The Last Minute Thing...
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Ive a group of friends who has this habit of asking me out at the last minute. How last minute is last minute? Usually between 2hours- 10hours before actual meet up time. Of course..sometimes they do ask me out like a couple of days before the real meet up.. However......Most often..they will just sms me at the very last minute.
Its been years.. and its been this way. Its the number Nth time i explained to them that if they could notify me like a couple of days in advance..i can always make arrangements for them. They will just agree but the same continues....I guess theres a difference in the way we do things...When im organising anything..I always make it a point to ask them out a couple of days to a week before the actual gathering.
Last minute callin g up for gatherings is like a norm to them. Very often, i find myself rejecting them...And.. a rejection incurs a wrath.. They started to blame on me for my absence....They wld complain that im tooo busy for them.. or they would just say that i spend too much time with my bf.... or they would ask if i cld turn down my family....
Not that i dont like to meet up with them. When its a last minute thing.. theres no way i can do a proper adjustment to my original plans especially when it involves a 3rd party.....I have already have other activities involving my family , other social gatherings and/or bf lined up. And its not all the time i can accomodate to every single last minute event.. i dont like to last minute put others air plane too....
Over the past 3 weeks.. ive rejected two last minute meet ups ..weelllll... I met them 2 wks ago on a dinner tat ive arranged.. but theres this unspoken feeling that they are unhappy with me....
sigh.. im just ranting... feeling quite sian over this matter... i think very soon.. i be kicked out of tis social group... just how to deal with this mess......
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Originally posted by babyreyes:
Ive a group of friends who has this habit of asking me out at the last minute. How last minute is last minute? Usually between 2hours- 10hours before actual meet up time. Of course..sometimes they do ask me out like a couple of days before the real meet up.. However......Most often..they will just sms me at the very last minute.
Its been years.. and its been this way. Its the number Nth time i explained to them that if they could notify me like a couple of days in advance..i can always make arrangements for them. They will just agree but the same continues....I guess theres a difference in the way we do things...When im organising anything..I always make it a point to ask them out a couple of days to a week before the actual gathering.
Last minute callin g up for gatherings is like a norm to them. Very often, i find myself rejecting them...And.. a rejection incurs a wrath.. They started to blame on me for my absence....They wld complain that im tooo busy for them.. or they would just say that i spend too much time with my bf.... or they would ask if i cld turn down my family....
Not that i dont like to meet up with them. When its a last minute thing.. theres no way i can do a proper adjustment to my original plans especially when it involves a 3rd party.....I have already have other activities involving my family , other social gatherings and/or bf lined up. And its not all the time i can accomodate to every single last minute event.. i dont like to last minute put others air plane too....
Over the past 3 weeks.. ive rejected two last minute meet ups ..weelllll... I met them 2 wks ago on a dinner tat ive arranged.. but theres this unspoken feeling that they are unhappy with me....
sigh.. im just ranting... feeling quite sian over this matter... i think very soon.. i be kicked out of tis social group... just how to deal with this mess......
if their venue is nearby ur meeting with others, just 'touch and go' type of meet up liao... stay for 1hr... then say got other program already arranged weeks b4 -
maybe u are just a spare tyre that they call when they are bored..
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Originally posted by Rednano:
if their venue is nearby ur meeting with others, just 'touch and go' type of meet up liao... stay for 1hr... then say got other program already arranged weeks b4
yea..tats wat i do sometimes... or i turn up after my dinner gathering just to sit in for roughly an hr before the meet up ends...and if i just pop by a while and attempt to leave...their reaction is .. "go bah go bah" in a kinda buya song tone...
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Originally posted by babyreyes:
yea..tats wat i do sometimes... or i turn up after my dinner gathering just to sit in for roughly an hr before the meet up ends...and if i just pop by a while and attempt to leave...their reaction is .. "go bah go bah" in a kinda buya song tone...
can tell them in a friendly yet serious tone... can next time early arrange or not...my schedule is pre booked 1... -
if your friends are not understanding enough to understand that your life doesn't revolve around them, then they are not fit to be your friends.
Just explain to them you have other people in your life ie your family, bf, etc and they can't expect you to drop everything just to meet up with them. And getting angry because you can't make it when they held a last minute meeting is just plain childish.
I said toss them and get a new clique.
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Originally posted by babyreyes:
Ive a group of friends who has this habit of asking me out at the last minute. How last minute is last minute? Usually between 2hours- 10hours before actual meet up time. Of course..sometimes they do ask me out like a couple of days before the real meet up.. However......Most often..they will just sms me at the very last minute.
Its been years.. and its been this way. Its the number Nth time i explained to them that if they could notify me like a couple of days in advance..i can always make arrangements for them. They will just agree but the same continues....I guess theres a difference in the way we do things...When im organising anything..I always make it a point to ask them out a couple of days to a week before the actual gathering.
Last minute callin g up for gatherings is like a norm to them. Very often, i find myself rejecting them...And.. a rejection incurs a wrath.. They started to blame on me for my absence....They wld complain that im tooo busy for them.. or they would just say that i spend too much time with my bf.... or they would ask if i cld turn down my family....
Not that i dont like to meet up with them. When its a last minute thing.. theres no way i can do a proper adjustment to my original plans especially when it involves a 3rd party.....I have already have other activities involving my family , other social gatherings and/or bf lined up. And its not all the time i can accomodate to every single last minute event.. i dont like to last minute put others air plane too....
Over the past 3 weeks.. ive rejected two last minute meet ups ..weelllll... I met them 2 wks ago on a dinner tat ive arranged.. but theres this unspoken feeling that they are unhappy with me....
sigh.. im just ranting... feeling quite sian over this matter... i think very soon.. i be kicked out of tis social group... just how to deal with this mess......
Frankly speaking, I always ask my friends out 2 or 3hrs beforehand. And my buddies jio me for hang outs with half or 1hr lead time. But now that they know I take 1 hr showers, they give me 2 hrs. Hahaha...
I don't think your friends are being inconsiderate, it's just a matter of habit. I have friends who need to plan movies on weekends 5 days in advance. They will book tickets on Monday or Tuesday and it puzzles me sometimes. It's leisure activity, why pre plan pre book them?
Just let them know your point of view. I have friends who really dislike midnight movie outings because the cab fare home burns a hole in their pocket and for half a year I had no idea until I asked.
Tell them how you feel dear. If you don't, they'll never know.
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Originally posted by Xiao tianshi:
maybe u are just a spare tyre that they call when they are bored..
I don't think TS is a spare tyre. Just a matter of habit.
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Originally posted by methanol:
Frankly speaking, I always ask my friends out 2 or 3hrs beforehand. And my buddies jio me for hang outs with half or 1hr lead time. But now that they know I take 1 hr showers, they give me 2 hrs. Hahaha...
I don't think your friends are being inconsiderate, it's just a matter of habit. I have friends who need to plan movies on weekends 5 days in advance. They will book tickets on Monday or Tuesday and it puzzles me sometimes. It's leisure activity, why pre plan pre book them?
Just let them know your point of view. I have friends who really dislike midnight movie outings because the cab fare home burns a hole in their pocket and for half a year I had no idea until I asked.
Tell them how you feel dear. If you don't, they'll never know.
there r all type of people in this world...
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Originally posted by Rednano:
there r all type of people in this world...
yes, and some are even people, so to speak. -
Originally posted by Rednano:
there r all type of people in this world...
Yah I used to think they treat me as spare tyres with only 1hr lead time, so for a period of time I didn't go out with them. But I am always late 1 hr for appointments so we're even. Friends give and take lah.
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The reason why they pre plan is because they are the ones that wanted the meet up badly and do not want spoiler.. and who likes last min.. be truthfull i mean my friends always jio me out last min.. those very buddy type.. and i hate it.. they will call you and say.. hey i'm below your block come down now.. we go drink.. at bleh bleh bleh~ wth?
and in japan.. everything they do are mostly pre-prepared.. like u wanna take the xin gan xian (train) from nagoya to tokyo.. you have to book the tickets online 1st if not you might not have a ticket to the train you wanted to get in.. i mean yesh it's a habit but we must also understand that as the older we get.. the less time we have together with friends.. and some friends wanted to meet up so much that they would take the effort to plan in advance we should give them a clap or 2.
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Originally posted by methanol:
Yah I used to think they treat me as spare tyres with only 1hr lead time, so for a period of time I didn't go out with them. But I am always late 1 hr for appointments so we're even. Friends give and take lah.
some r planners like systematic, some r happy go lucky like easy going...etc.
midnight show and the likes, u need to see... not everybody got pocket money, got car, got earn as much as u do....etc.
e.g.
i knew a guy so save money type that whenever he thirsty, he just go toliet drink tap water... short bus stops distance, he walk home.
and btw, he has a good well paying job. he is just being thrifty, brought up this way since childhood cos he grew up in a "poor to middle income family" situation. -
wah red your friend will be someone great in the future.. lol
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I was once in the same shoes as TS; I had a bunch of buddies whom I knew for 10 years.
For these ten years, conflicts do occur among the guys, while I was the peace-maker.
They commented that w/o me, this group would be dispersed long ago.
But the irony was, they seldom reply to my sms, when things are ok among the group.
They reply only once a while to my meet-up sessions.
I started having my own life, after numerous attempts.
But, they started asking me out, like TS, they called me telling me, we are at KTV now, come down now. They are in the west, I am in the east with other frenz.
I told them I will come down later, but will be pretty late, but will make it. I went, about 4 hours later, they had already left, but didnt inform me. They told me, they only expected to wait for me within 1 hour cos east to west at most is 1hr journey.
It went on for a few times, before they finally gave up on me. No calls, No replies, No nothing.
Until one day, they called me out; I went. But as I heard a gal's voice in the background, I asked who's she. They refused to say. I asked if it's the gal I disliked, they said do U trust us, trust us then come down first. I went. I saw the gal there. I blew up and scolded them all; maybe it's my wrong, I did apologise after wards. But I really couldn't help it, I somehow had enough.
Calling me out, I made a promise to turn up, if wan to leave early, at least let me know. Instead blow up at me for not turnng up within an hour. I got a life of my own, instead said I 'no longer need them', I have changed etc. Don't bother to reply my sms, calls etc, telling me aiya, no big deal de, u ok rite, so nothing ma. I ???
That night, the sight of that gal made me flare up; I plainly couldn't stand the sight of her. Trust them so I should go down? -_-"
They knew I don't like her, after all that she did to me and my family. Yet, they chose to call me out to face her.
After the scolding incident, they got closer to the gal. I met up with one of the guys and he mentioned to me about it. I expected it, but I never expected the reason to be "At least she didn't scold us, unlike you". I broke down.
Since then, even when we saw each other on the street, they tend to act really blur unless I looked at them straight in the eyes till they said 'Hello'.
It hurts; it did that time, and it still does now.
Come to think of it, I wonder about the ten years of friendship. What am I? What are we?
I do miss the times we once shared, but I also knew those times will only be a memory forever.
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Originally posted by Rednano:
some r planners like systematic, some r happy go lucky like easy going...etc.
midnight show and the likes, u need to see... not everybody got pocket money, got car, got earn as much as u do....etc.
e.g.
i knew a guy so save money type that whenever he thirsty, he just go toliet drink tap water... short bus stops distance, he walk home.
and btw, he has a good well paying job. he is just being thrifty, brought up this way since childhood cos he grew up in a "poor to middle income family" situation.Perhaps the differences between types A and B. Some others, C and D. Haha...
Admirable thing about your friend is, he's probably mastered the art of living like he's broke. It's a great way to saving really good cash.
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If its just a casual makan, talk cock outing, then such a sudden invitation is normal, at least amongst the people I know. If they say no, even if its always a no, you should try to understand why instead of thinking negatively.
I do have friends who always say no, so an invitation is usually just a formality.
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Originally posted by Rednano:
can tell them in a friendly yet serious tone... can next time early arrange or not...my schedule is pre booked 1...
i tried the above method..but over time..the habit returns.... haix... -
Originally posted by rainee:
if your friends are not understanding enough to understand that your life doesn't revolve around them, then they are not fit to be your friends.
Just explain to them you have other people in your life ie your family, bf, etc and they can't expect you to drop everything just to meet up with them. And getting angry because you can't make it when they held a last minute meeting is just plain childish.
I said toss them and get a new clique.
but more than 10 yrs of friendship le..hard to say gd bye all together.....but but.. everytime reject them then kana wrath from them..oso not fun...
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important things i will plan like a date for example.
hang out with friends usually last minute de. but always tio reject cos they live on the other side of the island !
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lolz I realize I commented on this thread, and the same thing happened to me.
Seriously I dunno why people get angry when someone can't make it to a last minute gathering?
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Same here. My close friends always jio me out last minute. And often its like "hey come ktv/bar now leh"
But its friends like them who keep me entertained with their unexpected calls, when everything else around me start becoming routine. Had my ex over at my place some time ago, then my buddy called up to say he's paying me a visit, and that he's like 5mins walk away...how to reject him?
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Originally posted by babyreyes:
Ive a group of friends who has this habit of asking me out at the last minute. How last minute is last minute? Usually between 2hours- 10hours before actual meet up time. Of course..sometimes they do ask me out like a couple of days before the real meet up.. However......Most often..they will just sms me at the very last minute.
Its been years.. and its been this way. Its the number Nth time i explained to them that if they could notify me like a couple of days in advance..i can always make arrangements for them. They will just agree but the same continues....I guess theres a difference in the way we do things...When im organising anything..I always make it a point to ask them out a couple of days to a week before the actual gathering.
Last minute callin g up for gatherings is like a norm to them. Very often, i find myself rejecting them...And.. a rejection incurs a wrath.. They started to blame on me for my absence....They wld complain that im tooo busy for them.. or they would just say that i spend too much time with my bf.... or they would ask if i cld turn down my family....
Not that i dont like to meet up with them. When its a last minute thing.. theres no way i can do a proper adjustment to my original plans especially when it involves a 3rd party.....I have already have other activities involving my family , other social gatherings and/or bf lined up. And its not all the time i can accomodate to every single last minute event.. i dont like to last minute put others air plane too....
Over the past 3 weeks.. ive rejected two last minute meet ups ..weelllll... I met them 2 wks ago on a dinner tat ive arranged.. but theres this unspoken feeling that they are unhappy with me....
sigh.. im just ranting... feeling quite sian over this matter... i think very soon.. i be kicked out of tis social group... just how to deal with this mess......
Try arrange the gatherings yourself .