headaches from love
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Hi,
well I'm not exactly in agony but would like people to talk me through this to make me think better.
I think everybody has their fair share of nasty relationships and I've been hurt very badly before that I don't trust anymore.
I'm currently with a guy who makes me feel like believing in love all over again. The thing is although he's very sweet to me so far, his pasts made me unsure about how this is going to end.
He has been with plenty of girls and is easy in that sense, and he flirts around a lot as well.. Although this is in his past as far as I know, I can't helped but wonder about this when he mentions his past occasionally.
Any concrete actions to alleviate/help with this? I know talking to him is one solution. Any other perhaps?
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dump him.
once bad always bad
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If you were to post this up, I doubt you're in a state that you cannot live without him. Good. Well, you should know 'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder' (classic example).
I can tell you 8 outta' 10 guys or rather person would repeat their mistake. But you never know if this guy would be one of the 2. So what I would suggest is.. you don't give in to 'temptations'. Temptations like doing things that allow him to malnipulate you, things that will allow him to control how you should decide. You should know what are the 'things'.
Take YOUR time to decide, but let him know if he likes you, he will have to give you the time to think and make the WISE choice, to make sure history won't repeat itself. This is for YOUR own good, and to save your heart from 'breaking' again.
Believe or not, no matter how many different people you ask, different answers you get, the decision lies in you ultimately. Think smart, make the wise choice.
Good Luck
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Why not give yourself more time to get to know and trust him befor committing into a relationship?
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Why not give yourself more time to get to know and trust him before committing into a relationship?
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Originally posted by nisi:
Hi,
well I'm not exactly in agony but would like people to talk me through this to make me think better.
I think everybody has their fair share of nasty relationships and I've been hurt very badly before that I don't trust anymore.
I'm currently with a guy who makes me feel like believing in love all over again. The thing is although he's very sweet to me so far, his pasts made me unsure about how this is going to end.
He has been with plenty of girls and is easy in that sense, and he flirts around a lot as well.. Although this is in his past as far as I know, I can't helped but wonder about this when he mentions his past occasionally.
Any concrete actions to alleviate/help with this? I know talking to him is one solution. Any other perhaps?
If "he mentions his past occasionally" that could very well be his way of warning you (to help you cope with the inevitable). I suggest that you stay clear away from him for a while and you know what they say, if he is yours, he will fly back to you... if not.....
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thanks for the responses.. well you know how a lot of relationships start off in a hurry.. so i'll try to draw back to see things better but it's hard once you like a person a lot..
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think u are just another toygal for him
decided carefully if he worth it.
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well he ended a pretty long relationship a few months back so i doubt he has engaged in his past activities for quite some time but you'll never know right
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go with your feelings, do what you want.. leave no regrets, die with honour!!
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Originally posted by nisi:
Hi,
well I'm not exactly in agony but would like people to talk me through this to make me think better.
I think everybody has their fair share of nasty relationships and I've been hurt very badly before that I don't trust anymore.
I'm currently with a guy who makes me feel like believing in love all over again. The thing is although he's very sweet to me so far, his pasts made me unsure about how this is going to end.
He has been with plenty of girls and is easy in that sense, and he flirts around a lot as well.. Although this is in his past as far as I know, I can't helped but wonder about this when he mentions his past occasionally.
Any concrete actions to alleviate/help with this? I know talking to him is one solution. Any other perhaps?
some relationships will open you up to the new and exhilarating, some will be old school and conventional, some will be passionate and bring you to unexpected places, some will raise doubts and force you to answer questions.
eventually it is best to understand yourself and what works for you.
as you get older, for the bed you choose to lie on, somebody else would have always been there before you. then how? sleep alone?
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my concern isn't with what he did in the past but rather if his behavior would continue to the present...
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Originally posted by nisi:
my concern isn't with what he did in the past but rather if his behavior would continue to the present...
what kind of behaviour do you expect from him then?
lay down the house rules before going any further.
then tell him you won't hesitate to drop him the moment he flouts any.
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Men will always be men.
Never take "I can change for you" as something romantic.
He probably meant changing only his clothes.
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Originally posted by nisi:
Hi,
well I'm not exactly in agony but would like people to talk me through this to make me think better.
I think everybody has their fair share of nasty relationships and I've been hurt very badly before that I don't trust anymore.
I'm currently with a guy who makes me feel like believing in love all over again. The thing is although he's very sweet to me so far, his pasts made me unsure about how this is going to end.
He has been with plenty of girls and is easy in that sense, and he flirts around a lot as well.. Although this is in his past as far as I know, I can't helped but wonder about this when he mentions his past occasionally.
Any concrete actions to alleviate/help with this? I know talking to him is one solution. Any other perhaps?
I don't understand how was he sweet to you when he likes to mention his past occasionally?Unless you indirectly hinted to him about his past?
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he was sweet in his gestures? sometimes when we talk he'll say like he used to do this or that... or like there was one time, what would happen...
that kind of conversation?
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The other solution is to give it a miss.
You currently with a guy whom is experienced enough to make you feel like believing in love all over again. The thing is he's very sweet (because he got intentions, duh) to you so far, his past also hinted it's going to end with you getting hurt again.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------The whole point is, sure you can lay down lotsa enough rules to fill the whole house. But to a player, rules are meant to be flouted; to be played around. End of day, if he were to screw up and you were to ditch him - you still end up getting hurt, isn't it?
Save your 'feel like believing' for a decent guy please.
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among the advice given, i think andrewyap raised the biggest red flag.
If "he mentions his past occasionally" that could very well be his way of warning you (to help you cope with the inevitable).
observe more before diving into a relationship with him.
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Originally posted by nisi:
he was sweet in his gestures? sometimes when we talk he'll say like he used to do this or that... or like there was one time, what would happen...
that kind of conversation?
Maybe he is a bragger? Don't be surprised to find many guys out there are actually braggers too. Many people actually find the need to brag in order to get themselves a job, and that is really a sad thing to do.I realised this recently also.....so many guys bragging about their job, their position in their company, their financial status, their NS "war"-near death experiences, their glorious career in their previous jobs, their high education and intellectual capacity, their super influential friends/buddies.....blah blah blah.....
Why does guys need to brag about all this? I don't blame them if they needed to do all that to impress us and show us that they are actually in control and confident about themselves. But I don't tolerate LIAR and LIARS.
My heart would probably goes out more towards the guy who is able to show me his vulnerable side sometimes and let me feel like he needed me at his side sometimes. Too much bragging only will ended up driving everyone away from him, including me.
Perhaps his bragging is the real reason why all his past relationships doesn't works out? It's quite a common social issues nowadays that are placing many relationships at risks.
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Originally posted by parn:
Maybe he is a bragger? Don't be surprised to find many guys out there are actually braggers too. Many people actually find the need to brag in order to get themselves a job, and that is really a sad thing to do.I realised this recently also.....so many guys bragging about their job, their position in their company, their financial status, their NS "war"-near death experiences, their glorious career in their previous jobs, their high education and intellectual capacity, their super influential friends/buddies.....blah blah blah.....
Why does guys need to brag about all this? I don't blame them if they needed to do all that to impress us and show us that they are actually in control and confident about themselves. But I don't tolerate LIAR and LIARS.
My heart would probably goes out more towards the guy who is able to show me his vulnerable side sometimes and let me feel like he needed me at his side sometimes. Too much bragging only will ended up driving everyone away from him, including me.
Perhaps his bragging is the real reason why all his past relationships doesn't works out? It's quite a common social issues nowadays that are placing many relationships at risks.
a try-to-hard alpha male wannabe
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Originally posted by maskedangel:
a try-to-hard alpha male wannabe
ha ha ha
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nisi, you are in the best position to know if he is a changed person from the past. open your eyes big, do not be too swayed by the sweet words, sweet gestures from him. I believe the truth will unveil itself one day. I have a guy telling me how good he was but i found out myself that he was not as good as he claims himself to be.
Observe him more. do not hesitate to question him when in doubt. If his actions and words don't tally, watch out! But if through time, actions he proves he has changed, good for you. If not, I suggest you make a wise choice.
Good luck.
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Originally posted by maskedangel:
a try-to-hard alpha male wannabe
This is one good example why you should be BANNED.This is really a no-class behaviour.
Try to help and advice TS if you really wishes to post here. It's only polite to do so.
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Originally posted by Fantagf:
nisi, you are in the best position to know if he is a changed person from the past. open your eyes big, do not be too swayed by the sweet words, sweet gestures from him. I believe the truth will unveil itself one day. I have a guy telling me how good he was but i found out myself that he was not as good as he claims himself to be.
Observe him more. do not hesitate to question him when in doubt. If his actions and words don't tally, watch out! But if through time, actions he proves he has changed, good for you. If not, I suggest you make a wise choice.
Good luck.
Okok(Aren't you a guy??? OMG....you're really one of the ah kua escapees from Changi)
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hi,
i've decided to as most of you suggests, take things slowly... he ended a few years relationship a few months back and i have to take that into consideration as well...