hi all...
i've been seeing my bf for about 3 months already, but lately, i've been unsure whether i should continue with this relationship, coz i suspect he still misses his ex...
once, his friend told me they broke up a year ago because she was going overseas to study. he also told me that my bf had a very hard time getting over it. my bf mentioned the girl to me briefly before and he also told me that they were still keeping in touch, but now they are only friends, but...
a few weeks ago, we were going out but he forgot something, so we had to go to his flat to take it. it was my first time visiting his home. we were only there for a short while, but i went to his room with him, and saw a picture frame on his table. there was a photograph of him and his ex, and the picture frame was hand-made like the IKEA kind, it said "XXXX and XXXXX"...
also, he's still wearing the watch his ex gave him... he told me his ex gave it to him, but he wears it because he likes the way the watch looks on him and told me it doesn't mean anything else.
my bf is very nice to me and gives in a lot to me, but i always feel as if he is hiding something from me. but i don't want to ask too much because it'll make me look like a control-freak.
what should i do... i feel so sad..... maybe i am just a replacement...
my advise is
break up, seek another love
give him and youself more time before concluding he is still not over his ex. after all, that past relationship is deep and he wont find it easy to let go. however, that doesnt mean the two of u wont work out.
u dun have to ask him much about the issue. in time to come, when your relationship is more stable and developed, and if he is willing to let go of the past, he will keep the photoframe and etc by himself.
Break up with him.
don't trust him than break loh
if he is not over his ex, then why did he chase me in the first place?
but if i break with him, i should give a reason right? if i talk to him about this, i don't know what to say because i think he will jus try to tell me again that he and his ex are only friends now... sometimes i feel like a toy... do you all think i am too suspicious?
Please ask yourself why u fall for him in the first place. reach deeper into it. thanks.
Originally posted by cherrystar:hi all...
i've been seeing my bf for about 3 months already, but lately, i've been unsure whether i should continue with this relationship, coz i suspect he still misses his ex...
lol gay eh he?
he miss his ex..got wrong mehx?gay mehx?
Originally posted by cherrystar:hi all...
i've been seeing my bf for about 3 months already, but lately, i've been unsure whether i should continue with this relationship, coz i suspect he still misses his ex...
once, his friend told me they broke up a year ago because she was going overseas to study. he also told me that my bf had a very hard time getting over it. my bf mentioned the girl to me briefly before and he also told me that they were still keeping in touch, but now they are only friends, but...
a few weeks ago, we were going out but he forgot something, so we had to go to his flat to take it. it was my first time visiting his home. we were only there for a short while, but i went to his room with him, and saw a picture frame on his table. there was a photograph of him and his ex, and the picture frame was hand-made like the IKEA kind, it said "XXXX and XXXXX"...
also, he's still wearing the watch his ex gave him... he told me his ex gave it to him, but he wears it because he likes the way the watch looks on him and told me it doesn't mean anything else.
my bf is very nice to me and gives in a lot to me, but i always feel as if he is hiding something from me. but i don't want to ask too much because it'll make me look like a control-freak.
what should i do... i feel so sad..... maybe i am just a replacement...
see highlighted.....why his "friend" so kpo?
secondly, ur insecurities will destroy this r/s more than anything else, trust me. It sounds horrible but it will happen if u continue with this crap thought of urs.
memories are worth keeping as long as it doens't wreck anything, do not attempt to rid this memory from his coz u stand to lose in the end.
have a good talk with him to clarify your doubts?
listen to what he got to say about the photoframe & how you feel uneasy about it..
just let him know that you love him & that you don't wish to be anyone's substitute..
if he confess that he still harps on his ex, then is time to let go..
but if he says that there's nth in b/w them, decide for urself if u believe in him or not & carry on with the r/s..
clear your doubts bah..if nt, it will lead to more problesm in future..
girls think so much..
=.=
Originally posted by cherrystar:hi all...
i've been seeing my bf for about 3 months already, but lately, i've been unsure whether i should continue with this relationship, coz i suspect he still misses his ex...
once, his friend told me they broke up a year ago because she was going overseas to study. he also told me that my bf had a very hard time getting over it. my bf mentioned the girl to me briefly before and he also told me that they were still keeping in touch, but now they are only friends, but...
a few weeks ago, we were going out but he forgot something, so we had to go to his flat to take it. it was my first time visiting his home. we were only there for a short while, but i went to his room with him, and saw a picture frame on his table. there was a photograph of him and his ex, and the picture frame was hand-made like the IKEA kind, it said "XXXX and XXXXX"...
also, he's still wearing the watch his ex gave him... he told me his ex gave it to him, but he wears it because he likes the way the watch looks on him and told me it doesn't mean anything else.
my bf is very nice to me and gives in a lot to me, but i always feel as if he is hiding something from me. but i don't want to ask too much because it'll make me look like a control-freak.
what should i do... i feel so sad..... maybe i am just a replacement...
this is how i look at it.... though i'm not sure if you may agree.
1) your current bf and his ex broke up ONLY a year ago, because the latter was going overseas for study.
i suppose during their times together, they must have been quite happy. but probably, at least one party is not willing to enter a long-distance relationship. thus, they broke up after having a discussion. their break-up was most likely a friendly one. and because it was a friendly break-up, they are still able to remain as friends.
2) he still keeps photos of him and his ex, and wears the watch his ex gave him. that could mean either of these two things.
a) he's still in love with his ex.
b) he's someone who cherishes relationships/friendships. therefore, he keeps mementos of his past relationship.
in either case, do not be disheartened. because afterall, you are only with him for 3 months, and not 3 years.
although we all want our significant others to hold us as their "one and only" in their hearts, sometimes you will have to weigh the difference in the length of time your bf had spent with his ex, and with you. sometimes, you may also need to accept the fact that your partner may probably hold more than one person in his heart.
but please know this. a person's heart is, afterall, made of flesh.
if you really find that your current bf is, overall, a good and dependable man, and that you really like/love him, why not give it a shot and stick with him for as long as you can, so long as he doesn't reject you?
i'm sure your patience and sincerity will eventually move him and win his heart over completely ( or near completely). eventually, your place in his heart will be higher than any of his exs.
if you feel he's a good man, don't give up so easily. or, you might live to regret it.
everybody is a replacement for another person if you look at it from another point of view.. in time he will come to love you if he haven't.. give it a chance and be patient...
Originally posted by tinuviel07:everybody is a replacement for another person if you look at it from another point of view.. in time he will come to love you if he haven't.. give it a chance and be patient...
As much as I hate "everybody is a replacement for another person...", I have to agree it is true. Even if it's really true that you are a replacement for your bf's ex. I'm quite sure you would still wanna be with your bf (knowing that you're the 'replacement'), that is because you're in love with him.
In this kind of situation, i believe you should AT LEAST talk to your bf. Tell him how you feel (insecure & felt like a replacement, a memory of his ex). At least you told him, and DO NOT expect him to 'not wear the watch his ex gave', or take the photo off his room. Because i believe everyone have their own space, and if it's a memory, why not be gracious about it, not think too much?
Like some have mentioned, give the r/s time. Afterall, 3months only?
Originally posted by cherrystar:if he is not over his ex, then why did he chase me in the first place?
but if i break with him, i should give a reason right? if i talk to him about this, i don't know what to say because i think he will jus try to tell me again that he and his ex are only friends now... sometimes i feel like a toy... do you all think i am too suspicious?
don't trust him than break loh
did he say "i love you" first or you said it first?
if he ever said "i love you", just say "ok". don't tell him you love him... it makes an easier break up like this
when the break up day comes, he said he love you, all you have to say "i never said i love you in the first place"
Cherrystar,
Men are mostly stubborn when it comes to letting go of their past.
All you need to do is convey your thoughts directly.
Tell him.. you really do not want to feel like his rebound.
He don't have to throw those things away.. he can keep them somewhere else, in a box , in the closet.. just out of sight.
If you don't like him to wear the watch his ex gave him.. buy a new one for him ... see which one he wears now.
Honestly tell him you feel uneasy seeing him living in his past.
You are the new girl in his life... you and him will make new happy memories together.
If he says those things are just memories... then remind him.. that memories are meant to be kept in his head. You the new girl don't need to be always reminded of his past everytime you see those items.
Being a rebound girl sucks.. but you can still turn things around .. IF he is willing to let go.
Originally posted by cherrystar:if he is not over his ex, then why did he chase me in the first place?
but if i break with him, i should give a reason right? if i talk to him about this, i don't know what to say because i think he will jus try to tell me again that he and his ex are only friends now... sometimes i feel like a toy... do you all think i am too suspicious?
Don't be mistaken.. he chased you .. because he needs a rebound.. someone to fill in the void.
If you want to break with him... simply tell him.. that he has too much excess baggage.
If he insist he is really over her.. demand that he stop contacting her.... it's not about making him feel lousy.. it's really about making you feel good about the relationship.
I dumped a nice guy before because he wouldn't stop talking about his ex.
Don't feel bad about it. You deserve some respect in a relationship.
If you don't feel great being in a relationship with this guy.. DON'T. Because you don't have to.
i feel that you shouldn't jump to conclusions. give him a chance ba. he is innoncent unless proven guilty. :)
guys tend to keep things around their house. even if he misses her, it could be just that he is missing the good times they had. but it doesn't mean that they intend to get back together.
i think now what you shld focus on is how to make him enjoy his relationship with you so much that he forgets all abt his ex. make him very, very happy with you. ;)
don't dwell on the photo... especially not with him. otherwise, he might find you insecure. however, if you really feel uncomfortable about the photo, of course, the next time he invites you to his house, you can point it out to him casually and in a non-accusatory way. remember, don't make him defensive abt it. :/
i think arieswilson's advice makes sense. be nice to him, since he has already chosen to be with you (and chased you some more, that must mean something right?).
let us know how things work out. of course, if he starts treating you badly next time, then maybe you shld really reconsider. but so far so good right? dun worry too much. :)
he never say the three words to me before. i don't want to be a replacement. my parents divorced after my father had an affair outside for many years... i don't want to be with someone if his heart is here. i can't bear this. becoz i really love him so it hurts so much.
it hurts more because he has not been honest. he told me to believe him, to believe he sees his ex as only a friend now. it's just a watch, it's just a picture, but i cannot take the dishonesty.
if am really a rebound girl, maybe after he gets over it he will just ask to break up with me. after all he used to date many girls. maybe when his ex comes back next year, he will want to go back to her.
i bought him a watch as his christmas present. i will go and ask him myself one last time.
Originally posted by cherrystar:he never say the three words to me before. i don't want to be a replacement. my parents divorced after my father had an affair outside for many years... i don't want to be with someone if his heart is here. i can't bear this. becoz i really love him so it hurts so much.
it hurts more because he has not been honest. he told me to believe him, to believe he sees his ex as only a friend now. it's just a watch, it's just a picture, but i cannot take the dishonesty.
if am really a rebound girl, maybe after he gets over it he will just ask to break up with me. after all he used to date many girls. maybe when his ex comes back next year, he will want to go back to her.
i bought him a watch as his christmas present. i will go and ask him myself one last time.
Why wait till Christmas ? Give it to him tomorrow.. or the next time you meet up with him.
Tell him.. it's not just a watch.. and it's not just a picture.. it's something that reminds you of his love for another girl... and tell him.. it hurts when he slights your feelings.
break up and give me a call.
see...affairs of the heart screws your life...
how has he been dishonest with you?
if you're unhappy that he kept photos of his ex and wore the watch that she gave him, it doesn't mean that he's "dishonest". maybe a bit insensitive, of course, to show his new gf photos of him and her together, but it seems to me that he's been honest with you so far.
it's great that you got him a present. why don't you wait till christmas? give him the watch and tell him that you'd like to see him wear it...
i understand how you feel. it also happened to me before... it sucks to be insecure, especially if your guy is still in touch with another girl that he used to date and seems to still treasure her a lot, but there's really no point getting ahead of him. so what if you question him? he will probably be defensive cos most guys dun like to be questioned. then what? you break up, just to "protect" yourself from getting hurt?
since you love him so much, even if you break up with him, i can tell you for sure, the one's who's going to hurt the most is yourself. you may regret it, but by then, it's going to be too late to change your mind. and you will regret it even more if in the future, it turns out that he didn't get back with his ex but goes to find another girl. :/
it's very awful to feel vulnerable and unsure in a relationship... but you and him haven't been an item for that long. you have to learn to trust him more, and not let what happened to your parents cast a shadow on your own love life.
if he lies to you again and again, or if he has a roving eye and is emotionally immature, then of course, you should leave this guy. but so far his "dishonesty" seems to be just your own fears.
even his ex comes back, do you know for sure that he won't choose to stay with you? to keep a relationship going, you must faith. if you can't have faith in yourself and your bf, no matter who you date, you will always have this fear of being abandoned.
so be strong, and be confident in yourself.