GF lied to me. I am very sad.
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TS time to move on. The past is the past. If you keep dragging it up and use it everytime in an argument eg how you're posting it here, your r/s is doomed.
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but do guys really mind their gf past? i know is past liao but i am still very blur leh.
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do guys really ask their gf on their past? i do not have much experience in relationships. previous 2 are just short lived..
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You have to ask yourself if you can live with a person with such personality.
Personally, I understand what you mean. I, too, have come across this type of easily conned, naive woman. A person's personality is hard to change, you know.
If I am in your position, I would just go along but not commitment anything. More importantly, I would not attached too much emotion to her until I am 100% sure of her -
problem is i am already putting too much into this relationship liao. i dun wanna hurt her too.
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I really don't see the problem. Why does her past affect you so bad. Sure it'd affect me too but hey, it's a relationship, and it takes two hands to clap. You don't give it your all, when she's gone, too bad.
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Like Keii says why not focus on what you can bring into the r/s instead of analysing her past?
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It is not a matter of "you put too much" or "you will hurt her".
Look at it this way, four months and it is too much love?
In the future, what happens when what you fear really happens and you cannot take it?
Divorce her? beat up the other party? beat her up? drink alcohol until you get liver problem? or what?
As I said, the question are
"Do you mind her pass?"
"Do you mind if she stray again?"
"Can your love for her be strong enough to forgive her?"
Frankly, I think four months relationship is too rush... -
urmm hi..
seems like a serious topic..
so i should say.. i am just stating my thoughts after reading the whole thread...
i am a sec sch kiddo... so dun take me seriously.. and i had nv been in a relationship b4...
but when i imagine my wife having sex with not one.. but so many ppl b4.. i have the feeling that is like.. i am disgusted by her acts or wat.. and also, i will then have the lost of sense of security.. i mean, it is suddenly having a girl that i noe very well.. and the facts told me that i dun even noe one bit bout this girl...
nvm if u dun get wat i meant...
anyway.. i hope this wont make relationship worse for u both.. cuz i am just pouring out my thoughts..
and also.. from my reading experience about forum post.. i learnt that u should forgive ur gf, TS.. u cant condemn her for just those acts.. its like.. imagine when u were young and u did something wrong and stupid.. then when u grow up u think back again.. and u realise u are such a fool, an idiot...
similarly.. u cant condemn urself.. like u are gonna condemn ur GF.. everything is the past.. ppl do change.. and for ur case.. ur GF is now changing for the better.. she is committed in u.. which is hard to find... its rare, and u will regret it if u let her go...
and even if i were u, i have those thoughts.. which are quite similar to u.. i still will cherish her... and of cuz discuss with her.. now the problem no longer lies with her, it lies with u... u need to let her noe everything u are feeling.. everything that u are scared of.. make her promise u.. and let u have back that kind of sense of security that u are lacking.. i guess relationship is all about helping one another...
also.. dun take me seriously.. i just wanted to type out all my thoughts and reasoning..
Cheers
IA -
Originally posted by 4sg:
It is not a matter of "you put too much" or "you will hurt her".
Look at it this way, four months and it is too much love?
In the future, what happens when what you fear really happens and you cannot take it?
Divorce her? beat up the other party? beat her up? drink alcohol until you get liver problem? or what?
As I said, the question are
"Do you mind her pass?"
"Do you mind if she stray again?"
"Can your love for her be strong enough to forgive her?"
Frankly, I think four months relationship is too rush...
like i said the previous post.. the problem now lies with TS not with his gf...and yes i agree with u..
IA
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What you are bothered about is the seeming betrayal of your trust by her not fully coming clean when given the opportunity to do so.
In your mind, the biggest question is, "Will it happen again?"
That is the biggest obstacle you face in repairing your r/s. It doesn't matter if she really came clean about everything or she still has something hidden because ultimately, you are the one who has the naggy feeling at the back of your head that there MIGHT be another case of confession from her.
I think you need to reevaluate your position now. Are you willing to forget about this whole thing completely and move on with her or will you keep having this naggy voice at the back of your head being suspicious of every action and sentence she says?
If you can't banish this voice, the best course of option for both you and her is to go your separate ways because the breach of trust was simply too much to bear for either of you. You will subconsciously use this precedent to emotionally blackmail you and her in the future.
If you can ignore this voice and completely forget about it, then go ahead and repair the r/s.
The choice is yours.
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look on the bright side.
u can get plenty of it frm her.
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wow.... detached sound so pro
Anyway to TS, you might be thinking too far. As one of the forumer had said, go along and observe, but don't need to put 100% commitment yet until you are very sure of her.
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Originally posted by eagle:
wow.... detached sound so pro
Anyway to TS, you might be thinking too far. As one of the forumer had said, go along and observe, but don't need to put 100% commitment yet until you are very sure of her.
Not pro, just want to be as constructive as possible.That forumer was me :P
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I read through all, but cannot remember who, and lazy to look back
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I urge him to go slow because in his situation, serious and meaningful future relationship can only takes place when both parties have 100% trust and understand of each other.
He must be patience to see if the relationship can bear fruit, ie if their personalities can match.
I know what TS means by "attracted to such woman". I, too, have met a easily conned, naive woman. But she did not let me know her pass. Such woman is womanly, soft, attractive.
But having gone into it, now I know this type of woman's personality and mine will not work. Only woman who is strong and independent. Look at it possitively, it can be a good discovery. -
Originally posted by Detached:
Make that 4 things:
4) The combined IQ and EQ of your friends are probably lower than mine
jkjk---------------------------------------------------------------------------
At Rock_Star:
1 occurrence doesn't establish a pattern.
Based on your reasoning, if you lied once, you ought to be immediately discredited. So what you expounded is probably bogus?
Aw, come on.
You do sound like a green faced know-it-all here. I was asking him the question, not smacking it in his face. -
Dear Bros.Thanks for the replies. There seems to be 2 camps of replies from my frens and all the bros here. My frens told me to dump her and leopard never changes its spots.
But all the bro here seems to admire her guts to confess..
I've actually met up with her just now. She told me that if I can't take it can choose to leave, but she will can't bear lor but for my happiness. She is ok with it.
I asked her why she confess with me only recently, she says that this things is pondering her mind for the past 3 months and it is the best for me to know. She is asking for me a second chance and she will be truthfully to me..
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should be glad he cheated you for only 4 months instead of 4 years
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The feeling also sucks knowing your girlfriend's sexual past. More importantly is the future if you want to carry on this relationship.
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The following advice from me is just my own thoughts.
What she have done is all in the past, everyone surely has committed some mistake in their lives, nobody is perfect. Since she had confessed in you would most probably mean that she trusts you and hoping that you would forgive what she has done.Frankly speaking, if the girl is my gf, i wouldnt mind what she has done in the past. If i really like that person, i would be willing to give her the best in the world and also make her forget those 2 incidents.
Thats mine thoughts, in the end, its still up to u. Are you willing to forgive her and embark on this relationship with her or are you gonna let her go and carry on with your life. The choice is yours. -
To jerry1:
I see now. It's the part where u r afraid in future, if u and her ever go thru a rough patch, and then she gets sweet talked by some guy and then do it with him.
This is the crux of ur entire concern, right?
I regard this kind of lie (the part where she claims she didnt have sex with the 2nd guy when actually she did) as a crucial lie. It's the kind of lie where it haunts u again and again. Becos in order to cover up one lie, she cooks up another one. It jus snowballs. Maybe u shd now start looking back about all the things she has told u about the 2nd guy and then question which one is true or false.
At the end of the day, in a r/s, it's all about trust. If u live ur life with ur loved one not being able to trust her fully, u will have a hard time and many sleepless nights....plus a heart racing all the time.
May I suggest that u go all out and work this thing out with her. Tell her ur concern and u mus see to it that she has the determination never to repeat the mistake again. But then again, if she ever screws up again, pls do remember: despite all the happy times that u have been thru, her shit baggage is no excuse for u not to give this r/s up and search for a better and deserving gal.
Trust me, I have had my fair share of lying women, all in the name of covering up their past.
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As the saying goes, 'the past is the past'. But is it really? Why do we study history? So that we can gauge the future better.
A person's past came about becos of certain habits and lines of thought. If she can change, it's good. But if she can't, then no point burying the past cos it's bound to resurface again where u least expect it.
Of course, everyone deserves a 2nd chance, maybe even 3rd, 4th. Sometimes a person's determination to change is highly enhanced with a loved one's trust, forgiveness and support but then again, if a leopard..or rather a woman cannot change her spots, then so be it. Time for someone better.
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The past doesnt matter.
Wad matters the most is now and the future.
Look ahead.
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Bro Rock Star and all who replied, thanks alot for guiding me along this tough time of my life. I never felt so shitty before.
She told that she confess because we wants me to know. She is asking me for another chance to prove herself.