Advice and opinions needed. Thanks :)
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I would like to ask the opinions and advice of everyone about long term relationship.
First of all, I am new here and this is going to be my first post. :) It's going to be a wall of text so, if you are willing to help and tell me about your opinions or advice, thanks in advanced! :D
Here goes my wall of text...
Just a short introduction before I ask. My girlfriend and I have been together for 4 years, since we were 16 and we are both 20 years old this year. Many of our friends envy us because we are always so loving and faithful to each other. However, they did not know it took a lot of commitment in our relationship. (Countless quarrels, arguements, disagreements) Many months ago, we almost broke because she wasn't sure about her love anymore. Kinda like, love fades. I truly love her and I have never betrayed her trust. I couldn't get over her. I was really sad and down but I told her she will be the only one I will love no matter what. (I really meant it.) Shortly after 5-6 weeks, she told me she couldn't stop thinking about me. (because we spend time together in almost everywhere of Singapore. I live Boon Lay and she live Pasir Ris. One end to another. LOL) She miss me! (yay!) Everywhere she went, it's always about me and the promises I have given her. Right now, both us are still as loving as before. Faithfulness is what I promise her and that's what she love about me. (Yay again!) :)
Ok now, I am a little worried (or fear) that she you know, kind of feel that love fades again in future. =/ I am an optimistic person and I always try to look at the positive side in life and of our relationship. Some people say, it's usually because we have been together for too long and she might feel bored of being with me. I have always believed that, if you love someone, love never fades. “爱一个人是一辈å�的。” This is something that I have always believed in. My love have never fade for her. Good thing is, she has always been truthful to me. (and I am grateful for that!) Another thing is, I don't want to, like you know, "check" on her if she is seeing another guy because I want to trust her. It's not very nice to intrude her privacy. =/ I assume that (usually I never wanna assume things because if you assume you make an "ass" out of "u" and "me" <.<) it's probably because I am boring. Or it could be our relationship is monotorous. I am not quite sure...
I could go on and on but er... well to the questions. :D LOL.
My questions:
1) Love fades? Why does love fades? How do we prevent it from happening in a serious long-term relationship?
2) What can I do, to make our relationship even more fun, enjoyable? (For me, just being with her, and doing anything with her is more than enjoyable :D ) We er... spend time in sentosa, countless movies, countless shopping trips, been to almost every shopping mall you can think of in Singapore, swimming, canoeing...etc (Erm... I really can't think of what else we can really do, that we have never done before. ROFL) Yup, maybe tell me what you and your partner does together to bring both of you even more closer and make the time spent even more enjoyable! Do note that we are still students and we can't afford to travel, sadly. :(
3)What other kind of character traits should I develop so it make her love me more? Maybe the ladies are in a better position to help give opinions about this. What character traits are ladies always looking out for in a guy they love?
I do understand that we can't force love. People say go with the flow, let nature take its course. But we can't let EVERYTHING take it's own nature course. There are always commitments in a relationship to help make the intimacy and bond even stronger, and the love is always new everyday. :) I hope I can learn from the senior ones, and the many of you who are/were in a serious long term relationship because you guys and gals are more experienced than I am! :)
Thanks in advanced!
James aka Cloudie :D -
Originally posted by Cloudjamesx5:
I have always believed that, if you love someone, love never fades. “爱一个人是一辈å�的。”
dude, some things you can't escape, some things impossible to live without, some things you don't want to know.
so i believe it's not so important happy ever after, just that it's happy right now.
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Do both of u like the nature? Go to some short trip 2gether that will not spend much money..... Beaches. Snorkel, Cruises etc.
Love will reform to commitment that can't be avoided. But Friendship n relationship can be forever if both of u play it well....
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The usual...
Don't take her for granted. Don't become lazy/complacent.
Just because both of you are together for so long.. doesn't make your fart smell nice, or your morning breath bearable.
Keep up your appearance.. don't stop being attractive to her.
If she ask you " Am I fat ?".. just say " Not to me, honey."
If she ask you.." Is my ass too big ?" just say " Are you trying to make me horny, dear ?"
It's ok to let her be right all the time.... because that's not the most important part of the relationship.
Last but not least.. mean what you say.. not say what you mean, because men are always bad at communicating.
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Both sides dont take things for granted.
The rest is just lots and lots of communication.
Dont worry. As long as you believe, it will happen.
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Girls love pleasant surprises. For eg. bring some of her favourite choc or anything to make her day happy. It's those small little details that are important for a rs to work well.
U must make a girl feel pampered to make her feel loved. Like what others say, don't treat things for granted even though both of u have been together for 4 years. Love fades because everyday has become such a routine that it feels like being with a person has no special feelings anymore. That's why surprises are needed.
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A selection of love and dating advices or related articles...
http://www.whoworksaroundyou.com/love/index.php -
I see three things that show you have the right attitude towards a relationship.
1. Love fades? Why does love fades...
2. What can I do,...
3. What other kind of character traits should I develop...
When you ask these questions, it shows you are working on the relationship, and that is what that keeps a relationship going. You have to constantly keep working on it.
Always ask "What can I do?" to put that smile on her face.
But always be yourself, don't be a clown when you are not talented enough to be one. Simple things will suffice to make her smile, and it is easily sustainable. You ought to know by now what they are.
Unfortunately, you cannot afford to travel. Travelling together abroad test your relationship. When you are travelling together, you need to depend on each other, and work together. Many lovey-dovey couples quarrel and split on their first trip abroad, simply because they cannot decide to go left or right, or resent the other for not shouldering more responsibility. What do you think married llife is? It is also a journey together.
Keep pondering on the questions, and you will get the answers, for they are within you.
Trust yourself, be happy yourself, and you will spread that happiness.
Best Wishes!
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Remember..don't keep doing damage repair.. be pro-active to prevent damages.
Girls and guys gives love scores very differently.
One mistake will cost you 10 points.. and you only gain 1 point for every good thing you do for her ( no matter how expensive or how much effort, yes only one point for each)
So don't ever think that you can do make up your one mistake with one good deed. Doesn't work that way.
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Thanks all for the advice and tips appreciated. x)
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Originally posted by Cloudjamesx5:
I would like to ask the opinions and advice of everyone about long term relationship.
First of all, I am new here and this is going to be my first post. :) It's going to be a wall of text so, if you are willing to help and tell me about your opinions or advice, thanks in advanced! :D
Here goes my wall of text...
Just a short introduction before I ask. My girlfriend and I have been together for 4 years, since we were 16 and we are both 20 years old this year. Many of our friends envy us because we are always so loving and faithful to each other. However, they did not know it took a lot of commitment in our relationship. (Countless quarrels, arguements, disagreements) Many months ago, we almost broke because she wasn't sure about her love anymore. Kinda like, love fades. I truly love her and I have never betrayed her trust. I couldn't get over her. I was really sad and down but I told her she will be the only one I will love no matter what. (I really meant it.) Shortly after 5-6 weeks, she told me she couldn't stop thinking about me. (because we spend time together in almost everywhere of Singapore. I live Boon Lay and she live Pasir Ris. One end to another. LOL) She miss me! (yay!) Everywhere she went, it's always about me and the promises I have given her. Right now, both us are still as loving as before. Faithfulness is what I promise her and that's what she love about me. (Yay again!) :)
Ok now, I am a little worried (or fear) that she you know, kind of feel that love fades again in future. =/ I am an optimistic person and I always try to look at the positive side in life and of our relationship. Some people say, it's usually because we have been together for too long and she might feel bored of being with me. I have always believed that, if you love someone, love never fades. “爱一个人是一辈å�的。” This is something that I have always believed in. My love have never fade for her. Good thing is, she has always been truthful to me. (and I am grateful for that!) Another thing is, I don't want to, like you know, "check" on her if she is seeing another guy because I want to trust her. It's not very nice to intrude her privacy. =/ I assume that (usually I never wanna assume things because if you assume you make an "ass" out of "u" and "me" <.<) it's probably because I am boring. Or it could be our relationship is monotorous. I am not quite sure...
I could go on and on but er... well to the questions. :D LOL.
My questions:
1) Love fades? Why does love fades? How do we prevent it from happening in a serious long-term relationship?
2) What can I do, to make our relationship even more fun, enjoyable? (For me, just being with her, and doing anything with her is more than enjoyable :D ) We er... spend time in sentosa, countless movies, countless shopping trips, been to almost every shopping mall you can think of in Singapore, swimming, canoeing...etc (Erm... I really can't think of what else we can really do, that we have never done before. ROFL) Yup, maybe tell me what you and your partner does together to bring both of you even more closer and make the time spent even more enjoyable! Do note that we are still students and we can't afford to travel, sadly. :(
3)What other kind of character traits should I develop so it make her love me more? Maybe the ladies are in a better position to help give opinions about this. What character traits are ladies always looking out for in a guy they love?
I do understand that we can't force love. People say go with the flow, let nature take its course. But we can't let EVERYTHING take it's own nature course. There are always commitments in a relationship to help make the intimacy and bond even stronger, and the love is always new everyday. :) I hope I can learn from the senior ones, and the many of you who are/were in a serious long term relationship because you guys and gals are more experienced than I am! :)
Thanks in advanced!
James aka Cloudie :DI am in a relationship for more than 20 years and I think the number of times we quarrelled is less, much much lesser than you and her.
It's not something to be proud of when you said: "(Countless quarrels, arguements, disagreements)"
It is easier if you (and her) are in a more, much more compatible relationship. Therefore while you are still young, separate and date other people and if you two are meant together, then get back together after a year long break or if either of you find someone more compatible, just let go....
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最愛西湖三月天,斜風細雨é€�é�Šèˆ¹,å��年修得å�Œèˆ¹æ¸¡ï¼Œç™¾å¹´ä¿®å¾—å…±æž•çœ .
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if character wise doesn't match then there will be many disagreement and quarrels.
too many quarrels will result in fading love.
its time to let go and seek another love.
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dude.
You're okay. Nothing's wrong. People tend to get a little sensitive here and there. But it will end up right.
What' meant to be, would eventually be.
I give you around 4~5 more years before your engagement and marriage plans. =X hehz.
Goodluckz bro!
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Dude listen to jojobeach... what she says echoes what i have in mind..
IMO, you are behaving like a pussy because you are thinking too much. Only girls behave that way. Stop it. The very fact you are thinking too much shows the amount of confidence you have in yourself. What's meant to be will be... don't force it. You can't force girls to like you. Give them space to breathe. Appreciate them for who they are. Appreciate their beauty, their body, their lips, their sensuality. Give value, don't suck value. Most importantly, kill that neediness in you for her attention.
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Originally posted by Cloudjamesx5:
My questions:
1) Love fades? Why does love fades? How do we prevent it from happening in a serious long-term relationship?1a.Very possible due to many factors & reason even if married couples..
1b.Sian,no more fresh feeling,take things for granted,大男人主义,
1c.Average (base on my views) relationship of Long term RS will turn bland in bout 5 years, cos females are very sensitive person, you twitch abit she will know what you gonna do liao...It hv to be both commited parties that is really in love...OR get married wid kids(my views) to so called locked her, some may stay due to child..(my views only) Mayb u can be always unpreditable, do some sweet stuffs to keep make her feel curious..I ever heard a m8 told me...watever you do, try to do it like the 1st time wid her..
2) What can I do, to make our relationship even more fun, enjoyable? (For me, just being with her, and doing anything with her is more than enjoyable :D ) We er... spend time in sentosa, countless movies, countless shopping trips, been to almost every shopping mall you can think of in Singapore, swimming, canoeing...etc (Erm... I really can't think of what else we can really do, that we have never done before. ROFL) Yup, maybe tell me what you and your partner does together to bring both of you even more closer and make the time spent even more enjoyable! Do note that we are still students and we can't afford to travel, sadly. :(For you seems to me is like very "standert" le..which she may feel sian...I also quite same as you.. so now i do things very sweet,make her feel love like in wooing stage..its tiring but LL..
3)What other kind of character traits should I develop so it make her love me more? Maybe the ladies are in a better position to help give opinions about this. What character traits are ladies always looking out for in a guy they love?No comments, i'm me, full of rubbish when i talk to my gf, i never change for anyone..If a female really ove you mean they see you good & forgo the bad..not you change yourself to suit her..(my views)
I do understand that we can't force love. People say go with the flow, let nature take its course. But we can't let EVERYTHING take it's own nature course. There are always commitments in a relationship to help make the intimacy and bond even stronger, and the love is always new everyday. :) I hope I can learn from the senior ones, and the many of you who are/were in a serious long term relationship because you guys and gals are more experienced than I am! :)True, sometimes hv to do something in order to let the other things happen..
In RS, i think is not something that can easily be taught.. it comes from experiance from previous RS, what i do wrong b4 does not mean you will do wrong...*what i had done wrong b4 mayb you also also commited but you yourself dunno...so how to teach?
If want to learn how to "lock" it in the 1st place or how to mouth flower flower to sian girls, mayb i can share with you..most of my previous RS is count by years, currently coming 3rd year this valetine day, dun say those part-time or ONS. In long term RS, i feel its how you lock her heart in the 1st place, to make her think that you are the one..*Some females is very pratical, sometimes guys hv to see open..1 female bad does not mean all females bad..there is still some i know will die for love.(almost anyone will, is just they have not meet the chosen one)Hope it helps.. -
Love don't fade if u are in a long term commitment. The first yr is honeymoon stage, getting to know each other. Once u know each other for long, u will find out all the flaws & weaknesses. If minor, then accept it cos nobody is perfect. But if u find that u both are quarrelling a lot, then maybe your characters are not suitable. It can be tiring, if one party gives in every time. For long term relationship, u both must be committed to work hard, have same goals (like getting married & starting a family) and trust in each other. Also continue to have friends & hobbies, u need time for yourself. Too much togetherness can kill a relationship. Don't keep doing the same thing, can be boring. Visit art museums, go for plays, computer shows, expo sale, gym, long walks, fishing, anything free. Visualise what your future home/wedding will be like, go Ikea, plan holidays etc. That way, u have lots to talk about & communication is very impt.