Need some help on a trust issue with gf!
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Well, you are both students, you may have to encourage her more.
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Originally posted by mamamamama:
i think ladies would not have much problem getting free drinks.. especially with "friends" like hers, more than willing to spend a few bucks to get her drunk..
like this not call friends liao.i think is call sex buddies
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Originally posted by Gloopse:
Hello Everyone. i would like to hear your opinions and advice on this issue. I have been with my gf for around 4 mths before i have to embark on a overseas work attachment trip to China for 6 months. Even in singapore i feel that i cannot fully trust my gf due to the fact that she likes to club and she cannot control her drinking properly. She is naturally a friendly person and i know many guys will like to take advantage of that such as a few cases where guys such as her friends or her juniors will invite her to go to their rooms to "share" aircon or just hang out.
Personally i have never been this suspicious of my past gfs but somehow i feel that i cannot fully trust my gf right now. I was quite ok until the first time she went clubbing after being with me and she got seriously drunk and i had to go down to bring her back because her friends called me to go down instead of bringing her back themselves. They went back clubbing while i waited with her until she could semi stand and i helped her back. That was a pretty terrible trust breaker for me when i saw how badly she could get drunk as she can't control. Anyone could have taken advantage of her then.
The second time i let her go she was supposed to msg me when she got back but she forgot and msged me when she woke up instead. She was unable to remember that i called her at 4am just before she slept and due to a bit of snooping around that i made. I found a entry that she made on her computer in the form of a personal diary that she posts somewhere that she was actually unable to remember much just that she was running around alot and she might have hugged her friend and put her on her friend's shoulder in the cab.
Actually, i've been very skeptical of her since the first incident and after observing the way she behaves so i gauge her character from that. She is a pretty decent gf as she is willing to set aside time for me and she bothered to buy me a wallet etc and some game thing i wanted even though she doesn't have much cash left as we are both students. I know she sacrificed abit of the cash she was going to use on her online shopping as she loves clothes. She bothered to pick me up after my temp job almost everyday from the mrt near our area and eat supper and hang out with me.
I believe that she does NOT have the intention to cheat normally but as of now, i am overseas and unable to be with her. To top it off, i try not to restrict her from clubbing and just instruct her to drop me a msg when she returns home or else things will get very bad which is the best i can do to assauge my fears. However, i somehow have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that she is going to do something to cheat on me and it is KILLING me.
I do not want to give her up as i feel that she is worth keeping but this constant fear that i have is really eating into me.
I would appreciate any advice and insights to help me see things differently.
Friends who are girls are called girl friends. Among all the girl friends that you known, the one whom you like the most would most likely end up as the closest friend among all your girl friends, and you would term her as girlfriend. Note that this term is singular and the word girl and friend formed a single word. It represents that she is the closest girl to your life at that moment in time.
Remember, closest doesn't means you own or possess her. Girlfriend is still a FRIEND, so do treat her and take care of her better than any of your other girl friends.
You should not placed restrictions on her, hold grudges against her, doubted her, intrude/invade her privacy, and even instructed her. You do not have any rights to her whatsoever, so do bear that in mind at all times if you want to be a better boyfriend to your girlfriend.
Despite feeling insecure and being possessive towards your girlfriend, please understand, accept and acknowledge your girlfriend for having a different lifestyle than you. If you are not able to agree to this, then you are not worthy of her. And you don't love her at all, it's just pure lust that you are feeling towards her.
You should be proud that she have her own lifestyle despite it's not the kind that you may find yourself suitable for.
She has obviously sacrificed alot for you, even to the extend of putting up with all your unreasonable requests in this relationship. She doesn't deserved to be treated like this.
Treasure her better and cherish her more if you still love her and want this relationship to grow.
Every guys and girls will go through what you are going through at the moment, but it's up to you to break out and overcome your own fears, insecurities and grow in character.
You will find that not everybody is able to overcome this, but I believe you will overcome it after you have understood what I've shared with you.
Both of you deserves to have a better relationship together, and you just need to believe in her and yourself.
Good Luck.
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i believe i do not feel lust towards her because i personally would rather hug her and just be hanging out with her than having sexual intercourse. Its not that i'm not interested in sex, it's just that the feeling of wanting to be with her is present even without the sex part.
I shall see how it goes and hopefully everything works out.
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Originally posted by Gloopse:
i believe i do not feel lust towards her because i personally would rather hug her and just be hanging out with her than having sexual intercourse. Its not that i'm not interested in sex, it's just that the feeling of wanting to be with her is present even without the sex part.
I shall see how it goes and hopefully everything works out.
If what u say is true, then perhaps things can work out. he he
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change girlfriend...
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Originally posted by Gloopse:
Hello Everyone. i would like to hear your opinions and advice on this issue. I have been with my gf for around 4 mths before i have to embark on a overseas work attachment trip to China for 6 months. Even in singapore i feel that i cannot fully trust my gf due to the fact that she likes to club and she cannot control her drinking properly. She is naturally a friendly person and i know many guys will like to take advantage of that such as a few cases where guys such as her friends or her juniors will invite her to go to their rooms to "share" aircon or just hang out.
Personally i have never been this suspicious of my past gfs but somehow i feel that i cannot fully trust my gf right now. I was quite ok until the first time she went clubbing after being with me and she got seriously drunk and i had to go down to bring her back because her friends called me to go down instead of bringing her back themselves. They went back clubbing while i waited with her until she could semi stand and i helped her back. That was a pretty terrible trust breaker for me when i saw how badly she could get drunk as she can't control. Anyone could have taken advantage of her then.
The second time i let her go she was supposed to msg me when she got back but she forgot and msged me when she woke up instead. She was unable to remember that i called her at 4am just before she slept and due to a bit of snooping around that i made. I found a entry that she made on her computer in the form of a personal diary that she posts somewhere that she was actually unable to remember much just that she was running around alot and she might have hugged her friend and put her on her friend's shoulder in the cab.
Actually, i've been very skeptical of her since the first incident and after observing the way she behaves so i gauge her character from that. She is a pretty decent gf as she is willing to set aside time for me and she bothered to buy me a wallet etc and some game thing i wanted even though she doesn't have much cash left as we are both students. I know she sacrificed abit of the cash she was going to use on her online shopping as she loves clothes. She bothered to pick me up after my temp job almost everyday from the mrt near our area and eat supper and hang out with me.
I believe that she does NOT have the intention to cheat normally but as of now, i am overseas and unable to be with her. To top it off, i try not to restrict her from clubbing and just instruct her to drop me a msg when she returns home or else things will get very bad which is the best i can do to assauge my fears. However, i somehow have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that she is going to do something to cheat on me and it is KILLING me.
I do not want to give her up as i feel that she is worth keeping but this constant fear that i have is really eating into me.
I would appreciate any advice and insights to help me see things differently.
actuali how u 2 got 2gether... ? from ur story she wun cheat on u la but the 'hunters' r always there at the clubs/pub waiting to pounce... if u afriad, jz join her clubbing sessions... no need to stop her clubbing but make a deal to die die must limit her drinks... since u not in sg, now can jz LL n pray hard she dun get 'hunted'...she seem like a night owl so maybe u can intro some other nite activities to her next time...
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get her pregnant.
i think no one will bang a pregnant girl, drunk or not
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hehehehehe.
no lust towards her. thats what ALL the guys say don't they?
maybe its time for you to consider if having a lover is all that cracked up to be
Originally posted by ChiBet:get her pregnant.
i think no one will bang a pregnant girl, drunk or not
ORLY?
you underestimate how sick or despo some guys can be
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i think it's not that u dun trust her. but u are feeling insecure...
sure have such feeling when ur partner is over-friendly to ppl lor.. and she is the hunted when it comes to drink, clubbing, pubbing.
continue to love her. perhaps u shld ask her y she drink so much. i have a feeling she's troubled.
if she dun wanna tell u or say "aiyah! ntng lah" den dun probe further. just love her as u always do.
cheers!
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Turning a blind eye wont solve nothing.
Perhaps u have to face up to the fact that this relationship is a dead-end alley.
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Originally posted by 4Justice:
hehehehehe.
no lust towards her. thats what ALL the guys say don't they?
maybe its time for you to consider if having a lover is all that cracked up to be
Look. There's no reason to lie on a forum right? i'm not looking for sympathy votes. I have had sex with her on many occassions but i don't really feel the urge to do it. Honestly, physically she's not really the type that would turn me on plus the fact that i'm not that huge down there and she ain't that tight either. Anyway, the point being i think i can tell if i am with her for lust or love at this point because if it was for lust..... i wouldn't even bother posting a damn thread. Why the hell would i even care about a sex toy? -
You miss the point of sex. Sex is an act of intimacy arising from deep love for someone. If you see sex only as physical pleasure then maybe thats why this relationship is heading towards a dead-end.
Also, you have no idea how painful it is when someone is tight. All that bullsh1t about tightness being good u see in pr0n is overrated.
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Originally posted by 4Justice:
You miss the point of sex. Sex is an act of intimacy arising from deep love for someone. If you see sex only as physical pleasure then maybe thats why this relationship is heading towards a dead-end.
Also, you have no idea how painful it is when someone is tight. All that bullsh1t about tightness being good u see in pr0n is overrated.
i have sex with her and i want to EVEN if she doesn't turn me on in a sexual way. I'm basically stating i don't have the LUST to have sex with her.And how would you know i have no idea how it feels for someone to be tight? You tried and know all the females i've had sex with in my life? Tight for me doesn't mean tight until u have to spend ages and tons of lubricant to get it going right? As long as it's tight enough for me to cum. When i say loose i mean loose to me andi really don't feel any grip at all.. i find it much harder to cum. Nothing to do with my little brother because tested before no problem and i don't blame her also.
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hello..dont be immature & talk abt ur sex life with ur gf here. Give her some respect will you. Stop being an insecure freak. If she goes clubbing nx time den g0 with her will you. Stop complaining abt picking her up coz her friends didnt c0z U r her Boyfriend..if U dont trust her den u might as well, get a life & stop wasting her time. Period.
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Ohhh men. It's all about the cumming. Don't you know sex can be satisfying without an orgasm? Ah well.
Anyways your defensiveness and frustration is evident from your posts. Maybe you really have to just consider the ugly possiblity that your relationship is not what you think it is? Worrying like you do while overseas for a long period surely can't do your mental wellbeing any good.
P.S. missy do you really need to replace all your 'o's with '0's? My eyes, they burn...
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Originally posted by ...misSy..:
hello..dont be immature & talk abt ur sex life with ur gf here. Give her some respect will you. Stop being an insecure freak. If she goes clubbing nx time den g0 with her will you. Stop complaining abt picking her up coz her friends didnt c0z U r her Boyfriend..if U dont trust her den u might as well, get a life & stop wasting her time.
Period.
talk about my sex life? i also never give any detailed description? Anyway yes i know i'm frustrated, if not i wouldn't even be posting.anyway who won't be insecure when your girlfriend gets dead drunk? i'm not complaining right? I'm just stating the circumstances that led me to this stage i'm in? How bout you go get dead drunk and see if your bf is happy about it? If you even have one that is. If he's happy then i think that's WONDERFUL for u.. you have such a supportive bf.
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I don`t seem its right....why not take a promise over drinking habbit...before u go...? It might be a bit influencial...but ....!! If she can`t control...she can`t drink...!! How many virgin girls lost their virginities over alcohol(without concent)...?? U should better do something before u go..!! If not u should think of forgive...or let go...!!
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i believe there will definitely come a time when she is tired of this clubbing and drink lifestyle.
for now just stick and see how it goes, it'll make yr r/s even stronger if u 2 can make it through together
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kinda dangerous for a girl to get drunk. jus talk to her, let her know how you feel. maybe she would promise to try and limit herself.
Good luck - J
side note..for a moment i thought i reading sex forum
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Originally posted by Gloopse:
talk about my sex life? i also never give any detailed description? Anyway yes i know i'm frustrated, if not i wouldn't even be posting.anyway who won't be insecure when your girlfriend gets dead drunk? i'm not complaining right? I'm just stating the circumstances that led me to this stage i'm in? How bout you go get dead drunk and see if your bf is happy about it? If you even have one that is. If he's happy then i think that's WONDERFUL for u.. you have such a supportive bf.
Try and voice out to her. If not, try helping her and find solutions. If seriously, nothing can be done, you can either just accept the way she is (anyway, she isn't even cheating on you, it's just you fearing that would happen, if not, just called off this relationship...since you think she's isn't the one for you
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Originally posted by parn:
Friends who are girls are called girl friends. Among all the girl friends that you known, the one whom you like the most would most likely end up as the closest friend among all your girl friends, and you would term her as girlfriend. Note that this term is singular and the word girl and friend formed a single word. It represents that she is the closest girl to your life at that moment in time.
Remember, closest doesn't means you own or possess her. Girlfriend is still a FRIEND, so do treat her and take care of her better than any of your other girl friends.
You should not placed restrictions on her, hold grudges against her, doubted her, intrude/invade her privacy, and even instructed her. You do not have any rights to her whatsoever, so do bear that in mind at all times if you want to be a better boyfriend to your girlfriend.
Despite feeling insecure and being possessive towards your girlfriend, please understand, accept and acknowledge your girlfriend for having a different lifestyle than you. If you are not able to agree to this, then you are not worthy of her. And you don't love her at all, it's just pure lust that you are feeling towards her.
You should be proud that she have her own lifestyle despite it's not the kind that you may find yourself suitable for.
She has obviously sacrificed alot for you, even to the extend of putting up with all your unreasonable requests in this relationship. She doesn't deserved to be treated like this.
Treasure her better and cherish her more if you still love her and want this relationship to grow.
Every guys and girls will go through what you are going through at the moment, but it's up to you to break out and overcome your own fears, insecurities and grow in character.
You will find that not everybody is able to overcome this, but I believe you will overcome it after you have understood what I've shared with you.
Both of you deserves to have a better relationship together, and you just need to believe in her and yourself.
Good Luck.
I have to disagree on this part, a relationship is also talking abt to change to suit one another, I understand as a gal, u will tell the guy that it is unfair that the gal need to change her lifestyle. But let say someday, u boyfriend have some lifestyle that u cannot agree with, will u wish he will make changes for u. I have heard number of gals that expect the guys to change, reason as what u "If he love me, he will change for me". So why make this statement that "If you are not able to agree to this, then you are not worthy of her. And you don't love her at all." Can I make the same claim for gals who expect the guy to change for them?"She has obviously sacrificed alot for you, even to the extend of putting up with all your unreasonable requests in this relationship. She doesn't deserved to be treated like this."
I believe in a relationship both party had make the same sacrificed, for one who think that only the gal/guy is the one making it only. I can only say that they dun deserved to be love becos they dun know the love.