i would like to start by telling to all that my mum is weird...or maybe too posessive.
my wife and i will normally go back to my parents place for dinner on 1 of the weekdays, after work. that is like plus minus 8pm. also will go back on either sat or sunday for half a day. the main problem>>>its all started when i got married 3 years ago. 4 of us stay together at the old house. for 6 months or so. then we decided to get our own house, which is only across a street. thinking it was a good chance so we moved in soon after. my mum starts to get so depressed after that. kept saying we had abandon them etc...i have said that we will still be seeing them every week. but she just some how could not take it. she will blame my wife everynow and then saying she had taken her son away from her. also say alot of nasty things that really hurt her. i as a son really do not know how to solve this issue. im really feel sad for my wife for going through this. we also had been trying hard to have a baby but still in vain. we thought so that having 1 more person in the family should have change my mum. she kept blaming us for not wanting to have baby. anyway my wife just got another session from her last evening when she reached my parents place 1st. im still in office when she sms me about it. i rushed back after that. haizzz...
In conclusion, my mum will always be templimental over to us and that really stress both of us alot. like that so stressful want to have baby also hard lor. doc have mention that my wife could be too stressful. i think like wise.
please advise
duno if this might help....
try letting ur mum get used to the idea of not having u all around slowly...
so.. try sleeping over at ur mum place over the weekend once in a while or invited her over to stay once in a while.....
cut the frequence down to only seeing her once a week after months.....
ppl who feel abandon are normally lacking a social life of their own. Try getting ur mum to join some local hobby group, like tai chi or cooking class, singing class..... once she have groups of fren of her own.... u will b the last thing they want to spend their weekend with.
It work for my mum..... she is doing taichi every morning.... hanging out with her frens every now and then.... even have to call her to check on her when she gone missing at time.... lol
Originally posted by Aggrezior:i would like to start by telling to all that my mum is weird...or maybe too posessive.
my wife and i will normally go back to my parents place for dinner on 1 of the weekdays, after work. that is like plus minus 8pm. also will go back on either sat or sunday for half a day. the main problem>>>its all started when i got married 3 years ago. 4 of us stay together at the old house. for 6 months or so. then we decided to get our own house, which is only across a street. thinking it was a good chance so we moved in soon after. my mum starts to get so depressed after that. kept saying we had abandon them etc...i have said that we will still be seeing them every week. but she just some how could not take it. she will blame my wife everynow and then saying she had taken her son away from her. also say alot of nasty things that really hurt her. i as a son really do not know how to solve this issue. im really feel sad for my wife for going through this. we also had been trying hard to have a baby but still in vain. we thought so that having 1 more person in the family should have change my mum. she kept blaming us for not wanting to have baby. anyway my wife just got another session from her last evening when she reached my parents place 1st. im still in office when she sms me about it. i rushed back after that. haizzz...
In conclusion, my mum will always be templimental over to us and that really stress both of us alot. like that so stressful want to have baby also hard lor. doc have mention that my wife could be too stressful. i think like wise.
please advise
Not only is your mother a very possessive person, she is also obviously not very fond of your wife. I suggest that you do not bring your wife over to your mother's house -- at least not for the time being.
On a side note, you are lucky to have a wife who remained by your side despite everything that your mother have said, and you should treasure her.
I can tell you there is no easy way out of this sticky mess, at least not within a short amount of time. Like EarlNeo said, you could try introducing your mother to joining Social Groups or activities, but given her bad temper, I highly doubt she would bond with anyone else. Unfortunately, old people also are not very fond of counselling either.
You did not mention anything about your father, so I guess he is just acting like what most guys would do in such a situation -- hide in one corner and pretend not to see or hear anything. If he has some 'control' over your mother, he will have been able to, and probably will have, help the two of you out. But he seems like one of those hen-pecked guys, so whatever he do now will not be of much help to you and your spouse.
The best solution in this case, is to get a grandchild for her to look after. Maybe you will like to try out IVF, though you will have to fork out some cash for it. You could also go for medical check-ups along with your wife, as there a few factors which could explain why she is not pregnant yet. Two of the most common reasons are:
1) The male having a low sperm count
2) The female having a weak uterus wall lining
For now, you will have to bear with all your mother's scoldings yourself, and not to let your wife suffer anymore of it. One important to note is that you should never blame your wife because of the scoldings, for it would harm the relationship between the two of you. Remember, your wife is not at fault here, and that as her husband, you have a duty of protecting her.
And whatever you choose to do, please do not move back to your mother's place or ask her to stay at your house. I highly doubt she would change her attitude towards your wife anytime soon, and sooner or later you will find your wife breaking down and/or squabbling with your mother.
You could also choose to cut all contacts with your mother and move somewhere else with your wife, but that will be very unfilial of you. This should be used as a last resort only if your mother becomes physically abusive towards your wife.
kill your mum, rape your wife
settle
OK. Your situation is very similar to my brother when he first got married. It has a lot to do with power struggle between the two most important women of your life. The last thing you want to do is be the weakling, as this power struggle CAN break up your marriage.
Now first of all.. why only 1 and half day of the week ? Is it very difficult to go dinner at your mother house about 3 times a week ? Afterall.. she only living across the street mah. And how often do you bring your mother out for dinner as a family ? Is that why she complain you have abandoned her ???
Second.. why do you allow your mother to treat your wife so badly. I suggest one day.. you tell your wife to do her own stuff after work.. and YOU the man go and sit down with your mother and father.. and discuss your mother's passive aggressive ways. You gota let her know that it is unacceptable and not good for your marriage. And if your mother got anything unhappy with your wife.. ask her to TALK TO YOU instead of nagging at your wife. Tell your mother that.. you will deal with it yourself. That way you are IN CONTROL of the situation.
Let her know that you are trying to start a family of your own.
If she becomes obstinate.. ask her this question. " DO you want me to become a divorced man ?"
" You have me to take care of you in old age.. but do you want me to die a lonely man ?"
Remember.. your mother is YOUR mother.. she is NOT your wife's mother. If your wife's mother has issues with you.. your wife must deal with the problem.
Now YOUR mother is giving your wife problem . YOU must step in and halt the problem.
Let me warn you this OK. If your mother continues to treat your wife this way.. and the relationship turns sour... when the baby comes out.. your wife AND your mother WILL have even MORE problem !!
And as a husband it is very important you support your wife during pregnancy and after child birth.. Because if you don't handle it properly.. your wife will most likely go into POST NATAL depression.
And there will be more power struggle if your wife's mother and your mother wants to take over the child care of your baby.
Seek a fertility expert. Sometimes it could be your wife's fallopian tube is blocked. A simple surgery may just do the trick.
Good Luck.
you should go and seek help.
i remember government got a help desk for family problems.
these is minor but it's still a problem. go to seek professional advice.
it's more helpful, rather then reading the forumer's story, advice.
An old man and a boy were travelling with a donkey.
The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked.
As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding.
The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.
Later, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk."
They then decided they both would walk!
Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent doneky to ride.
So, they both rode the donkey.
Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey.
The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the doneky. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.
The moral of the story?
If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your ass good-bye.
My suggestion - change your(self) behaviour cos words dont change people and ..... (u know) and understand this if u can lar: selfishness is when one is a burden on another - it could be your mum, your spouse, even u - only those who can be (and are) honest (self-honesty) and acknowledge can resolve what is that is weighing them down. To make yourself 'rite' and make another 'wrong' is confrontational and divisive.
Originally posted by Aggrezior:i would like to start by telling to all that my mum is weird...or maybe too posessive.
my wife and i will normally go back to my parents place for dinner on 1 of the weekdays, after work. that is like plus minus 8pm. also will go back on either sat or sunday for half a day. the main problem>>>its all started when i got married 3 years ago. 4 of us stay together at the old house. for 6 months or so. then we decided to get our own house, which is only across a street. thinking it was a good chance so we moved in soon after. my mum starts to get so depressed after that. kept saying we had abandon them etc...i have said that we will still be seeing them every week. but she just some how could not take it. she will blame my wife everynow and then saying she had taken her son away from her. also say alot of nasty things that really hurt her. i as a son really do not know how to solve this issue. im really feel sad for my wife for going through this. we also had been trying hard to have a baby but still in vain. we thought so that having 1 more person in the family should have change my mum. she kept blaming us for not wanting to have baby. anyway my wife just got another session from her last evening when she reached my parents place 1st. im still in office when she sms me about it. i rushed back after that. haizzz...
In conclusion, my mum will always be templimental over to us and that really stress both of us alot. like that so stressful want to have baby also hard lor. doc have mention that my wife could be too stressful. i think like wise.
please advise
ur mom need to understand that u have ur own family now... u have ur own life... ur own decisions.
It would be best to sit down with her and say u cant spend time with her as much as last time, not because u love ur wife more than her... but because u have ur own family now... tell her the current situation really bothers u... and can cause a rift between u and ur wife...
Tell her that u would really be happy if ur mom can get along with ur wife... every parents want their children to be happy...
Assure her also u are not abandoning her that she can call u whenever she needs u... anyway ur not staying far from her.
It's important also that u come across as a neutral party between ur mom an ur wife. Dont take sides when they disagree.
Also, as some posters here says, she needs a hobby eg: karaoke, line dance, taichi... get her to like smth, support her or even sponsor her on it...
Be patient, things will work out eventually :)
wow, what a difficult but common dillemma ur in, one raised u up since ur a baby, another is one who ur gona raise a baby with.
How about I intro some guys to your wife who can help her to have a baby?
Originally posted by Gracehp:How about I intro some guys to your wife who can help her to have a baby?
How about you give him one? XD