Understanding the meaning of love
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About a week ago, I talked to a friend of mine on the topic of how to get a gf. As we talked, I discovered that most of us (guys) wanted a gf, not because we need a gf but rather for self-satisfaction (be it "to show ur friend, u got a gf", "sexual needs" and so on)
As we talked, I asked my friend this question - "what is love exactly?" Is it the person whom makes u blush? Is it the person that attracted to u most?
We shall discuss this further ya to uncover more useful insights.
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hey, this qns gotch discussed for thousands of years right ?
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Originally posted by Ferret:
hey, this qns gotch discussed for thousands of years right ?
hmm.. true.But i believe most of problems in AA is caused by entering into a relationship without first understanding the meaning of love.
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ya about having gf to boost ego and show to friend ..at secondary sch this is common
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Originally posted by Uncertain:
hmm.. true.But i believe most of problems in AA is caused by entering into a relationship without first understanding the meaning of love.
well... The Critter has a perfect solution for this.
No relationship, no problems.
Geddit ?
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Originally posted by Uncertain:
About a week ago, I talked to a friend of mine on the topic of how to get a gf. As we talked, I discovered that most of us (guys) wanted a gf, not because we need a gf but rather for self-satisfaction (be it "to show ur friend, u got a gf", "sexual needs" and so on)
As we talked, I asked my friend this question - "what is love exactly?" Is it the person whom makes u blush? Is it the person that attracted to u most?
We shall discuss this further ya to uncover more useful insights.
As most forummers here will tell you, this question has been asked so many time that we are getting bored of it, but debates will never end, and we will never get a complete answer.
I will assume what you mean by love is that between a couple and not the general term.
Love comes mainly in two forms, physical and emotional. Both of them are inter-linked.
Physical love refers to kissing, hugging, but not necessarrily sex, and is a by product of emotional love. It is what strengthens a relationship, and is a necessity.
Emotional love is a longing and liking for someone, mostly accompanied by lust in men's cases, but not always. The main thing is to understand why do you like that certain someone, is it his/her appearance, actions or traits?
Many relationships started due to a liking of someone's appearance, be it cool-looking, handsome, cute or pretty. As such, most relationships in this case will end up in broken hearts.
The reason why such relationships will end badly is because both sides are just attracted to each other and not committed. Once they think "the feeling" is gone, they will just separate from each other. What such couples do not realise is that committment is part of love too.
On the otherhand, falling in love with someone because he saved your life or did something for you isn't a very good idea either. You will be blinded for the moment, but after a while, you will reaslise that he has plentiful of flaws just like everyone else. If you can accept his flaws and strength together, good for you, but if you can't, it will not end well.
Last of all, loving someone for being the person he/she is, be it kind, gracious, smart, brave...etc., is mostly attraction to a certain trait. This is generally the best out of the 3 I have mentioned, but I will say it is still not enough. If a person changes in this case, odds are you will leave him/her, but in this case it is his/her fault for changing from a positive to a negative person.
If your other half treat you badly, no one will blame you for leaving him/her, but in the modern world, a lot of relationships ended due to either minor issues or simple "Lack of feeling/spark". It truly saddens me to see this happening all around myself.
In conclusion, I will say love is what is simply known as "A minute of flame, and a lifetime of committment."
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Have a POROUS ego and relate, relate - love and life is existential - to define it is limiting the 'infinite' that they are.
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know how to differentiate between infatuation and love before getting in a relationship.
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This is a boring topic. Too many repetitions liao
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Originally posted by kuehtutu:
know how to differentiate between infatuation and love before getting in a relationship.
yeah... infatuation see 1 min like for 1 week
love is know 3 month at least and like for years..
emphasizing 'see' and 'know'
to me, i only will go in relationship if i love the person... not infatuation...
my definition of love will be i like her appearance AND action/characteristics (eg how she talks how she care) ... infatuation is u like her appearance INCLUDING how she wink at u, how she looks when she smile, her big eye, her forever smiling eye, her smooth face and so on...
when i was kinda new here, i ask this question too... i rmb the reply was 'asked too many times' or things lidat... but i rmb one person said something sort of meaningful.. he said something like that love is about give and take, infatuation or crush is only take, in a relationship there is no forever love, but when u both give and take forever, u will have a forever companion...
also i came across a webby saying about love abuse... i forgot web link but maybe u could do a search on it... those abuse are NOT love...IA
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love is something that allows you to make the other party happy everyday, even with regards that it does not suit your likings.
because you will also feel happy, as long as she's happy
that's to me lar
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yea.. physical appearances can be deceiving at times...
infatuation is seeing someone as perfect but not seeing their flaws but when u discover their flaws after u get into a relationship, u know what happens next...
Love is when you see their flaws,accept them and liking them for who they are, not make them change to what u like.
i believe that love takes time to develop and not in a wink of an eye. so i find it abit absurd as to how some ppl can say "i love you" to someone whom they just met for a few times.
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I love u - is always pointing outwards, what happens when that person or ... is no longer there - collapse lar!
1 Centred in all human beings is infinitesmal freedom n 2 - the periphery (or circumference) is love - whether the first ripple moves from the centre or to the centre from the periphery underpins all that is bandied about love!
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I think simply put, there are 3 critereas to qualify something as love. They are physical attraction, mutual understanding, the willingness to commit and also the feelings must be mutual. One-sided love isn't love at all.
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Originally posted by Uncertain:
About a week ago, I talked to a friend of mine on the topic of how to get a gf. As we talked, I discovered that most of us (guys) wanted a gf, not because we need a gf but rather for self-satisfaction (be it "to show ur friend, u got a gf", "sexual needs" and so on)
As we talked, I asked my friend this question - "what is love exactly?" Is it the person whom makes u blush? Is it the person that attracted to u most?
We shall discuss this further ya to uncover more useful insights.
*rubs his chin*
Uncertain you are, your future is, a gf you may or may not have.
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The spirit of willingness to sacrifice.
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Yes - sacrifice love for anything or sacrificing to the altar of love. that's the conundrum!
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Thanks ItchyArmpit, kuehtutu, Fugazzi, gamerx for your insights ...
BadzMaro, u are right that I am uncertain about my future, particularly getting a gf (I think many of us here (or at least for me) are facing it right now or going to face it --> mid 20 still-no-gf-loser)
When I saw the thread written by Nikar 3 about parents forcing him to get a foreign wife, it really struck me hard as I am going into his direction right now. I have been hoping for a gf to be on my side BUT BUT i discover my reason for hoping for one is to fill up my "deprivation". Frankly, some guys want a gf because their little brother urges them to while some guys like Nikar 3 needs one because his parent wants him to.
Thinking of it, is love about physical attraction, mutual respect, mutual commitment? I seriously doubt these are the ingredients to "LOVE". For example, do you love your bed because it is nice to u? do you love your pet because it is cute? do you love ur parents because they feeds u and give u money?
To me, LOVE requires no reason. We can say we love girls like Lin Chiling or whosoever, but at the end of the day do you really like Lin Chiling as who she is (as a person and not her nice character, figure and so on). I think to check whether you ever love someone, the very first thing we need to ask ourselves should be - "can I live with this person if he/she changes his/her look, figure, wealth and so on one day?"
The purpose is to tell yourself at the end of the day, people will change, character will change, look will change, figure will change, wealth will change, but one thing will never change - your genuine feeling for that person (just like parents love their kids no matter who they become).
Again, to have such a feeling for such a person is very very hard, less to say married to such a person. I hope this thought of mine will somehow change your idea of getting a gf for XXX reasons, married to a girl for XXX reasons, and love someone truly without any good reason.
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Originally posted by Uncertain:
Thanks ItchyArmpit, kuehtutu, Fugazzi, gamerx for your insights ...
BadzMaro, u are right that I am uncertain about my future, particularly getting a gf (I think many of us here (or at least for me) are facing it right now or going to face it --> mid 20 still-no-gf-loser)
When I saw the thread written by Nikar 3 about parents forcing him to get a foreign wife, it really struck me hard as I am going into his direction right now. I have been hoping for a gf to be on my side BUT BUT i discover my reason for hoping for one is to fill up my "deprivation". Frankly, some guys want a gf because their little brother urges them to while some guys like Nikar 3 needs one because his parent wants him to.
Thinking of it, is love about physical attraction, mutual respect, mutual commitment? I seriously doubt these are the ingredients to "LOVE". For example, do you love your bed because it is nice to u? do you love your pet because it is cute? do you love ur parents because they feeds u and give u money?
To me, LOVE requires no reason. We can say we love girls like Lin Chiling or whosoever, but at the end of the day do you really like Lin Chiling as who she is (as a person and not her nice character, figure and so on). I think to check whether you ever love someone, the very first thing we need to ask ourselves should be - "can I live with this person if he/she changes his/her look, figure, wealth and so on one day?"
The purpose is to tell yourself at the end of the day, people will change, character will change, look will change, figure will change, wealth will change, but one thing will never change - your genuine feeling for that person (just like parents love their kids no matter who they become).
Again, to have such a feeling for such a person is very very hard, less to say married to such a person. I hope this thought of mine will somehow change your idea of getting a gf for XXX reasons, married to a girl for XXX reasons, and love someone truly without any good reason.
Cant help to agree