What should I do?
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This is my first post in AA, have been reading some of the posts in AA and find that some of the advice given is really good, so hopefully you guys can help me on this as its been bugging me for days.
Ok here’s my agony, I’ve recently been to a school camp and got to know this girl, and never in my life I’ve such strong feelings for a person. I duno if it’s a crush or love(how do you find out?) however now I’m still in the process of getting to know her more. We’re both 3rd year poly students and would be graduating next January, I’ve already planned to go overseas straight after graduation to start on some courses and be back by July to serve the nation. I’m now in a dilemma that should I go after her or just remain as a casual Hi-bye friend, it’s like 2 more months before I leave SG. If I’m rejected would I be able to take it and move on? Or would I be left emo and miss her while I’m in another country? If she accepts me, what would happen to our newly formed relationship? Are we both matured enough to carry on? I’m 20 this year while she’s 21. I’ve even have the thought of cancelling my plans to go overseas just to be with her(just a wild thought).
Pardon me for my weak command of English and thanks for reading.
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It's love if it lasts (forever)...
Well don't think so much.. Just give it a go and enjoy the process
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Originally posted by logistic:
I’m now in a dilemma that should I go after her or just remain as a casual Hi-bye friend, it’s like 2 more months before I leave SG. If I’m rejected would I be able to take it and move on? Or would I be left emo and miss her while I’m in another country? If she accepts me, what would happen to our newly formed relationship? Are we both matured enough to carry on? I’m 20 this year while she’s 21. I’ve even have the thought of cancelling my plans to go overseas just to be with her(just a wild thought).
dunno why but this one reminds me of the other thread with the no guts no glory reply.
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Son...
If ya never try...ya never know
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go for it. i had a gf stick with me through NS and (halfway) through my overseas study ... so .. go for it :)
good luck!
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real life is not reel life ....if not come back here and post in 5 years time & prove it!
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Originally posted by logistic:
This is my first post in AA, have been reading some of the posts in AA and find that some of the advice given is really good, so hopefully you guys can help me on this as its been bugging me for days.
Ok here’s my agony, I’ve recently been to a school camp and got to know this girl, and never in my life I’ve such strong feelings for a person. I duno if it’s a crush or love(how do you find out?) however now I’m still in the process of getting to know her more. We’re both 3rd year poly students and would be graduating next January, I’ve already planned to go overseas straight after graduation to start on some courses and be back by July to serve the nation. I’m now in a dilemma that should I go after her or just remain as a casual Hi-bye friend, it’s like 2 more months before I leave SG. If I’m rejected would I be able to take it and move on? Or would I be left emo and miss her while I’m in another country? If she accepts me, what would happen to our newly formed relationship? Are we both matured enough to carry on? I’m 20 this year while she’s 21. I’ve even have the thought of cancelling my plans to go overseas just to be with her(just a wild thought).
Pardon me for my weak command of English and thanks for reading.
I dunno abt others, but if it happens to me, I would most likely keep this affection in my heart if I know I would not be able to commit to her. I would still, however, try to go out with her as friends and keep in touch.
And if we're meant to be, perhaps after my studies when I come back, we might be able to get together. If she's attached by then, then I can only wish her all the best. Because I think that if I really like someone, I would not put that someone in a difficult position. I would save all that emotional stress to myself and hope that she gets by in the best way she can. I would want her 2 be happy. I would not want to be her source of worry.
Just curious, what makes you like her?
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Go for it brother... its better that you tried rather than live to regret not trying... just go dor it... who knows everything will work out nicely for the 2 of you??
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Sometimes.. a crush and a love.. can be two separate thing.
Sometimes.. crush can lead to love.
It really depends on how the feelings flow.
Love is reciprocal.. if it is a one way street.. it's destined to fail.
I think you should allow the girl to decide for herself what she wants.
First you need to put yourself out in the market.
Let her know of your feelings towards her..but let her know of your future plans.
Women hates it when men don't plan for the long term.
Let her know...where when and for what reason you will be away....and tell her..
"I like you, I hope you feel the same way about me too. I know this is a long shot.. but if you are not able to reciprocate my feelings.. I can understand."
Then leave it up to her .. to figure out what she wants.
If she decides to walk away... so be it. Accept it as part of life.. for you have a long road ahead of you.
Never give up your future because of a person. Because you never know.. if this relationship will or can last. Don't let another person be the reason of a life long regret.
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Thanks for all the replies:)
Yes, deep in my heart I told myself to go for it(probably due to my selfish-ness), however the thought of I might possibly hurt her makes me hold back.
@deluded: probably the character that she has, match with what I'm looking for as a gf?
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Gogogogogo! Just do it.
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Originally posted by logistic:
This is my first post in AA, have been reading some of the posts in AA and find that some of the advice given is really good, so hopefully you guys can help me on this as its been bugging me for days.
Ok here’s my agony, I’ve recently been to a school camp and got to know this girl, and never in my life I’ve such strong feelings for a person. I duno if it’s a crush or love(how do you find out?) however now I’m still in the process of getting to know her more. We’re both 3rd year poly students and would be graduating next January, I’ve already planned to go overseas straight after graduation to start on some courses and be back by July to serve the nation. I’m now in a dilemma that should I go after her or just remain as a casual Hi-bye friend, it’s like 2 more months before I leave SG. If I’m rejected would I be able to take it and move on? Or would I be left emo and miss her while I’m in another country? If she accepts me, what would happen to our newly formed relationship? Are we both matured enough to carry on? I’m 20 this year while she’s 21. I’ve even have the thought of cancelling my plans to go overseas just to be with her(just a wild thought).
Pardon me for my weak command of English and thanks for reading.
How well does this girl knows you at the present? Does she knows you well enough to enter into a relationship together with you?Or maybe I should phrase it in another way....
How well do you allow this girl to know you since both of you became friends? Is she comfortable in the current friendship with you to bring it to the next level?
You can have plenty of dreams, ambitions about your future and go ahead to declare your love for her and show her that you are willing to sacrifice all of that just for her sake.
And guess what? She's not going to love you for all the sacrifices that you have made for her, at least not me.
She would be more likely to accept you because she knows how much she is loved and cared for by you.....and not how much sacrifices you have made for her to make her feel guilty and responsible towards you.
Your approach is wrong but since both of you are still young, you never know how things are going to happen in the future, so don't be naive and do not sacrifice your future for anyone...at least I won't.
Every relationship begins from friendship and if she is comfortable in being in a friendship with you, there are always plenty of opportunities to her to allow you to bring this friendship to the next level.
Your friendship level does not depends on how much you know about her, it's actually relies more on how much she knows about you.
Good luck.
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no pain no gain, try it & it might just work out.
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Originally posted by parn:
How well does this girl knows you at the present? Does she knows you well enough to enter into a relationship together with you?Or maybe I should phrase it in another way....
How well do you allow this girl to know you since both of you became friends? Is she comfortable in the current friendship with you to bring it to the next level?
You can have plenty of dreams, ambitions about your future and go ahead to declare your love for her and show her that you are willing to sacrifice all of that just for her sake.
And guess what? She's not going to love you for all the sacrifices that you have made for her, at least not me.
She would be more likely to accept you because she knows how much she is loved and cared for by you.....and not how much sacrifices you have made for her to make her feel guilty and responsible towards you.
Your approach is wrong but since both of you are still young, you never know how things are going to happen in the future, so don't be naive and do not sacrifice your future for anyone...at least I won't.
Every relationship begins from friendship and if she is comfortable in being in a friendship with you, there are always plenty of opportunities to her to allow you to bring this friendship to the next level.
Your friendship level does not depends on how much you know about her, it's actually relies more on how much she knows about you.
Good luck.
I've got to say u've hit it spot on about the situation now.I wouldnt say that our friendship is ready for the next level, we merely got to know each other for like a week? Just the casual hi-bye type of friend.
I guess its only right for me to stick to my current plans and remain as a friend with her?
Just some doubts about (just go for it and get her) replies.. Why declare my love for her when we've only less than 2months to work it out(excluding the time it takes for our friendship to grow first) wouldnt it hurt both parties at the end of the day?
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Originally posted by logistic:
I've got to say u've hit it spot on about the situation now.I wouldnt say that our friendship is ready for the next level, we merely got to know each other for like a week? Just the casual hi-bye type of friend.
I guess its only right for me to stick to my current plans and remain as a friend with her?
Just some doubts about (just go for it and get her) replies.. Why declare my love for her when we've only less than 2months to work it out(excluding the time it takes for our friendship to grow first) wouldnt it hurt both parties at the end of the day?
Well.. I guess this will be one of the regrets in your life.
Remember.. love waits for no one, and you have nothing to lose.
So when you are done.. and you found out she has a bf.. whatca gonna do ? Try to steal her away ? Too late.
Good luck dude.
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you have to talk to her.
Who knows.....she can always go with you aboard, visit you aboard or work her way to keep up with you instead.
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if me, i would suggest u remain as a hi-bye friend.
u will meet some other chicks in oversea dude.