should i leave her?
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okay, I have a gf together going to be 1 year already just 1 month more.btw she just turn 21 this year. Lately she had be going out with her colleauges (clubbing, eating, movies, etc) for like 2 days.Now she comes and tell me she seems to like singlehood, and she enjoy being together with them without being attached in a relationship. so anyone here would be able to provide me with advice on what i can do on my part? should i leave this kind of girl or what?
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Its only two days.. Give her some time. If you feel that she is still like that after a couple of months and it will be perm, I would suggest you talk to her about this. Does she really mean mean what she says? Is she really happy being single or is she not happy about certain ways you handle the r/s? Maybe for example, you restricting her too much? Or is there some traits that she don't like about you for example digging your nose. =x annoying habits do kill r/s too. especially when she might have seen other guys with traits that she admire.
And, one thing which is sad but might be true, she might have lost the feeling for you already. Which is why she prefer to be with her friends. She feels more happy, enjoyable with them. And, 11 months is actually long enough to be used to each other company. She might have lost the feeling for you but she is not ready to leave the comfort zone, which is having you there for her when she needs someone to talk to, someone to accompany her. but now she is embracing a new lifestyle, she feels that she wants a change which leads to what she is telling you now. singlehood. she wants new experience.
Maybe you can try to talk to her, if she don't know how she feels, hmm.. you might want to consider giving both of you some time to think about it. Separate for a little while, like a couple of months. Does both of you still want to be together? Will both of you be happy together?This period is hateful and confusing but it will give you & her a clearer mind to think more rationally.
And lastly, from my own experience, care about your own feelings 1st.. (if you wont be happy in the r/s i believe she can sense it and it wont do any good to the r/s) Will you be happy with her? Can you accept her change of lifestyle? (dont even try to change her back to who she used to be. people change.) don't make yourself miserable years down the road even though you love her. Love should be happy, pleasant, for both parties. Not burden nor tiring. especially not keep thinking will she be happy with you etc...
And seriously, give her some time. she just turn 21, she will be drawn to new things. and its only 2 days...
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One who really loves another , does not own the other, and moroever considering the age(s) here - why so serious about relationships. relate , have fun, but accept it when one changes - unless one is content holding on to a dead love, a plastic flower!
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Originally posted by labbishLife:
Its only two days.. Give her some time. If you feel that she is still like that after a couple of months and it will be perm, I would suggest you talk to her about this. Does she really mean mean what she says? Is she really happy being single or is she not happy about certain ways you handle the r/s? Maybe for example, you restricting her too much? Or is there some traits that she don't like about you for example digging your nose. =x annoying habits do kill r/s too. especially when she might have seen other guys with traits that she admire.
And, one thing which is sad but might be true, she might have lost the feeling for you already. Which is why she prefer to be with her friends. She feels more happy, enjoyable with them. And, 11 months is actually long enough to be used to each other company. She might have lost the feeling for you but she is not ready to leave the comfort zone, which is having you there for her when she needs someone to talk to, someone to accompany her. but now she is embracing a new lifestyle, she feels that she wants a change which leads to what she is telling you now. singlehood. she wants new experience.
Maybe you can try to talk to her, if she don't know how she feels, hmm.. you might want to consider giving both of you some time to think about it. Separate for a little while, like a couple of months. Does both of you still want to be together? Will both of you be happy together?This period is hateful and confusing but it will give you & her a clearer mind to think more rationally.
And lastly, from my own experience, care about your own feelings 1st.. (if you wont be happy in the r/s i believe she can sense it and it wont do any good to the r/s) Will you be happy with her? Can you accept her change of lifestyle? (dont even try to change her back to who she used to be. people change.) don't make yourself miserable years down the road even though you love her. Love should be happy, pleasant, for both parties. Not burden nor tiring. especially not keep thinking will she be happy with you etc...
And seriously, give her some time. she just turn 21, she will be drawn to new things. and its only 2 days...
thank you for your advice, I will try to speak to her and see how things goes.
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most gers tend to crave for attention..... and dun give guys the freedom they wish....
funny how u seem to behave like one of the above mention....
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First of all I dont know how old are you and your age gap with her. There is two way you can view it. firstly, I would suppect she has meet someone and take it as excuse for the breakup. You have to find out, if so, then discontinue. secondly she might be true and express her feeling. For such case again if she ready mean alot to you. try to talk to her. Have some planning ie allow her to go with friend weekly basis and talk to her how much time she can spare for you. If she dont make it an effort to try, I think no point for you to try.......
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Hmm... it's only temporary phrase... why leave because of this or you dun wan her no more?
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I believe you would be in a better position to answer the question yourself. "Should I leave her or what"
That you are already thinking of leaving shows how much you value the love in the relationship.
Love is not about possessing. Love is not a toy. It's about setting the one you love free. Even if in the end, she flies away. To do so would mean she had found happiness with another, and if you truly love her, you will be happy for her.
That is the saddest irony of true love.
The only way to ensure that she doesnt fly away, is that you can prove yourself a better person than any other, someone that no matter how far she flies, she will always come back to you, for your character traits appeal to her and cannot find it in another.
Get to know her, understand her, and know that what true love is all about. It transcends everything we value in life. Her happiness will be your life when you truly love, and if it is not returned, walk away with your head held high if you had done your best.
Nothing is ever lost, that which is freely given away, unless it was given with less than noble intentions.
PS: I doubt if you understand what I had written, let alone accept. It is something I too find in difficult to accept, but in the end, that is how love filters thru our lives, and in time, like me, you will comprehend.
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so many of these relationship problems, i really lose track already.
TS,perhaps u like to have a heart to heart talk with her to find out more.
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Yes!!! U shall leave her and leave yrself away from trouble.
Yr gf is not mature enough to handle a r/s with u.
Worst u even tolerate her go clubbing? Maybe she already kena raba raba by other man liao.
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Originally posted by CannyOng:
Yes!!! U shall leave her and leave yrself away from trouble.
Yr gf is not mature enough to handle a r/s with u.
Worst u even tolerate her go clubbing? Maybe she already kena raba raba by other man liao.
Touchwood la, you.
Kana rape not funny at all leh.
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Yes, doubt - u doubt her or u doubt your love? Or is it something else hiding behind the projections and persona?
Its meant for both of u to know and understand lar, otherwise its a sorry merry-go-round!
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wanna fck around already. haha.
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To alwaysdisturbed,
That is a good point lar, of course - only question is whether its him or her lar
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leave.
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What do you expect from a caged bird just released into the big blue sky ?
Everything is new and refreshing.. adventures awaits.
It's exciting, it's fun.. it's exhilarating.......
Until she hits the concrete buildings.. or falls prey to a predator.. will she reminiscence the warmth and security of that old sqeaky cage.
Are you angry because you are left out from the bright city lights ? When will it be your turn to fly the big blue sky ?
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its easy, to handle such whores
ignore her for a few days, maybe weeks
she will be the one to contact u already
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Originally posted by gigabyte14:
its easy, to handle such whores
ignore her for a few days, maybe weeks
she will be the one to contact u already
LOL.. you think whores would care if you do ?
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
LOL.. you think whores would care if you do ?
dun we all like to think so... kinda self comforting....
till... months past by without a single ring/new from her....
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Originally posted by Fugazzi:
To alwaysdisturbed,
That is a good point lar, of course - only question is whether its him or her lar
who is the most likely one based on the avaliable info? -
I m no clairvoyant - but considering the age of both of them - juvenile emotions, immaturity - and most of all its become a cage for her, that is my guess - and as to who is the likely one - it could be both - not to 'f... around' but wanting different experiences!
Two persons - lacking in self-love are bound to exploit each other till one succumbs or one escapes (or wants to escape). love can be shared, appreciated but cannot be possessed!
She is not 'wrong' or 'rite' nor is he. it is just the way it is - acceptance frees, resistance binds.