lust or love?
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Originally posted by youyayu:
i am 21 years old this year and i am married =.=
No one cares. -
Originally posted by helpless:(:
I have known this guy for 3 weeks. He told me that it was love at first sight. He loves me a lot and we went out for 2 weeks,msned and smsed each other before he confessed his feelings. But all along,i have only treated him like a friend.
All my friends urged me to go into a relationship with him because he really unique from other guys and he loves me a lot. So i went ahead. He told me that he loves me..but i cant bring myself to say it..it is my first relationship,but im a bit apprehensive that it is lust and not love..because i dont believe that one can fall in love in 2 weeks..but ive already made clear to him that i wont have premarital sex.
i think i'm wary of him, thats why i cant really trust him entirely..i want to give myself a chance to fall in love with him..but how do i do it? what should i do? he is a good guy..i think the problem lies with me:(
You are right in saying that the problem lies with you, but the problem is probably not what you think it is. From your post, this guy has not demonstrate to have done anything suggestive to be condemn as lustful - I think you are getting your thoughts all wrong, confused and chaotic.Your relationship is blatantly a product of social forces; the 'urging' from your surrounding friends probably holds more weight than the paramount internal factors that should be doing the pulling instead. As much as friends have all the 'good intention'; equally likely are the fact that they might just want to catch a 'good show' created out of someone's life and their action/s being credited for 'being part of the production.'
If you need your friends to play judge in your love life, then I seriously suggest you pick a more suitable candidate to take on this role. If your friends reckoned that a two weeks passion is enough to determine the route to a decent relationship, then they must be guilty of the intention above or simply out of their mind. Astrologically speaking, these are Uranus-influenced passion - comes hastily as it goes. And there are good reasons why these phenomenons exist.
A chance to fall in love with him?
You kinda reverse the system, isn't it? You enter into a relationship, after which, you try to fall in love with him?
Paradox.
If you are feeling uncomfortable over this entire ordeal, I suggest you reconsider your choice soon before you start hurting someone badly. If you have to think about loving someone, rather than spontaneously love someone, I think this is a big problem.
The problem has nothing to do with lust or love; the problem is that you don't even know what you are into this relationship for.
Cheers
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Originally posted by helpless:(:
I have known this guy for 3 weeks. He told me that it was love at first sight. He loves me a lot and we went out for 2 weeks,msned and smsed each other before he confessed his feelings. But all along,i have only treated him like a friend.
All my friends urged me to go into a relationship with him because he really unique from other guys and he loves me a lot. So i went ahead. He told me that he loves me..but i cant bring myself to say it..it is my first relationship,but im a bit apprehensive that it is lust and not love..because i dont believe that one can fall in love in 2 weeks..but ive already made clear to him that i wont have premarital sex.
i think i'm wary of him, thats why i cant really trust him entirely..i want to give myself a chance to fall in love with him..but how do i do it? what should i do? he is a good guy..i think the problem lies with me:(
I think it's best that you and him remain as good friends for the time being and concentrate on your studies. You can tell him nicely that you appreciate his feelings, but you got other priorities other then b-g-r.
If he can persist of not chasing after other gals till after both of you complete your studies , then it proves he's a great guy who loves you. It's not too late to start your relationship with him once more.
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Originally posted by helpless:(:
Hi!
Im 19 and he is 20 years old. Seriously, im usually very clear headed and decisive..but when it came to this..i just couldnt think..everything happened so quickly.. but thanks for all of ur advice..i shall speak to him about my feelings(:
and he usually stares at my face for a long time..hahaha..to candiz"oh ya, if the guy when going out with you seem to be always looking at the boobs, butt, legs, the figure etc instead of focusing on the conversation between u 2, then it's highly likely to be lust, such r/s normally won't last long" so in my case..is it still relevant?
haha..thanks for ur advice and pointers(:
Rest assured, you're not the first=]] Even adults are lost at times when it comes to matters of the heart.
He stares at you instead of focusing on the conversation?
Well, i do have my suspicions but we cant really tell for sure what's going on in his mind. Try raising this issue with him and see how he reacts. You should really do so if you feel uncomfortable whenever he behaves in this manner.
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IMO, u start to love someone only after having a basic mutual frendship and understanding, which 2 week is certainly a little too fast.
Don go into a r/s juz for the sake of it.
Doesnt hurt juz to be friends with him right?
The status is so not neededin your case.