advice, please?
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I guess you have already known the core issue beneath your problem...that is, you need someone who can give you immediate care and attention which your bf, unfortunately, couldnt due to the distance. You need to evaluate whether you want to stay on in this long-distance relationship, if not just let your bf go...dont stay on with him just because your friend has sort of rejected your advances. Ask yourself, if your friend had said yes, I like you too, what do you think you would do? Do you truly still love your bf as before?
If yes, you would need to get used to the fact that communication with him (your bf) is going to be a bit harder...are you willing to sacrifice convenience in the name of love? This is something I have been through before, so I know how it feels like but if your love is as strong and true as you have claimed it to be in your first post, you can triumph over the difficulties. If not, then just let your poor bf go, he deserves someone better.
And yes, you cant have your cake and eat it too. Make a choice and stick to it.
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From my opinion, most people especially guys can do all sort of thing with the opposite sex unless the other party is really erm... you know...
But if you are out of this group then if you can imagine yourself doing with him then there must be something out of the norm for him within you. But if you can't, you are just treating him like a soul mate or best friend where you only want to spend time with him and nothing more... Some can be replaced as time is a good element to brush it off... especially when you two are apart.
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Firstly, kudos to you for telling the entire truth to you boyfriend. I believe communication is vital between couples.
Coming from a guy, I think your friend used to like you and got really hurt when you rejected him. He is trying to distance himself from you now.
I can tell you really love your boyfriend and from what you said he really loves you too. But being so far apart might make it hard for this relationship to work. I wish you all the luck in that.
Lastly, guys tend to percieve friendly signals from girls to mean more. This is coming from personal experience. To you, you might be just holding his hand or using his shoulder as a headrest but to him it means so much more.
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Originally posted by cantdecide:
Lastly, guys tend to percieve friendly signals from girls to mean more. This is coming from personal experience. To you, you might be just holding his hand or using his shoulder as a headrest but to him it means so much more.
This is so true, esp for girls who are touchy by nature.
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girls often dun understand themselve well enough, then leave a destructive path wherever they went and truly felt innocent after something bad happen... so we cant really blame them can we? cos they truly unaware of it.. ppl say "bu zhi ze wu zui" lol~~ are u aware how much problem you might be creating for that 2 guy??
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I really..feel confused...recently he typed in my blog's chatbox.. I said in one of my blog posts that he was just using me as a stand in after just breaking with his ex gf.. Gonna copy and paste it then... him: sad to hear your thinking abt mi is like tht... sky: isn't it? then why arent you replying my smses? sky: i don't know lah, but you dun reply just gives me that impression. sky: then...junwei...just let me go? i hurt because you dont reply my sms-es, when was the times when we could just talk **** like nobody's business? gone i guess sky: you promised sky: you promised that you'd take me to where the sunrise was beautiful sky: you said sky: every promise is made by the heart sky: you showed me sky: but now? where is that friendship? sky: you turned our hands upside down and showed me! sky: i don't know...i will return your jacket and your dvd to ur doorstep on 1st nov. him: I dunno u la.. wat u demand always have to be in your way.. I not into it de.. FRenz are like tht??? i seriously dunno.. U gt seriously think of hw i feel when u demand things from mi?? him: Is this call frenz?? him: u wan return mi my stuff u can return mi straight dun need put outside my house which i hate ppl to do.. we find a time u pass it to mi.. him: ANyway u should go think wat u demand and in the end u shoot it b to mi say y i go accept the request? u wan noe y?? becoz i treat as my gd frenz.. him: Mayb i am too naive perhaps! YOur sort of friendship isnt my kind of friendship ba sky: i was thinking u choose i give it to u at ur doorstep or u dowan c me den i put it at ur doorstep...and what u mean u go accept the request? what request? sky: and what things did i demand from you? can tell me? sky: a lot of the things you said i don't understand? no link de? please tell me what happened.. sky: erm, friendster request or the 'request'...the one you told me not to say? sky: and demand..you go running with me? im sorry if you feel its demanding...but i thought like that can spend more time with you then i thought you said you needed to train too... sky: if you don't wanna say...then it's alright. I guess we aren't as close I seriously don't know what he was talking about, guys...can anyone tell me perhaps what he is thinking? It just hurts to see him say that, that it is not his kind of friendship..but I didn't say..out..I say I hurt because, I treat my friends better than myself. I want them to smile, I want them to know that they can rely on me if they need a rubbish bin to vomit into. But..after listening to him...and this is what I get..I know, I'm not as talkative when I'm out with people, with him. But I listen..I'm not a good talker I have long made my choice. And I really know it is my fault giving him the wrong message. But I can see that he still has feelings for his ex as he told me some things.. So it lead me to believe that he only treats me as a friend and so I thought he didn't think wrong. He all along right from day1 knows that I have a boyfriend, I tell him a lot about my boyfriend too. When my boyfriend finally came to sg last saturday, I told him in person sorry about everything and we talked about it and I wanted to know and understand how he felt when he knew. Our relationship is stronger now. Junwei, I now really miss him and talking to him. And laughing. And he is the second guy who has seen me at my worst. LOL. But i will let go if what he said in my chatbox is what he meant. I thought of just escaping that time, yes. Because he wasn't replying to my smses and I wanted to understand the problem and sort it out and him not replying me just ties that knot in my heart even tighter.
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I think the problem was that you wrote he treated you as just a stand-in to his ex-gf...and your past actions...It might have given him the wrong ideas and caused him to think of you as something more than friends...
What I suggest is...forget about him, let him cool off first and if he is really your true friend, he will come back and be your friends. If not, friends come and go...just let go and enjoy your time with your bf. Take this incident as a lesson learnt.
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dear dadedum, i was tempted to post a thousand word advice on your case but decided against it. maybe because i'm losing track of years.
2 thoughts:
- love will suck up a lot of time and energy. it may be difficult to start but try to reserve only 30% of your time and anguish on love problems.
- choose the one who makes you laugh.
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dadedum,
When a man wants to go into his cave.. let him go in peace.
Don't barrage his path with your sms and constant desire for his attention.
Since you have already made your choice.. then it's best you leave him alone.
If you continue with your stringing.. you are also putting your current relationship with your bf at risk.
When your bf finds out about this unrequitted relationship .. he may also have a change of heart towards you. Especially since you are having a long distance relationship.
Keep playing this game...and you may end up with NOTHING on both side. So be careful and thread cautiously.
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yeah...guys, I've been doing exactly that. I've not contacted him in a pestering way for 3weeks almost a month now. So far I only sms-ed him twice to confirm when to meet up to pass him his stuff. I learnt to let go. Long ago. I let him go, but to me, if my friend needs somebody, I will always be there. I know, I won't pester him, it is in a way stressing him out. I know I am at a very high risk that both will leave me for good. I got that fear when I told my bf about him and I saw my bf's reaction. That fear rushed to me like a bullet train. Now, things are stable. But I'm going to meet him soon to return him his things. Do you think I should ask him why he said all those things in my chatbox? I am really concerned...but if it stresses him out, I will stop. But should I even take the first step to ask? Guys, would you want? I prefer to sit down and talk things out rather than keep quiet and that 'thing' will never go away. So even if we can't be friends in the future, perhaps we could clear up the misunderstanding? So should I ask him?
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Its hard to stay in contact as a friend for ppl who have feeling for you in the past..
wait till a certain time has passed and both of you have your own lifes
its still not to late to stay in contact.
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Not really true altho i agree to some extent.
I still keep in contact with one of my ex when I am like 19...almost 10 years le wor.
Purely friends tho, and she will be getting married soon :)
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Originally posted by Q.C.Pak:
Its hard to stay in contact as a friend for ppl who have feeling for you in the past..
wait till a certain time has passed and both of you have your own lifes
its still not to late to stay in contact.
really? i find it normal to keep in contact with people i liked once leh
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Originally posted by tinuviel07:
really? i find it normal to keep in contact with people i liked once leh
Humans have different personalities,feelings,mentality...not all can accept it...
like me...so shy
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Originally posted by Q.C.Pak:
Humans have different personalities,feelings,mentality...not all can accept it...
like me...so shy
i too open le
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Originally posted by dadedum:
yeah…guys, I’ve been doing exactly that.
I’ve not contacted him in a pestering way for 3weeks almost a month now. So far I only sms-ed him twice to confirm when to meet up to pass him his stuff.
I learnt to let go. Long ago.
I let him go, but to me, if my friend needs somebody, I will always be there.I know, I won’t pester him, it is in a way stressing him out.
I know I am at a very high risk that both will leave me for good. I got that fear when I told my bf about him and I saw my bf’s reaction. That fear rushed to me like a bullet train.
Now, things are stable.
But I’m going to meet him soon to return him his things. Do you think I should ask him why he said all those things in my chatbox? I am really concerned…but if it stresses him out, I will stop. But should I even take the first step to ask? Guys, would you want? I prefer to sit down and talk things out rather than keep quiet and that ‘thing’ will never go away. So even if we can’t be friends in the future, perhaps we could clear up the misunderstanding?
So should I ask him?
You said things are stable now so why do you want to go and rake out more trouble?
He is not interested in clearing up the misunderstanding now. Just let it lie low for the moment. Maybe when the storm has passed, there will be a chance for you to clear things up with him again.
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Originally posted by tinuviel07:
i too open le
Where open?
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Originally posted by Q.C.Pak:
Where open?upstairs n downstairs
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Originally posted by tinuviel07:
upstairs n downstairs
Sordesneh.... -
I just feel it is something that I want to get it done with. I am not one to do things halfway, if you know what I mean. But if you say so...then I won't probe.
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Originally posted by dadedum:
yeah…guys, I’ve been doing exactly that.
I’ve not contacted him in a pestering way for 3weeks almost a month now. So far I only sms-ed him twice to confirm when to meet up to pass him his stuff.
I learnt to let go. Long ago.
I let him go, but to me, if my friend needs somebody, I will always be there.I know, I won’t pester him, it is in a way stressing him out.
I know I am at a very high risk that both will leave me for good. I got that fear when I told my bf about him and I saw my bf’s reaction. That fear rushed to me like a bullet train.
Now, things are stable.
But I’m going to meet him soon to return him his things. Do you think I should ask him why he said all those things in my chatbox? I am really concerned…but if it stresses him out, I will stop. But should I even take the first step to ask? Guys, would you want? I prefer to sit down and talk things out rather than keep quiet and that ‘thing’ will never go away. So even if we can’t be friends in the future, perhaps we could clear up the misunderstanding?
So should I ask him?
Dadedum,
Let sleeping dogs lie.
It's best to leave some stones unturn, and this is one of them.
If you really need to return his personal items.. it's best you pass it to your friend or his friend and have them hand over the items to him.
All you need to do is... after you pass the items to the middleman/woman.. simply send him a simple text message and let him know you have done so.. and let him know what the items are. It is up to him to retrieve the items through a neutral party.
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You are like a fish in the pond.
Some1 stirred the water in the pond ~ making it very muddy
It is difficult to see and find your path.
The best thing that you should do is to wait... to wait for the sand to settle down... wait for the water to be clear once again. Then, you can able to make your next move.
You are lucky to have a very understanding and strong bf who is able to withstand those painful slash from you. You are lucky to have a friend that does not take advantage of the situation.
However, your long draggy indecisive choice is hurting them. You seems to be waiting for some1 to fish you out of the pond.
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alright. I will lie low for as long as it is needed..yeah I know I'm lucky. Lucky to have him, so lucky..that sometimes I feel that I'm not good enough for him..I really love him and miss him..a lot..I don't know, how I can ever make it up to him I don't ever want to loose him.. Anyone, has any ideas how I...what I can do, to make it up to him?
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Originally posted by dadedum:
alright.
I will lie low for as long as it is needed..yeah I know I’m lucky. Lucky to have him, so lucky..that sometimes I feel that I’m not good enough for him..I really love him and miss him..a lot..I don’t know, how I can ever make it up to himI don’t ever want to loose him..
Anyone, has any ideas how I…what I can do, to make it up to him?
By being happy, it wil be the best make it up for him liao...
Love is not a composition of guilt
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Originally posted by ispyyy:
By being happy, it wil be the best make it up for him liao...
Love is not a composition of guilt
ispyyy speaks!
