i dunno what to do with myself
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i used to have a loving bf and he iwas my everything. Instead, i left him for another guy who tended to control me a lot just the sake of baby. over this stupid guy of mine and began to think negatively about us... i feel he is thankful as i left my ex.. how? he threathed to jump out of the window at my mum's place.he wanted to take keys from the kitchen but the kitchen door locked itself. my greatest regret was not backing out the chinese wedding as i was not happy with him .
after i got married, he still kick a lot of fuss when i come home late than actual timing. Nothing at home can keep me warmth. I believe some of u guys feel that way. even he is checking my emails whether i got any guys email behind his back or not.. not only that, also my pager. i was tolerant with this way he did.
besides this email n pager thing, i also dun feel good at home as his parents are the one who take care of my kids themselves even though i didnt ask my hubby to inform his parents. (my hearing-impaired situation, i have depend on him to tell his parents). Sometimes, his family pass remarks to my relative --> i being lazy and don't bother to help out. actually, i really dunno what to do at home. another stress inside me is to read the books up to catch up with the lesson at home after really lost with their lectures during lesson. where got time to do my own things since i look after 2 kids and doing his stuffs - washing and folding n ironing? busy already..
after i put my kids to sleep, i do my sch stuffs but no mood.. thoughts bother me, in end i chat with my friends n surf in order not to think anything...
things slowly got out of control... i decided to move out with 2 kids and stay at my mum's place for time being. tolerant with his doing plus negative at-home-thoughts is unbearable.
during my stay at mum's place, my hubby stay overnight and begs me to spare a thought for him. without thinking twice, i refused to give in to him and made a promise not to step in his hse anymore since it is unbearance so much. slowly, i scold him some more, just to get my revenge.
in end, he started to get to know a girl and even asked her to give him a chance to his gf... How i know? i accidently saw the letter in his bag and thought it is a joke. i dun expect this thing to turn out real. i beg him instead, not doing that to me anymore... i ask him to start afresh.. he hurt me very deeply.. saying his feeling for me is only responisble and thinking of a separation. in order to save the marriage and my kid, i moved back and remind myself to take thigns easy...
recently, i saw him reading email.. me very curious about this happening in his email... he just dun want to let me see as i will tend to imagine more unnecessary... he said it is only his student, asking IT thing. Since it is nothing, i ask him to open his email for me to read if he got a clear conscience. he refused. the argument got heated, it led us to fight.. in end, he wants a divorce. i said it is fine with me.. i am about to throw my kids out of window and then me.. we are stopped by him.. instead, he pushed me another angel of kitchen, thus got a very bad hurt in physical body... nearly my head hit the door.
upon reflecting myself, i find it very very ridiculous.... also, we just being senstive to each other's thoughts.. trust is not easy to maintain. very terrible experience for me. i think it is important to see things in perspective.. already dunno what to do with myself... -
any1 can help? i wanna see other ppl's opinions... quite upset with myself..
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do wat ur heart says....
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afraid tt i will face a very serious conquence if i follow my heartOriginally posted by Xiao Long Nu:do wat ur heart says.... -
Originally posted by millienium_bear:i used to have a loving bf and he iwas my everything. Instead, i left him for another guy who tended to control me a lot just the sake of baby. over this stupid guy of mine and began to think negatively about us... i feel he is thankful as i left my ex.. how? he threathed to jump out of the window at my mum's place.he wanted to take keys from the kitchen but the kitchen door locked itself. my greatest regret was not backing out the chinese wedding as i was not happy with him .
scary tis kinda guy ......
after i got married, he still kick a lot of fuss when i come home late than actual timing. Nothing at home can keep me warmth. I believe some of u guys feel that way. even he is checking my emails whether i got any guys email behind his back or not.. not only that, also my pager. i was tolerant with this way he did. too possessive!
besides this email n pager thing, i also dun feel good at home as his parents are the one who take care of my kids themselves even though i didnt ask my hubby to inform his parents. (my hearing-impaired situation, i have depend on him to tell his parents). Sometimes, his family pass remarks to my relative --> i being lazy and don't bother to help out. actually, i really dunno what to do at home. another stress inside me is to read the books up to catch up with the lesson at home after really lost with their lectures during lesson. where got time to do my own things since i look after 2 kids and doing his stuffs - washing and folding n ironing? busy already..
after i put my kids to sleep, i do my sch stuffs but no mood.. thoughts bother me, in end i chat with my friends n surf in order not to think anything... no understanding involvedhere...
things slowly got out of control... i decided to move out with 2 kids and stay at my mum's place for time being. tolerant with his doing plus negative at-home-thoughts is unbearable. good that u do that..bt have u ever told him abt hw u feel? and sit down tok over wit him?
during my stay at mum's place, my hubby stay overnight and begs me to spare a thought for him. without thinking twice, i refused to give in to him and made a promise not to step in his hse anymore since it is unbearance so much. slowly, i scold him some more, just to get my revenge. weird man
in end, he started to get to know a girl and even asked her to give him a chance to his gf... How i know? i accidently saw the letter in his bag and thought it is a joke. i dun expect this thing to turn out real. i beg him instead, not doing that to me anymore... i ask him to start afresh.. he hurt me very deeply.. saying his feeling for me is only responisble and thinking of a separation. in order to save the marriage and my kid, i moved back and remind myself to take thigns easy... then no point if he dn love u...pls wake up
recently, i saw him reading email.. me very curious about this happening in his email... he just dun want to let me see as i will tend to imagine more unnecessary... he said it is only his student, asking IT thing. Since it is nothing, i ask him to open his email for me to read if he got a clear conscience. he refused. the argument got heated, it led us to fight.. in end, he wants a divorce. i said it is fine with me.. i am about to throw my kids out of window and then me.. we are stopped by him.. instead, he pushed me another angel of kitchen, thus got a very bad hurt in physical body... nearly my head hit the door. horrile man....pls wake up
upon reflecting myself, i find it very very ridiculous.... also, we just being senstive to each other's thoughts.. trust is not easy to maintain. very terrible experience for me. i think it is important to see things in perspective.. already dunno what to do with myself... no trust no understand..........i hope u wake up 
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i don't really agree with Ah Ma.
I think her first piority is to seek a professional counsellor.
Nothing else matters, not even the divorce...cos there are still children involved.
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agree with ya... from the beginning, i find him very posessive and werid liao.. even his parents actually dunno what has happened to us...instead, they think i m kinda physcological and need to see a doc.. it is my hubby who shld to see instead.. he ought to be thankful for keeping my r/s with my ex a secret from hsi parents... i find it nonsense...Originally posted by Xiao Long Nu: no trust no understand..........i hope u wake up
anyway, i better let this stupid thing go..and now focus with my kids and my sch works from onward tdy... -
i have been seeing a pro consellor for past 1 year. no point for me to attend there alone. a few times, i ask him to come alond as i see the need for us to maintain marriage heathly... he just dun want it n hate seeing an consellor... what can i dO?Originally posted by M©+square:i don't really agree with Ah Ma.
I think her first piority is to seek a professional counsellor.
Nothing else matters, not even the divorce...cos there are still children involved. -
if the relationship is based on responsibility rather than love....
the r/s is a failure...
if it manages to carry on into marriage... the marriage is hard to maintain......
the things u have done, is already done... the things that he has done, is already there......
since there is no love in btw 2 of u.... it's advisable that both come to a conclusion....
with kids by ur side.... it's rather hard.. because a failed marriage usually affects the children first.....
unless things can be settled nicely......, the situation that presents itself to u is rather problematic....
IMHO, talk it out wif his parents, talk it out wif him, conversation shld clear up some misunderstanding..... but if all else fails.... maybe both u and ur husband... shld stay away from each other for a while... cool down, and think... not for urselves... but rather, for the children too.. -
what i think of the first part... but got to think of kids' welfare..Originally posted by AngelDark:if the relationship is based on responsibility rather than love....
the r/s is a failure...
if it manages to carry on into marriage... the marriage is hard to maintain......
the things u have done, is already done... the things that he has done, is already there......
since there is no love in btw 2 of u.... it's advisable that both come to a conclusion....
with kids by ur side.... it's rather hard.. because a failed marriage usually affects the children first.....
unless things can be settled nicely......, the situation that presents itself to u is rather problematic....
IMHO, talk it out wif his parents, talk it out wif him, conversation shld clear up some misunderstanding..... but if all else fails.... maybe both u and ur husband... shld stay away from each other for a while... cool down, and think... not for urselves... but rather, for the children too..
what's IMHO? talk out with his parents.. i try any means to communciate with them cuz i am hearing-impaired and knows english only.. for them, chinese, more harder... to solve this problem, i get my closest relative to help me out but she didn't interpret exactly what i want to say...
each time i unhappy with him, i usually sms him how i feel and type out my thoughts in msword format... sms him is quite troublesome..
i sit back and reflect myself, main problem for is a lack of communication...
i sit back, seein my kids right now and pray for a better day for me to work out... -
I see it in a point which now Husband doesn't want to reconcile, and instead he has been doing his own things all by himself.
Sharing between one another? I don't think so...
REgarding about children...first and foremost, got to seek they're opinion first. Because the most innocent party are they.
They need to and have every right to know what is going on(Of cos...provided that they have the mentality to understand what has been going on)
It is also important to seek Legal advice. You need any? I can intro to you. -
yes, agree with u thast he prefers to do his own thing. he once told me he has the right to have his own privacy.. but what i think is that married couples share life but not for the personsal affair... like he reading email... since he said it is nothing inside email, he dun have to hide anything if he got a clear conscience after asking him to open his email. instead, he kick fuss...Originally posted by M©+square:I see it in a point which now Husband doesn't want to reconcile, and instead he has been doing his own things all by himself.
Sharing between one another? I don't think so...
REgarding about children...first and foremost, got to seek they're opinion first. Because the most innocent party are they.
They need to and have every right to know what is going on(Of cos...provided that they have the mentality to understand what has been going on)
It is also important to seek Legal advice. You need any? I can intro to you.
for my kids, they are only 2yr n going to be 5 mth old.
thanks for your help. i have been counselling by a pro counsellor for a past year and have seeked legal an year ago... so far, i feel helpless ...when coping that kina situation.. -
i'll read your story later, going for lunch soon.
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IMHO == in my humble opinion.Originally posted by millienium_bear:what i think of the first part... but got to think of kids' welfare..
what's IMHO? talk out with his parents.. i try any means to communciate with them cuz i am hearing-impaired and knows english only.. for them, chinese, more harder... to solve this problem, i get my closest relative to help me out but she didn't interpret exactly what i want to say...
each time i unhappy with him, i usually sms him how i feel and type out my thoughts in msword format... sms him is quite troublesome..
i sit back and reflect myself, main problem for is a lack of communication...
i sit back, seein my kids right now and pray for a better day for me to work out...
this is really taking a toll on ur mind... since u mentioned that u are a HI person... that makes communication a very big prob in ur whole r/s wif ur husband + ur in-laws....
and + ur relative dunno how to convey ur words to them... no wonder u feel so lost..... -
yes lor...Originally posted by AngelDark:IMHO == in my humble opinion.
this is really taking a toll on ur mind... since u mentioned that u are a HI person... that makes communication a very big prob in ur whole r/s wif ur husband + ur in-laws....
and + ur relative dunno how to convey ur words to them... no wonder u feel so lost..... being HI is my disadvantage...
no1 is prefect... -
hos'w ur lunch?Originally posted by kohanson:i'll read your story later, going for lunch soon. 
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BEFORE I begin.... Like it or not, I just wanna tell you you should KNOW YOURSELF better than we do.... And I don't wanna add anything to that....Originally posted by millienium_bear:yes, agree with u thast he prefers to do his own thing. he once told me he has the right to have his own privacy.. but what i think is that married couples share life but not for the personsal affair... like he reading email... since he said it is nothing inside email, he dun have to hide anything if he got a clear conscience after asking him to open his email. instead, he kick fuss...
for my kids, they are only 2yr n going to be 5 mth old.
thanks for your help. i have been counselling by a pro counsellor for a past year and have seeked legal an year ago... so far, i feel helpless ...when coping that kina situation..
1st thing. Your CHILDREN are INNOCENT... LEAVE THEM ALONE....
2nd thing. If TOO MUCH stress is building up in between you and your husband, go for the DIVORCE. Never mind what about 'the children have to suffer' stuffs... It's BETTER than them losing their lives in MY OPINION... No doubt you've given them LIFE.... But SINCE they're already IN THIS WORLD, they EARN the RIGHTS to stay alive... If they really don't want their own lives in latter stage of their life let them settle things their way.... They're LIVES... You DON'T just PRODUCE them as you LIKE and END them as you WISH...?
3rd thing. CLEARLY both you and your husband have ALOT NOT in common. If you think you have a way to work out this ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TANGLE you go ahead... If you can't, just take a STEP BACK and start everything AFRESH... It's not the end of the world (though it might feel like so to you...)..... And REMEMBER, at ANY POINT.... LEAVE YOUR CHILDREN ALONE.... -
anyway, my hubby told me that he got witness (his family) what's happening recently (stupid email of his).actually, his family dunno what's actually going on... we argue thr' sign language that his family couldnt understand meh... for me, no as i dun get along well with them... he very cunning n advantage of my HI... mentioning my HI, i need to check with the rights HI can do if no witness n no 1 dunno what's actually happening... all everything is 1-sided thing lor.. how abt my side??? not fair to me totally....
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Originally posted by Devil1976:
thanks for ur opinions, and i know more better than all of ya do. just seek opinions only... what you read here is in a purely perspective.
BEFORE I begin.... Like it or not, I just wanna tell you you should KNOW YOURSELF better than we do.... And I don't wanna add anything to that....
[b]1st thing. Your CHILDREN are INNOCENT... LEAVE THEM ALONE....
2nd thing. If TOO MUCH stress is building up in between you and your husband, go for the DIVORCE. Never mind what about 'the children have to suffer' stuffs... It's BETTER than them losing their lives in MY OPINION... No doubt you've given them LIFE.... But SINCE they're already IN THIS WORLD, they EARN the RIGHTS to stay alive... If they really don't want their own lives in latter stage of their life let them settle things their way.... They're LIVES... You DON'T just PRODUCE them as you LIKE and END them as you WISH...?
3rd thing. CLEARLY both you and your husband have ALOT NOT in common. If you think you have a way to work out this ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TANGLE you go ahead... If you can't, just take a STEP BACK and start everything AFRESH... It's not the end of the world (though it might feel like so to you...)..... And REMEMBER, at ANY POINT.... LEAVE YOUR CHILDREN ALONE....
[/b]
I am being too rash to think of kids's lives, athough i am aware of tt.. for divorce, i really can't accept this idea as i love him, no matter what. you might find this silly..
for your 3rd thing, i try whether can see whether can work or not...but not today... need time to heal myself first b4 doing anything -
yah had my lunch, ban mian.Originally posted by millienium_bear:i used to have a loving bf and he iwas my everything. Instead, i left him for another guy who tended to control me a lot just the sake of baby. over this stupid guy of mine and began to think negatively about us... i feel he is thankful as i left my ex.. how? he threathed to jump out of the window at my mum's place.he wanted to take keys from the kitchen but the kitchen door locked itself. my greatest regret was not backing out the chinese wedding as i was not happy with him .
after i got married, he still kick a lot of fuss when i come home late than actual timing. Nothing at home can keep me warmth. I believe some of u guys feel that way. even he is checking my emails whether i got any guys email behind his back or not.. not only that, also my pager. i was tolerant with this way he did.
besides this email n pager thing, i also dun feel good at home as his parents are the one who take care of my kids themselves even though i didnt ask my hubby to inform his parents. (my hearing-impaired situation, i have depend on him to tell his parents). Sometimes, his family pass remarks to my relative --> i being lazy and don't bother to help out. actually, i really dunno what to do at home. another stress inside me is to read the books up to catch up with the lesson at home after really lost with their lectures during lesson. where got time to do my own things since i look after 2 kids and doing his stuffs - washing and folding n ironing? busy already..
after i put my kids to sleep, i do my sch stuffs but no mood.. thoughts bother me, in end i chat with my friends n surf in order not to think anything...
things slowly got out of control... i decided to move out with 2 kids and stay at my mum's place for time being. tolerant with his doing plus negative at-home-thoughts is unbearable.
during my stay at mum's place, my hubby stay overnight and begs me to spare a thought for him. without thinking twice, i refused to give in to him and made a promise not to step in his hse anymore since it is unbearance so much. slowly, i scold him some more, just to get my revenge.
in end, he started to get to know a girl and even asked her to give him a chance to his gf... How i know? i accidently saw the letter in his bag and thought it is a joke. i dun expect this thing to turn out real. i beg him instead, not doing that to me anymore... i ask him to start afresh.. he hurt me very deeply.. saying his feeling for me is only responisble and thinking of a separation. in order to save the marriage and my kid, i moved back and remind myself to take thigns easy...
recently, i saw him reading email.. me very curious about this happening in his email... he just dun want to let me see as i will tend to imagine more unnecessary... he said it is only his student, asking IT thing. Since it is nothing, i ask him to open his email for me to read if he got a clear conscience. he refused. the argument got heated, it led us to fight.. in end, he wants a divorce. i said it is fine with me.. i am about to throw my kids out of window and then me.. we are stopped by him.. instead, he pushed me another angel of kitchen, thus got a very bad hurt in physical body... nearly my head hit the door.
upon reflecting myself, i find it very very ridiculous.... also, we just being senstive to each other's thoughts.. trust is not easy to maintain. very terrible experience for me. i think it is important to see things in perspective.. already dunno what to do with myself...
in the first place, why did you left the loving guy? and you should have back out before your wedding, if you don't love him. It's too late to regret now.
even he is checking my emails whether i got any guys email behind his back or not.. not only that, also my pager. i was tolerant with this way he did.
you sure he is checking for whether there's any guy's email or pages in your inbox? Maybe you couldn't trust him?
I believe what you said is correct, you 2 are sensitive about each other, and there's no trust between you 2. He check your mails, you said he don't trust you. You check his mail, he don't let you read. And yah, if he trust you, he will let you read his mail and not try to keep it to himself. Since you both are husband and wife, there's nothing to be secretive about.
knowing another girl is ok but how could he ask the other girl to be his gf. He's getting out of control.. Did you ask him why he did that to you? And please don't kill the kids, they are innocent..
i wish you all the best. -
of cos, i left him cuz of the baby i am carrying with my hubby and he try underhands means to sure i am his totally. no choice, just left my good ex but we still keep contact with each other...Originally posted by kohanson:yah had my lunch, ban mian.
in the first place, why did you left the loving guy? and you should have back out before your wedding, if you don't love him. It's too late to regret now.
even he is checking my emails whether i got any guys email behind his back or not.. not only that, also my pager. i was tolerant with this way he did.
you sure he is checking for whether there's any guy's email or pages in your inbox? Maybe you couldn't trust him?
I believe what you said is correct, you 2 are sensitive about each other, and there's no trust between you 2. He check your mails, you said he don't trust you. You check his mail, he don't let you read. And yah, if he trust you, he will let you read his mail and not try to keep it to himself. Since you both are husband and wife, there's nothing to be secretive about.
knowing another girl is ok but how could he ask the other girl to be his gf. He's getting out of control.. Did you ask him why he did that to you? And please don't kill the kids, they are innocent..
i wish you all the best.
yes, he asked for my email password... he wants to know what's going on in my email inbox.. i got nothing to hide and just open mine for him... go the same for him but he din let me read his email. what's that?
he said that i am getting his nerves and give him pressure. but i don't feel that... he shld be the one who get my nerves from the beginning and damn dun care about my feeling. but actually, he not bad guy at all. maybe he just being senstive, well as myself.
anyway, i take a step back to review everything n things we used to share..can make use of them to solve some problem i had..
thanks. -
For some loveless reason, you were forcefully being married. Not even a sign of revoking it, even till after the ceremony. He control you over the sake of baby and made you leave your ex - Which I presume you had a sexual relation with him when you are still with your ex?Originally posted by millienium_bear:i used to have a loving bf and he iwas my everything. Instead, i left him for another guy who tended to control me a lot just the sake of baby. over this stupid guy of mine and began to think negatively about us... i feel he is thankful as i left my ex.. how? he threathed to jump out of the window at my mum's place.he wanted to take keys from the kitchen but the kitchen door locked itself. my greatest regret was not backing out the chinese wedding as i was not happy with him .
after i got married, he still kick a lot of fuss when i come home late than actual timing. Nothing at home can keep me warmth. I believe some of u guys feel that way. even he is checking my emails whether i got any guys email behind his back or not.. not only that, also my pager. i was tolerant with this way he did.
besides this email n pager thing, i also dun feel good at home as his parents are the one who take care of my kids themselves even though i didnt ask my hubby to inform his parents. (my hearing-impaired situation, i have depend on him to tell his parents). Sometimes, his family pass remarks to my relative --> i being lazy and don't bother to help out. actually, i really dunno what to do at home. another stress inside me is to read the books up to catch up with the lesson at home after really lost with their lectures during lesson. where got time to do my own things since i look after 2 kids and doing his stuffs - washing and folding n ironing? busy already..
after i put my kids to sleep, i do my sch stuffs but no mood.. thoughts bother me, in end i chat with my friends n surf in order not to think anything...
things slowly got out of control... i decided to move out with 2 kids and stay at my mum's place for time being. tolerant with his doing plus negative at-home-thoughts is unbearable.
during my stay at mum's place, my hubby stay overnight and begs me to spare a thought for him. without thinking twice, i refused to give in to him and made a promise not to step in his hse anymore since it is unbearance so much. slowly, i scold him some more, just to get my revenge.
in end, he started to get to know a girl and even asked her to give him a chance to his gf... How i know? i accidently saw the letter in his bag and thought it is a joke. i dun expect this thing to turn out real. i beg him instead, not doing that to me anymore... i ask him to start afresh.. he hurt me very deeply.. saying his feeling for me is only responisble and thinking of a separation. in order to save the marriage and my kid, i moved back and remind myself to take thigns easy...
recently, i saw him reading email.. me very curious about this happening in his email... he just dun want to let me see as i will tend to imagine more unnecessary... he said it is only his student, asking IT thing. Since it is nothing, i ask him to open his email for me to read if he got a clear conscience. he refused. the argument got heated, it led us to fight.. in end, he wants a divorce. i said it is fine with me.. i am about to throw my kids out of window and then me.. we are stopped by him.. instead, he pushed me another angel of kitchen, thus got a very bad hurt in physical body... nearly my head hit the door.
upon reflecting myself, i find it very very ridiculous.... also, we just being senstive to each other's thoughts.. trust is not easy to maintain. very terrible experience for me. i think it is important to see things in perspective.. already dunno what to do with myself...
Few points which your husband is childish and immature: playing committing suicide, possessiveness and insupportive.
This relation is not borned out of mutual love - rather for the sake of children involved. It is perfectly alright to get married with love without kids, than without love and with kids. - it is dreadful. This relation is already shaking even before you both were married, and made worst when the both of you were together. He has found another girl whom he is chasing or have already chased - he is MARRIED for god sake... no longer a boy-girl relationship, which only further signalled that he is not ready to be in a marriage yet.
1) Committment is not there
2) Mistrust is around.
3) Only feeling is responsible?
Responsiblity? Get married for responsible sake? Are you sure this is the marriage you want? The Man you want to spend the rest of your life with? Totally devoid of any single mote of love?
Kids... the kids are innocent party and the more you should protect them from harm instead of throwing them, etc. They came into this world, not knowing WHY they came - how could you bear to destroy their lives? Just for the sake of arguement with your husband and to spite him? Please spare thoughts for them.
'Scolding him to get revenge... he hurting you physically...' this marriage is in needs of professional help, the elements of mantaining this marriage is not there and furthermore your husband is not very supportive, together with your reckless actions - its is MORE than just plain self reflection to work through. To surmount it - you need assistance. PROFESSIONAL ones, not words and comments from friends, relative, etc.
Recognise it now and seek help, before it could be too late to do anything. -
ya, had a sexual relationship with him when i was with my ex. ignorant and tempting that time.Originally posted by Yunhaier:For some loveless reason, you were forcefully being married. Not even a sign of revoking it, even till after the ceremony. He control you over the sake of baby and made you leave your ex - Which I presume you had a sexual relation with him when you are still with your ex?
Few points which your husband is childish and immature: playing committing suicide, possessiveness and insupportive.
This relation is not borned out of mutual love - rather for the sake of children involved. It is perfectly alright to get married with love without kids, than without love and with kids. - it is dreadful. This relation is already shaking even before you both were married, and made worst when the both of you were together. He has found another girl whom he is chasing or have already chased - he is MARRIED for god sake... no longer a boy-girl relationship, which only further signalled that he is not ready to be in a marriage yet.
1) Committment is not there
2) Mistrust is around.
3) Only feeling is responsible?
Responsiblity? Get married for responsible sake? Are you sure this is the marriage you want? The Man you want to spend the rest of your life with? Totally devoid of any single mote of love?
Kids... the kids are innocent party and the more you should protect them from harm instead of throwing them, etc. They came into this world, not knowing WHY they came - how could you bear to destroy their lives? Just for the sake of arguement with your husband and to spite him? Please spare thoughts for them.
'Scolding him to get revenge... he hurting you physically...' this marriage is in needs of professional help, the elements of mantaining this marriage is not there and furthermore your husband is not very supportive, together with your reckless actions - its is MORE than just plain self reflection to work through. To surmount it - you need assistance. PROFESSIONAL ones, not words and comments from friends, relative, etc.
Recognise it now and seek help, before it could be too late to do anything. 
agreed with your points.
no, i did not want that kind of marriage since he is still growing that time. a day before chinese wedding, i thought thoroughly to back out but no courage to do so. i might bring everyone in confusion and anger. i go ahead with it. frankly, my friends and relatives asked me why i look so unhappy when walking up to the stage during dinner. some of them knew about my problem.
once it is over la, i began to learn to love him. if not, things go out of control in future.
for the marriage counselling, totally agreed with you. the pro counsellor can help. i did bring up an idea an year ago but he just don't want. he don't feel good if he had one. i don't understand why he just dun want. what can i do? -
Man don't feel good it is because counselling seemed like having to recongise being weak or unable to work things out - ego problem for a man.Originally posted by millienium_bear:ya, had a sexual relationship with him when i was with my ex. ignorant and tempting that time.
agreed with your points.
no, i did not want that kind of marriage since he is still growing that time. a day before chinese wedding, i thought thoroughly to back out but no courage to do so. i might bring everyone in confusion and anger. i go ahead with it. frankly, my friends and relatives asked me why i look so unhappy when walking up to the stage during dinner. some of them knew about my problem.
once it is over la, i began to learn to love him. if not, things go out of control in future.
for the marriage, totally agreed with you. the pro counselling can help. i had bring up an idea but he just don't want. he don't feel good if he had one. i don't understand why he just dun want. what can i do?
I have to say one thing: You made a mistake, but you continued to move blindly towards it - you have no turning back. Mistake started when he had an affair with him.
Both of you needs serious heart to heart talk with one another. Problems lies within suspicious and mistrust - something that you cannot work out without communication. HE has to WANT to work out this marriage together with YOU. If not, it is like catching fly in the air - nothing works.
What must be communicated?
He already stated that his only feeling for you is responsiblity - which is not love. Ask him whether he wants his marriage anot if he do not have this responsiblity. It is totally useless trying to preserve relation that the flame has already snuff out. If he doesn't want to work for this relation, but instead choose to run away and find other woman company. There is little you can do, perhaps other professional hotline may suggest some ways or method.
After that initial phrase, the next thing is that the both of you have to get matured. Stop all these suiciding, email mistrust all that crap. Both of you are already MARRIED, therefore act like one. If he wants to make this relation work - he has to stop flirting outside, gradually change his negative ways of doing. You have to make it gradually change, not immediately: things don't change overnight. and you have to HELP him change too. Guide him along and move along with him.
For you, do keep a distance with your ex. I know you still have feelings for him but this is the route you chose to go. You have no turning back - regret isn't part of you and you must move on. If you should dwell on past - this marriage will fall because now you recongise this crisis and wants to solve it. If you don't want to: who else will?
And for the BOTH of you: Learned to speak like a married couple of understanding and respect. Never raise your voice to get your message across: speak and communicate properly. Don't suka suka say want to separate want to divorce - Damn childish. The both of you are alright with it, yes no doubt. What about your children? (Noticed i used the word 'both of you' and 'your') Can they voice their view? NO!
My advice is still the same: Settle those issues I mention above and seek professional help. Cyber advice are only words you see and how you interpret: solid face-to-face are still the best way to counsel. -
LOVE is NOT a one-sided thing... KNOW clearly WHO you're with and FACING.....Originally posted by millienium_bear:thanks for ur opinions, and i know more better than all of ya do. just seek opinions only... what you read here is in a purely perspective.
I am being too rash to think of kids's lives, athough i am aware of tt.. for divorce, i really can't accept this idea as i love him, no matter what. you might find this silly..
for your 3rd thing, i try whether can see whether can work or not...but not today... need time to heal myself first b4 doing anything
Sometimes it's not what you wish, but just how things are...