Hi all, I've a problem here, hopefully u can give me some advice. Thanks..
I'm currently 20yr old guy, turning 21 this year. Lemme give a background of how i got to know this gal. I got to know her thru another friend thru 1st 3 months in J1(2005). Back then she was sec4 and i barely know her but gave her encouragement as she neared her exams. We only came to our first meet-up in april when I was in J2(2006), meaning she just started her poly. Eventually, we got into bgr in mid-september the same year and broke up by middle of my Alvl exams coz there was miscommunication on both parts.
I went into NS, met her a few times in the early to mid part of my NS life and we didn't really contact after that. Fast forward to mid-march this year, she(age 20 this year) decided to get a career in the army because of family problems. Her parents' health was taking a toil and she had to find a way to support them soon. During a medical check-up, she happened to chance upon a medic who took an interest in her. It was all fine, she told me about it but i just ask her to be open.
Then within 2weeks or so of communication between them, the guy suggested that they leave for Aust with him to take his masters. He disregarded her family as well as her situation and on top of that, he declared to her his sexual history. Till this time, despite of wat she told me, i didn't worry yet as the guy perhaps could be very open, though a lil awkward. He even declared her as his gf even though she didn't consent to it but she went along with it. By the 3rd wk, she confessed to me that he had taken some advantage of her and is rather confused about how he treat her. She has a close friend whom she confesses to also and both of us agreed that the relationship is very fishy and told her that the guy wants her just for sex. She was too blinded by then to consider but as a result of taking our concerns into consideration, she had some arguments with him. I'm really worried by now as it's not totally her to be hurried into a r/s, she said she seem persuaded as she couldn't out-talk him. He even mentioned to her one day that he wanted to meet up on a wkend so he could release on her. All this got me very worried as i plainly know she was being taken advantage of. I told her that i'll confront the guy and let him know that he should treat her with respect or not to contact her again. She declined me doing that. All these got me very confused but i still had an objective mind then. The fact that i wanted to help her but couldn't becoz she declined my help made me feel very difficult and helpless inside as i felt some sort of a obligation to help her. I've been worried for her for the past 2weeks or so and was shocked that her incident has shocked my daily routine rather badly. I totally didn't know y as she's only my friend.
My point is that as long as she is happy, i'll be happy but this turn of events simply tells me that her happiness will be short-lived becoz it isn't a serious relationship at all. Her close friend had the same sentiment with me. At one point, i couldn't take it and shared my concerns about the relationship and her long-term happiness, that it wasn't her to be like that and as much as i could give her advice, i can hope for the best of her. I didn't want her to be hurt deeply. The sort of scenario where i wanted to help her but her clouded judgement impeded my help has left me feeling mildly depressed and helpless. Fortunately, she took some sense in and has so far rejected his sexual requests. I felt disgusted when he requested oral sex from her everyday. Seriously, yet there's nothing i could do. She has asked me help on how to break up the r/s with her so-called bf but i tried to be as neutral as possible without launching personal attacks against the guy. She still meets up with him once a week. Oh btw, he's 24.
Honestly, i'm very afraid that i was badly affected becoz i might still harbour some feelings for her even though it has been 2.5 years., dunno if this is normal. Just 2 days ago, she wanted to call me as she felt emo and upset about the r/s. But she still wants to meet him once a week. Though i consider myself a ratonal person, i could no longer be rational anymore about anything she says. Furthermore, i'm beginning to feel emotionally tired and drained by these events. I'm really not sure what i should do next with her and wat i should do for myself..
Sorry for taking some of yr time reading the situation, some advice is greatly appreciated..
Didn't finish reading, bottom line.
Get over it, she's treating you as the good friend now, no longer the boyfriend.
haha...i'm trying my best to get over it. I just hope i didn't have to be bothered with these things, really...
- u are twenty ... and what u are expereincing is the pangs of growth in all its shades - only suggestion is - be aware that all that cross ur path have something to impart - it presupposes that u are awake lar, ur message is how u relate and live, that is all that matters - the wise would see u as u are, the dense would see the their past or the future in u!
fuguzzi....your posts is too chim for me to interpret le...can explain in simpler terms?
all that u feel and go thru now is normal, it is part of evolving, maturing, so take it easy, those who claim to care for u and even love u - will let u be, they may offer suggestions and let u decide - there is no rite, there is no wrong, as long it does not interfere with someone's peace. advice - is telling u what to be or what to do, suggestions are - lay the choices or cards on the table n respect what u choose to be or do, the more u look for quick answers - the more u are going to feel uneasy, it will come to u, patience lar, if u feel confused - my suggestion - never make big decisions, whatever the situation, wait and .....
let the clouds clear, u mentioned clouds - what are these "clouds" - created by others opinions, views, advice or created by ur opinions, views or ideas of love, life and etc etc, -
in simpler terms：
So u want her to be happy in ur own way which u think is best for her but yet u are afraid that she might not like the solutions that u suggest to her problems from ur POV?
Sry ah, my brain still eating dinner, correct me if im wrong.
personally i dont think what u did was wrong, u just dont want her to be hurt, thats all. What does she see in that kind of guy anyway?
hey all, thanks for reading. i was just told that they have broken up peacefully. My concern for her suddenly vanished...my load is suddenly released from my mind. thank god....
Originally posted by Hitlerchan:He even mentioned to her one day that he wanted to meet up on a wkend so he could release on her.
WOW!!! So that he could RELEASE on her...
Oh man... That jerk simply treated ya ex-gf like a sex slave..
Originally posted by Hitlerchan:Hi all, I've a problem here, hopefully u can give me some advice. Thanks..
I'm currently 20yr old guy, turning 21 this year. Lemme give a background of how i got to know this gal. I got to know her thru another friend thru 1st 3 months in J1(2005). Back then she was sec4 and i barely know her but gave her encouragement as she neared her exams. We only came to our first meet-up in april when I was in J2(2006), meaning she just started her poly. Eventually, we got into bgr in mid-september the same year and broke up by middle of my Alvl exams coz there was miscommunication on both parts.I went into NS, met her a few times in the early to mid part of my NS life and we didn't really contact after that. Fast forward to mid-march this year, she(age 20 this year) decided to get a career in the army because of family problems. Her parents' health was taking a toil and she had to find a way to support them soon. During a medical check-up, she happened to chance upon a medic who took an interest in her. It was all fine, she told me about it but i just ask her to be open.
Then within 2weeks or so of communication between them, the guy suggested that they leave for Aust with him to take his masters. He disregarded her family as well as her situation and on top of that, he declared to her his sexual history. Till this time, despite of wat she told me, i didn't worry yet as the guy perhaps could be very open, though a lil awkward. He even declared her as his gf even though she didn't consent to it but she went along with it. By the 3rd wk, she confessed to me that he had taken some advantage of her and is rather confused about how he treat her. She has a close friend whom she confesses to also and both of us agreed that the relationship is very fishy and told her that the guy wants her just for sex. She was too blinded by then to consider but as a result of taking our concerns into consideration, she had some arguments with him. I'm really worried by now as it's not totally her to be hurried into a r/s, she said she seem persuaded as she couldn't out-talk him. He even mentioned to her one day that he wanted to meet up on a wkend so he could release on her. All this got me very worried as i plainly know she was being taken advantage of. I told her that i'll confront the guy and let him know that he should treat her with respect or not to contact her again. She declined me doing that. All these got me very confused but i still had an objective mind then. The fact that i wanted to help her but couldn't becoz she declined my help made me feel very difficult and helpless inside as i felt some sort of a obligation to help her. I've been worried for her for the past 2weeks or so and was shocked that her incident has shocked my daily routine rather badly. I totally didn't know y as she's only my friend.
My point is that as long as she is happy, i'll be happy but this turn of events simply tells me that her happiness will be short-lived becoz it isn't a serious relationship at all. Her close friend had the same sentiment with me. At one point, i couldn't take it and shared my concerns about the relationship and her long-term happiness, that it wasn't her to be like that and as much as i could give her advice, i can hope for the best of her. I didn't want her to be hurt deeply. The sort of scenario where i wanted to help her but her clouded judgement impeded my help has left me feeling mildly depressed and helpless. Fortunately, she took some sense in and has so far rejected his sexual requests. I felt disgusted when he requested oral sex from her everyday. Seriously, yet there's nothing i could do. She has asked me help on how to break up the r/s with her so-called bf but i tried to be as neutral as possible without launching personal attacks against the guy. She still meets up with him once a week. Oh btw, he's 24.
Honestly, i'm very afraid that i was badly affected becoz i might still harbour some feelings for her even though it has been 2.5 years., dunno if this is normal. Just 2 days ago, she wanted to call me as she felt emo and upset about the r/s. But she still wants to meet him once a week. Though i consider myself a ratonal person, i could no longer be rational anymore about anything she says. Furthermore, i'm beginning to feel emotionally tired and drained by these events. I'm really not sure what i should do next with her and wat i should do for myself..Sorry for taking some of yr time reading the situation, some advice is greatly appreciated..
You love her......so go after her.
Don't let destiny slip pass you again.
She has choices to make. Let her make those choices. Its her life. Whether it turns out happy for her or a tragedy, its still her life based on the choices she makes. Who are you to dictate otherwise. You can only advice, and leave it at that.
Check on her a few years later, and see how she fared. Her life experiences are hers.,and if it goes the way of giving blow jobs to smooth talking sex addicts, so be it. Its her choice.
Just try not to go "I told you so".
Please lar , it takes two hands to clap, to apportion blame is easy, she is equally dysfunctional - a guess - utterly bereft of love
that medic chap sounds like a sweet talker.
Originally posted by Hitlerchan:hey all, thanks for reading. i was just told that they have broken up peacefully. My concern for her suddenly vanished...my load is suddenly released from my mind. thank god....
Upon reading this, i'm relieved too! =)
Actually, my advice to you is to be her shadows and look after her. Its normal that you still got feelings for her but since she also confides in you which makes this friendship a more worthwhile to pay attention at.
I mean, its natural if you see a girl being outraged of modesty, you'll go to her rescue right? So the guy's is practising a "self declared consent" kind of modesty on her, you should rescue her from being hurt too. Its how a man should be, protect your love ones...