the downgrade
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this is something which i've observed and experienced myself. consider this:
there's a girl who's interested in you. along the course of her friendship with you, she pays special attention to you, often taking the first step to come and have a chat with you. she drops you hints that she's interested, sms you regularly, buys you xmas gifts etc.
you, on the other hand, are undecided. you do feel something for her, but don't know if you should really carry this relationship any further. when you finally reach the decision to give it a try, u reciprocate to her hints, and, in no time, you two are together.
your status is supposedly "lifted" from a platonic friend to that of a boyfriend. what we normally understand from the status of "boyfriend" is that it is an exclusive and privileged level attainable only by that special individual. HOWEVER, contrary to that belief, a "boyfriend" status usually only means a massive downgrade from your previous platonic relationship with her.
for example, that special attention which she gave to you previously would no longer be there. in your normal group meetings, she would be chatty and friendly to other friends (guys in particular) and you would most probably be left out.
she ceases to sms you (but expect u to sms her first). she dun ask you out (you got to ask her out). and if you don't take those initiative, she doesn't give a damn too. it's like you've got to do all the work. and in the first place, she was interested in you first.
any comments? any others with such experiences? -
about e same situation as mi......
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somehow things will change, as change is the onli constant, this change marked a phase that both of u hav entered.
It is true, somehow that feeling and that passion is gone, and both hav gone on to a different level.
Be open and let your ger ger know, that in such relationship, reciporcal understanding is paramount.
i hav no answer to that, but that is really true in life
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so perhaps the next time you ask a girl to be your girlfriend you have got to be prepared to handle this form of downgrade. instead of becoming more important and paramount in her life, you are, ironically, worse off than before?Originally posted by sgboy2004:somehow things will change, as change is the onli constant, this change marked a phase that both of u hav entered.
It is true, somehow that feeling and that passion is gone, and both hav gone on to a different level.
Be open and let your ger ger know, that in such relationship, reciporcal understanding is paramount.
i hav no answer to that, but that is really true in life -
it is the change in roles one undertakes when going in a relationship...it may be for the worse, or may be for the better, depends on how u c it.Originally posted by jeramy:so perhaps the next time you ask a girl to be your girlfriend you have got to be prepared to handle this form of downgrade. instead of becoming more important and paramount in her life, you are, ironically, worse off than before? -
hmm... i am not sure... maybe start to take for granted... we are all like that...
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If you accept a woman without knowing fully what you want - this is what you get, because of the half price you paid.Originally posted by jeramy:this is something which i've observed and experienced myself. consider this:
there's a girl who's interested in you. along the course of her friendship with you, she pays special attention to you, often taking the first step to come and have a chat with you. she drops you hints that she's interested, sms you regularly, buys you xmas gifts etc.
you, on the other hand, are undecided. you do feel something for her, but don't know if you should really carry this relationship any further. when you finally reach the decision to give it a try, u reciprocate to her hints, and, in no time, you two are together.
your status is supposedly "lifted" from a platonic friend to that of a boyfriend. what we normally understand from the status of "boyfriend" is that it is an exclusive and privileged level attainable only by that special individual. HOWEVER, contrary to that belief, a "boyfriend" status usually only means a massive downgrade from your previous platonic relationship with her.
for example, that special attention which she gave to you previously would no longer be there. in your normal group meetings, she would be chatty and friendly to other friends (guys in particular) and you would most probably be left out.
she ceases to sms you (but expect u to sms her first). she dun ask you out (you got to ask her out). and if you don't take those initiative, she doesn't give a damn too. it's like you've got to do all the work. and in the first place, she was interested in you first.
any comments? any others with such experiences?
If you want to try for a relation to see how it works out - this is what you get, because this is for trying purposes.
What I am trying to say is that, have a clear idea of the kind and type of woman you want to go after. Make sure chemistry and everything else is there. There is no use trying for a relation where such things may not exist or you THINK that it exist, but in reality it doesn't.
You feel that it is a massive downgrade is because you don't treat her like a best friend - you treat her like a girlfriend. Note that: THERE IS A DIFFERENCE.
Girlfriend supposedly are your best friend too, but people tend to view them as girlfriend - which creates a distance (have to pamper lar, etc, which causes the distance). When friends are in the picture, and she spoke to guys, etc - this is work of jealousy which prior to this union of relation, you wouldn't have bothered much since she is not your gf.
What I meant is that you have to treat her like a best friend to lead so that she can return it back to you. Relationship only allows 'permitted legal' licence for you to kiss, get intimate with - other than that, it is no different from a best friend.
People does take things for granted at times. Similar case like when couple get married, husband often seemed to become less romantic, unlike courting period. Love is not diminshed - love has changed from romantic form to responsiblity and care, to cater for a family instead of the both of you. (Guys have to work hard to get money, etc)
P.S: If you know that a relation could be leading to such matter - do something about it. Everything is workable, as long as the mind is determined to do something. -
maybe u're right... if you are... tnx man.. i needed a few tips.. i also hv this wierd jealousy.. sigh. and also.. i am so paranoid.Originally posted by Yunhaier:If you accept a woman without knowing fully what you want - this is what you get, because of the half price you paid.
If you want to try for a relation to see how it works out - this is what you get, because this is for trying purposes.
What I am trying to say is that, have a clear idea of the kind and type of woman you want to go after. Make sure chemistry and everything else is there. There is no use trying for a relation where such things may not exist or you THINK that it exist, but in reality it doesn't.
You feel that it is a massive downgrade is because you don't treat her like a best friend - you treat her like a girlfriend. Note that: THERE IS A DIFFERENCE.
Girlfriend supposedly are your best friend too, but people tend to view them as girlfriend - which creates a distance (have to pamper lar, etc, which causes the distance). When friends are in the picture, and she spoke to guys, etc - this is work of jealousy which prior to this union of relation, you wouldn't have bothered much since she is not your gf.
What I meant is that you have to treat her like a best friend to lead so that she can return it back to you. Relationship only allows 'permitted legal' licence for you to kiss, get intimate with - other than that, it is no different from a best friend.
People does take things for granted at times. Similar case like when couple get married, husband often seemed to become less romantic, unlike courting period. Love is not diminshed - love has changed from romantic form to responsiblity and care, to cater for a family instead of the both of you. (Guys have to work hard to get money, etc)
P.S: If you know that a relation could be leading to such matter - do something about it. Everything is workable, as long as the mind is determined to do something.
any tips on these bad emotions
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Specifically what sort of bad emotions?Originally posted by dumbdumb!:maybe u're right... if you are... tnx man.. i needed a few tips.. i also hv this wierd jealousy.. sigh. and also.. i am so paranoid.
any tips on these bad emotions -
if ur talking about jealousy. ask her to stay at home.. or get a uglier gf or one thats anti-social.hahaOriginally posted by dumbdumb!:maybe u're right... if you are... tnx man.. i needed a few tips.. i also hv this wierd jealousy.. sigh. and also.. i am so paranoid.
any tips on these bad emotions -
downgrade? funee way of calling it, but seems more like that relationship has moved on and developed into something more meaningful...
it's a dumbass who'll assume that the nice sms, gifts and sweet-talk comes naturally. it's something tat is so easy to do at first, but becomes abit more difficult as the r/p progresses.
take it easy on those 'bad emotions'. if u love her, trust her. no sense screwin' it up with your insecurity.
trust me - u'll have a more wonderful time taking it easy in a r/p and goin' w the flow...