hey guys.. i know.. probably repeated before..
but.. is it a guy thing that they are emotionally unavailable, or the girl feels that her emotional needs are not met?
because that's what i've been told and blasted at. =(
if so.. what should i do? what does it mean when a girl says her emotional needs are not met.
i do the things she like, i don't complain, i take her out, i do spend time with her. it's kinda confusing
she likes you but not that way...
i think...
who knows?
talk to her.. only she can tell you what that means
The problem might not be with you but with her. If you have time, have a read about articles on "Toxic Relationship" (just google it) and try to identify if you're in one of them. If it turns out to be yes, It doesn't mean it's the end of the world or relationship as long as both of you are willing to work on the problems.
Good luck!
hmmm yeah i guess the only person who could answer your doubts or questions is the girl herself. But i won't be surprised if she doesn't know the answer to it.
i think, the problem is with me.
i can be.. rather emotionally aloof. i don't think i'm able to cry even if someone close to me dies, (i don't know, i don't feel sad all the time, right, or cry at movies etc)
the last time i cried, was over my ex, and that was years ago.
am i emotionally unavailable - what does that term even mean, and how to change that?
Originally posted by dumbdumb!:hey guys.. i know.. probably repeated before..
but.. is it a guy thing that they are emotionally unavailable, or the girl feels that her emotional needs are not met?
because that's what i've been told and blasted at. =(
if so.. what should i do? what does it mean when a girl says her emotional needs are not met.
i do the things she like, i don't complain, i take her out, i do spend time with her. it's kinda confusing
You can never do enough.
If it matters at all, normally it's the little things that matters to a woman. You can buy her a 1 carat Diamond ring or cook her breakfast, the points on the scoring board would be the same even though they might have a different response to either.
is she expecting you to fulfill the role of a girlfriend who listens to her gripes and then gives supportive answers?
if that's the case, you need to determine if you want that role.
what is "emotionally unavailable" to you? how would you define it?
Originally posted by cassie:what is "emotionally unavailable" to you? how would you define it?
hmm. someone who have problems with the lack of emotions? or don't know what to do during an emotional time?
Originally posted by Callan:You can never do enough.
If it matters at all, normally it's the little things that matters to a woman. You can buy her a 1 carat Diamond ring or cook her breakfast, the points on the scoring board would be the same even though they might have a different response to either.
it's the little things that are hard to keep track of!
=(
Originally posted by honeymouse:The problem might not be with you but with her. If you have time, have a read about articles on "Toxic Relationship" (just google it) and try to identify if you're in one of them. If it turns out to be yes, It doesn't mean it's the end of the world or relationship as long as both of you are willing to work on the problems.
Good luck!
25 Ways to Tell if Your Relationship is Toxic
1) Your partner puts you down verbally, in private or in front of others.
2) Your partner tells you he/she loves you but behavior shows otherwise.
3) Your partner doesn't want you to see or talk to friends or family.
4) Your partner
is jealous of the time you spend with your
kids.
5) Your partner shows up often at your work unexpectedly or opens your mail.
6) Your partner calls you often to see what you are doing.
7) You cry often or feel depressed over your relationship.
8) Your partner says you would have the perfect relationship if only you would change.
9) Your partner wants you to be dependent on him.
10) Your partner does things for you and then uses them to make you feel obligated.
11) Your thoughts, opinions, accomplishments, or words are devalued.
12) You don't know who you are anymore without him/her, or how you would survive.
13) Your friends/family don't like your partner or don't think he is good for you.
14) You have changed things about yourself to suit your partner, even when it is not your taste.
15) You always go where your partner wants to, like movies, restaurants, etc.
16) Your partner has made you feel afraid or unsafe, and you have been afraid to speak the truth at times for fear of upsetting him/her (walking on eggshells).
17) You don't feel you have control of your life anymore.
18) Your self-esteem is lower since you've been with your partner.
19) You think it's up to you to make the relationship work.
20) You keep secrets about your relationship from others who love you because they wouldn't understand.
21) Your partner makes you feel unattractive or stupid.
22) Your partner accuses you of cheating and is overly jealous.
23) Your partner can be really sweet to you one minute, and really mean the next.
24) Your partner seems really sweet/loving to you when he/she thinks you are about to leave the relationship, or after he/she has been mean to you.
25) You can't remember the last time you felt happy for more than a few days straight.
based on this, it's not toxic definitely.
Originally posted by dumbdumb!:25 Ways to Tell if Your Relationship is Toxic
1) Your partner puts you down verbally, in private or in front of others.
2) Your partner tells you he/she loves you but behavior shows otherwise.
3) Your partner doesn't want you to see or talk to friends or family.4) Your partner
is jealous of the time you spend with yourkids.
5) Your partner shows up often at your work unexpectedly or opens your mail.
6) Your partner calls you often to see what you are doing.
7) You cry often or feel depressed over your relationship.
8) Your partner says you would have the perfect relationship if only you would change.
9) Your partner wants you to be dependent on him.
10) Your partner does things for you and then uses them to make you feel obligated.
11) Your thoughts, opinions, accomplishments, or words are devalued.
12) You don't know who you are anymore without him/her, or how you would survive.13) Your friends/family don't like your partner or don't think he is good for you.
14) You have changed things about yourself to suit your partner, even when it is not your taste.
15) You always go where your partner wants to, like movies, restaurants, etc.
16) Your partner has made you feel afraid or unsafe, and you have been afraid to speak the truth at times for fear of upsetting him/her (walking on eggshells).
17) You don't feel you have control of your life anymore.
18) Your self-esteem is lower since you've been with your partner.
19) You think it's up to you to make the relationship work.
20) You keep secrets about your relationship from others who love you because they wouldn't understand.
21) Your partner makes you feel unattractive or stupid.
22) Your partner accuses you of cheating and is overly jealous.
23) Your partner can be really sweet to you one minute, and really mean the next.
24) Your partner seems really sweet/loving to you when he/she thinks you are about to leave the relationship, or after he/she has been mean to you.
25) You can't remember the last time you felt happy for more than a few days straight.
based on this, it's not toxic definitely.
That's great. But obviously it's still important for you to find out what she meant by not meeting her emotional needs. Communication is the key. As many suggested it, try to talk about it with her.
Originally posted by honeymouse:That's great. But obviously it's still important for you to find out what she meant by not meeting her emotional needs. Communication is the key. As many suggested it, try to talk about it with her.
i think i am bad at this communication thing. =/
well you can always try with small simple questions? no one is an expert =)
Originally posted by honeymouse:That's great. But obviously it's still important for you to find out what she meant by not meeting her emotional needs. Communication is the key. As many suggested it, try to talk about it with her.
that's the exact reason why i asked for definition of "emotionally unavailable"! different peeps have different perspective. anyway, the only way to find out is to ask her.
Originally posted by dumbdumb!:i think i am bad at this communication thing. =/
Males are generally not good in communication. You don't need to be a talker and expert in communication but just need to do it effectively. Unfortunately to be able to maintain good relationship or friendship, you will need to be able to communicate.
What are her emotional needs? Does she herself knows?
Originally posted by dumbdumb!:25 Ways to Tell if Your Relationship is Toxic
1) Your partner puts you down verbally, in private or in front of others.
2) Your partner tells you he/she loves you but behavior shows otherwise.
3) Your partner doesn't want you to see or talk to friends or family.4) Your partner
is jealous of the time you spend with yourkids.
5) Your partner shows up often at your work unexpectedly or opens your mail.
6) Your partner calls you often to see what you are doing.
7) You cry often or feel depressed over your relationship.
8) Your partner says you would have the perfect relationship if only you would change.
9) Your partner wants you to be dependent on him.
10) Your partner does things for you and then uses them to make you feel obligated.
11) Your thoughts, opinions, accomplishments, or words are devalued.
12) You don't know who you are anymore without him/her, or how you would survive.13) Your friends/family don't like your partner or don't think he is good for you.
14) You have changed things about yourself to suit your partner, even when it is not your taste.
15) You always go where your partner wants to, like movies, restaurants, etc.
16) Your partner has made you feel afraid or unsafe, and you have been afraid to speak the truth at times for fear of upsetting him/her (walking on eggshells).
17) You don't feel you have control of your life anymore.
18) Your self-esteem is lower since you've been with your partner.
19) You think it's up to you to make the relationship work.
20) You keep secrets about your relationship from others who love you because they wouldn't understand.
21) Your partner makes you feel unattractive or stupid.
22) Your partner accuses you of cheating and is overly jealous.
23) Your partner can be really sweet to you one minute, and really mean the next.
24) Your partner seems really sweet/loving to you when he/she thinks you are about to leave the relationship, or after he/she has been mean to you.
25) You can't remember the last time you felt happy for more than a few days straight.
based on this, it's not toxic definitely.
ok noted.