in love with a married woman
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Originally posted by struck:
Thank you for reading this topic, please read with an open mind. Advice will be taken and read with gratefulness. Those who could not understand and cant accept the story, kindly respect the situation as no one knows and expects what is going to happen in life. We only live once.
I am in love with a married woman. She told me that she love me and is in a dilema. She do not know what to do.
I initate a clear break up thru sms but when we met up the following days, we still ended up together as there are still feelings for each other.
Can someone give me advice? What should I do? I am in love with her and she know it. How can I: -
i) Make it even clearer to her that I wan her and be with her? (this is to show her that I am true to her and is sincere)
ii) know that she wan to be with me too (since she say she is in a dilema, i guess it should be me, the guy, to ensure her, however, I wan to make sure she is not just wanting to be with me to escape from her current relationship)
If you can convince her that you will refrain from having sex with her until both of you are officially and legally together, I think that's true love enough for me if I were her.If she agrees with you, then congratulations.
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Hey.
What the other forumers are saying is quite true. IF she can do it to her current spouse, she is able to do the same thing to you.
But, if this is a situation of her meeting him before you and she really loves you, i say go for it. Everyone deserves to be loved and love.
My advice is talk it out with her. Find out if she is in the same place u are at now.
Good luck, J
ps - got children anot? if have very complicated.
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I agree with what most ppl said here... do ask yourself what you want from this... and do ask yourself if you can trust her??
Pls read this - Click this it may be helpful to you ( or to anyone who is in love with a person who is already attached)
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Originally posted by Hollyjean:
I agree with what most ppl said here... do ask yourself what you want from this... and do ask yourself if you can trust her??
Pls read this - Click this it may be helpful to you ( or to anyone who is in love with a person who is already attached)
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Originally posted by struck:
Thank you for reading this topic, please read with an open mind. Advice will be taken and read with gratefulness. Those who could not understand and cant accept the story, kindly respect the situation as no one knows and expects what is going to happen in life. We only live once.
I am in love with a married woman. She told me that she love me and is in a dilema. She do not know what to do.
I initate a clear break up thru sms but when we met up the following days, we still ended up together as there are still feelings for each other.
Can someone give me advice? What should I do? I am in love with her and she know it. How can I: -
i) Make it even clearer to her that I wan her and be with her? (this is to show her that I am true to her and is sincere)
ii) know that she wan to be with me too (since she say she is in a dilema, i guess it should be me, the guy, to ensure her, however, I wan to make sure she is not just wanting to be with me to escape from her current relationship)
You are in love with her and SO??????!!!!!
She is love with you and SO??????!!!!!
Does it mean you cannot break up with her and she you?????!!!!!
IN LOVE SO??????!!!!!!!
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since she love u, u love her, make sure she divorce and u have to wait 3 yrs b4 she marries u lor...
be prepared that she will do the same thing to u after marriage - leaving u for another man.
i know some one.... vvvvvvvvvvvvvvv personally in this situation. i made a wise choice leaving him....
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anyway, not very wise to hook up with some one married (man or woman)
the spouse can jolly-well sue u for adultery..
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Originally posted by viceroy88:
hi im about the same with you, i'm in love with a married man...
we had bing together for some time... and within that period his wife
actually suppect us and even found out some of the mail i sent to him, she found out about us almost 3 to 4 time and we nearly cut the relationship off but we still continue till now... although we meet lesser now but i really in love with him... i don't know whether he really in love with me... cause he will not leave his wife... but he still willing to take the risk together with me..dose this mean that he love me?? he's in lots of trouble bcause of me but he still willing to give in to me and continue... i hope we can last forever...
I am now happily married to the woman who used to be the 'third Party' but before that I was just screwing her.Be smart cuz not many men would want to leave their wife for another woman.Good luck to you.
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Originally posted by aHGer^83:
since she love u, u love her, make sure she divorce and u have to wait 3 yrs b4 she marries u lor...
be prepared that she will do the same thing to u after marriage - leaving u for another man.
i know some one.... vvvvvvvvvvvvvvv personally in this situation. i made a wise choice leaving him....
Hi, how do you consider it to be a wise choice leaving 'him'? He just playing with fire? Did he take care of your feelings? -
Originally posted by parn:
If you can convince her that you will refrain from having sex with her until both of you are officially and legally together, I think that's true love enough for me if I were her.If she agrees with you, then congratulations.
Hi, pardon me, correct me if I am wrong, For part 1: are you saying her husband cant satisfied her needs? For part 2: what do you mean by "If she agrees with you, then congratulations."? -
Originally posted by aHGer^83:
since she love u, u love her, make sure she divorce and u have to wait 3 yrs b4 she marries u lor...
be prepared that she will do the same thing to u after marriage - leaving u for another man.
i know some one.... vvvvvvvvvvvvvvv personally in this situation. i made a wise choice leaving him....
girl and naiveness for love...?
anyway, y 3-4 years...? u file a separation 1st, then 1-2 years later, then officially divorced... -
Originally posted by struck:
Hi, how do you consider it to be a wise choice leaving 'him'? He just playing with fire? Did he take care of your feelings?
my bf had an affair with a married woman. so i left him. it's a wise choice cos it only says that there's no me in his heart n there's no "us" in our future. if even b4 marriage he can do this, wad makes u think he wun do it after marriage?the same goes to u lor.. if she can leave her hubby for u now, wad makes u think she wun do it again? it's only a sooner or later thing.
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Originally posted by Rednano:
girl and naiveness for love...?
anyway, y 3-4 years...? u file a separation 1st, then 1-2 years later, then officially divorced...2 yrs for official divorce and seperation. another 1 yr for her to get used to divorce life b4 starting another married life.
"girl and naiveness for love...?" the woman? -
Originally posted by viceroy88:
i dunno.... i really love him deep...i dunno what im to him... i know he love his wife... but now he even take a big risk with me... and sacrisfice for me tooo.... i told him im willing to be his under ground mistress forever,.... i can felt he love me if not when his wife found out about us he will say stop but he did't...
Hi viceroy
many woman want to believe whatever they want to believe. If you are a guy, you have a wife and you have a woman on the side, who is seems in love with you and is willing to sleep with you. Basically, as a guy, its the best of both world - having a cake and eating it. But its not fair to his wife or yourself. And You know you will not ever be happy forever. You also know that you have started destroying their marriage cause you have been selfish.
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Originally posted by mistyblue:
Hi viceroy
many woman want to believe whatever they want to believe. If you are a guy, you have a wife and you have a woman on the side, who is seems in love with you and is willing to sleep with you. Basically, as a guy, its the best of both world - having a cake and eating it. But its not fair to his wife or yourself. And You know you will not ever be happy forever. You also know that you have started destroying their marriage cause you have been selfish.
even he divorced his wife for u, u r going with a guy with now half of the matrimonial assets...and he have childrens... u cause them to grow up in a broken family... god bless u... as their stepmother...
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TS
Love is the most over-rated thing in this world. Don't use love as an excuse for doing the wrong thing even if it feels damn right.
Have you really understood why she is seeking external company? Usually that's a sign of trouble in their r/s and in my view, you are just adding complication to the issue ... ie she's using you as an escape. from what I observe of people, they tend to avoid bad situations instead of take responsibility and solve it and grow from it. So who is to say the same behaviour that she is doing in her current marriage will not port over to your r/s with her. Unless things really turn sour and she is taking proper actions to solve her issues. Therefore, if all she is looking for is a person to get "love" from... she's not looking to solve her problem, but just shifting her focus elsewhere and maybe make you a solution for the predicament.
Now, my 2cents: It seems you just started this R/s, and its more like a crush. If I were you, I would not be so quick to declare "love" and I would have to think twice about carrying on about the r/s and with this woman. Not that she will do the same thing but to really examine the feelings and to understand all the motive behind behaviours. Marriage is not so easy as what people say, divorce is not so smooth as people like for you to think. So don't be too quick to jump in eagerly thinking you are the hero. A lot of women are just seeking attention they are not getting at home.
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Originally posted by Rednano:
even he divorced his wife for u, u r going with a guy with now half of the matrimonial assets...and he have childrens... u cause them to grow up in a broken family... god bless u... as their stepmother...
hannor hannor if he got $1, 50c is for he's wife. u 2 will have to share the 50c....jialat....
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Originally posted by struck:
any views from the female gender?
In the 1st place, being together with a married gal or guy is wrong. As most of us know, but why can't we stay away from this temptation?I had love a married guy once, i fell for him becos he is a caring, soft temper n hardworking guy, but i managed to stay away from him, quit my job, change my contact just to avoid all contacts from him.
Have you ever thought of why this gal fall for you? Just becos both of you have lots of time interacting with each other?
I hope that that you can consider her family when you want to be with her, especically if she has kids. It is v unfair for the kids.
If you feel that she is the right one, then perhaps you have to sit down, talk to her n ask her what she wants.
Dragging will only make things worse. If she can't decide what to do, then perhaps you will have to give her up. She is not the strong type to stand by you.......
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Originally posted by viceroy88:
hi im about the same with you, i'm in love with a married man...
we had bing together for some time... and within that period his wife
actually suppect us and even found out some of the mail i sent to him, she found out about us almost 3 to 4 time and we nearly cut the relationship off but we still continue till now... although we meet lesser now but i really in love with him... i don't know whether he really in love with me... cause he will not leave his wife... but he still willing to take the risk together with me..dose this mean that he love me?? he's in lots of trouble bcause of me but he still willing to give in to me and continue... i hope we can last forever...
If he will not leave his wife, then do u want to be his mistress for your own life? Please stop to dream, WAKE UP. As for gals like us, Qing Chun is v precious to us.If one day, his wife found out your address, come to your home n make a big movie, do u think he will step in n protect u?
Think for yourself n the man is a damn idiot also.........
Dun divorce n want a second wife. Ask him to change to Muslim n migrate to malaysia la.
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be tgt...IF..she is willing to get a divorce..
if not..not only you will suffer (being pinpoint out as a Third party by others..including family members)..her husband will suffer also..
Her husband should have the right to know abt it also..I mean..who likes to be kept in the dark abt such things right?
Is hard to be tgt if she remains married to him right?..I believe that you also want to form a family of your own with her also bah..
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don't be a third party. its not nice. seriously.
no husbands would fancy being made a cuckold.
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i love my mother too...
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Originally posted by struck:
Thank you for reading this topic, please read with an open mind. Advice will be taken and read with gratefulness. Those who could not understand and cant accept the story, kindly respect the situation as no one knows and expects what is going to happen in life. We only live once.
I am in love with a married woman. She told me that she love me and is in a dilema. She do not know what to do.
I initate a clear break up thru sms but when we met up the following days, we still ended up together as there are still feelings for each other.
Can someone give me advice? What should I do? I am in love with her and she know it. How can I: -
i) Make it even clearer to her that I wan her and be with her? (this is to show her that I am true to her and is sincere)
ii) know that she wan to be with me too (since she say she is in a dilema, i guess it should be me, the guy, to ensure her, however, I wan to make sure she is not just wanting to be with me to escape from her current relationship)
Have you examined what makes you fall in love with her in the first place? What are her qualities that has attracted you and are those qualities easily lost (e.g. looks) with the passing of time or will they stand the test of time much like how some wine taste better with age?
What about yourself? What is it in you that made you like a girl like her?
You mentioned that you initiated a clear break. I guess apparently, you also do realize that it is difficult to have a future involving someone still in a marriage.
Your questions:
i) Make it even clearer to her that I wan her and be with her? (this is to show her that I am true to her and is sincere)
Like you said in your below question: you do not want her to leave her marriage using you as an excuse and an escape. As much as you do love being with her, I would suggest in a situation like this, love her from a distance (don't meet if possible) or in a more layman term (just to simplify things), love her like a very good friend. Give as much as you can as you would do for a very good friend but keep the physical distance. Try to meet up in more public places or even if you need isolation (so that maybe she feels safe to talk), meet at places that are less crowded (maybe a quiet cafe).
If you really do love her, want the best for her and respect yourself, in my humble opinion, love her as a friend for now. Let her know the reasons why but more importantly, tell her that you would only say this once and then honour your words. Encourage her to find other friends to talk to, show her other alternatives.
This would show you as a man of your words and you DO stand by what you say, rather than contradicting your stand of a break and then going back to her again.
ii) know that she wan to be with me too (since she say she is in a dilema, i guess it should be me, the guy, to ensure her, however, I wan to make sure she is not just wanting to be with me to escape from her current relationship)
If she really do want to be with you, ask her to ask herself, how much is she willing to go through for you. Then again, it's rather contradicting if you were to ask her (or even subconsciously expect her) to do that. Why? As stated in your question above, you do not want her to be with you as an escape from her relationship, but with her current situation right now, she do need a strong pillar to be there for her should she muster up the courage to leave her relationship.
Therefore, you should not be the sole reason for her to walk out of her troubled relationship. The main pushing factor should be that it is not in her interest to continue a flawed relationship. She should be able to realize that it will not be in her best interest nor happiness, to live the rest of her life in a troubled marriage.
Yes, as a guy (and a friend too), you need to look after her interest. Instead of assuring to be around her as a lover (because no one ever knows what will truly happen in the path of love), give her encouragements as a friend and if her relationship is really troubled, get her to open up her own eyes to see and ask her if she wants that for the remaining days of her future. That said, you need to take everything in stride if she chooses to give her relationship another chance and tries to salvage her marriage once more (this is something however hard you will need to face up to). Even if she chooses to wallow in her futile marriage, that is also her choice. Let her know her options and tell her that she is not trapped, in fact, there are decisions that she can make.
For yourself, in order to stand by your principle and respect yourself, tell her gently but firmly that there are limits to what you can do for her, for you need to protect your own heart too. Tell her that it would be best for the both of you to begin all over again once she's done with her issues, not that you are heartless in the first place (I think this is a very important point to be made clear to her, she needs to know this) to want to shrug her off while she is facing problems, but in order to begin a healthy relationship with you (let her know that you are interested in a relationship with her but only a healthy one at that), she will need to learn how to tackle her own issues. That is why it is important to point out to her all the other alternatives she has in perhaps her folly blindness and single-mindedness fail to see, in the midst of her relationship woes.
Here's a very popular quote floating around on the net:
If you love someone, set her free...
If she comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, she never was...Above are in the points of a female forumnite - me
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Originally posted by XxYaNxX:
Love or lust ?
The ans is very obvious already. Its in his nick.
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Originally posted by CrabbyShaSha:
Have you examined what makes you fall in love with her in the first place? What are her qualities that has attracted you and are those qualities easily lost (e.g. looks) with the passing of time or will they stand the test of time much like how some wine taste better with age?
What about yourself? What is it in you that made you like a girl like her?
You mentioned that you initiated a clear break. I guess apparently, you also do realize that it is difficult to have a future involving someone still in a marriage.
Your questions:
i) Make it even clearer to her that I wan her and be with her? (this is to show her that I am true to her and is sincere)
Like you said in your below question: you do not want her to leave her marriage using you as an excuse and an escape. As much as you do love being with her, I would suggest in a situation like this, love her from a distance (don't meet if possible) or in a more layman term (just to simplify things), love her like a very good friend. Give as much as you can as you would do for a very good friend but keep the physical distance. Try to meet up in more public places or even if you need isolation (so that maybe she feels safe to talk), meet at places that are less crowded (maybe a quiet cafe).
If you really do love her, want the best for her and respect yourself, in my humble opinion, love her as a friend for now. Let her know the reasons why but more importantly, tell her that you would only say this once and then honour your words. Encourage her to find other friends to talk to, show her other alternatives.
This would show you as a man of your words and you DO stand by what you say, rather than contradicting your stand of a break and then going back to her again.
ii) know that she wan to be with me too (since she say she is in a dilema, i guess it should be me, the guy, to ensure her, however, I wan to make sure she is not just wanting to be with me to escape from her current relationship)
If she really do want to be with you, ask her to ask herself, how much is she willing to go through for you. Then again, it's rather contradicting if you were to ask her (or even subconsciously expect her) to do that. Why? As stated in your question above, you do not want her to be with you as an escape from her relationship, but with her current situation right now, she do need a strong pillar to be there for her should she muster up the courage to leave her relationship.
Therefore, you should not be the sole reason for her to walk out of her troubled relationship. The main pushing factor should be that it is not in her interest to continue a flawed relationship. She should be able to realize that it will not be in her best interest nor happiness, to live the rest of her life in a troubled marriage.
Yes, as a guy (and a friend too), you need to look after her interest. Instead of assuring to be around her as a lover (because no one ever knows what will truly happen in the path of love), give her encouragements as a friend and if her relationship is really troubled, get her to open up her own eyes to see and ask her if she wants that for the remaining days of her future. That said, you need to take everything in stride if she chooses to give her relationship another chance and tries to salvage her marriage once more (this is something however hard you will need to face up to). Even if she chooses to wallow in her futile marriage, that is also her choice. Let her know her options and tell her that she is not trapped, in fact, there are decisions that she can make.
For yourself, in order to stand by your principle and respect yourself, tell her gently but firmly that there are limits to what you can do for her, for you need to protect your own heart too. Tell her that it would be best for the both of you to begin all over again once she's done with her issues, not that you are heartless in the first place (I think this is a very important point to be made clear to her, she needs to know this) to want to shrug her off while she is facing problems, but in order to begin a healthy relationship with you (let her know that you are interested in a relationship with her but only a healthy one at that), she will need to learn how to tackle her own issues. That is why it is important to point out to her all the other alternatives she has in perhaps her folly blindness and single-mindedness fail to see, in the midst of her relationship woes.
Here's a very popular quote floating around on the net:
If you love someone, set her free...
If she comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, she never was...Above are in the points of a female forumnite - me
Hey thanks CrabbyShaSha for your words. =)