my heart... it is so painful...
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i used to be a very happy n positive person, but ever since my mum passed away suddenly, without a warning, and during the same week, i had a miscarriage, there is this pain in my heart all the time. There is this sorrow lingering in my heart all the time. i wish i can get out of this pain n sorrow... teach me how...
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got a job?no, get one...keep ur self busy, get used to ur life without them...it wun b easy handling deaths, but life has to go on...tell urself that alive or dead, ur loved ones will not want to see u sad...there r still ppl who care around u n they wuldnt want to see u change to a sad person...get ur close frens or family out n talk it out with them...if u want, cry it all out...n tel urself ull cry for the last time....then b strong after that....hope it works =) take care
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yes, i have a job...
i've told myself that many times... i told myself i have to be strong for my loved ones, i have to be strong so that i can care for brother who is much more affected by my mother's death, i told i have to be strong for myself... but i m so worn out by telling myself all these... this sadness in my heart, what am i goin to do with it.
im in my office now, and my eyes are filled with tears... cant believe if my colleagues see this...
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U need to let it out, imo.
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icic, younger brother?
have u talked it out with someone?mayb ur brother?its ok to cry it out with him, afterall, its not a small matter that just happened. but what has happened has already happened, n time cannot stop right at that moment. u have tried to avoid the pain n u couldnt, so now its time to face it. if u can face it along with ur brother, then u 2 can get over it together. u dun haf to forget, bcoz u cannot. u haf to accept, accept that she is gone, accept that life has to go on.
share what u think with ur brother, or if u think ur not strong enough yet, share it with another close relative or friend, let them in to help u get over this crisis. it takes time, dun rush urself, dun stress urself, we r but human, we take time to heal.
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Originally posted by Midlusionz:
U need to let it out, imo.
i wanted to, but i couldnt cry, cos after my miscarriage, whenver i cried, i would bleed badly.... -
Originally posted by wik:
i wanted to, but i couldnt cry, cos after my miscarriage, whenver i cried, i would bleed badly....Any close friends? I am a guy myself.. So more or less i will not know what pain u r going thru..
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where ur hubbby ? or ur father ?
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Originally posted by yiha093:
where ur hubbby ? or ur father ?
Hubby was very supportive throughout that period, very supportive. we managed to pull thru that very tough period, the darkest period of my life, the most lost period of my life.but over the weekend, we had a fight. he brought up something that made me feel that he was blaming me for the miscarriage... that was like throwing a big rock down at me when i am at the bottom of the well... ever since then, i have been haunted by the miscarriage at the back of my mind and at the bottom of my heart.
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i dun think he truly blames u for the miscarriage la, it might b a rash comment in the argument. when ur angry u say things u dun mean. dun let it get to u.
now ur very sensitive, so every word that may mean something u immediately catch it n store it like ur sure he means it that way, but he may not haf meant it, especially since its in the middle of an argument.
no one wanted the miscarriage, so when ur tired n frustrated, sometimes ull tend to want to blame it on something. no one is at fault, he will know that, but its very natural to try to blame it on someone or something bcoz we humans dun like things to happen without something responsible. makes us say stupid things, so dun put it to heart
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huh. gal...
i think u need to see a gynae regarding ur bleeding when cried..
hey, gal..
u must be strong...
i am very sure, ur mum dun wan to see u like tat..
think abt it..
wad she wan best for u and ur bro.. and do it..
this is the way to make her in peace.. im sure she looking at u now.. if u r sad, she will be sad.. u wan her to be sad??
i noe its not easy at all.. just come here n let out wadever u want.. sometimes, its hard to find someone to voice out everything..
god bless u...
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Originally posted by wik:
i used to be a very happy n positive person, but ever since my mum passed away suddenly, without a warning, and during the same week, i had a miscarriage, there is this pain in my heart all the time. There is this sorrow lingering in my heart all the time. i wish i can get out of this pain n sorrow... teach me how...
Sorry to hear that. The passing on of someone dear really can affect one deeply. Cry it all out!Seek bereavement counselling if you need to.
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thanks cool gal... yes, thats exactly why im here... i dunno why it is so hard to talk to friends in real life...
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try not to think too much, you'll have sleeplessnights, rebuild your confident.
im sorry to hear about it, but yeah. step by step, walk out of this problem?
you're just holding back too much.. i know you lost someone you loved and someone you want to give a life to. -
If I were in your shoes, I would feel the same way too. Just never ever contemplate suicide as a solution to end your despair & misery. Spare a thought for those in your life who still care & treasure you. If you need someone to talk to, we are all here to be a listening ear to you & a shoulder for you to lean on. It's ok to cry. Just let it all out & you would feel better...
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Some people can handle death better because they can understand that life and death are parts and parcels of life.
Nobody should be blame for the miscarriage - It is not your intention of wanting it to happen. Sometime somethings are not meant to be. Please take care of yourself and your body. Your mother would want you to stay strong and be happy.
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repeated post
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Originally posted by wik:
i used to be a very happy n positive person, but ever since my mum passed away suddenly, without a warning, and during the same week, i had a miscarriage, there is this pain in my heart all the time. There is this sorrow lingering in my heart all the time. i wish i can get out of this pain n sorrow... teach me how...
Yes, crying it out is only the temporarily solution to your eternal sorrow and it's definitely unhealthy for your health and your heart if you are going to cry it out every day and night like an addiction.You need address your sorrow in your case because the cause of your sorrows are due to irreplacable losses.
Discuss with yourself the past/recent relationships you have shared with your mum before she passed away and reflect upon it if you realised that you could have made life easier for your mum. I understand that there is nothing you can do right now to bring her back to you again and repaired what you had done in the past, but I can assure you that your mum would be very pleased to know that you have resolved to change your life values and live your life on as strongly as you can, doing everything that would've made your mum happy and proud if she were still alive and you know she would've given you her silent approval for decisions that you know she would've also encouraged you for it if she were still alive.
You must understand that you can never bring your mum back from dead, but you can always live on strongly on her behalf. You are her daughter and part of her still lives within you if you must know. You will always bear some resemblance of your deceased mum and you must live on and passed down her values to your future children so that you and your mum may continue to live within your children in the future for all your generations.
Discuss with yourself regarding the events that has led to your miscarriage, you should find out the reasons which led to your miscarriage and realised what you should have done better to avoid it the next time. It's true that you will never be able to forget and forgive yourself for what has happened, but at least you can move on knowing that you will never repeat the same mistaken which led to your miscarriage again and you will definitely be more cautious on your future pregnancies.
The reason why you needed to discuss your own sorrow with yourself is because the addition of other people will only bring about greater sorrow to add on upon your existing sorrow. People may want to genuinely help you out, but they do not understand that they are never going to understand what you are going through and how it feels like to be you. If you can understand what I meant, you should help yourself by rejecting their offers to discuss your own sorrows together with you.
And yes girl, this is the time when you really need some time to sort out your own problems.
Ohh, by the way do watch out for this Fantagf, cos he's an Ah Kua and he will never understand nuts about miscarriage cos he will never get one anyway. He will only follow and copy my advice like a parrot and repeat to others to "cry it out", cos that's all that he will ever know. Afterall, what else do you expect from an Ah Kua right?
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Originally posted by wik:
i used to be a very happy n positive person, but ever since my mum passed away suddenly, without a warning, and during the same week, i had a miscarriage, there is this pain in my heart all the time. There is this sorrow lingering in my heart all the time. i wish i can get out of this pain n sorrow... teach me how...
My condolences to you ( albeit a late one ).
On the list of things for you to do now, what should come first will be to patch up your relationship with your husband. If you let your sorrow get in the way, it will only worsen your current relationship, and things could easily spiral out of control.
If your husband is blaming you for the miscarriage, then I will say that he is a very unthoughtful man. Get a counsellor to talk to the both of you, though I will say he is the one who will need more counselling at the moment.
As parn said, you are the only one who could trash things out with yourself, but don't take things too heavily upon yourself. The only person who could truely share this burden with you now is your other half, hence he is the one whom you need the most. This is why you will need to work things out with him as soon as possible, otherwise you will lose your only pillar of support left.
I hate to say this, but parn is right. We could throw a line of words of support here and there, but the only one who can understand the pain you are in is yourself. Hence, we could easily say or type the wrong thing in this situation, as your pain is not something we could feel. The one who could choose the next step for you is none other than yourself, so it is entirely up to you now.
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Originally posted by Forbiddensinner:
My condolences to you ( albeit a late one ).
On the list of things for you to do now, what should come first will be to patch up your relationship with your husband. If you let your sorrow get in the way, it will only worsen your current relationship, and things could easily spiral out of control.
If your husband is blaming you for the miscarriage, then I will say that he is a very unthoughtful man. Get a counsellor to talk to the both of you, though I will say he is the one who will need more counselling at the moment.
As parn said, you are the only one who could trash things out with yourself, but don't take things too heavily upon yourself. The only person who could truely share this burden with you now is your other half, hence he is the one whom you need the most. This is why you will need to work things out with him as soon as possible, otherwise you will lose your only pillar of support left.
I hate to say this, but parn is right. We could throw a line of words of support here and there, but the only one who can understand the pain you are in is yourself. Hence, we could easily say or type the wrong thing in this situation, as your pain is not something we could feel. The one who could choose the next step for you is none other than yourself, so it is entirely up to you now.
Why you hate to admit I'm right? You want to die is it? -
Emotions are great for carrying thoughts into your subconcious.
Your bereavement has affected you deeply in your subconcious (or heart if you like).
You have to get out of this emotional state. Otherwise you will remain in this altered state for the rest of your life.
As Cool-gal suggested, consider what your mum would want you to be. You have to assume (or maybe it is, I don't know for sure) that she is watching over you. She don't want you to grieve. She wants you to get on with life, and have more children.
Get into that frame of mind, emotionaly, energetically, enthuasiastically, and do things that would please her. Mothers always want their daughters to be well.
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Its only a suggestion - accept all the vagaries of your mood swings, and emotions - just know that its there - cos the more u fight , the more u try to do somtheing to substitute - its suppression (its akin to pruning the branches of a tree - which results in giving deeper roots to the tree, strenghtening it.
of course, if u feel the need to express - do so and keep at it like u are here, just hope ... those around u, including here, empower u as opposed to .... .
Your mother's demise, your husband's stance towards the miscarriage - are all all that happened (they were causes outside of u) - but the reality is how you processed it within u and even now as u are reading it its u processing .. . Understanding mite not free u of your sorrow or .. but it may lighten your load at least for a while.
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We are the pawns of god, at his beckoning whenever his die is cast.
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wk , seriously need to see a doctor.
ok. for your sorrow, talk to a physcologist.
it really helps.
quarrel with your hubby, try to cool down and if he think the miscarriage is your fault also no choice.
don't feel sad.
be healthy. do a body check up.
go gym, join some gym membership. relax your mind.
do give up in life.
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What is unresolved n not reconciled within oneself - will surface - its situational/cirumstantial. Hence, understanding one's predicament and seeing it for it is not being unreasonable. It is wise to acknowledge that and still indulge in ... or do what is essential - otherwise the emotional and psychological hangover will be (and is) an albatross around one's neck - it would be a nagging one at that!