Peom, what do u think?
-
... any feedback liao?
i wrote the peom myself after i had a quarrel with my hubby a few months ago... trying to express my feeling by writing peom after many attempts (my bin is full of papers
).
I also thought of putting this peom in my website that is dedicated to my hubby only on v-day. everything i expect / plan is not what he was doing on v-day.
anyway, i do hope that he can open the card when he gets to workplace, asking him to surf that website today. also, i do hope he appreciate my "few late nights" work on it. however, he only appreciate my gift of perfume when he open it in front of me 10 min b4 valentine day is over. i got a kiss from him....
at least, he appreicate that gift, but no to open card/surf website. 
"A Shoulder for you to hug ..."
is the very important to me and my life well as human being
to carry the burdens together, meet the emotions needs, support
When carry burden, important is to share the things you have been unhappy/happy each day,
Listen to each other
Simply need a shoulder for you to hug to lighten burden.
When feeling sorrow, no good, unhappy with the things anybody do,
Listen to each other
Simply need a shoulder for you to hug to make a smile grow (sometimes tears need hands to wipe).
When happy and be joyful,
Listen to each other
Simply need a shoulder for you to hug to feel a sense of success in the efforts after a few attempts.
These 3 things go with "SUPPORT".
Without a Shoulder for you to hug, HOW to make a person feel a sense of love / understanding and can lead him/her astray to wrong way or think anything unnecessary.
~ Peom written by ME !?! ~ -
No offence... But sounds a bit like a 'request list' to me...?Originally posted by millienium_bear:... any feedback liao?
i wrote the peom myself after i had a quarrel with my hubby a few months ago... trying to express my feeling by writing peom after many attempts (my bin is full of papers).
I also thought of putting this peom in my website that is dedicated to my hubby only on v-day. everything i expect / plan is not what he was doing on v-day.
anyway, i do hope that he can open the card when he gets to workplace, asking him to surf that website today. also, i do hope he appreciate my "few late nights" work on it. however, he only appreciate my gift of perfume when he open it in front of me 10 min b4 valentine day is over. i got a kiss from him.... at least, he appreicate that gift, but no to open card/surf website. -
loving u deep down in my heart
missing u ever since from the start,
thinking of u from dawn till dusk,
for in my life, ur the missing part.
copyright De|usi0n -
i wish i could turn back the clock,
to the 1st time i saw u at the bus-stop,
i thought i found a true friend i was shock,
for no one understand me - not even God.
copyright De|usi0n
i wrote this for my 1st gf, when we broke up. just a part from a foolscape long poem....
If anyone knows a Erin Lee from TKGS, tell her i still missed her. -
the effort u put in is admirable but there are some grammatical errors there....so it sound kind of weird....but quite cool nevertheless.Originally posted by millienium_bear:... any feedback liao?
i wrote the peom myself after i had a quarrel with my hubby a few months ago... trying to express my feeling by writing peom after many attempts (my bin is full of papers).
I also thought of putting this peom in my website that is dedicated to my hubby only on v-day. everything i expect / plan is not what he was doing on v-day.
anyway, i do hope that he can open the card when he gets to workplace, asking him to surf that website today. also, i do hope he appreciate my "few late nights" work on it. however, he only appreciate my gift of perfume when he open it in front of me 10 min b4 valentine day is over. i got a kiss from him.... at least, he appreicate that gift, but no to open card/surf website. -
thank for your feedback... anyway, me open to any feedback or critisims.
i try to edit this peom... -
Originally posted by De|usi0n:
i wish i could turn back the clock,
to the 1st time i saw u at the bus-stop,
ithought i found a true friend i was shock,
for no one understand me - not even God.
[b]copyright De|usi0n
i wrote this for my 1st gf, when we broke up. just a part from a foolscape long poem....
If anyone knows a Erin Lee from TKGS, tell her i still missed her. [/b] at least, someone appreciate your peom.. -
who u mean?Originally posted by millienium_bear: at least, someone appreciate your peom.. -
Erin Lee??? sec 4 1999 batch?
-
i think not...1999 she out of tkgs liao..Originally posted by Master -_-:Erin Lee??? sec 4 1999 batch? -
oohhhh.... she is from tennis am i right?Originally posted by De|usi0n:i think so -
oh not..she not into sport..wrong lumber..thanks for trying..i cannot find my lost love liao...tas y i'm so incomplete..and bo liao.Originally posted by Master -_-:oohhhh.... she is from tennis am i right? -
i got the year book now la... erin lee class 4b 1999...Originally posted by De|usi0n:oh not..she not into sport..wrong lumber..thanks for trying..i cannot find my lost love liao...tas y i'm so incomplete..and bo liao. -
No lah... What I was trying to say is... You certainly don't want your hubby to feel a bit 'tied down' when he receive your 'gift'..? He could thinking otherwise ya know..? Especially if he's tired already or what... And you say something untimely right after your 'gift', he might get the WRONG idea...?Originally posted by millienium_bear: at least, someone appreciate your peom..
By the way, it's POEM... Not peom.... -
yah thankfully, tot i was missing out on an entire new branch of literature... everyone was going peom peom
-
nice poem.. as long as it's written by u and not copied, it's nice..