Going out vs dating

• sinicker

  15 Sep 08, 21:27

  yo. what are you gonna do man?

• doc4u

  15 Sep 08, 21:31

  Originally posted by breytonhartge:

  Hey Doc4u

  It was so much easier in the old days... either you were on or you were not. Its not about being selfish or anything, but being bf and gf impies a commitment to be exclusive, unless she wants an open relationship? So IMHO, I think there is something fishy, especially if she will not answer your questions. I'd say there are other fish in the sea... let the line loose on this one and go fishing again after a suitable time. She is too selfish and not worth it. Her basic character shows already by what she is doing. She does not respect the relationship and she does not treasure what you have.

  I can understand having space and going out with other friends in a group, but one on one with a guy... ??? whom she has just met online...?????? what the??????!!!!!!

  Call me old fashioned, but there are things that are just not right and she is currently doing something that IS NOT RIGHT. My two cents.

  This is exactly how i feel.  She doesn't respect and treasure the relationship.  In fact i mentioned to her that although she's not looking to have a relationship with this guys and was just merely being "friends" with them that its possible for her to like one of them eventually.  And she agrees that its possible.  And so i told her that she is risking our relationship by doing this things and she just doesn't want to answer.  

  Well i guess i'm old-fashioned too.

• Fantagf

  15 Sep 08, 21:34

  Originally posted by doc4u:

  Thank you for your input.  But i really don't think you got my point.  But thanks anyway.

  
  You should just give her time and give yourself time to observe, don;t jump to conclusion.    If she is the outgoing type, likes to make new friends, it is possible that she only treats them as casual friends.   However, I don't discount the possibility of her sourcing for new bf.

  Why don't you have a heart to heart talk to her and sort this out?   YOu like that huh, you give yourself stress.

• Fantagf

  15 Sep 08, 21:35

  Originally posted by doc4u:

  This is exactly how i feel.  She doesn't respect and treasure the relationship.  In fact i mentioned to her that although she's not looking to have a relationship with this guys and was just merely being "friends" with them that its possible for her to like one of them eventually.  And she agrees that its possible.  And so i told her that she is risking our relationship by doing this things and she just doesn't want to answer.  

  Well i guess i'm old-fashioned too.

  Seems like you two lacks trust in each other. 

• asharae

  15 Sep 08, 21:36

  Not old-fashioned, but rather insecure. I'd prob feel the same way too if I was in your situation, but as Fantagf said, communication is the key.

• sinicker

  15 Sep 08, 22:45

  Originally posted by asharae:

  Not old-fashioned, but rather insecure. I'd prob feel the same way too if I was in your situation, but as Fantagf said, communication is the key.

  communication is the key, true.
  
  but for doc4u's case, i think his gf will just say "they're only friends" and expect doc4u to take it as what she says it to be.... which, still, isnt really helping.

• parn

  16 Sep 08, 03:50

  Originally posted by doc4u:

  Any difference?

  I'd like to know what the girls in this forum thinks.  I know i've posted this in another section but i want to know more opinions about this.

  You see, my girlfriend keeps insisting that her going out with her guy friends (1:1) is just nothing.  And its not a date.  Guy friends that she meets online and meets personally for the first time on that "date".  We've had several arguments about this because to me going out with a guy is the same as having a date with him.  Like i wouldn't spend time and effort if i don't like this person.  

  Now, its quite different if you've been friends with this guy friend of yours for a long time.  That i can take and understand that its just a friendly date.  But to go out with a total stranger just to meet him and be friends to him is something im not comfortable with.

  Yes it's just a friendly lunch/dinner date.

  She's not going to go out with a complete stranger. Don't forget that shehave to know these guys pretty well online first before even agreeing to meet up with them.

  Don't worry, this kind of date will not make you the "Father" of her child.

• doc4u

  16 Sep 08, 05:33

  Originally posted by parn:

  Yes it's just a friendly lunch/dinner date.

  She's not going to go out with a complete stranger. Don't forget that shehave to know these guys pretty well online first before even agreeing to meet up with them.

  Don't worry, this kind of date will not make you the "Father" of her child.

  Anybody can be nice online.  That's the whole point.  To be the best person online so that you can proceed to the next level which is meeting the person online.  

  And how do you know that they won't do stupid things when they're together?  Especially if they like each other?  There is  a possibility that intimacy can happen.

• cherrycola

  16 Sep 08, 08:48

  Originally posted by doc4u:

  Any difference?

  I'd like to know what the girls in this forum thinks.  I know i've posted this in another section but i want to know more opinions about this.

  You see, my girlfriend keeps insisting that her going out with her guy friends (1:1) is just nothing.  And its not a date.  Guy friends that she meets online and meets personally for the first time on that "date".  We've had several arguments about this because to me going out with a guy is the same as having a date with him.  Like i wouldn't spend time and effort if i don't like this person.  

  Now, its quite different if you've been friends with this guy friend of yours for a long time.  That i can take and understand that its just a friendly date.  But to go out with a total stranger just to meet him and be friends to him is something im not comfortable with.

  
  I f you are feeling insecure, a heart to heart talk is really the best.

  For the relationship to work out, she may have to compromise a little.

  On another thought, do you spend very little time with her and were you there when she needs you? Because you also need to reflect on your own actions and behavior and see if they contribute to her desire of meeting and knowing more people of the opposite gender.

• Fantagf

  16 Sep 08, 10:18

  Originally posted by doc4u:

  Anybody can be nice online.  That's the whole point.  To be the best person online so that you can proceed to the next level which is meeting the person online.  

  And how do you know that they won't do stupid things when they're together?  Especially if they like each other?  There is  a possibility that intimacy can happen.

  You can suggest to go along with her when she meets them.   If she really means just friends with them, I am sure she will not mind you joining them.

• Fantagf

  16 Sep 08, 10:19

  Originally posted by cherrycola:

  
  I f you are feeling insecure, a heart to heart talk is really the best.

  For the relationship to work out, she may have to compromise a little.

  On another thought, do you spend very little time with her and were you there when she needs you? Because you also need to reflect on your own actions and behavior and see if they contribute to her desire of meeting and knowing more people of the opposite gender.

  I absolutely agree with you.   Bingo.

• jojobeach

  16 Sep 08, 10:39

  doc4U,

  Dude.. girls who are into their relationship don't go out dating strangers.

  What has she to gain from knowing the stranger males ? She's just plain vain. and she likes the attention.

  I'm pretty sure.. when she goes dating with those guys.. she probably never let them know she has a boyfriend.

  Obviously.. to her.. you are just a convenience during her downtime.

  You are not important in her life.. right now.. she's looking for bigger fish to fry, and keeping the shrimp just in case she couldn't find big fish.

  You need to give her an ultimatum... and I can bet she doesn't even care even if you disapear from the face of the earth tomorrow.

  To her.. you are like " ai lai, mai suah".. you want take.. don't want fark off.

  If you so enjoy being a spare tire.. then you should continue your relationship with her.

   

   

   

   

• cherrycola

  16 Sep 08, 10:47

  Originally posted by Fantagf:

  You can suggest to go along with her when she meets them.   If she really means just friends with them, I am sure she will not mind you joining them.

  That may be a little awkward, I think. To bring your boyfriend along to meet somone you have never met before......... hmmmmm......

• Fantagf

  16 Sep 08, 10:54

  Originally posted by cherrycola:

  That may be a little awkward, I think. To bring your boyfriend along to meet somone you have never met before......... hmmmmm......

  
  Whether TS has the intention to do it or not is another case.    This serves to let TS roughly gauge if his gf is going out to "fish" these guys.    TS may be able to get the reply from his gf's reply, reaction.

• cherrycola

  16 Sep 08, 10:59

  Originally posted by Fantagf:

  
  Whether TS has the intention to do it or not is another case.    This serves to let TS roughly gauge if his gf is going out to "fish" these guys.    TS may be able to get the reply from his gf's reply, reaction.

  
  I agree

• Fantagf

  16 Sep 08, 11:02

  Originally posted by cherrycola:

  
  I agree

  So far think this is the shortcut and fastest way for TS to gauge.    Better ask in person to gauge her body language as well.

   

• cherrycola

  16 Sep 08, 11:10

  Originally posted by Fantagf:

  So far think this is the shortcut and fastest way for TS to gauge.    Better ask in person to gauge her body language as well.

   

  
  Yes. But my guess is, TS gf may not welcome him to join her.

• Fantagf

  16 Sep 08, 11:12

  Originally posted by cherrycola:

  
  Yes. But my guess is, TS gf may not welcome him to join her.

  
  OK, let's see if TS is agreeable to use the suggestion.   If he will, I would very much want to know the outcome.   

• youyayu

  16 Sep 08, 11:14

  Originally posted by doc4u:

  Any difference?

  I'd like to know what the girls in this forum thinks.  I know i've posted this in another section but i want to know more opinions about this.

  You see, my girlfriend keeps insisting that her going out with her guy friends (1:1) is just nothing.  And its not a date.  Guy friends that she meets online and meets personally for the first time on that "date".  We've had several arguments about this because to me going out with a guy is the same as having a date with him.  Like i wouldn't spend time and effort if i don't like this person.  

  Now, its quite different if you've been friends with this guy friend of yours for a long time.  That i can take and understand that its just a friendly date.  But to go out with a total stranger just to meet him and be friends to him is something im not comfortable with.

  er... emmm... just tell ur gf you are jealous.. =)

• Sakuraflower

  16 Sep 08, 12:04

  hm... hm.. I think it is common to make friends. As  a bf , you should tell her to draw a line. What you expect her to do?

   

  You also have female friends rite... Then let the relationship come naturally. That mean you have to pay more attention to your gf.

   

  But time will tell you. If you love her , just continue the relationship. jiayou. Relationship is about taking risk....

• parn

  16 Sep 08, 14:41

  Originally posted by doc4u:

  Anybody can be nice online.  That's the whole point.  To be the best person online so that you can proceed to the next level which is meeting the person online.  

  And how do you know that they won't do stupid things when they're together?  Especially if they like each other?  There is  a possibility that intimacy can happen.

  Did that kind of intimacy happened to you when you first met your gf?

  IS she that kind of girl that you imagined???

  Just because many guys like you think that girls are more likely to surrender their bodies to strange online guys, doesn't means it's right for you to believe them.

  I wondered where these guys got all these ideas from? Porn games/movies???

  You should have more faith in your gf like I do, and I can tell you that your gf is definitely not one of those cheap girls in your imagination. And please STOP watching all your porns at once!!!

  And yes, please think better of us.

• skythewood

  16 Sep 08, 15:06

  Originally posted by parn:

  Did that kind of intimacy happened to you when you first met your gf?

  IS she that kind of girl that you imagined???

  Just because many guys like you think that girls are more likely to surrender their bodies to strange online guys, doesn't means it's right for you to believe them.

  I wondered where these guys got all these ideas from? Porn games/movies???

  You should have more faith in your gf like I do, and I can tell you that your gf is definitely not one of those cheap girls in your imagination. And please STOP watching all your porns at once!!!

  And yes, please think better of us.

  Why do you blame porn game/movies?

  saw something that you don't like when you play them?

• parn

  16 Sep 08, 16:35

  Originally posted by skythewood:

  Why do you blame porn game/movies?

  saw something that you don't like when you play them?

  
  You better quit them for your own good.

• youyayu

  16 Sep 08, 16:37

  Originally posted by parn:

  Did that kind of intimacy happened to you when you first met your gf?

  IS she that kind of girl that you imagined???

  Just because many guys like you think that girls are more likely to surrender their bodies to strange online guys, doesn't means it's right for you to believe them.

  I wondered where these guys got all these ideas from? Porn games/movies???

  You should have more faith in your gf like I do, and I can tell you that your gf is definitely not one of those cheap girls in your imagination. And please STOP watching all your porns at once!!!

  And yes, please think better of us.

  lol regular tv programme have liao no need porn games/ movie

• parn

  16 Sep 08, 20:17

  Originally posted by youyayu:

  lol regular tv programme have liao no need porn games/ movie

  
  Regular TV programmes have what?