am i too negative ?
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recently,a guy has asked me abt getting together for r/s.However, due to the fact that currently he is working in overseas, he feels that it is hard for him to meet me few times in a year. I am negative abt this issue despite telling myself that it is just a matter of time and patience that we can work out.
Sometimes, when he didn't call me for abt a week, i will feel that he is ignoring me.Am I too negative abt this whole thing
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Maybe you should think of the cost of calling back here..
You can contact each other using icq, web cams, mic, emails, irc .. -
Long distance relationships are hard to maintain. -
hmm... i know what you mean... the fear, anxiety... u keep thinking of that person.. dunno whether that person safe or not, what the person doing.. you're just anticipating the call.. but it nv happens and then u'll be depressed and bad mood...
i also hving tt kind of feelings.. except the person i love is in singapore... but sms, nv reply..
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but in the first place, do u love the guy who is now overseas?
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That's exactly what I m feeling right now.Originally posted by dumbdumb!:hmm... i know what you mean... the fear, anxiety... u keep thinking of that person.. dunno whether that person safe or not, what the person doing.. you're just anticipating the call.. but it nv happens and then u'll be depressed and bad mood...
i also hving tt kind of feelings.. except the person i love is in singapore... but sms, nv reply..
finally there is some1 like you who is feeling the same like me
It is dragging as each day passed by.
He did replied my sms and called me.
But what 's the use.After awhile, he will mia again.
Is hard to chat with him online as both of us r busy with our work.
Sigh........ -
Just hv strong feelings for himOriginally posted by sgboy2004:but in the first place, do u love the guy who is now overseas? -
long distance relationships don't work. only 0.1% will work out.
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In a normal relationship, much effort is needed to maintain and work out, therefore for a long distance relationship - about three times the effort is needed is you want to make it work.Originally posted by thg7:recently,a guy has asked me abt getting together for r/s.However, due to the fact that currently he is working in overseas, he feels that it is hard for him to meet me few times in a year. I am negative abt this issue despite telling myself that it is just a matter of time and patience that we can work out.
Sometimes, when he didn't call me for abt a week, i will feel that he is ignoring me.Am I too negative abt this whole thing
Your negative respond to such relation aint groundless, but it could work if *both* parties are willing to *work hard* at it. Looking at your situation, even if you want to get a shot at it, your guy may not be doing the same thing.
One good way to solve this is to communicate *whether* he wants this relation anot. If he wants, both of you have to come to a conclusion on how the relation should go. It is useless trying to maintain a half-hearted or as-it-goes-we-will-see kind of long distance relationship - it never works in this way esp for LDR.
You have to communicate because if not - you would be indecisive and will never make a decision properly - which only further waste your chance and potential to meet other males who may be better candidates as a mate.
P.S: Even if the chances for LDR to work out is not significant, are you going to succumb to what people are saying... or do you believe in yourself... which matters the most? -
hi yunhaier,Originally posted by Yunhaier:In a normal relationship, much effort is needed to maintain and work out, therefore for a long distance relationship - about three times the effort is needed is you want to make it work.
Your negative respond to such relation aint groundless, but it could work if *both* parties are willing to *work hard* at it. Looking at your situation, even if you want to get a shot at it, your guy may not be doing the same thing.
One good way to solve this is to communicate *whether* he wants this relation anot. If he wants, both of you have to come to a conclusion on how the relation should go. It is useless trying to maintain a half-hearted or as-it-goes-we-will-see kind of long distance relationship - it never works in this way esp for LDR.
You have to communicate because if not - you would be indecisive and will never make a decision properly - which only further waste your chance and potential to meet other males who may be better candidates as a mate.
P.S: Even if the chances for LDR to work out is not significant, are you going to succumb to what people are saying... or do you believe in yourself... which matters the most?
thanks for your "kai dao" advice.
i will try to communicate with him on that. Sometimes, i m at loss at words when trying to discuss this issue with him.
perhaps this is my 1st time encounter LDR. -
Hi all,
just like to update on the situation.
Yunhaier, you are right that he may not able to put in effort for this LDR to work. Ytd, i went to meet up with him and other friends too.
. I even broke down in front of my friends whom dun know that i hv feelings for him. They have the intention of introducing one of their gal friend to him. My expression changed. He didn't know that they r introducting the gal to him. He said many ppl were doing matchmaking for him,however he is simply not interested.
Then i was trying to communicate this r/s qns with him. Then he told me it takes 2 hands to clap, 1 hand to clap is impossible. And he added that long distance is very hard. My heart sank. I really felt disheartened.
He didn't really able to give me a satisfactory answer. I told him then that we will see how things go. He said yeah. He seemed not interested to meet me alone for these coming days since he will be in SG for a week. I guess there is no hope for this thing to work out aft all.........
Now i dun really have faith in guys. I dun know why guys can be so indecisive. When they make u fall for him. they will do like tat to the gal. Perhaps, i m really blind to make such a mistake. -
dun be sad. U are still young, u will eventually meet someone u like, and he likes u too.Originally posted by thg7:Hi all,
just like to update on the situation.
Yunhaier, you are right that he may not able to put in effort for this LDR to work. Ytd, i went to meet up with him and other friends too.
. I even broke down in front of my friends whom dun know that i hv feelings for him. They have the intention of introducing one of their gal friend to him. My expression changed. He didn't know that they r introducting the gal to him. He said many ppl were doing matchmaking for him,however he is simply not interested.
Then i was trying to communicate this r/s qns with him. Then he told me it takes 2 hands to clap, 1 hand to clap is impossible. And he added that long distance is very hard. My heart sank. I really felt disheartened.
He didn't really able to give me a satisfactory answer. I told him then that we will see how things go. He said yeah. He seemed not interested to meet me alone for these coming days since he will be in SG for a week. I guess there is no hope for this thing to work out aft all.........
Now i dun really have faith in guys. I dun know why guys can be so indecisive. When they make u fall for him. they will do like tat to the gal. Perhaps, i m really blind to make such a mistake. -
For the time being, i am still sad.Originally posted by sgboy2004:dun be sad. U are still young, u will eventually meet someone u like, and he likes u too.
However, will try to overcome the sadness.
right now, i dun think i wan to contact him ever again. Said easier than done. Sigh
thanks for your comfort words. -
Guys aren't indecisive... just that LDR is a totally different issue from normal relationships.Originally posted by thg7:Hi all,
just like to update on the situation.
Yunhaier, you are right that he may not able to put in effort for this LDR to work. Ytd, i went to meet up with him and other friends too.
. I even broke down in front of my friends whom dun know that i hv feelings for him. They have the intention of introducing one of their gal friend to him. My expression changed. He didn't know that they r introducting the gal to him. He said many ppl were doing matchmaking for him,however he is simply not interested.
Then i was trying to communicate this r/s qns with him. Then he told me it takes 2 hands to clap, 1 hand to clap is impossible. And he added that long distance is very hard. My heart sank. I really felt disheartened.
He didn't really able to give me a satisfactory answer. I told him then that we will see how things go. He said yeah. He seemed not interested to meet me alone for these coming days since he will be in SG for a week. I guess there is no hope for this thing to work out aft all.........
Now i dun really have faith in guys. I dun know why guys can be so indecisive. When they make u fall for him. they will do like tat to the gal. Perhaps, i m really blind to make such a mistake.
Think about this which one would you prefer: A normal relationship -result - marriage OR A must-go-the-extra-mile-and-very-much-restaining-of-oneself-in-not-to-do-something-tootpid kind of relation - result - still marriage?
Alot of people enteres LDR and failed because people assumed their usual way of leading a relation - which will eventually bring to the downfall of the relation unless halfway the problem is recongise and the need and wanting to do something is there. If not, to surmount to the top - its difficult.
Woman, who needs to feel depended - when comes to LDR, cannot meet their partners often. When a pro comes along and satisfy that emptiness in her - she will likely to succumb.
Man, who is very affected visually - when another reasonable lady walks along and they chat very well - furthermore he don't meet his partner very often too - he will likely to succumb to her.
Its not just trying best to maintain relationship is LDR - its your restaining. I am sure you have no lack of suitor thg7... I believe you will go through this in no time. Your guy doesn't appreciate you, but that doesn't mean other guys are the same. I believe someone suitable will be there. Learn from this relation... do not lose the lesson.
Cheers -
long distance relationships ain't easy to maintain..u will need to think it over as to whether u can be independent..as in be able to carry on with all ur stuff even if he is not there....be mentally ready to see him like maybe once or twice a year..u have to seriously think over whether u have feelings for the guy first..and whether u are emotionally and mentally ready to go into a ldr... give urself some time to think about it... ldrs require lots of trust and communication..good luck...Originally posted by thg7:recently,a guy has asked me abt getting together for r/s.However, due to the fact that currently he is working in overseas, he feels that it is hard for him to meet me few times in a year. I am negative abt this issue despite telling myself that it is just a matter of time and patience that we can work out.
Sometimes, when he didn't call me for abt a week, i will feel that he is ignoring me.Am I too negative abt this whole thing 
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it takes a lot of effort for ldrs to work out..but in my family..there are around 7 to 8 of my cousins who are in ldrs and all going fine!! some are even gonna get married soon..so cannot say that ldrs wun work..it just depends on whether both parties are making the effort to maintain it..and have lotsa trust...communication etc..Originally posted by Flight Cadet Officer:long distance relationships don't work. only 0.1% will work out. -
nah...you are just not mentally prepared for it.
The part about the relationship with a guy who is going overseas for a period just,if, both of you decided to have a relationship... -
hi yErN,Originally posted by yErN:long distance relationships ain't easy to maintain..u will need to think it over as to whether u can be independent..as in be able to carry on with all ur stuff even if he is not there....be mentally ready to see him like maybe once or twice a year..u have to seriously think over whether u have feelings for the guy first..and whether u are emotionally and mentally ready to go into a ldr... give urself some time to think about it... ldrs require lots of trust and communication..good luck...
thanks for your reply.
My friends have been telling me abt the adverse effetcs of LDR.
But right now, he has ignored me. I feel that he is trying to avoid me. Mayb i think too much. I really dun know what he is thinking.
He asked our common friend to ask me and few other friends if want to join him for outing ytd. When I msged him that i won't be gg as our common friends are not gg, and also i dun know his friends at all. He didn't bother to reply too. Quite rude. I really dun know what i had done to deserve such cold treatment from him like tat. It really hurts.
Is he trying to escape from problems ? Or Hv i gv him a lot of pressure ? I dun think i hv given him any pressure. I merely tried to communicate with him abt the possibility of r/s. He remained nonchalant. My friend said he may be feeling lost................
Really upset why things turned out to be like tat........... -
heya thg7, no problemy.. =) LDRs do really have lotsa adverse effects.....but well..the main thing is whether both parties are willing to make sacrifices and willing to put in effort to maintain the relationship..once both parties are determined..then it shouldn't be too much of a problem..Originally posted by thg7:hi yErN,
thanks for your reply.
My friends have been telling me abt the adverse effetcs of LDR.
But right now, he has ignored me. I feel that he is trying to avoid me. Mayb i think too much. I really dun know what he is thinking.
He asked our common friend to ask me and few other friends if want to join him for outing ytd. When I msged him that i won't be gg as our common friends are not gg, and also i dun know his friends at all. He didn't bother to reply too. Quite rude. I really dun know what i had done to deserve such cold treatment from him like tat. It really hurts.
Is he trying to escape from problems ? Or Hv i gv him a lot of pressure ? I dun think i hv given him any pressure. I merely tried to communicate with him abt the possibility of r/s. He remained nonchalant. My friend said he may be feeling lost................
Really upset why things turned out to be like tat........... hmm...ignoring you ahz? that's not a very good sign.....it could be that the guy is no longer interested in you but then also dunno how to tell you so try to avoid you....alot of guys are like that..so bo ji one...( not saying all guys horzz..i mean some of them ) i mean if they dun like the ger..might as well just tell her and not avoid her..and just take like nothing has happened..very hurting for the ger one..and also dun understand what is going on one rite... i can empathise with you..cos something similar like urs has happened to me..except its not ldr...it just makes u wonder what is actually going on rite?and u also dun understand why he is treating you so coldly..all of a sudden..for no reason when the guy was expressing interest in you not long ago... alternatively..u could also take this time that he is giving u the cold treatment and go reflect loo..is he really the one for you and things like that...he could be reflecting on what he said..as in he may be having second thoughts about going into a ldr wif u....could be the caveman theory...
anyway..dun take things too hard la ya? like wat yunhaier has said..i also guess that u have lotsa suitors out there..so dun worry k...u will surely be able to find one who loves you..and whom u love too one day.. unless he's really worth it..dun wei le yi ke shu and give up the whole forest. be strong!! do keep us updated..and got anything..u can just send me a private msg or wat..... will try to check it regularly. -
things took a sudden turn of change for the past few days.
he told me that he had a crush on another singaporean gal, and even held hands together. I was crushed when he told me tat.
I even scolded him. Though i shld not scold him, as he has the right to like anybody. Still, i just don't understand why he treated me like tat. Do i deserve to be treated this way ........
He kept telling me it is just a crush,nothing impt. Who he is trying to fool ? Me not a 3 yr old kid. Now he told me tat he has given up on the gal as she told him that she is not ready for any r/s. Again he stated the same reason "long distance hard for him" Crap reason, i guess.
What does he take me for ? Spare tyre ? I felt so pissed that i told him off that i wun trust guys and will make life difficult for them.
Then he told me he is sick and not feeling well. He is trying to get my attention, isn't it ? He damm lousy.
When he needs me, then he comes and finds me.
When he doesn't need me, he forgets abt me.
my friends tell me to ignore this type of guy, not worth my time.
i regretted knowing him........