can someone advise me?
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hi everyone, i really need advice from you guys regarding my situation.
I am currently attached.. and i have fallen for another girl. I know from the way i say, you guys might think i am a bastard.. but let me continue.. sorry for the long story..
I am attached with my gf for almost 3 years..throughout these 3 yrs, there are high and lows.. except tat she voiced out to me since last year, that she asked me if i will go back with her to china (she is a prc) after we graduated from poly. Tat time, i really dont know how to answer her, and i just brushed it away.. my mum know tat she is my gf, and does not like her tat much due to she is a prc..and thinks tat prc and sporean will not have a bright future ahead.. i know my mum is biased... but somehw i think wad my mum says make sense..
As my cousin jus got married recently, and i saw the whole process of marrying the bride, preparing the bridal gifts, gowns, issuing and preparing for relatives and friends to the dinner and ceremony.. if i were to marry my gf in future, i really cant foresee anything.. it will be a headache and a real hassle.. as her parents and relatives are all in china, she once mentioned to me b4, if i were to marry her, i must move to china with her, and get settled there.. my parents will surely nt agree to this, as i am the eldest son... i asked her if this can be negotiated, like u stay with me in spore,and have babies.. she say she cant, as she need to looked after her parents in china...
sigh... a big headache isn't it? 1 year later to present, i in my 3rd year of poly.. i met a girl who is in my gf class.. we grouped together through a module we need to take.. the girl which i have met, the 1st few times i never have any thoughts for her.. till as time pass by, where we have more chances to talk to each other,and worked together.. i get to know her better... and realised that we have many things in common.. and we really clicked..after class at home, most of the time we chatted in sms, or msn.. soon i realised i have feelings for her.. but i din tell her, as i know my current situation.. and she din showed any obvious signs of having feelings for me.. I think through my actions, she will have suspected bah..
i am really confused.. one hand, i am pretty sure i have no future with my gf.. as she will return to china one day... and on the other hand, i have a feeling that this girl has a future with me.. i really hope to woo her openly.. but i cant.. u all must be asking me, y not break off with ur current gf? the answer is, I dont know hw to say it to her.. we have been together for 3 yrs, and if i wanna end the relationship with her, she will sure ask y.. i cnt probably say i fall in love with anothet girl,and the girl is in the same class as her.. she will feeel more sad and disapointted.. she is a nice girl.. no doubt.. but i know we wont hve a future.. i really dont wish to hurt her..
can anyone advise me? thanks in advance
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u better ask her get singapore PR... or some other compromises...
u r the man, u wear the pants in the house if u r to marry her,
if u move there, then u r married into her family... in chinese, is called "ru zui"...
u tell her, "if u expect me to move there so tat u can go back to china to take care of ur parents, then me leh? i no parents to take care is it..."
u got other choices for her... if u 2 r to marry,
1) ask her parents to move here to singapore.
2) ask her to remit money to them monthly, n then for twice a year or so, both of u can fly there to visit them. -
Being together is about working through the problems hand-in-hand, not giving up at the slightest obstacle.
Being committed is to be devoted and true to the relationship, not succumbing to temptations.
And faithfulness is about unwavering belief and loyalty.
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You're just a faithless mama's boy who lacks strength of character. Stop trying to justify for this and that.
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sounds like your love relationship is not mutual. if ur PRC girlfriend understand u then u would not be so vexed about all these things. Sense that ur current relationship with PRC GF would not last. If u fall in love with another girl for a future, then that relationship also would not last, after ur new GF discovered how you ditched ur previous GF. you still have NS and Uni to go, plenty of opporunities and time concentrate on ur study and future. Both parties are still immature.
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Originally posted by Detached:
Being together is about working through the problems hand-in-hand, not giving up at the slightest obstacle.
Being committed is to be devoted and true to the relationship, not succumbing to temptations.
And faithfulness is about unwavering belief and loyalty.
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You're just a faithless mama's boy who lacks strength of character. Stop trying to justify for this and that.
Quite agree! U and yr current gf shall both compromise and gives in abit to each other to work to a solution. Giving excuses really makes u look like a bastard. -
some prc gals are very snobbish, i don't really like
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well be optimistic . ^^ .
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Originally posted by candiz:
some prc gals are very snobbish, i don't really like
i couldnt agree more...
one china private school girl even try to make me bed her, so that she can scheme to make me support (bao yang) her... -
Please note that this thread is not about racial bashing.
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Originally posted by Detached:
Please note that this thread is not about racial bashing.
aint racial at all... same race what... chinese blood...
its reality at its best... -
mayb himself is a china haha
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mayb himself is a china haha
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Originally posted by klivee:
mayb himself is a china haha
Maybe this is the reason why your teacher told you that you wouldn't make it for "O" levels
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i am a singaporean.. and thanks to those who gave me comments.. regardless of the opinions you gave.. good or bad...
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Originally posted by Rednano:
i couldnt agree more...
one china private school girl even try to make me bed her, so that she can scheme to make me support (bao yang) her...then you never cry after you finish and say you're hers liao tell her to take care of you instead.
to ts: are you sure you need advise from us? you don't want to marry her and move to china then nothing to talk about already. still trouble for what? but at least you want to break also make sure break properly don't make everyone unhappy.
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haha big stalker . i am good in economics but not studies (: .
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i didnt fuck her in the end... she is a very cunning 'hidden dagger in the smile' girl
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If you think there is no future for both of u, why not just make things clear?
It might hurt her badly, but that is for her own good too, so that both of u can move on and look for the true happiness. -
either she stay here with PR status, or u married into her family n moved to china...
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You are a bastard even after reading all your excuses.
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This is your personal matter, think about it yourself.
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Originally posted by Dark_Eden:
hi everyone, i really need advice from you guys regarding my situation.
I am currently attached.. and i have fallen for another girl. I know from the way i say, you guys might think i am a bastard.. but let me continue.. sorry for the long story..
I am attached with my gf for almost 3 years..throughout these 3 yrs, there are high and lows.. except tat she voiced out to me since last year, that she asked me if i will go back with her to china (she is a prc) after we graduated from poly. Tat time, i really dont know how to answer her, and i just brushed it away.. my mum know tat she is my gf, and does not like her tat much due to she is a prc..and thinks tat prc and sporean will not have a bright future ahead.. i know my mum is biased... but somehw i think wad my mum says make sense..
As my cousin jus got married recently, and i saw the whole process of marrying the bride, preparing the bridal gifts, gowns, issuing and preparing for relatives and friends to the dinner and ceremony.. if i were to marry my gf in future, i really cant foresee anything.. it will be a headache and a real hassle.. as her parents and relatives are all in china, she once mentioned to me b4, if i were to marry her, i must move to china with her, and get settled there.. my parents will surely nt agree to this, as i am the eldest son... i asked her if this can be negotiated, like u stay with me in spore,and have babies.. she say she cant, as she need to looked after her parents in china...
sigh... a big headache isn't it? 1 year later to present, i in my 3rd year of poly.. i met a girl who is in my gf class.. we grouped together through a module we need to take.. the girl which i have met, the 1st few times i never have any thoughts for her.. till as time pass by, where we have more chances to talk to each other,and worked together.. i get to know her better... and realised that we have many things in common.. and we really clicked..after class at home, most of the time we chatted in sms, or msn.. soon i realised i have feelings for her.. but i din tell her, as i know my current situation.. and she din showed any obvious signs of having feelings for me.. I think through my actions, she will have suspected bah..
i am really confused.. one hand, i am pretty sure i have no future with my gf.. as she will return to china one day... and on the other hand, i have a feeling that this girl has a future with me.. i really hope to woo her openly.. but i cant.. u all must be asking me, y not break off with ur current gf? the answer is, I dont know hw to say it to her.. we have been together for 3 yrs, and if i wanna end the relationship with her, she will sure ask y.. i cnt probably say i fall in love with anothet girl,and the girl is in the same class as her.. she will feeel more sad and disapointted.. she is a nice girl.. no doubt.. but i know we wont hve a future.. i really dont wish to hurt her..
can anyone advise me? thanks in advance
You should share with us why you liked your PRC girlfriend in the first place and what caused you to want to be together with her previously?If not, then it's not fair if you only want to PAINT YOUR OWN DESIRES in here and shed some bad light upon your PRC girlfriend.
I believed there are nice PRC girls and also nice SG girls around, so you need to be fair to both of them and tell us the good news about them and bad news about your own desires.
Afterall, your PRC girlfriend can't really be that bad if she doesn't mind to be together with you for 3 years right?
But you also cannot be wronged since you have shown us that you have absolutely no fault in this whole situation which you have created for yourself......right?
Help us to help you ok?
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Originally posted by parn:
You should share with us why you liked your PRC girlfriend in the first place and what caused you to want to be together with her previously?If not, then it's not fair if you only want to PAINT YOUR OWN DESIRES in here and shed some bad light upon your PRC girlfriend.
I believed there are nice PRC girls and also nice SG girls around, so you need to be fair to both of them and tell us the good news about them and bad news about your own desires.
Afterall, your PRC girlfriend can't really be that bad if she doesn't mind to be together with you for 3 years right?
But you also cannot be wronged since you have shown us that you have absolutely no fault in this whole situation which you have created for yourself......right?
Help us to help you ok?
Shut up, ah qua. YOu don't even know about love, and wanna advise, go back to your desker road and continue your work as sex worker.
Can't even be honest and true with your gender and wanna give advise. No credibiity.
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maybe you should sit down and talk to her
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Originally posted by Dark_Eden:
hi everyone, i really need advice from you guys regarding my situation.
I am currently attached.. and i have fallen for another girl. I know from the way i say, you guys might think i am a bastard.. but let me continue.. sorry for the long story..
I am attached with my gf for almost 3 years..throughout these 3 yrs, there are high and lows.. except tat she voiced out to me since last year, that she asked me if i will go back with her to china (she is a prc) after we graduated from poly. Tat time, i really dont know how to answer her, and i just brushed it away.. my mum know tat she is my gf, and does not like her tat much due to she is a prc..and thinks tat prc and sporean will not have a bright future ahead.. i know my mum is biased... but somehw i think wad my mum says make sense..
As my cousin jus got married recently, and i saw the whole process of marrying the bride, preparing the bridal gifts, gowns, issuing and preparing for relatives and friends to the dinner and ceremony.. if i were to marry my gf in future, i really cant foresee anything.. it will be a headache and a real hassle.. as her parents and relatives are all in china, she once mentioned to me b4, if i were to marry her, i must move to china with her, and get settled there.. my parents will surely nt agree to this, as i am the eldest son... i asked her if this can be negotiated, like u stay with me in spore,and have babies.. she say she cant, as she need to looked after her parents in china...
sigh... a big headache isn't it? 1 year later to present, i in my 3rd year of poly.. i met a girl who is in my gf class.. we grouped together through a module we need to take.. the girl which i have met, the 1st few times i never have any thoughts for her.. till as time pass by, where we have more chances to talk to each other,and worked together.. i get to know her better... and realised that we have many things in common.. and we really clicked..after class at home, most of the time we chatted in sms, or msn.. soon i realised i have feelings for her.. but i din tell her, as i know my current situation.. and she din showed any obvious signs of having feelings for me.. I think through my actions, she will have suspected bah..
i am really confused.. one hand, i am pretty sure i have no future with my gf.. as she will return to china one day... and on the other hand, i have a feeling that this girl has a future with me.. i really hope to woo her openly.. but i cant.. u all must be asking me, y not break off with ur current gf? the answer is, I dont know hw to say it to her.. we have been together for 3 yrs, and if i wanna end the relationship with her, she will sure ask y.. i cnt probably say i fall in love with anothet girl,and the girl is in the same class as her.. she will feeel more sad and disapointted.. she is a nice girl.. no doubt.. but i know we wont hve a future.. i really dont wish to hurt her..
can anyone advise me? thanks in advance
When one is young, one tends to think he/she will live forever and there will be plenty of time. Time to make changes, that will grant us a happy everafter.But one day we will eventually wake up to our own mortality, more so when time flew by and it seemed only yesterday when promises were made.
You had like the girl, wanted her and be wanted in return, BUT without a thought for the future. The 'future' had come, and is closer than you realized. Thus your fear for the committment.
Social conventions don't really matter if you both are truly in love with each other. True love is not about giving and taking. True love is about giving and accepting, expecting nothing in return. It may make you loser, but think about it - What had you lose that you did not desire for? Eg - you want her happy always, but you feel miserable if it was not return. It is the 'return' that you seek, an expectation, which no longer makes love true. I am not sure if you understand this truth, not many do, more so our ever pragmatic and self centred fellow citizens.
But nevertheless, find common comfort in the generally accepted truth - that relationships are purely friendships, not marriage where sacred vows are exchanged, and friendships need not be binding if feelings are not mutual. Time may had been wasted, but better now to learn and accept the truth than to suffer longer, worse when sacred vows are exchanges and the innocent next generation comes forth.
Be honest and tell her the truth, but help convince her to change her mind if she truly wants you. If she truly loves you, she will seek a compromise as you would, but if she is adamant to have her way, then rest assured she would rather dump you than to give in. You should then have no fear or feel guilty, but rather, you should fear yourself for feeling guilty and want to cling on to her, selfishly, for you will not give in to her way.