Is it my fault?
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Originally posted by White_SoulReaper:
I am girl who is in 3rd year of polytechnic studies... I have a part-time job that earns me good money... So as you have read, I am super busy...
The thing is my BF thinks that i am not committed to the r/s because I dont spend enough time with him... I go out with him on most sundays.( sometimes go out with friends)... For the rest of the week I am busy with either school or work....
One more thing... He's very possesive, any time of the day he would call me for no apparent reason...And when he sees a guy talk to me, he would be very aggressive in the way he talks to that guy... WTH????
He's also studying but not working,,, So when we go out, i want to eat in a more expensive restaurant(can afford), he would drag me to the nearest coffee shop to eat... I dont mind paying for his meal...He could treat me for the movie or something... Everything he wants to pay...
Is sg that hot ? Every where he goes, he wears T-shirt, shorts and sandals... Nothing else... Even when meeting my parents...
I am a person with big dreams... And when i share my thoughts on how to persue these dreams, he ALWAYS puts me down!!!
We have been dating for 2 years BTW... Last night, he called and said that our r/s has strained... I thought everything was fine... And he blamed everything on me... He said that I should focus more on him...
How? What should I do? Is it really my fault that he feels that way?
question yourself first....you say his possesive.do you have a flirtious nature?
you say he call you everyday..isnt that good -_-. You mean, you want a boyfriend who contacts u only once a week/month and u know no shit about what his doing?
he wants to pay, he wants to look like a man. Perharps you should sit down and talk to him about it, like, telling him its okay that sometimes u pay.
his angry when u talk to other guys, how did u talk to the other guys? do you look like u were flirting? you should be glad his angry, instead of ignoring or even talking to other girls.
he wears t shirt sandals shorts...did u talk to him about it? if even You, his girlfriend does not tell him about this, who is going to?
If u're going to be his wife, you ought to point to him his mistakes and everything...he trusts u the most, and u should trust him the most too.
about him pulling u down, maybe its his fault. He hasnt been in the NS yet, many guys are immature before NS.
He blamed everything on you, i agree that is his fault. When theres a blame, the cause of it is never one, it is two or more.
Think about it, what his friends may say about him?
" Eh, you gf no sms u one arh? why only go out once a week? you never see her other days? "
" why everytime she pay one, you love her money is it ?"
think...think...Question oneself and take sometime to think before tackling a problem like this.
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Originally posted by Darkness_hacker99:
I'm doing it already. Sending her short SMS each morning and night. Maybe to it, it's just another bored routine junk SMSes that she receive everyday.
When I say telling her about it, I don't mean sending her short messages and expecting her to reciprocate and do the same, but telling her in words that you would appreciate if she could spend a few minutes sending a text message to you each day.
Or, you can try sending messages that elicit a response from her, like "How are you feeling today?" and stuff like that. If she doesn't even send a reply to such messages over a few days, you and her seriously need to take some time out and meet at somewhere quiet for a good talk about your relationship, and find out whether there's anything wrong. She may be unhappy with something you did or misunderstood you in some way; vice versa. The key is communication.
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Originally posted by 798:
yeah it's all ur fault.
ur bf is feeling inferior n yet u choose to ignore his needs.
What needs, 798?
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never mind i gave u my phone number u can contect me and tell me yr feeling
^^
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Originally posted by White_SoulReaper:
I am girl who is in 3rd year of polytechnic studies... I have a part-time job that earns me good money... So as you have read, I am super busy...
The thing is my BF thinks that i am not committed to the r/s because I dont spend enough time with him... I go out with him on most sundays.( sometimes go out with friends)... For the rest of the week I am busy with either school or work....
One more thing... He's very possesive, any time of the day he would call me for no apparent reason...And when he sees a guy talk to me, he would be very aggressive in the way he talks to that guy... WTH????
He's also studying but not working,,, So when we go out, i want to eat in a more expensive restaurant(can afford), he would drag me to the nearest coffee shop to eat... I dont mind paying for his meal...He could treat me for the movie or something... Everything he wants to pay...
Is sg that hot ? Every where he goes, he wears T-shirt, shorts and sandals... Nothing else... Even when meeting my parents...
I am a person with big dreams... And when i share my thoughts on how to persue these dreams, he ALWAYS puts me down!!!
We have been dating for 2 years BTW... Last night, he called and said that our r/s has strained... I thought everything was fine... And he blamed everything on me... He said that I should focus more on him...
How? What should I do? Is it really my fault that he feels that way?
In a relationship, derived from struggle between masculine and feminine roles, self-centrism on positioning often contributed to the root of BGR dissatisfaction because either side will formulate a structure of what they deemed as an appropriate patterns, personalities or behaviours required from their Significant Other (SO), while demanding the manifestation of this ideal. Almost like a mannequin, with no life force - one must understand that every human being is unique, hence it's difficult to fashion their style and personality into a structured model.Of course there are ways to do it, but that's another topic for another day.
This give rise to incompatibility, which are often unrevealed until the birth of the relationship and later. Most people coped with such indifferences with various degrees of adjustments and compromising, but there are bound to be cases where major discord will materialize through the latent dysfunctional effect of incompatibility. Many times, it crippled the relationship until gradual death occurs or it simply grants instant annihilation.
Your man presents a classic male chauvinist in Love - the insecure male constantly exerting implicit pressure on their other half, through the eyes of his distorted perception and fear of competition from the other more seemingly 'competent' males. The actual concept of competency doesn't matter in this case, in fact everyone will appear to him as a potential contender. A male chauvinist often finds it a burden to change their attitude because he rationalize his personality as 'fixidity' and often claimed that his possessiveness and jealousy are 'natural behaviour' of being boyfriend. Thus he is unmotivated to change himself (being causal in his dressing, unromantic, or whatever) and choose to mask his insecurity by coercing his partner to demote her beliefs to his values.
Finger pointing and believing that his woman is the cause of the strain in the relationship.
Big dreams? Ah, hack it - your place lies in the kitchen and tending the kids. Forget about having a social life too. If you don't obey, you are the strain of the relationship.
In this contemporary era, the evolution of Love also changes as society transformed itself. The patriarchal perceptive, roles and function of what a relationship ought to be is waning and there is a greater calling for mutual respect and consideration in what's better for the relationship as a whole and not some specific parts.
First Law of Love states: it is we who chose our partners, not the other way round. You make the decision to be with him two years ago and now you are lamenting about this drastic incompatibility you are finding yourself at odd with - wouldn't it question the identity of the relationship and the reason that give birth to it's existence?
A male chauvinist is almost an affliction for life - they usually don't differ very much away from the formation of this personality because of cultural, social and reiterated self rationalizing - a faculty of the distorted mind and not from the pristine quality of the heart.
Understanding this, you probably need a session - not to trash - but to decide how you want your relationship to move on from here. By dragging a relationship to continue in the original fashion probably only suggest delaying the inevitable. If there is something in the relationship worth fighting for and still relevant enough to remain, then some kind of agreement needs to be cast in stone and be adhered.
It would be wise to communicate first, before you decide upon departure.For everyone is entitled a chance to understand the alternate perspective of the relationship from their other half before any ultimatum is slammed upon them.
Cheers
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girls must have dreams nowadays. i can't stand girls who are perfectly content staying home and looking after the kids. human beings are made to do MUCH more than that.
either
a) dump him
b) ask him to grow up
guys who expect girls to curl up on their laps like little puppy dogs on a leash should seriously have a change in perspective too. i consider myself quite a male chauvanist myself, yet i still dont think of girls that way..
edit: saying so, it also depends what are your dreams la. its got to be realistic and reasonable as well..
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Originally posted by White_SoulReaper:
I am girl who is in 3rd year of polytechnic studies... I have a part-time job that earns me good money... So as you have read, I am super busy...
The thing is my BF thinks that i am not committed to the r/s because I dont spend enough time with him... I go out with him on most sundays.( sometimes go out with friends)... For the rest of the week I am busy with either school or work....
One more thing... He's very possesive, any time of the day he would call me for no apparent reason...And when he sees a guy talk to me, he would be very aggressive in the way he talks to that guy... WTH????
He's also studying but not working,,, So when we go out, i want to eat in a more expensive restaurant(can afford), he would drag me to the nearest coffee shop to eat... I dont mind paying for his meal...He could treat me for the movie or something... Everything he wants to pay...
Is sg that hot ? Every where he goes, he wears T-shirt, shorts and sandals... Nothing else... Even when meeting my parents...
I am a person with big dreams... And when i share my thoughts on how to persue these dreams, he ALWAYS puts me down!!!
We have been dating for 2 years BTW... Last night, he called and said that our r/s has strained... I thought everything was fine... And he blamed everything on me... He said that I should focus more on him...
How? What should I do? Is it really my fault that he feels that way?
Care to share with us the reasons/expectations why you accepted him as your bf in the first place?
If like what you have mentioned that he has always been and behaving like this, do you think you have changed and moved out of this relationship unconsciously?And yes, putting you down without any alternative suggestions is demeaning and it shows that he is not being supportive of you. A relationship requires both parties to be supportive of each other's strength and complement each other's weakness.
You should have a talk with him when he's in a good mood, especially after spending some time with him or after a meal.
Honesty is very important to a relationship and no matter how far or busy takes both of you away from the relationship. Honesty when together actually strengthens the trust in the relationship over time.
Let him know what you feel and discuss one topic at a time, it's useless to dump the whole lot on him as he may be confused and paint a different picture in his mind. Then that would resolve nothing.
If and IF all else fail, as in he is really stubborn and MCP....then be gentle on him and his ego/pride, and give in to him for a few days until you noticed a slight change in his attitude towards you, then try to place the blame of some topics on your weakness. If he loves you, he will be really tempted to "help" you and you will be able to get him to have a real discussion for those topics.
If after placing all those blame on your weakness and he still doesn't feel tempted to "help" you. The answer would be obvious to both of you and you will be able to leave this relationship because of your self-inflicted "weaknesses". Either way, you have nothing to lose and it would be a good way to test his love for you and if you still exists at a place in his heart.
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Originally posted by eyeballl:
girls must have dreams nowadays. i can't stand girls who are perfectly content staying home and looking after the kids. human beings are made to do MUCH more than that.
either
a) dump him
b) ask him to grow up
guys who expect girls to curl up on their laps like little puppy dogs on a leash should seriously have a change in perspective too. i consider myself quite a male chauvanist myself, yet i still dont think of girls that way..
edit: saying so, it also depends what are your dreams la. its got to be realistic and reasonable as well..
Why not be contended when money is flowing in...as a male chauvanist pig, what right mind do u hv to say about we gals, all the pig stories only.The problem is most male are not contended, no us. Look at the affairs going on with men.
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Originally posted by angel7030:
Why not be contended when money is flowing in...as a male chauvanist pig, what right mind do u hv to say about we gals, all the pig stories only.The problem is most male are not contended, no us. Look at the affairs going on with men.
lady, i dont think you're getting what am i trying say. i am saying that even as a male, and hence have perfect reason to possess gender bias, i still do not think women of being so lowly that they do not have the right to have ambitions of their own.
is this not completely independent of the extra-marital affairs of men?
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Originally posted by Yunhaier: In a relationship, derived from struggle between masculine and feminine roles, self-centrism on positioning often contributed to the root of BGR dissatisfaction because either side will formulate a structure of what they deemed as an appropriate patterns, personalities or behaviours required from their Significant Other (SO), while demanding the manifestation of this ideal. Almost like a mannequin, with no life force - one must understand that every human being is unique, hence it's difficult to fashion their style and personality into a structured model.
Of course there are ways to do it, but that's another topic for another day.
This give rise to incompatibility, which are often unrevealed until the birth of the relationship and later. Most people coped with such indifferences with various degrees of adjustments and compromising, but there are bound to be cases where major discord will materialize through the latent dysfunctional effect of incompatibility. Many times, it crippled the relationship until gradual death occurs or it simply grants instant annihilation.
Your man presents a classic male chauvinist in Love - the insecure male constantly exerting implicit pressure on their other half, through the eyes of his distorted perception and fear of competition from the other more seemingly 'competent' males. The actual concept of competency doesn't matter in this case, in fact everyone will appear to him as a potential contender. A male chauvinist often finds it a burden to change their attitude because he rationalize his personality as 'fixidity' and often claimed that his possessiveness and jealousy are 'natural behaviour' of being boyfriend. Thus he is unmotivated to change himself (being causal in his dressing, unromantic, or whatever) and choose to mask his insecurity by coercing his partner to demote her beliefs to his values.
Finger pointing and believing that his woman is the cause of the strain in the relationship.
Big dreams? Ah, hack it - your place lies in the kitchen and tending the kids. Forget about having a social life too. If you don't obey, you are the strain of the relationship.
In this contemporary era, the evolution of Love also changes as society transformed itself. The patriarchal perceptive, roles and function of what a relationship ought to be is waning and there is a greater calling for mutual respect and consideration in what's better for the relationship as a whole and not some specific parts.
First Law of Love states: it is we who chose our partners, not the other way round. You make the decision to be with him two years ago and now you are lamenting about this drastic incompatibility you are finding yourself at odd with - wouldn't it question the identity of the relationship and the reason that give birth to it's existence?
A male chauvinist is almost an affliction for life - they usually don't differ very much away from the formation of this personality because of cultural, social and reiterated self rationalizing - a faculty of the distorted mind and not from the pristine quality of the heart.
Understanding this, you probably need a session - not to trash - but to decide how you want your relationship to move on from here. By dragging a relationship to continue in the original fashion probably only suggest delaying the inevitable. If there is something in the relationship worth fighting for and still relevant enough to remain, then some kind of agreement needs to be cast in stone and be adhered.
It would be wise to communicate first, before you decide upon departure.For everyone is entitled a chance to understand the alternate perspective of the relationship from their other half before any ultimatum is slammed upon them.
Cheers
*takes hats off*Now, tell me what kind of lover do you think I am?
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yes
u have the right to dump him and look for a better one
otherwise, stick with it
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Thanks for all your suggestions... He SMSed me last night and said that it's over between us... And this morning he wanted me to take him back... I made the decision to break it off... I am not prepared to be in a relationship that can lead to marriage for now.
And now he keeps calling and sms-ing me to take him back...I am not going to as it will lead to nowhere.. The thing is, should I meet him personally to say that its over? BTW, he does have violent tendencies when he's angry... Kind of scared to meet him though...
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Originally posted by White_SoulReaper:
Thanks for all your suggestions... He SMSed me last night and said that it's over between us... And this morning he wanted me to take him back... I made the decision to break it off... I am not prepared to be in a relationship that can lead to marriage for now.
And now he keeps calling and sms-ing me to take him back...I am not going to as it will lead to nowhere.. The thing is, should I meet him personally to say that its over? BTW, he does have violent tendencies when he's angry... Kind of scared to meet him though...
u do the rite thing gal! this guy deserve it... since he so psycho, u no need meetup wif him... chances are he will come find u... now is the stage to cleanup the mess.... hv mental prep tat when he appear infront of ur house... so gotta b firm... oso meetup wif ur frens too so they can provide sarpot when u need it... -
Originally posted by BrUtUs:
u do the rite thing gal! this guy deserve it... since he so psycho, u no need meetup wif him... chances are he will come find u... now is the stage to cleanup the mess.... hv mental prep tat when he appear infront of ur house... so gotta b firm... oso meetup wif ur frens too so they can provide sarpot when u need it...
Thanks... -
If you are determined to break off with him remember must be firm in your decision and do not be detered. Otherwise you are back to square 1.
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Originally posted by White_SoulReaper:
Thanks for all your suggestions... He SMSed me last night and said that it's over between us... And this morning he wanted me to take him back... I made the decision to break it off... I am not prepared to be in a relationship that can lead to marriage for now.
And now he keeps calling and sms-ing me to take him back...I am not going to as it will lead to nowhere.. The thing is, should I meet him personally to say that its over? BTW, he does have violent tendencies when he's angry... Kind of scared to meet him though...
I use my blood to curse you.
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Originally posted by Darkness_hacker99:
I use my blood to curse you.
what's your bloody problem? -
Originally posted by White_SoulReaper:
what's your bloody problem?
Sori, he just released recently, hope you understand. -
Originally posted by eyeballl:
lady, i dont think you're getting what am i trying say. i am saying that even as a male, and hence have perfect reason to possess gender bias, i still do not think women of being so lowly that they do not have the right to have ambitions of their own.
is this not completely independent of the extra-marital affairs of men?
Glad to hear that you admit to your male bias on the ground of gender, that is true to us gal.
And i hv to said from my opinon, most of the time, extra marital affair is instigated by the guys and worst married guys. So if you guys will kindly stick to your wife or gf, less social problem for all.
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Good decision.
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Originally posted by White_SoulReaper:
Thanks for all your suggestions... He SMSed me last night and said that it's over between us... And this morning he wanted me to take him back... I made the decision to break it off... I am not prepared to be in a relationship that can lead to marriage for now.
And now he keeps calling and sms-ing me to take him back...I am not going to as it will lead to nowhere.. The thing is, should I meet him personally to say that its over? BTW, he does have violent tendencies when he's angry... Kind of scared to meet him though...
No. Don't meet him. There is no point talking to him face to face. The decision been made and the talk will be endless.
SMS him NO politely. Just once.
And disappear on a holiday and avoid him thereafter.
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Originally posted by Detached:
*takes hats off*Now, tell me what kind of lover do you think I am?
You are a detached lover.
Cheers
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Originally posted by Darkness_hacker99:
I'm doing it already. Sending her short SMS each morning and night. Maybe to it, it's just another bored routine junk SMSes that she receive everyday.
That's considerate, yet it became predictable and boring after a while.
SMS should be sent out not out of obligation, but because you really have something to say and that something has better be more meaningful than "good night" or "I love you". Those phrases are meaningful but say them too much and they will become a bore to the girl.
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Originally posted by Yunhaier:
You are a detached lover.
Cheers
That means I'm hot
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Originally posted by LatecomerX:
Dreams hardly come true because people hardly believe in them. Believe, and they will.
really?