My parents situation
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Originally posted by limegreenRay:
hmm..u got the no.?
http://www.sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/330952i believe you'll be able to find it under here :]
sotong, don't give yourself too much stress because of what is happening between your parents okies? i've been in the same boat before so i can roughly understand how you feel. Not totally but i think i can understand a little of how you feel. Confide in your siblings or your close friends about how you feel about the whole thing if you need to. Never keep everything to yourself. It's isnt good for you.
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Mr Sotong,
I reckon you are not very close with your father.
And your family situation is such that , you and your siblings are old enough to take care of yourself.
Your father has paid off the house with not much debt.
He probably feels that he is no longer needed in the family, and he is bored with the mundane routine of family life. Especially if the bonds between father and children is not a close one.
So it is very tempting for a man his age to seek a second life elsewhere.
You as the child can play a part to keep the family together.
Going off on your own and ignoring the issue will only contribute to the disintegration.
It is time.. you call him up and sit him down and have a man to man talk.
Just because you are the child.. does not means you cannot be actively involved in the family relationship.
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i'm sorry to hear that man.. i really am..
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
Your dad is going through a mid life crisis.
And your mom is upset because she thinks he is going to abandon her.
Even if he knows where to buy the stuff.. he could have just given the agent the address and location of the store where the stuff can be bought.
There is no need for him to "accompany" the female agent all the way to the store.
I suggest you have a chat with your father.
Chances are.. your father is doing all these "insensitive" things to piss your mother off.. so she will initiate a divorce.
hmm, but it doesn't matter who initiate the divorce right? the father will still have to divide his money or something.
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Originally posted by dumbdumb!:
hmm, but it doesn't matter who initiate the divorce right? the father will still have to divide his money or something.
It's already very obvious his parent is engaged in power struggle.
Usually.. no body wants to admit defeat.. so they do things to irritate each other until some one calls it quits.
They are doing the passive aggressive tactic.. and is currently punishing each other.
Psychologically.. it does matter. The person who files for the divorce is seen as the loser.
Legally and asset wise.. it doesn't .. but a divorce is not simply about who gets what.
Right now.. his parents just wants to inflict as much emotional hurt on each other as much as they can.
It's like.. since it's going bust anyway.. I'd just get my due revenge.
While in actual fact.. both are losers in a broken marriage.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
It's already very obvious his parent is engaged in power struggle.
Usually.. no body wants to admit defeat.. so they do things to irritate each other until some one calls it quits.
They are doing the passive aggressive tactic.. and is currently punishing each other.
Psychologically.. it does matter. The person who files for the divorce is seen as the loser.
Legally and asset wise.. it doesn't .. but a divorce is not simply about who gets what.
Right now.. his parents just wants to inflict as much emotional hurt on each other as much as they can.
It's like.. since it's going bust anyway.. I'd just get my due revenge.
While in actual fact.. both are losers in a broken marriage.
ah.. passive aggressive..
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Originally posted by dumbdumb!:
ah.. passive aggressive..
Well yes, very common. Chances are , his father wants out of the relationship.. but is afraid that his mother will not consent to the divorce and will make the divorce proceeding a long and difficult one.
The father's best bet will be to make his mother seek divorce first.. so all he needs to do is sign on the dotted line, and that will not only speed up the divorce.. it will also make him look like the victim of the mother's insanity.
In Singapore.. this is the kind of divorce games adults play.
Although the mother may have raised the divorce threat before.. I doubt she actually went ahead and file it anyway.
The situation will not get any better... only worst as long as one party holds out.
So TS should just be mentally prepared for the long road ahead.
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try getting one of your uncles or aunties (your parents' siblings) who is close to them to mediate.
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my sis had a chat with mum this morning and this is what she told my sis.
dad had lost some money due to economic turmoil recently. so, my dad came home everynight without initial a conversation with mum. so mum snapped last night, telling my dad that he had not have a proper conversation and eye contact for so long, so mum took out the knives n demanded that dad kill her. she blamed my dad for trusting the insurance agent too much later in the night.
also mum told my sis that she had found a receipt of a restaurant n she suspect that dad treat the insurance agent meal.
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if i were yr mum, i'll just ignore yr dad & things will be ok soon
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Originally posted by mr_sotong:
my sis had a chat with mum this morning and this is what she told my sis.
dad had lost some money due to economic turmoil recently. so, my dad came home everynight without initial a conversation with mum. so mum snapped last night, telling my dad that he had not have a proper conversation and eye contact for so long, so mum took out the knives n demanded that dad kill her. she blamed my dad for trusting the insurance agent too much later in the night.
also mum told my sis that she had found a receipt of a restaurant n she suspect that dad treat the insurance agent meal.
I have to admit.. if that really is all to it.. then your mom is over reacting. Has she always been such a drama mama ?
Anyway...that's only one side of the story.
It's time you sit down with your father..and find out his side of the story.
There's always two sides to a coin.
If your dad really did lose money.. why is he still talking to insurance agents ?
Something smells fishy.
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There is only so much that you can do. You have your own life.
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mr sotong, you mum is emotionally unstable, has your dad done anything to help improve situation? Are you close to any of your aunties, uncles, relatives, your parents' mutual friends whom you can approach to get anyone of them talks to both your parents?
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Originally posted by Fantagf:
mr sotong, you mum is emotionally unstable, has your dad done anything to help improve situation? Are you close to any of your aunties, uncles, relatives, your parents' mutual friends whom you can approach to get anyone of them talks to both your parents?
It's best not to involve relatives and friends into family affairs.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
It's best not to involve relatives and friends into family affairs.
may be you are right. There again depends on individuals, sometimes this may work. -
Originally posted by Fantagf:
may be you are right. There again depends on individuals, sometimes this may work.Families and friends will take sides.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
I have to admit.. if that really is all to it.. then your mom is over reacting. Has she always been such a drama mama ?
Anyway...that's only one side of the story.
It's time you sit down with your father..and find out his side of the story.
There's always two sides to a coin.
If your dad really did lose money.. why is he still talking to insurance agents ?
Something smells fishy.
hmm reminds me of the 25 year old idiot who keeps going to insurance agents and buying policies non-stop.
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ur mother is pushing her luck..
just wait until ur father get pissed, ur mother would be a dead meat. trust me.
ur father is trying to preserve tis marriage but ur mother is asking for trouble.
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Originally posted by dumbdumb!:
hmm reminds me of the 25 year old idiot who keeps going to insurance agents and buying policies non-stop.
Issit ? why ah ? He obsessed with the pretty insurance agent har ?
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omg, hope your family get better as days pass alright.
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Originally posted by mr_sotong:
my sis had a chat with mum this morning and this is what she told my sis.
dad had lost some money due to economic turmoil recently. so, my dad came home everynight without initial a conversation with mum. so mum snapped last night, telling my dad that he had not have a proper conversation and eye contact for so long, so mum took out the knives n demanded that dad kill her. she blamed my dad for trusting the insurance agent too much later in the night.
also mum told my sis that she had found a receipt of a restaurant n she suspect that dad treat the insurance agent meal.
Try not to take any sides as it may hurt either party. But do intervene if needed. Sometimes parents tend to forget when this kind of things happen, their children are the worst hit. 手心也是肉,手背也是肉. We would hurt most if we decide to take sides or not to at all.How sure is your mum that your dad kept giving the agent treats? Did your mum talk to him about this? Guys, guys, guys. Sometimes when we are feeling down, we don't feel like talking to anybody. Your dad may be under quite a bit of stress at the moment especially if he got his fingers burnt real bad.
Try to talk to your dad and find out his side of the story. It would be unfair to him if we just make any assumptions like that.
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Originally posted by mr_sotong:
my sis had a chat with mum this morning and this is what she told my sis.
dad had lost some money due to economic turmoil recently. so, my dad came home everynight without initial a conversation with mum. so mum snapped last night, telling my dad that he had not have a proper conversation and eye contact for so long, so mum took out the knives n demanded that dad kill her. she blamed my dad for trusting the insurance agent too much later in the night.
also mum told my sis that she had found a receipt of a restaurant n she suspect that dad treat the insurance agent meal.
TS,i read an newspaper article regarding couple's attitude towards each other. For male, when he is tired or has suffered outside, he will keep to himself and not utter a word when he comes home. For female, if she faces same situation, she will come home complaining and screaming for attention. This is considered what a loving couple supposed to be.
For me, i feel weird about this theory. but this applies to me and my husband. BUT, this is not healthy in the long run, as in your parents situation. you have to talk to your mum and dad separately, before your dad really cannot take it and your mum lose it. Even if your dad is innocent, he may soon be not. Your mum is unstable now, its dangerous to your whole family. Try to approach your mum best friend or relatives for help and advice.
i also faced the same situation with my parents years ago. I regretted not adviseing and talking to my mum. Lucky that she has her sisters, my aunties to support her mentally.
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the whole incident started a couple of months ago? from your post look like your dad is having a woman outside and this got your mom very pissed. however, this was mainly my own guess from what i have read,well, i might be wrong...
but seriuosly, i think your parent need some family counseling asap. u can get the phone number from one of the sticky post here, maybe u can just give them a call to ask for advice as to how to get your parent to go visit them..
best wishes
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Originally posted by mr_sotong:
this is what had happened to my parents. let me start from the beginning.
couple of months ago, my parents had a cold war. both of them refuse to talk to each others. there was once my mum shouted she wanted a divorce while my dad was in the bedroom. i'm not clear what had happened to them that time. so after a couple of weeks, they patched this up again.
but, after a few more weeks. my dad invited a female insurance agent to our house to talk about some polices. my mum was at home that time. after the agent finished discussing, she wanted to buy "dont know what thing", so my dad know where to get it, he accompany the agent to the shopping mall to get it.
when my dad get home, my mum started screaming "You(her kids) will be getting a new mum). while my dad kept quiet. after that, my mum when to kitchen n start breaking all the drinking mugs while shouting vulgarities. and so, after a few weeks, they patched up again.
they started everything again since about 2 months ago. my mum keep telling my sis that my dad treat the agent meals. which i dont know how true was it.
and now, everything get out of control, jus an hour ago, my mum threw knives in front of my dad when he was reading newspaper while my dad still keeping his cool.
Please organise a tour for your parents, so that they can relax, feel romantic and do the dirty, sweaty, huffing thingy on every night of their tour.If possible, please give them a world tour.
SEX is my taboo, but SEX is unfortunately the solution to your problem.
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hey sotong, don't worry about your parents.
what you need to worry about should be you're mom.
tell your sister to go accompany you together with your mom, and tell her that no matter what happens, the both of you will stay with her by choosing her.
nonetheless, with regards to your dad's meal receipt with the female insurance agent, i think your mom is just a bit over sensitive, find some time to talk to him to clear the doubts, since he obviously kept his cool presumingly is to wait for your mom to cool down before explaining things.