Anti Lesbian Best Friend
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I've been a lesbian for bout 6 years now.Please dont tell me to change or that its wrong cuz this is who i am & im happy being a lesbian.Ive been in a relationship (long term) with a butch For about 2 years now. The problem is my best friend is Anti-lesbian & i have been keepin my sexual orientation as a secret for 8 years now. it kills me that i cant tell her because we are really close ( like sisters) & i tell her almost everything, some things that even my "bf" doesnt know.i wanna tell her but im scared she'll never speak to me again & i dont wanna lose my best friend but i will never give up my relationship with my boyfriend for her either...how do i break the news to her gently & make her understand my situation? Also how do you tell ur parents that u're a lesbian ...i need help. Oh n by the way are there any other lesbians on this forum?
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If you are going to break the news to your best friend who is Anti-Lesbian, i think she'll leave u..
i guess your parents will be shocked if you tell them you are a lesbian..
btw, why do you want to be a lesbian? -
its not a matter or sexual nature or that kinda thing , its just that i've always been attracted to butches i guess , i feel that this is what makes me happy , i wish my friends would understand
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Yah. But one thing you should know that you can't marry a butch in Singapore and you can't have kids with a butch..
Maybe it's time to change? -
thats why i'll be moving back to the states with my "Boyfriend" in a few years time, lesbian marriges are legal there ,
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Being a lesbian/gay/straight/etc is all destined. I am a guy and I know quite a few lesbians and they made good friends, which is more important to me than their sexual orientation - because her preference doesn't concern me. As long as she is a good friend, that's good enough.Originally posted by lil_Ki_WeEzay:
I've been a lesbian for bout 6 years now.Please dont tell me to change or that its wrong cuz this is who i am & im happy being a lesbian.Ive been in a relationship (long term) with a butch For about 2 years now. The problem is my best friend is Anti-lesbian & i have been keepin my sexual orientation as a secret for 8 years now. it kills me that i cant tell her because we are really close ( like sisters) & i tell her almost everything, some things that even my "bf" doesnt know.i wanna tell her but im scared she'll never speak to me again & i dont wanna lose my best friend but i will never give up my relationship with my boyfriend for her either...how do i break the news to her gently & make her understand my situation? Also how do you tell ur parents that u're a lesbian ...i need help. Oh n by the way are there any other lesbians on this forum?
Your situations is unique and because it is unique - the best of both world option is not availble for you - I am pretty sure you have to lose either one of them regardless of whom you chose. My suggestion is that - before the plans is out, just keep her in the dark first. The impact of the blow will still be the same regardless of when you tell her, just that whether is the timing worth its blow anot.
The best buy would be few weeks before you go overseas to settle with your stead - your blunt honesty will destroy this friendship, but at least you already sure that you will go over to States with your stead. But if you choose to tell her now, you will ruin the friendship and in the future, what if you and your stead not together liao (example! relax), then you will lose both side, right? Logical?
As for parents - I doubt they will be able to take the blow. A criticial quarreling will bound to take place and probably they may disown you or similiar (taking into consideration that your partners are the older generation, which means they wouldn't be that generous to accept that)
Basically, my advice would be this: Is getting married that important? I mean is that cert that important to have? Remember, if you have to go States to get married and because of that cert - you will probably lose everything you have here. My advice is continue life as it is here - your relationship is still going right? Marriage cert is only a piece of paper. Are you going to exchange that piece of paper for everything else?
Remember, never make hasty decisions. Your every move will have drastic effect around you.
Cheers -
seriously, a little off-topic...but
IF , lets say IF a gay came here and open a topic similar to yours, that guy is gonna get f**ked upside down by the ppl here...
weird that they dont flame you...maybe cos you're a girl? hmmm dont get me wrong (to whoever who replied here, cos i may not be referring to you) -
I'm not too sure how you can do anything.. I would think that friendship would be unconditional... if she really values you as a friend, she would accept you as you are.
But that's me. I would not want people to judge me so I will not judge people.. especially friends. If they are gay/bi/straight or whatever, they are still my friends...
Off (or maybe on) topic, but Norman Mailer did say (not to sure if he was joking or not) "There is probably no sensitive heterosexual alive who is not preoccupied with his latent homosexuality."
On that, maybe your best friend is not handling the latency well so much so that there is a violent denial? But then, it's never a good idea to confront anyone about this type of things (especially denial)... usually it will blow up disastrously as the defensive mechanism kicks in and brains stop working
Whatever the case is, I do hope you and your partner find lasting happiness
the world is in too short supply of that, so wherever it is found, it's wonderful good luck -
1st thing, i respect ur decision to stand firm to what u believe in, it's a free world...Originally posted by lil_Ki_WeEzay:
I've been a lesbian for bout 6 years now.Please dont tell me to change or that its wrong cuz this is who i am & im happy being a lesbian.Ive been in a relationship (long term) with a butch For about 2 years now. The problem is my best friend is Anti-lesbian & i have been keepin my sexual orientation as a secret for 8 years now. it kills me that i cant tell her because we are really close ( like sisters) & i tell her almost everything, some things that even my "bf" doesnt know.i wanna tell her but im scared she'll never speak to me again & i dont wanna lose my best friend but i will never give up my relationship with my boyfriend for her either...how do i break the news to her gently & make her understand my situation? Also how do you tell ur parents that u're a lesbian ...i need help. Oh n by the way are there any other lesbians on this forum?
yet.... in this free, and open world.... asians are still very conservative... and beyond "normal" relationships... it's deemed as "immoral" or "wrong", u can screw the thinking of those ppl...
one thing is... sad that u can't seem to break the news to ur close fren... but.... one chinese phrase.... "u can't wrap fire with paper..." Zhi Shi Bao Bu Zhu Huo u dun tell now, sooner or later, she might find out... and if she does, the blow will be bigger to her, and she might not even want to have any more connection wif u...
being a fren of 8 running yrs, i'm sure she finds it hard to be seperated by this kind of "personal" matter....
it's not like u are woo-ing her, or sumthing rite?? make things clear, and do not doubt YOURSELF. that's the first thing tat will make things worsen....... u go figure and weigh what's more impt....
as for parents..... they belong to a MORE conservative side.... and of course, majority of parents want their children to marry, and be happy.... (fixed mentality) that is of course.... unless ur parents are very open-minded... then it's ok loh....
parents side...i'm not really sure on how u shld go abt handling it... but i suppose, as long as u break the news slowly and steadily... like the case for ur fren, there might be some hope.... -
One of the 99 secrets about guys is that guys hate gays.Originally posted by Prodigy:seriously, a little off-topic...but
IF , lets say IF a gay came here and open a topic similar to yours, that guy is gonna get f**ked upside down by the ppl here...
weird that they dont flame you...maybe cos you're a girl? hmmm dont get me wrong (to whoever who replied here, cos i may not be referring to you)
But well, their preference has nothing to do with me. -
true....true...Originally posted by Yunhaier:One of the 99 secrets about guys is that guys hate gays.
But well, their preference has nothing to do with me. -
les?