I've been feeling so frustruated over this matter over the past few days. Felt really disappointed & down.
I've been best of friends with A since poly days, our friendship was fairly smooth sailing till now. Coz most of the time i gave in to her. Until now when we quarrelled & i refused to give way that it become v sour.
It's a reali petty small incident that makes me reali wake up!!!
It started off this way. A asked me to accompany her to her bf house to take a letter as she doesn wants to go alone.
(Her bf is overseas & she doesn wants to meet his parents alone, PS: They have been tog almost 6years & applied for HDB already!) I companied her on 2 occassion already. This is the 3rd time she asked me to go with her.
I just started on my new job & barely into my 3rd month. Under alot of stress & struggles to learn all the new stuff. I worked average 10hours a day & I'm beat bush!!
I rejected her coz i'm reali tired.. On the day i'm asked to go with her.. She ended work at abt 3 whereas my time is not confirm! It could be anytime from 7+ before i could meet her.
This let to her being EXTREMELY UNHAPPY with me.
Thinkin over, i felt bad. Called her up in less than an hour to say tat i'll go. Of coz she is not happy after i rejected her. She already got a colleague to go with her.
I msg her.. She either replied in a very "tao" cold manner or not reply & @ all.
I called to apologised. Msg her pai seh i didn go with u. Glad all is settled. & this is what i get in return!! Cold shoulder!
Tis time i already gave in & apologised. Apparently it was not enough for her. I had enough & refuse to give in furthur.
Then she msg me wanna go out? I was hmm. Finally she willing to give in! Was feeling happy. Coz i did apologise! I immediately agreed to go out with her.
Then i send her a reali long msg about how sorry i'm. Once again. My 3rd time!!!!
Simply just for rejecting her that i'm too tired to go with her! & also text her about hop to 4get all this & start all over again. May this strengthen our friendship bonds etc etc.
& what did i get in reply??
Not a single apology still never mind. She said something like, Her friend stay damn far in bedok also willing to company her, whereas i stay much nearer not willing!
I reali had enough!!!!!!!!!!
Her bf v concerned. Called me from overseas. Was touched by his gesture & the things he said. Once again. I felt so silly.
I specially took a cab down to her place to give her a small but meaningful gift. Out of the blue. To give her a surprise & try patch things up.
I called her, text her but no response. End up i called her house her sis said she went jogging.
From the years i noe her!!! She won't go so late!! & The next day she's working.. Jus a lame excuse!!
Even when she noe i came down to her blk downstairs she refused to give face.
Didn contact till she send me a farewell msg. LIke thanks for bearing with me and being my friend. Take care.
Once again, i give in. Said sorry for the 4th or 5th time send a long msg abt putting the past behind etc..Then, not a word of apology from her again still despite me repeatedly sayin sorry so many times.. Mayb yes.. I'm hopin she will say sorry. Coz i'm not entirely at fault rite??
Too stupid of me rite??
All i get is a word of ya. its beta 2 forget all this.
I jus feel 5years of friendship.. Goin down the drain jus like tat seems abit of pity.
We msg a little. General stuff. Tried to joke with her as i usually do. But i still get the cold shoulder from her though a little beta then previously.
She still can't get over this!!!
She onli willing to sorta compromise coz?? Her bf is always overseas??
What should i do?!?!!?!?!
Over such a petty incident but one couldn let go to such an extend..
my advice is, just forget about her. its not worth it..cos u'll make new and better friends.. try to just take it as u had 5 years of fun experience..
its not that u didnt try..just leave it at that..since u tried..if in future she msg u..dun snub her..just reply..one day she'll wake up and realise u'r her best bestie ever..
u could tell her bf what happen..just share with him, u'll feel better..he sounds liek a nice guy who would talk sense into her =)
Since you already apologised, then so be it.
Why do you have to irritate her by apologising so many times...
Since you know her for so long, you should have known what kind of person she is.
If you did nothing wrong and had a totally valid reason for not accompanying her, then let this matter rest?
Why do you need to keep bugging her over a petty incident as you yourself mentioned?
This kinda thing will heal by itself... Just dont mishandle it. EQ?
you can choose not to bother yourself with such a stupid person
TS is guy or girl?
What brought the two of you together as friends in the first place?
Originally posted by ahkico:I've been feeling so frustruated over this matter over the past few days. Felt really disappointed & down.
I've been best of friends with A since poly days, our friendship was fairly smooth sailing till now. Coz most of the time i gave in to her. Until now when we quarrelled & i refused to give way that it become v sour.
It's a reali petty small incident that makes me reali wake up!!!
It started off this way. A asked me to accompany her to her bf house to take a letter as she doesn wants to go alone.
(Her bf is overseas & she doesn wants to meet his parents alone, PS: They have been tog almost 6years & applied for HDB already!) I companied her on 2 occassion already. This is the 3rd time she asked me to go with her.
I just started on my new job & barely into my 3rd month. Under alot of stress & struggles to learn all the new stuff. I worked average 10hours a day & I'm beat bush!!
I rejected her coz i'm reali tired.. On the day i'm asked to go with her.. She ended work at abt 3 whereas my time is not confirm! It could be anytime from 7+ before i could meet her.
This let to her being EXTREMELY UNHAPPY with me.
Thinkin over, i felt bad. Called her up in less than an hour to say tat i'll go. Of coz she is not happy after i rejected her. She already got a colleague to go with her.
I msg her.. She either replied in a very "tao" cold manner or not reply & @ all.
I called to apologised. Msg her pai seh i didn go with u. Glad all is settled. & this is what i get in return!! Cold shoulder!
Tis time i already gave in & apologised. Apparently it was not enough for her. I had enough & refuse to give in furthur.
Then she msg me wanna go out? I was hmm. Finally she willing to give in! Was feeling happy. Coz i did apologise! I immediately agreed to go out with her.
Then i send her a reali long msg about how sorry i'm. Once again. My 3rd time!!!!
Simply just for rejecting her that i'm too tired to go with her! & also text her about hop to 4get all this & start all over again. May this strengthen our friendship bonds etc etc.
& what did i get in reply??
Not a single apology still never mind. She said something like, Her friend stay damn far in bedok also willing to company her, whereas i stay much nearer not willing!
I reali had enough!!!!!!!!!!
Her bf v concerned. Called me from overseas. Was touched by his gesture & the things he said. Once again. I felt so silly.
I specially took a cab down to her place to give her a small but meaningful gift. Out of the blue. To give her a surprise & try patch things up.
I called her, text her but no response. End up i called her house her sis said she went jogging.
From the years i noe her!!! She won't go so late!! & The next day she's working.. Jus a lame excuse!!
Even when she noe i came down to her blk downstairs she refused to give face.
Didn contact till she send me a farewell msg. LIke thanks for bearing with me and being my friend. Take care.
Once again, i give in. Said sorry for the 4th or 5th time send a long msg abt putting the past behind etc..Then, not a word of apology from her again still despite me repeatedly sayin sorry so many times.. Mayb yes.. I'm hopin she will say sorry. Coz i'm not entirely at fault rite??
Too stupid of me rite??
All i get is a word of ya. its beta 2 forget all this.
I jus feel 5years of friendship.. Goin down the drain jus like tat seems abit of pity.
We msg a little. General stuff. Tried to joke with her as i usually do. But i still get the cold shoulder from her though a little beta then previously.
She still can't get over this!!!
She onli willing to sorta compromise coz?? Her bf is always overseas??
What should i do?!?!!?!?!
Over such a petty incident but one couldn let go to such an extend..
A true friend shall be understanding....
Friend is not abt time of knowing each other. It's abt personallity and character to decide worthy anot!
TS if you are a gal, maybe you should spend more time with your boyfriend or time to look for one if you are unattached.
y do u need to apologise so many times? makes u appear very weak n insecure.
Ts should be gal.
Dude you are behaving like a fukking PUSSY!
Stop it! I think you are a girl.
Your mistake is apologising too many times! What for? Weak character. There's no point in being too nice as people will take you for granted...just human nature.
TOO MANY WORDS. ..
It all sums up to u being irritated tad ur friend doesnt appreciate that u give in too many a time?
i sense that she;s ur onli fren.. .
sad
haha i think you're quite a nice person, usually i kenna this type of behaviour next time just fuck it, i won't even apologise, just ignore the person.
she might be getting married to the guy, but still cannot mt his parents alone? :s
and she told her bf abt what happened... and asked him to call u fr overseas to discuss this? a bit drama leh.
in the first place, do u tink it's fair tt u are the one who is doing all the apologising? if u're saying sorry, but in ur heart u're actually resenting it, then why apologise?
i tink we shld always do what we tink is right... it's perfectly ok to make ur stand wif her. she was prob feeling affronted tt day cos she didn't understand how tired u were.
i understand why u said sorry so many times... cos u treasure the friendship v much and dun wan to lose it... (same thing happened to me before.) however, the more u say sorry, the more she will feel tt she was right, and u were wrong.
if u dun mind me saying, ur response was also a bit over. and maybe tt is encouraging her to behave badly towards u. why do u need to go to her block and wait for her? it's just a trivial matter rite?
i suggest u really leave it for now. reply only when she msges or calls u, but stop saying sorry to her and continue to make ur stand like what u did. e.g. dun go out wif her when u're tired.
a true fren wld not force u to do anything tt u dun wan to. hopefully, she will come round and improve her attitude towards u.
if not, it's time u get urself some new friends...
Thanks guys for all ur reply..
Felt alot beta after letting it off my chest...
Me & A goes a long way back..
Started off with me breaking off with my 1st ex.. @ tat time we aren't too close yet. But she has been there 4 me & going out with me quite often.. Sometimes with her bf too.. So i sorta become the light bulb between them..
She always say she put me 1st even b4 her bf.. I'm the kinda tat bf & family 1st.. After abt a year spending alot of time with her.. I got with tog with my current bf.. Not long later he got enlisted into NS.. So our time spend is more & more precious..
I spend more time with him than her.. She started getting jealous!!!!
Showed me alot of colours etc.. I bear with it coz i felt tat she reali has been there for me.. & it seems my wrong to didn spend as much time with her.
We study the same course & meet each other every day in class!! Everything was as usual except that i was chatting / sms more than usual..
It's all becoz of this that i've been giving in all this while..
She hasn't got a great temper!!!
1. When we go out with a group of friends.. It's time to interact with others rite?? Rather than stick tog..
She will say tat i ignore her.. Left her out. Onli chat with other plp & didn bother abt her!!!
So each time we go out in a group, i have to specially stick to her!!
2. In another group, there were 4 of us. We were super close & our classmates used to say tat, if u see 1, u will certainly see the other 3. We were never seperated.
This 1 incident took place.. Celebrating her birthday.. Happen tat one of them had a quarrelled with her bf & not in a gd mood. A got sensitive.. Then coz is a big group of us. Some walk to the restaurant 1st.. When we go shopping.. We all walked in diff direction. In her opinion, she felt tat all shld shop tog!! & got unhappy..
Since then, we slowly drifted apart.. & From 4 of us, we become a pair each.. So sad.. It's has been 1 of my biggest regret & i wish i hadn stand by her..
3. Another quarrel rather major was over another gd friend.. The both of them got misunderstanding. & She was super angry tat i din stand by her!! To me, both are gd friends, though she is my best.. I can't side her without knowing both side of the story!!!
I too dunno why i tolerate this all for so many years.. Since onli after her bf got into army tat she became more understanding - Of the need to spend more time tog with bf & the need to put them 1st when they r onli coming out in the weekend..
Sorry for the long post!!
Think what u all say is so true..
By apologising.. I'm jus aggrevating the fact that she's right & i'm wrong..
Maby it's in me tat i wish to settle it asap..
I dun like to be hanging on a thread. Thinking.. R we still gd friend or are we not?!?
I told her bf straight in the face. U've to tell her this.. She gonna learn to be independent!!
I tried hintin to her.. But she can't or refuse to let it in.
Why would i say tat??
She wouldn eat alone or go shopping alone.. If she wanted the item, she is willing to wait till her bf is around to go with her all the way back to the shop to get it!! Worst is her bf is now always overseas!!
She even suggest tat next time.. When we're married.. If her bf is not in town.. Ask me go over to her house to stay over night!!
I was like.. Hmm.. U noe i can't slp in other place.. So i'll be like a zombie..
(The absolute truth!)
My bf was like, Siao!! How can u leave ur husband alone go ur friend house to stay!! Precisely! I wouldnt!!!!!
Haha.. I never dared to go overseas with her.. Coz i feel tat we will jus end up in a big quarrel & end up being reali unhappy..
The best advice will be non commitment!!
Jus worried that this will be never ending & she'll jus keep asking me to company her to her bf house again.. Sign!!!
It's a hdb letter & i mention to her to try change the add to her house.. But she refused! Without trying.. Say cannot.. Urgh!!!
Though i leave one station away from her bf house.. But still gonna take bus from the train station to & fro!! Take up @ least half hour travel time extra.. Super ma fan!!
& i jus cant' wait to get home after a long long day.. I was like complaining to my bf..
From work i tak bus - train - walk home. Already 1hour!!
If i gonna go with her.. Bus - train - Bus to her bf house - bus to mrt - train - home!!!
Take cab is like super peak & not worth it!!
your friend is really stupid
i suggest not bothering yourself and just be happy
i only read the 1st post...
this is wat i adviced... or wat i strongly feel..
to friends.. NEVER COMMIT YOURSELF TOO MUCH IN THE FRIENDSHIP!!
i was betrayed more than 5 times that i am too afraid to even count..
each friendship is at least 3 yrs long... i am too too too scared of the commitment in friends...
therefore.. now i would not even dare to commit myself in a friendship..
this sounds very very lonely.... but this is the real world..
no such thing as true friends.. trust me..
friends with u for like 5 yrs could easily turn bad with such a small incident...
'true friends' could have turned bad for a slightly bigger incident
although i said all this.. i still failed to completely not commit myself in the friendship...
sometimes i still think i do too much for my friends... even some said so...
it was to the extend i do things to my female friends that ppl tot we were couple..
yeah such a thing is very very sad.. i understand u cuz i have been through the same too... just forget it and stop apologizing...
imagine if u both patch up and then next time there would be the same thing happening... if ur friend cant comprimise and is not mature enough for u.. then forget it.. dun apologize... its not worth it..
TS, i feel as if i got a lot thing to tell u... but just rmb that do not commit urself too much in a friendship... u will get hurt.. just like a boy girl relationship... tho not as much but still a lot..
IA
Originally posted by ItchyArmpit:i only read the 1st post...
this is wat i adviced... or wat i strongly feel..
to friends.. NEVER COMMIT YOURSELF TOO MUCH IN THE FRIENDSHIP!!
i was betrayed more than 5 times that i am too afraid to even count..
each friendship is at least 3 yrs long... i am too too too scared of the commitment in friends...therefore.. now i would not even dare to commit myself in a friendship..
this sounds very very lonely.... but this is the real world..no such thing as true friends.. trust me..
friends with u for like 5 yrs could easily turn bad with such a small incident...'true friends' could have turned bad for a slightly bigger incident
although i said all this.. i still failed to completely not commit myself in the friendship...
sometimes i still think i do too much for my friends... even some said so...it was to the extend i do things to my female friends that ppl tot we were couple..
yeah such a thing is very very sad.. i understand u cuz i have been through the same too... just forget it and stop apologizing...
imagine if u both patch up and then next time there would be the same thing happening... if ur friend cant comprimise and is not mature enough for u.. then forget it.. dun apologize... its not worth it..
TS, i feel as if i got a lot thing to tell u... but just rmb that do not commit urself too much in a friendship... u will get hurt.. just like a boy girl relationship... tho not as much but still a lot..
IA
i can't say i disagree wif tt... :/
is it cos girls are just more petty? i had falling outs too wif two gd gal frens whom i considered true frens tt go back many, many years. they really stood by me when i was down... but recently, cos of matters tt are small... they dun call me anymore, give me cold shoulder or go offline when i go online (can see tt a few times when i go on msn, one of them immediately disappears).
u'd tink after apologies fr me they wld be ok and wld forgive, but no... they are still acting as tho a great wrong had been done to them...
but learnt my lesson liao... dun say sorry too many times... i find it so much easier to hang out wif my guy frens... they're nice to talk to n won't get angry over small matters... even tho i'm a girl too... :/
she is taking u for granted
Originally posted by ItchyArmpit:i only read the 1st post...
this is wat i adviced... or wat i strongly feel..
to friends.. NEVER COMMIT YOURSELF TOO MUCH IN THE FRIENDSHIP!!
i was betrayed more than 5 times that i am too afraid to even count..
each friendship is at least 3 yrs long... i am too too too scared of the commitment in friends...therefore.. now i would not even dare to commit myself in a friendship..
this sounds very very lonely.... but this is the real world..no such thing as true friends.. trust me..
friends with u for like 5 yrs could easily turn bad with such a small incident...'true friends' could have turned bad for a slightly bigger incident
although i said all this.. i still failed to completely not commit myself in the friendship...
sometimes i still think i do too much for my friends... even some said so...it was to the extend i do things to my female friends that ppl tot we were couple..
yeah such a thing is very very sad.. i understand u cuz i have been through the same too... just forget it and stop apologizing...
imagine if u both patch up and then next time there would be the same thing happening... if ur friend cant comprimise and is not mature enough for u.. then forget it.. dun apologize... its not worth it..
TS, i feel as if i got a lot thing to tell u... but just rmb that do not commit urself too much in a friendship... u will get hurt.. just like a boy girl relationship... tho not as much but still a lot..
IA
lol..i feel liek u too.. hahaa..
i would also go all out for friends..den dose friends take for granted...i admit got weak character and just wanna have friends.. or am i just too nice? lol i duno...but for me..i feel..friends are friends, should be nice to them.. but somehow they also take for granted..sad la.. den efforts wasted.
i always tell myself dun commit too much to friends.. either i commit too much (and end up hurt) or dun commit at all (den ppl feel i got bo chap attitude and distance themselves from me). so i duno?! liek my EQ really sucks.
but honestly TS, i feel ur friend is really insecure. dats why she's doing all that. haha i also feel like i'm like her too.. although i do go out myself and stuff (mostly im a loner) but if i feel lonely whilst im out, i'll sms my friend to ask if she wanna come shopping with me (sounds pathetic).
ur friend's bf must be a really nice guy.. i mean.. ur friend A is so clingy..to her bestie..it would be worse being her bf..right?