Originally posted by twiggies:hello all. this is my story.
i don't know whether the problem lies with me or her.
problem lies with both of you. One is hitting and the other is willing to bear the hits, yi ge yuan da, yi ge yuan ai
i still doubt her somehow. i don't know why she gave me the feeling that she's doing something else behind my back. my mind always run wild, thinking of the impossibilities. is it because of her past doings which made me into this state now?
patterns are telling. Believe your instinct.
here's the one of the incidents which happened recently.
about a month ago, i found out about her online conversation (chat log) with a guy which she denies it and told me it was her friend. i won't discuss the content of the conversation (if you know what i mean) and both of them had webcamed together... and i chose to believed her for one more time and forgave her.
major red flag already, you knew it, if not you wouldn't be posting it up here
and then just recently, she was chatting online as usual and i was doing my stuff (don't really wanna care who she chatting with but my heart wanted to know). but on that night, somehow i had this curiousity, and i turned my head to look at her conversation (with a guy) and on webcam, she quickly closed the window.
there's a fine line between respecting others and getting respect for yourself. If she abuses your trust and acts suspiciously, why should you continue to give her the same level of trust anyway?
why did she want to do that?
sometimes she will tell me, this guy that guy tried to woo her and said wanna marry her for just knowing her 3 days and blah blah. i was proud of her cause i told her if she isn't nice, no one will wanna woo her. but why does she give other guys chances to woo her? why don't she just tell them she's attached? i mean if she tells them that and they try to woo her, im okay with it. she has the right to choose. but since we are together now, she did not tell them about me. and speaking of that, i was named as 'friend' infront of her friends and not 'bf'. when her friends called, she will tell them 'im going out with my friend'. i was like 'huh?'.
she is leaving options free for herself so that she could be introduced as single when she goes out with others
there are other incidents and i don't know how to continue..
i mean does she respect this relationship at all? or am i putting in too much effort?
she clearly does not demonstrate respect
i understand that a relationship should have mutual trust and respect. but my trust for her is depleting. is it me or her? am i thinking too much?
you are definitely not thinking too much. She is too much
p.s. we are both about mid-20's already
she should then be mature enough to know what she is doing, she is clearly toying with you. Find someone else who would not do that to you and I'm sure there are other more decent women out there
Clearly, there are a lot of question marks in your mind all along already. Do you think a serious relationship should make you feel this way?
Nevertheless, she has already intiated a break with you, although i wouldn't say it was sudden, because all signs were there already as you had described. However, do open up your eyes the next time. As much as you like her character of being carefree and playful nature, unless faithfulness is a quality you can forgo, there is a limit as to how your girl should behave herself. Or maybe try to loosen up yourself a little? I suspect the reason you like her character is because you're too uptight for your own liking yourself. When you are more comfortable with yourself, maybe you will be less attracted to those wild sort of girls.
Originally posted by twiggies:thanks all for the advise. all is good.
yes. it's only one side of the story but i did my best.
i posted this topic last midnight and my eyes were twitching. i guess this is it. i just broke up with her early in the afternoon. she initiated it.
she called and i was glad to receive her call. but she just said 'let's break up'. i really can't accept the fact that it happened so fast. i never knew it would happen now. i mean i wasn't prepared and now this happen.
i asked her for the reason for breakup, she told me saying she can't stand my character. i was like.. i mean it happened too fast. i did not do anything wrong to her. i really do not know what to do now. my mind just went blank.
now, we do not even have the chance to even sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk together. i don't know. i just can't pick myself up now. everything seems to happen too fast. im lost, can't concentrate on what i am doing now. my heart seems to hurt, tears just roll even when im typing this. most of my time i spent was with her and now, i do not know where to even start. i know you all will tell me to be a man and move on.
i asked her if we can spend time together for one last day. she agreed. i hope to leave a good memory behind.
you are lost because you have commit far too much of yourself even before she has prove herself to be reliable of your trust. Trust once broken, need concrete actions to make up for, which she didnt. In fact, it got worse with all her suspicious acts.
i understand your desire to see her again. I hope this helps. When you meet up with her, enjoy all for good times sake, BUT OBSERVE and LISTEN carefully this time, and WATCH OUT for all signs of inconsistencies but keep quiet about them. Then, after your wonderful day with her, go home and REFLECT.
Take the time by yourself to realize what kind of person she is and how she is NOT worth it.
guess i've committed too much.. yea..
Originally posted by twiggies:hello all. this is my story.
i don't know whether the problem lies with me or her. i'll just try to summarise.
i've been with her for almost 8 months already. she's a nice lady, been nice to me and everything. but as time goes, she seems to change. not drastic change but different from what she used to be when i knew her. she has been lying to me about almost everything since the start of the relationship, and i forgave her everytime and start afresh cause i want this relationship work out. now she tells me everything willingly without me asking her, but i still doubt her somehow. i don't know why she gave me the feeling that she's doing something else behind my back. my mind always run wild, thinking of the impossibilities. is it because of her past doings which made me into this state now?
at first, i wasn't possessive because i thought it won't work out. as my love grew for her, i was somehow possessive because of her playful nature. and then she told me about my wrongdoings. and ok, i changed, gave her freedom, let her be wild and everything. i like her because of her character.
nowadays she treats me like a 'ball'. when she needs me, she will call me. when im not needed, i won't receive any msg/call from her. she doesn't inform me where she is or anything, and i don't ask about her of anything. so, we are just like 'friends' with title of 'bf and gf'.
here's the one of the incidents which happened recently.
about a month ago, i found out about her online conversation (chat log) with a guy which she denies it and told me it was her friend. i won't discuss the content of the conversation (if you know what i mean) and both of them had webcamed together... and i chose to believed her for one more time and forgave her.
and then just recently, she was chatting online as usual and i was doing my stuff (don't really wanna care who she chatting with but my heart wanted to know). but on that night, somehow i had this curiousity, and i turned my head to look at her conversation (with a guy) and on webcam, she quickly closed the window.
why did she want to do that?
sometimes she will tell me, this guy that guy tried to woo her and said wanna marry her for just knowing her 3 days and blah blah. i was proud of her cause i told her if she isn't nice, no one will wanna woo her. but why does she give other guys chances to woo her? why don't she just tell them she's attached? i mean if she tells them that and they try to woo her, im okay with it. she has the right to choose. but since we are together now, she did not tell them about me. and speaking of that, i was named as 'friend' infront of her friends and not 'bf'. when her friends called, she will tell them 'im going out with my friend'. i was like 'huh?'.
there are other incidents and i don't know how to continue..
i mean does she respect this relationship at all? or am i putting in too much effort?
i understand that a relationship should have mutual trust and respect. but my trust for her is depleting. is it me or her? am i thinking too much?
p.s. we are both about mid-20's already
perhaps, horoscopes may provide an answer.
what is your zodiac sign? and what is hers?
which years are you two born in?
let me consult my book of wisdom. :D
Originally posted by maxsee:Most likely ppl who ask u to dump this girl here or ask u to move on are ppl who are kids or have not been thru such an experience....Me myself i have been thru a relationship like wat u are describing...except it is much worse...whereby my gf would party outside and come back home in the morning...when i offered to drive her back home after party..she even refuse it...saying that as she is partying outside....it is only right for her not to mention that she is attached as she wun be getting free meals and drinks.....End of the day, to go thru such a relationship is quite simple...First of all, the last thing u want is to stress over the things she does behind ur back. Coz whether u can accept the things she is doing now or not....She is going to do it all the same.....U might as well, ask urself....What is the limitation u expect her to be at. And if end of the line, after discussing out with her...She either wun accept or she accuse u of being oversuspicious...U just have to choose whether to move on with ur wife or just continue on. If u continue on, dun expect to change anything about her...you just got to live with it. End of the day, u really need to ask urself wat is it tat u want..LOL
so you are saying, people who have not been through an experience like that and who advise TS to dump the girl, are kids?
haha. mr know-it-all.
Originally posted by Miss Tiny:
Well, if you guys still wanna spend the last time together, better make a clean break after that and stop having lingering thoughts of her getting back to you. This type of girl don't deserve you, because she's obviously not your type.
Yea.. agree with Tiny, make sure it's REAL clean.. dont go back to square one again. Remember.
If you love something, set it free
If it comes back, it's yours
If it doesn't, it was never meant to be
Originally posted by frOst^~^nOva:If you love something, set it free
If it comes back, it's yours
If it doesn't, it was never meant to be
cliche