Originally posted by jeramy:
this is something which i've observed and experienced myself. consider this:
there's a girl who's interested in you. along the course of her friendship with you, she pays special attention to you, often taking the first step to come and have a chat with you. she drops you hints that she's interested, sms you regularly, buys you xmas gifts etc.
you, on the other hand, are undecided. you do feel something for her, but don't know if you should really carry this relationship any further. when you finally reach the decision to give it a try, u reciprocate to her hints, and, in no time, you two are together.
your status is supposedly "lifted" from a platonic friend to that of a boyfriend. what we normally understand from the status of "boyfriend" is that it is an exclusive and privileged level attainable only by that special individual. HOWEVER, contrary to that belief, a "boyfriend" status usually only means a massive downgrade from your previous platonic relationship with her.
for example, that special attention which she gave to you previously would no longer be there. in your normal group meetings, she would be chatty and friendly to other friends (guys in particular) and you would most probably be left out.
she ceases to sms you (but expect u to sms her first). she dun ask you out (you got to ask her out). and if you don't take those initiative, she doesn't give a damn too. it's like you've got to do all the work. and in the first place, she was interested in you first.
any comments? any others with such experiences?
If you accept a woman without knowing fully what you want - this is what you get, because of the half price you paid.
If you want to try for a relation to see how it works out - this is what you get, because this is for trying purposes.
What I am trying to say is that, have a clear idea of the kind and type of woman you want to go after. Make sure chemistry and everything else is there. There is no use trying for a relation where such things may not exist or you THINK that it exist, but in reality it doesn't.

You feel that it is a massive downgrade is because you don't treat her like a best friend - you treat her like a girlfriend. Note that: THERE IS A DIFFERENCE.

Girlfriend supposedly are your best friend too, but people tend to view them as girlfriend - which creates a distance (have to pamper lar, etc, which causes the distance). When friends are in the picture, and she spoke to guys, etc - this is work of jealousy which prior to this union of relation, you wouldn't have bothered much since she is not your gf.

What I meant is that you have to treat her like a best friend to lead so that she can return it back to you. Relationship only allows 'permitted legal' licence for you to kiss, get intimate with - other than that, it is no different from a best friend.
People does take things for granted at times. Similar case like when couple get married, husband often seemed to become less romantic, unlike courting period. Love is not diminshed - love has changed from romantic form to responsiblity and care, to cater for a family instead of the both of you. (Guys have to work hard to get money, etc)

P.S: If you know that a relation could be leading to such matter - do something about it. Everything is workable, as long as the mind is determined to do something.