friends and fooling around.
I never asked my dear to stop being friends with the girl. But I did make it clear that there has to be certain boundaries to be observed. For example, no one to one date with the girl without anyone else present. For my part, I have agreed to be more rational and less emotional when it comes to this issue. So I agree they can continue to be close friends as long as the boundaries are not crossed. But cannot expect me to become best friends with the girl also la instantaneously. I admit I trust my SO but not her, maybe cos I have not known her long enough and we also seldom talk. So I need more time to observe lolz.
When you are in a relationship, sometimes you gotta make some compromise.
hmm, i agree with the no one-to-one outing.
and i'm glad u make it a point to be more rational. because some girls never even considered to play their part to be more rational. as if everything is the guy's duty to make her feel secure.
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Originally posted by rainee:
It is hard for both of them to get along. I can tell you this based on my first hand experience.
My bf (going to be my husband soon) also has a very close girl friend. And he used to like her for quite some time before he met me. We have been together for 2 years plus now, he already proposed to me, we are getting married end of this month. But he still kept in touch with his close friend, in fact they are even closer now because he said he only treats her as his close friend and the girl also only regards him as her friend.
But that doesn't stop me from being jealous and insecure once in a while, because after all he used to really like her a lot in the past and like what your gf said, I used to believe that given the right time and place, they might end up together. I even had nightmares about it. Everytime I brought this up to him, he would say that I am thinking too much and that he and the girl is just close friends. He even hope I would get along with her, and that's why I have been making an effort to talk to her, etc.
But it doesn't change the fact that it is kinda awkward whenever we chat, I am not sure if she feels it, but I am definitely feeling it. You can say that I am thinking too much or whatever, but I don't think it is possible to become close friend with your SO's ex-crush or girlfriend.
So please don't pressure your girlfriend too much into doing this. It is good enough that she can be civil to A. Just let it go at that, I think it is very hard for them to become chummy chummy with each other. And meanwhile, you should start spending more time with your girlfriend, and more reassurance will be needed. And don't tell your gf that she is being paranoid, don't tell me you won't feel that way if she got a best boyfriend whom she is very close with and talks to him all the time.
Just put yourself in her shoes.
Honestly, I do have some close girl-friends who are like A,B or whatever letters.
From a mutual point of view, the romance part between me and the letters have long disappeared because we know each other for a long long time. It's not to the extend of hanging out every other week, but maybe meet for dinner once a while?
and it didn't help when I spent 98% of my time with my ex and she still gets jealous. it was to the extend where I never msg my friends, never go out with them, all day with her, and when my friends randomly msg me, it became my fault.
But that has past. I think I am not myself anymore which is not the way. I have my guy buddies too and I hang out with them too often she also jealous, say my guy buddy should get himself a gf and such..
Sometimes the guy has locked his heart for you but you keep squeezing it. Until he can't breathe. One fine day it'll all be gone. He'll just unlock his heart and open himself again.
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3 Great AA advisers all think alike... :-D
Great to see you guys around Av and Rainee
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Originally posted by dumbdumb!:
hmm, i agree with the no one-to-one outing.
and i'm glad u make it a point to be more rational. because some girls never even considered to play their part to be more rational. as if everything is the guy's duty to make her feel secure.
I know I need to be rational and trust in my dear to know what is the best thing to do. So I will seldom kick up a fuss unless it is really overboard.
I do have the tendency to overanalyse sometimes, so now still in the process of toning that down.
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Originally posted by cuddles:
Honestly, I do have some close girl-friends who are like A,B or whatever letters.
From a mutual point of view, the romance part between me and the letters have long disappeared because we know each other for a long long time. It's not to the extend of hanging out every other week, but maybe meet for dinner once a while?
and it didn't help when I spent 98% of my time with my ex and she still gets jealous. it was to the extend where I never msg my friends, never go out with them, all day with her, and when my friends randomly msg me, it became my fault.
But that has past. I think I am not myself anymore which is not the way. I have my guy buddies too and I hang out with them too often she also jealous, say my guy buddy should get himself a gf and such..
Sometimes the guy has locked his heart for you but you keep squeezing it. Until he can't breathe. One fine day it'll all be gone. He'll just unlock his heart and open himself again.
Like that cannot la. Doesn't mean that when you are in a relationship, you should also not have a life outside.
I always encourage my dear to spend time with his other friends, I would think it is freaky if he doesn't go out with anyone else but me. Most of the time I am included in the outing as well, and when I go out with my friends, I include him in as well. In this way, we get to know each other's friends, get to spend time with each other...both sides satisfied haha.
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Originally posted by rainee:
Like that cannot la. Doesn't mean that when you are in a relationship, you should also not have a life outside.
I always encourage my dear to spend time with his other friends, I would think it is freaky if he doesn't go out with anyone else but me. Most of the time I am included in the outing as well, and when I go out with my friends, I include him in as well. In this way, we get to know each other's friends, get to spend time with each other...both sides satisfied haha.
That's why it's the past already.
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Originally posted by rainee:
Like that cannot la. Doesn't mean that when you are in a relationship, you should also not have a life outside.
I always encourage my dear to spend time with his other friends, I would think it is freaky if he doesn't go out with anyone else but me. Most of the time I am included in the outing as well, and when I go out with my friends, I include him in as well. In this way, we get to know each other's friends, get to spend time with each other...both sides satisfied haha.
such a nice gf. hahaha
but won't he feel awkward? i would be if i'm him. shy shy. =(
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Originally posted by cuddles:
That's why it's the past already.
It is okie, you will meet someone more understanding in the future :) -
Originally posted by dumbdumb!:
such a nice gf. hahaha
but won't he feel awkward? i would be if i'm him. shy shy. =(
Will be la. Like me when I first met his friends I was also ultra quiet. That time met them in a big group somemore cos it was a chalet outing, so got more than 10 of them around. But after a while, they got used to me being around haha.
For me, I have lesser number of friends so my outing has lesser number of people, so think it is less awkward for him ba.