Problems with Parents
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Originally posted by rainee:
Yea, I will hold my ground and carry on with my original plan...take things one step at a time...
I think thts the best way for u at this pt in time.
Good luck.
All the best.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
peeps,
No intention in this world can justify an adult hitting a defenseless child.
Not only do you inflict physical pain.. you are also causing psychological damage to the growing child.
You may think that if her parents didn't hit her.. she would be worst off.. now that's an assumption.. no basis .. no proof.
Because I can also argue that.. if her parents didn't hit her.. she coulda be a Harvard graduate by now. and earning big bucks instead of scrimping through in Singapore.
Parents who hit their child into submission are just cowards who don't try to understand their children.
I hope none of you forumers will ever do such a thing in the future.
I dont knw abt u.
But it was the fear of the rod tht made me work so hard to do well in school. Spare the rod, spoil the child.
Fear brings abt work done.
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Originally posted by deathwish:
Haven't read the front part but when my fren and his m'sian wife got married they held 2 weddings 1 in SG and another in her hometown.
That's what I am supposed to do...though the one in my hometown should be a smaller scale one, maybe just a few tables...
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Originally posted by seotiblizzard:
I dont knw abt u.
But it was the fear of the rod tht made me work so hard to do well in school. Spare the rod, spoil the child.
Fear brings abt work done.
But not to the extent of caning without reasoning rite? Until it leaves bruises all over your body?
I seriously hope nobody would need to face what I have been through...I have seen so many of friends who succeed yet they manage to go through a happy childhood. The parents just motivate and encourage them along with supportive words, definitely not by violent methods.
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Originally posted by rainee:
But not to the extent of caning without reasoning rite? Until it leaves bruises all over your body?
I seriously hope nobody would need to face what I have been through...I have seen so many of friends who succeed yet they manage to go through a happy childhood. The parents just motivate and encourage them along with supportive words, definitely not by violent methods.
Ok. Caning w/o reasoning is another thing altogether.Some people eat hard, some people eat soft.
So have to trial and error.
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-deleted- dbl post
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Originally posted by rainee:
Thanks for the well wishes =)
Yes, I do not wish to rush and compromise on everything until it turns up in a way I do not want it to be. I want to take my time to organise something which will make me and my guests happy, so definitely need more money + more saving time.
Actually I dunno what they are so worried about, I am not even asking them to contribute to the banquet fund. Ever since I turned 18 I have not asked them for a single cent, everything inc. my food, etc I have paid on my own.
Their only worries is just : faceCuz most elderies have this thinking that a couple is not officially married as long as they never go through traditional customary procedures..Hence, they might feel like you will be living with your hubby 没�没份..
rainee..stick to whatever decisions that you deemed as right =) Is your wedding mah..it should be a happy occasion for you..better than choosing options that dampens your mood...
Is really "chor" to host a wedding though..they should emphatized with your financial status also mah...wedding banquet, honeymoon, gowns, photoshoot & those "wu eh bo eh" stuff for the traditional customary procedures..house..renovation.. =.='''
JYJY in persuading them ^^
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Yup, cant please everyone so will just do whatever that is best for the situation now.
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Cheer up, rainee! U r not alone, u still hav Rin as ur hubby to walk by ur side from now on.
When the power of 2 unite, the strength is unstoppable.
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Yes yes..JYJY.....since you're too proud to accept better advices and back to square one now.
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Originally posted by parn:
Yes yes..JYJY.....since you're too proud to accept better advices and back to square one now.
You are saying your unrealistic advice to be better?
Come on, I think you are the one who is too proud to admit that your advice is too impractical that it does not even work.
So unless you can tell me where I can find the money to fund both the house and the banquet at the same time, I rather be back to square one.
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Yeah.. i wanna know how Parn is gonna go about doing it too. Please. Pray tell. We are all ears.
Lets say she is in ur position.
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Got 30k diamond ring, confirm have more to come what.
just wait for the guy to come along, any time now.
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Originally posted by rainee:
That's what I am supposed to do...though the one in my hometown should be a smaller scale one, maybe just a few tables...
singapore wedding dinneryou plan to have 7 tables?
is that enough?
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Originally posted by zaxis:
singapore wedding dinneryou plan to have 7 tables?
is that enough?
No, not enough. At least 15 tables. Some of my Malaysian relatives might be coming to the Singapore dinner also.
Plus restaurants usually want 15 tables and above. Otherwise you won't get the whole room to yourself and also you won't get to walk down the aisle...
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Originally posted by rainee:
You are saying your unrealistic advice to be better?
Come on, I think you are the one who is too proud to admit that your advice is too impractical that it does not even work.
So unless you can tell me where I can find the money to fund both the house and the banquet at the same time, I rather be back to square one.
It's so funny that there are actually girls like you who claims to have no money to even hold a wedding banquet and buy a roof over your head, yet still have the face to come here and act proud and haughty.If both you and your husband are working and earning at least an average income, I don't see why you can't even afford a simple, cheap, banquet that is AFFORDABLE for both of you. Dreaming of something that you simply do not deserves to have, like 30k ring....grand wedding banquet, only exposes your own greed that you are allowing it to create your own dilemma for yourself and your husband. So who is the unrealistic "princess" in here? If you don't have the means to afford a better wedding banquet, then go for something that is suitable for your own kind. Even if you were to have royal style banquet, you will only make yourself look funny cos you don't deserve to have it and you're definitely dreaming out of your own place. Knowing your own place in life and what you can afford is certainly the most wise decision that you can make right now.
And if both you and your husband are working and earning, I don't see why you are not able to even afford a simple 1,2 or 3 bedroom HDB flat for both of you. If you cannot even afford even a 1bedroom HDB flat, then you should not have gotten married in the first place, might as well continue to rent. Unless you're super desperate to jump ship out of your parent's family that you agreed to marry even you can't afford to do so. If that's the case, then mai complain and act pitiful in here. It's your choice and you deserves it.
If you cannot afford a real HOUSE and you insisted on a house by using your parents' request/demand as an excuse, then too bad for you....you have to learn to humble yourself and accept your life the hard way. Eventually you will have to go for a HDB flat when you finally realised that you can NEVER afford for a real house.
It's normal for couples to take out a home loan from banks for their first home and if you are too proud to accept your inevitable fate, then good luck to you and JYJY for being selfish to make the decision to stay at square one.
Be realistic and take out a home loan to secure your own home. You'll be better off paying off your monthly mortgage for your hut than paying monthly rent for your someone else's "palace".
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Originally posted by parn:
It's so funny that there are actually girls like you who claims to have no money to even hold a wedding banquet and buy a roof over your head, yet still have the face to come here and act proud and haughty.If both you and your husband are working and earning at least an average income, I don't see why you can't even afford a simple, cheap, banquet that is AFFORDABLE for both of you. Dreaming of something that you simply do not deserves to have, like 30k ring....grand wedding banquet, only exposes your own greed that you are allowing it to create your own dilemma for yourself and your husband. So who is the unrealistic "princess" in here? If you don't have the means to afford a better wedding banquet, then go for something that is suitable for your own kind. Even if you were to have royal style banquet, you will only make yourself look funny cos you don't deserve to have it and you're definitely dreaming out of your own place. Knowing your own place in life and what you can afford is certainly the most wise decision that you can make right now.
And if both you and your husband are working and earning, I don't see why you are not able to even afford a simple 1,2 or 3 bedroom HDB flat for both of you. If you cannot even afford even a 1bedroom HDB flat, then you should not have gotten married in the first place, might as well continue to rent. Unless you're super desperate to jump ship out of your parent's family that you agreed to marry even you can't afford to do so. If that's the case, then mai complain and act pitiful in here. It's your choice and you deserves it.
If you cannot afford a real HOUSE and you insisted on a house by using your parents' request/demand as an excuse, then too bad for you....you have to learn to humble yourself and accept your life the hard way. Eventually you will have to go for a HDB flat when you finally realised that you can NEVER afford for a real house.
It's normal for couples to take out a home loan from banks for their first home and if you are too proud to accept your inevitable fate, then good luck to you and JYJY for being selfish to make the decision to stay at square one.
Be realistic and take out a home loan to secure your own home. You'll be better off paying off your monthly mortgage for your hut than paying monthly rent for your someone else's "palace".
dun shoot her le la....i can feel that she very poor thing already. I believe she is not the type who act proud and haughty. I mean, who will spend the time here to type such a long post out and talk about their problems which is already very depressing for them?Anyway, to TS, if your parents are so concerned about their own face, why not hold the banquet first? (yet again, they might complain say wad no ROM means no name also)
Since they are living in malaysia and you are living and working in singapore, most probably they do not understand why you cant hold the wedding banquet (Singapore hold wedding, very very very expensive. in hotel, $800 per table at least, even if you hold those cheaper ones in restaruant, u probably get about 500 plus to 600 plus at least)
I suggest you break down the cost of expenses to them. Everything written on paper. After that, compare against on how much you and your future to be hubby can afford and what is left in your bank. i can forsee that if you go with your wishes of your parents, you are on dangerous track (financial burdens and "crsis")
Since your parents care so much about their faces, then try not to hold the banquet too far away from your ROM date.
For housing, take up loan. If you and ur future hubby has a steady stream of income, then should not be a problem paying loan off every month.
You are right, one step at a time, but remember, when u have done your best and pple still point their fingers at you, you have no regrets.
My sincere wish to you is you and your hubby will strike toto! =)
but den, work hard!
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Originally posted by parn:
It's so funny that there are actually girls like you who claims to have no money to even hold a wedding banquet and buy a roof over your head, yet still have the face to come here and act proud and haughty.If both you and your husband are working and earning at least an average income, I don't see why you can't even afford a simple, cheap, banquet that is AFFORDABLE for both of you. Dreaming of something that you simply do not deserves to have, like 30k ring....grand wedding banquet, only exposes your own greed that you are allowing it to create your own dilemma for yourself and your husband. So who is the unrealistic "princess" in here? If you don't have the means to afford a better wedding banquet, then go for something that is suitable for your own kind. Even if you were to have royal style banquet, you will only make yourself look funny cos you don't deserve to have it and you're definitely dreaming out of your own place. Knowing your own place in life and what you can afford is certainly the most wise decision that you can make right now.
And if both you and your husband are working and earning, I don't see why you are not able to even afford a simple 1,2 or 3 bedroom HDB flat for both of you. If you cannot even afford even a 1bedroom HDB flat, then you should not have gotten married in the first place, might as well continue to rent. Unless you're super desperate to jump ship out of your parent's family that you agreed to marry even you can't afford to do so. If that's the case, then mai complain and act pitiful in here. It's your choice and you deserves it.
If you cannot afford a real HOUSE and you insisted on a house by using your parents' request/demand as an excuse, then too bad for you....you have to learn to humble yourself and accept your life the hard way. Eventually you will have to go for a HDB flat when you finally realised that you can NEVER afford for a real house.
It's normal for couples to take out a home loan from banks for their first home and if you are too proud to accept your inevitable fate, then good luck to you and JYJY for being selfish to make the decision to stay at square one.
Be realistic and take out a home loan to secure your own home. You'll be better off paying off your monthly mortgage for your hut than paying monthly rent for your someone else's "palace".
This comes from the mouth of someone who goes around demanding to be given a 30k ring
In all my posts you would notice I have never asked for a grand wedding
banquet nor do I want a 30k diamond ring...all I want is a peaceful
life with my husband, that's all. I am not as calculative and
unrealistic as someone here.The cheapest wedding dinner you can find which will fulfill my parents' expectations will need at least 15k...I have already calculated it before. If you do your research you will know that most restaurants only allow you to hold the banquet once you have 15 tables and above, and each table nowadays cost 600++, even in a restaurant. So multiply 15 with 600++ will already cost around 10k, and that is not inclusive of wine + beer, plus photoshoot...all these will cost near to 15k. Am I being extravagant? I am not talking about having a banquet in Fullerton or any five star hotels now. Just having a banquet in a restaurant will easily cost up to 15k (and this serves as a lesson to those of you who are planning to get married as well, better save up early).
As for house, of course we are going to take up loans, but no banks will give you 100% loan. The most HDB will give out is 90% plus you still need to pay COV to the house owner as we are buying resale since we want the house fast. The COV can be as high as 20 to 30k, and this is not yet inclusive of furnitures, appliances, etc.
In what way am I being extravagant? If you are getting married, you will know that these are necessary things. Please do your research carefully before making baseless accusations here which will only put you in a bad light.
I can only deduce that you are someone naive, someone nowhere near the getting married stage and not even aware of how much all the necessary stuff will cost. If you think that I am complaining and acting pitiful here, you can always choose to ignore me and don't reply to this thread if it irks you. I am not forcing you to advise me nor can you force me to accept your advice just because you think it is good.
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Originally posted by hiphop2009:
dun shoot her le la....i can feel that she very poor thing already. I believe she is not the type who act proud and haughty. I mean, who will spend the time here to type such a long post out and talk about their problems which is already very depressing for them?Anyway, to TS, if your parents are so concerned about their own face, why not hold the banquet first? (yet again, they might complain say wad no ROM means no name also)
Since they are living in malaysia and you are living and working in singapore, most probably they do not understand why you cant hold the wedding banquet (Singapore hold wedding, very very very expensive. in hotel, $800 per table at least, even if you hold those cheaper ones in restaruant, u probably get about 500 plus to 600 plus at least)
I suggest you break down the cost of expenses to them. Everything written on paper. After that, compare against on how much you and your future to be hubby can afford and what is left in your bank. i can forsee that if you go with your wishes of your parents, you are on dangerous track (financial burdens and "crsis")
Since your parents care so much about their faces, then try not to hold the banquet too far away from your ROM date.
For housing, take up loan. If you and ur future hubby has a steady stream of income, then should not be a problem paying loan off every month.
You are right, one step at a time, but remember, when u have done your best and pple still point their fingers at you, you have no regrets.
My sincere wish to you is you and your hubby will strike toto! =)
but den, work hard!
Haha we wish to strike toto too, but what is the possibility of that happening? *wry smile*
Anyway, I had first gone with the plan of holding the banquet first. But my parents later advised me to go and get a house before holding the banquet so I decided to listen to them and hence is now saving and looking for a house. But now they have changed their mind and wanted me to hold the banquet IMMEDIATELY after getting the house which wil be a bit impossible because all our savings will be drained by then.
Yes, we are going to take up loans to help pay for the house, but my husband is working as a freelancer at the moment so might be a bit hard to get a high amount of loan. But is alright, I believe we will find a way to get the loan...but will still need cash to pay for the COV (as mentioned above).
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*double posts*
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Originally posted by rainee:
This comes from the mouth of someone who goes around demanding to be given a 30k ring
In all my posts you would notice I have
never asked for a grand wedding banquet nor do I want a 30k diamond
ring...all I want is a peaceful life with my husband, that's all. I
am not as calculative and unrealistic as someone here.The cheapest wedding dinner you can find which will fulfill my parents' expectations will need at least 15k...I have already calculated it before. If you do your research you will know that most restaurants only allow you to hold the banquet once you have 15 tables and above, and each table nowadays cost 600++, even in a restaurant. So multiply 15 with 600++ will already cost around 10k, and that is not inclusive of wine + beer, plus photoshoot...all these will cost near to 15k. Am I being extravagant? I am not talking about having a banquet in Fullerton or any five star hotels now. Just having a banquet in a restaurant will easily cost up to 15k (and this serves as a lesson to those of you who are planning to get married as well, better save up early).
As for house, of course we are going to take up loans, but no banks will give you 100% loan. The most HDB will give out is 90% plus you still need to pay COV to the house owner as we are buying resale since we want the house fast. The COV can be as high as 20 to 30k, and this is not yet inclusive of furnitures, appliances, etc.
In what way am I being extravagant? If you are getting married, you will know that these are necessary things. Please do your research carefully before making baseless accusations here which will only put you in a bad light.
I can only deduce that you are someone naive, someone nowhere near the getting married stage and not even aware of how much all the necessary stuff will cost. If you think that I am complaining and acting pitiful here, you can always choose to ignore me and don't reply to this thread if it irks you. I am not forcing you to advise me nor can you force me to accept your advice just because you think it is good.
Rainee... Parn is not even 21 yet.. she is still single ( Unattached) and living with her parents.. why are you bothered with her nonsense ?
Obviously.. she don't get what is going on.. all she is interested in is venting her teenage anger on unsuspecting forumers like you.
Those who knows.. understand your predicament. Way waste your time explaning ?
She is the one who has a lot to learn.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
Rainee... Parn is not even 21 yet.. she is still single ( Unattached) and living with her parents.. why are you bothered with her nonsense ?
Obviously.. she don't get what is going on.. all she is interested in is venting her teenage anger on unsuspecting forumers like you.
Those who knows.. understand your predicament. Way waste your time explaning ?
She is the one who has a lot to learn.
Haha, ok...thanks for clearing things up. Then just take this as a lesson to her ba...on how much to save up before getting married. The amount is seriously not a joke.
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Originally posted by rainee:
This comes from the mouth of someone who goes around demanding to be given a 30k ring
The cheapest wedding dinner you can find which will fulfill my parents' expectations will need at least 15k...I have already calculated it before. If you do your research you will know that most restaurants only allow you to hold the banquet once you have 15 tables and above, and each table nowadays cost 600++, even in a restaurant. So multiply 15 with 600++ will already cost around 10k, and that is not inclusive of wine + beer, plus photoshoot...all these will cost near to 15k. Am I being extravagant? I am not talking about having a banquet in Fullerton or any five star hotels now. Just having a banquet in a restaurant will easily cost up to 15k (and this serves as a lesson to those of you who are planning to get married as well, better save up early).
As for house, of course we are going to take up loans, but no banks will give you 100% loan. The most HDB will give out is 90% plus you still need to pay COV to the house owner as we are buying resale since we want the house fast. The COV can be as high as 20 to 30k, and this is not yet inclusive of furnitures, appliances, etc.
In what way am I being extravagant? If you are getting married, you will know that these are necessary things. Please do your research carefully before making baseless accusations here which will only put you in a bad light.
I can only deduce that you are someone naive, someone nowhere near the getting married stage and not even aware of how much all the necessary stuff will cost. If you think that I am complaining and acting pitiful here, you can always choose to ignore me and don't reply to this thread if it irks you. I am not forcing you to advise me nor can you force me to accept your advice just because you think it is good.
You called yourself a teacher and yet you are not able to understand my sentence when I already mentioned to you NOT to use your parents' expectations as an EXCUSE for a wedding banquet that you cannot afford. Go for a SIMPLE, CHEAP, AFFORDABLE WEDDING BANQUET THAT IS AFFORDABLE TO BOTH YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND. Which part of my sentence DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?And don't be naive to give people the impression that both of you are going to bear all the costs by yourself. Both of you are ORPHANS is it? No parents to help you to bear some of the cost is it? Keep your pride to yourself and swallow it if you really need to and humbly seek your parents for help to bear some of the cost for the wedding banquet.
As for your HDB flat, how many bedrooms flat are you talking about? Go as low as you can afford to own a HDB flat for both of you, at least both of you got a roof over your head and stop paying rent.
If both of you have absolutely no savings/CPF at all to afford to pay for anything, then you better review your own lifestyle and spending. Don't live like a princess if you cannot afford to live like one. It's not too late to regret and correct your own lifestyle and keep track of your own spending.
And if you need to remind me that you are giving your parents 40% of your income every month, then you can save it and go remind yourself to SEEK HELP FROM YOUR OWN REAL BIRTH PARENTS.
Keep deducing lor...someone insensible like yourself can only keep deducing for life and never end up living a life anywhere even close to success.
Maybe you should go reflect on YOU, YOURSELF, YOUR OWN ACTIONS AND BEHAVIOUR towards your own family, and you can go compare with other couples out there living in Singapore that are even earning lesser income as you and your husband and yet they are able to own a roof over their heads.
I give you a clue ok? Don't go and think of your own race and compare with their own success stories, go and think of the race of your nationality and see how that race managed to survive in Singapore, able to have a wedding banquet, own a roof over their heads, and STILL BE HAPPY with their married lives.
That's what happens when a girl is not smart enough, bringing unnecessary and putting her loved ones into this kind of endless dilemma.
You can to be more sensible even if you're not smart enough, for the sake of your loved ones.
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The best solution right now.. is go step by step.
A few of my friends.. they also same situation with you.
First they do the wedding.. .. but they didn't do the studio photoshoot...They only engaged a photographer to take pictures during the wedding.
Then after the wedding.. they live with their parents for a while until they saved enough money and found their dream home. So they don't loan much from banks which is the best thing to do.
Buying home.. you cannot rush ... you must get something you really really really like before you make the long term commitment.
Have you and your hubby talked about babies ? Like when you think you want to start a family ?
If you are not in a rush.. then you can take your time before you move out on your own.
As for your parents.. just tell them.. you havn't found the home you like yet, so there's really no rush. Besides.. the housing market is going down in Singapore.. you don't want to go into negative equity.
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Originally posted by parn:
You called yourself a teacher and yet you are not able to understand my sentence when I already mentioned to you NOT to use your parents' expectations as an EXCUSE for a wedding banquet that you cannot afford. Go for a SIMPLE, CHEAP, AFFORDABLE WEDDING BANQUET THAT IS AFFORDABLE TO BOTH YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND. Which part of my sentence DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?And don't be naive to give people the impression that both of you are going to bear all the costs by yourself. Both of you are ORPHANS is it? No parents to help you to bear some of the cost is it? Keep your pride to yourself and swallow it if you really need to and humbly seek your parents for help to bear some of the cost for the wedding banquet.
As for your HDB flat, how many bedrooms flat are you talking about? Go as low as you can afford to own a HDB flat for both of you, at least both of you got a roof over your head and stop paying rent.
If both of you have absolutely no savings/CPF at all to afford to pay for anything, then you better review your own lifestyle and spending. Don't live like a princess if you cannot afford to live like one. It's not too late to regret and correct your own lifestyle and keep track of your own spending.
And if you need to remind me that you are giving your parents 40% of your income every month, then you can save it and go remind yourself to SEEK HELP FROM YOUR OWN REAL BIRTH PARENTS.
Keep deducing lor...someone insensible like yourself can only keep deducing for life and never end up living a life anywhere even close to success.
Maybe you should go reflect on YOU, YOURSELF, YOUR OWN ACTIONS AND BEHAVIOUR towards your own family, and you can go compare with other couples out there living in Singapore that are even earning lesser income as you and your husband and yet they are able to own a roof over their heads.
I give you a clue ok? Don't go and think of your own race and compare with their own success stories, go and think of the race of your nationality and see how that race managed to survive in Singapore, able to have a wedding banquet, own a roof over their heads, and STILL BE HAPPY with their married lives.
That's what happens when a girl is not smart enough, bringing unnecessary and putting her loved ones into this kind of endless dilemma.
You can to be more sensible even if you're not smart enough, for the sake of your loved ones.
ok, thank you for your advice, I shall not waste my time writing another reply which is as long as yours.