When should be the last straw?
-
Just wondering when was the last time you decided to break up with someone. And what was the final cause of the decision?
-
are u in this situation now? or just asking?
-
2yrs ago.
bcos of his infidelity and indecisiveness.
-
I don't know if I am in this situation. But it seems we have been arguing over stupid little things recently and I have been getting way too much cold shoulder from her. And It just so happens that during this period I really am trying to focus my energy on bringing in enough money to pay for our bills and to make it financially possible that we be together.
I am just annoyed that rather than generating synergy, she is generating disruption instead.
I feel tired. The thing I just don't see any clear place as to where I should draw the line and call it quits.
-
Garyjob...
The word is "Communicate" and maybe "Compromise"...
Breakup shld be the last resort only if everything fails and not a general simple solution...
-
Originally posted by Garyjob:
I don't know if I am in this situation. But it seems we have been arguing over stupid little things recently and I have been getting way too much cold shoulder from her. And It just so happens that during this period I really am trying to focus my energy on bringing in enough money to pay for our bills and to make it financially possible that we be together.
I am just annoyed that rather than generating synergy, she is generating disruption instead.
I feel tired. The thing I just don't see any clear place as to where I should draw the line and call it quits.
Have you guys had a "cards on the table" discussion about what you see that you're bringing into the relationship and what she sees she's bringing in? It could be a matter of neither of you acknowledging each other's contribution because you're too stuck in your own perspectives.
If both of you can't or simply don't want to continue putting in effort to make things work, then pull the plug.
-
no feelings lor...
-
Communication it seems is the biggest problem. It is impossible when constantly faced with the cold shoulder scenario.
-
Originally posted by Garyjob:
I don't know if I am in this situation. But it seems we have been arguing over stupid little things recently and I have been getting way too much cold shoulder from her. And It just so happens that during this period I really am trying to focus my energy on bringing in enough money to pay for our bills and to make it financially possible that we be together.
I am just annoyed that rather than generating synergy, she is generating disruption instead.
I feel tired. The thing I just don't see any clear place as to where I should draw the line and call it quits.
OK. So you are trying your best to make it financially possible... are you forgetting to make it emotionally possible to be together ?
Women are not as difficult to please as you think.
If you know how to push the right button and make her happy (the way she wants).. life will be much rosier.
Slight a woman .. and you will get an ice queen... not that difficult to grasp this concept , no ?
-
Originally posted by jojobeach:
OK. So you are trying your best to make it financially possible... are you forgetting to make it emotionally possible to be together ?
Women are not as difficult to please as you think.
If you know how to push the right button and make her happy (the way she wants).. life will be much rosier.
Slight a woman .. and you will get an ice queen... not that difficult to grasp this concept , no ?
That as well. But it seems with each new demand fulfilled I just get ten more all lined up nicely waiting to be fulfilled. All these are just sucking up my energy and it seems that there really nowhere for me to get myself recharged. Perhaps a long period of time spent apart from her will be good. I will feel reenergised to fulfill her needs again.
-
Originally posted by Garyjob:
That as well. But it seems with each new demand fulfilled I just get ten more all lined up nicely waiting to be fulfilled. All these are just sucking up my energy and it seems that there really nowhere for me to get myself recharged. Perhaps a long period of time spent apart from her will be good. I will feel reenergised to fulfill her needs again.
Whoever says a relationship is easy ?
Perhaps you are just not ready for the demands of having one.
Take a time out , but keep it short.
Let her know you have intention of coming back within a stipulated time. Women don't like to be left in the lurch with no dateline.
Have the courtesy to let her know your final decision. Just because you cannot handle her.. does not means other men cannot.
Remember.. love waits for no one.. when a love wanes.. it heads straight to the departure terminal.
-
To all the guys out there.
There is no such thing as a " Low maintenance woman".
Every woman is demanding in their own way.
To keep her happy.. you need to understand her individual needs.. give her what she needs... NOT what YOU think she needs.
-
Originally posted by Garyjob:
Just wondering when was the last time you decided to break up with someone. And what was the final cause of the decision?
When it comes to a point whereby you can't even communicate with him/her @ all..Mai waste time..Be NIKE & just do it (break up)
-
Originally posted by Garyjob:
I don't know if I am in this situation. But it seems we have been arguing over stupid little things recently and I have been getting way too much cold shoulder from her. And It just so happens that during this period I really am trying to focus my energy on bringing in enough money to pay for our bills and to make it financially possible that we be together.
I am just annoyed that rather than generating synergy, she is generating disruption instead.
I feel tired. The thing I just don't see any clear place as to where I should draw the line and call it quits.
ur relationship ur call... since u now so miserable then might as well have a frank & good talk wif her... if cannot she still as problem then ask urself u wanna live with tis for the rest of ur life anot... cannot then jz call it quits... do wats best for both of u... -
my 1st bf. he went chasing after some gal because she is rich. 2nd one. he pissed me off when he tried to talk like he knows, when he is a freaking virgin giving excuses about how morally uprite he is.Since you want a virgin wife that will be like his mother, totally no contact with her friends and family. He really should go fine one in the baby section of a hospital. 3rd was the hubby, his g/f called to say she is pregnant. 4th was another bf who tried to put his name into owning a car which he wont be financing himself. I was very angry when the salesperson tells me what he done, and that the salesperson thought it was okay without checking with me. 5th was a bf who tells me about how another old girlfriend has been so bad. I got worried that he will be telling about me to his newer g/f. Besides, he has a finacee and he is sleeping around with other females. I just dont want to touch someone that is committed to someone else.
-
Originally posted by jojobeach:
To all the guys out there.
There is no such thing as a " Low maintenance woman".
Every woman is demanding in their own way.
To keep her happy.. you need to understand her individual needs.. give her what she needs... NOT what YOU think she needs.
Interestingly in this current day and age whereby men and women are deemed as equal why is it that the term maintenance is just constantly associated with woman but not with man?
Should not woman be doing something to maintain their man as well?
From another point of view, if it is always just a one way traffic in a relationship of maintenance (From man to woman) which can also be expressed in terms of resources (Money and Time) than what difference is there between a woman and a prostitute?
-
Originally posted by Ucartel:
Interestingly in this current day and age whereby men and women are deemed as equal why is it that the term maintenance is just constantly associated with woman but not with man?
Should not woman be doing something to maintain their man as well?
From another point of view, if it is always just a one way traffic in a relationship of maintenance (From man to woman) which can also be expressed in terms of resources (Money and Time) than what difference is there between a woman and a prostitute?
Boy... I have to assume you are a xiao didi who never tasted female flesh. Do you understand the difference between driving your own private car vs driving a rental car ? Both are vehicles that gets you from point A to point B.. why is it that people are willing to spend so much money to own one ?
In this day and age.. it's the men who keeps talking about finding a woman who is low maintenance.
You don't hear a woman seeking a low maintenance man.
So ... perhaps you may want to do more self reflection before you start asking questions ?
-
do you love her? i suggest you take some time to think abt this seriously before you mention the words "break up". is your gf really the cause of your stress and emotional drain?
it does come across to me like you have already made up your mind, and are just waiting for her to piss you off again, so that you can say, "this is the last straw! let's break up!" sorry to be frank ah. i hope i'm wrong, of course.
i think break up shld only be the last resort. after you break up with her, you may feel free and relieved. but that may only be for a short while. there will still be many loose ends. such as, is it going to be permanent?
or do you really want a temporary break? are you going to go back to her again after you've reenergised yourself? you know that this is not a solution at all. the cycle will just start all over again if both of you don't communicate. fr what you've said, it sounds like you feel that she's demanding. but she's not really the abusive kind. if you still love her, you guys can still work it out without breaking up.
i feel that some men tend to ignore problems in a relationship by ignoring them. however, you must be responsible also. just cos your girlfriend is the one raising the issues, doesn't make her the "disruptive" one. :/
similarly, just because you don't say anything, doesn't make you blameless for the problems in your relationship now. both parties are equally responsible for making things work. happy couples who are serious abt staying together long term are committed to solve problems together. they won't ignore them.
if you really love her, try to communicate with her. let her know how you feel... it's in the way you phrase it... perhaps you had used an accusatory tone in the past without realising it. you can say to her "i feel unappreciated in this relationship...." use the first person... that normally shld put your partner at ease and she might be more receptive to what you say.
i think there is no point you waiting for the "last straw". if you don't work it out with her properly, surely that "last straw" will come very soon. because she wouldn't know how upset you are about this right?
you have to ask yourself... are you just waiting for the inevitable? i.e. just waiting for the chance to break up with her? cos if you are, you better just tell her now. there is no right or wrong moment to break up. but it would unfair to her, if you wait for her to screw up first, and then use it as your excuse to drop the "bomb" on her.
-
Originally posted by Ucartel:
Interestingly in this current day and age whereby men and women are deemed as equal why is it that the term maintenance is just constantly associated with woman but not with man?
Should not woman be doing something to maintain their man as well?
From another point of view, if it is always just a one way traffic in a relationship of maintenance (From man to woman) which can also be expressed in terms of resources (Money and Time) than what difference is there between a woman and a prostitute?
there are women who pay for their men, ever heard of the ones who went bankrupt for their BFs because the bf wants a car but couldn't afford it? no money to pay but don't dare to say only can cry in their friend's arms?
some also live off gf's money and others make their gf prostitute themselves to maintain the guys.
even though i understand what you're trying to say...... but this statement
"what difference is there between a woman and a prostitute?" a bit wrong cos prostitute is a profession. unless you want to claim all women are prostitutes.
which is quite wrong also because anyone who agrees with you means we think our mothers are all prostitutes.
so while i disagree with you on that but you're entitled to your own view.
-
After hearing from all your opinion, I decided to sit down and have a talk with her last night. The final conclusion is yes, I will be going away but her will be bringing along with me as well.
We both did eventually come to this compromise, rather than me spending more time and effort trying to increase my passive income by another $4,000 to $10,000 a month and causing so much quarrels between us, the current $6,000 a month I am getting is good enough to last us for the next year and a half or so travelling around the world.
Alrite thanks for your advice guys, I greatly appreciate them.
-
Six grand a month is comfortable, assuming that you don't have any significant debt. You're just going to have to get used to not working as much. It may be wise to anticipate a bit of a challengethere - I found that I was climbing the walls after four weeks.
Where you guys off to, BTW?
-
Yeah! Happy ending!
-
Originally posted by Gedanken:
Six grand a month is comfortable, assuming that you don't have any significant debt. You're just going to have to get used to not working as much. It may be wise to anticipate a bit of a challengethere - I found that I was climbing the walls after four weeks.
Where you guys off to, BTW?
I think first we will spend a month or two in the maldives exploring the place. She has been thinking of going there for a long time.
And then perhaps head over to Europe for a few months as for the rest I think we will plan from there.
When you said climbing the wall what do you mean by that?
-
Some people describe me as a workaholic (personally, I don't see myself that way) - I do love my work though. In July, the missus and I went on a five-week trip through Europe, the US, Hong Kong and Singapore (I currently reside in Melbourne).
By the fourth week, I was itching to get back to work. I've got a competent team at the office and nothing was out of control, but being on holiday for so long just didn't sit right on me, and that's what I mean when I say I was climbing the walls.
That said, the second day back from vacation turned out to be a 33-hour day. I was happy as a clam.
-
Originally posted by Garyjob:
After hearing from all your opinion, I decided to sit down and have a talk with her last night. The final conclusion is yes, I will be going away but her will be bringing along with me as well.
We both did eventually come to this compromise, rather than me spending more time and effort trying to increase my passive income by another $4,000 to $10,000 a month and causing so much quarrels between us, the current $6,000 a month I am getting is good enough to last us for the next year and a half or so travelling around the world.
Alrite thanks for your advice guys, I greatly appreciate them.
wtf... 6k is already gd enuff for 2 working couple... if i were u i already lighten up the accelerator and spend more time enjoying... gd luck...