Not Enough Freedom for him???
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I am in a relationship with this guy for more than 8 months. And i muz say i really love him.
But recently , we are having more n more quarreling... and it never seems to stop.
The problem is .... he thinks i did not give him enough freedom, or rather possesive over him. i din noe tat the love i have been giving to him has cause him to feel this way.
we are from the same JC of the same course. we study together for test. however, after the test result was out. and i actually score better than him. he told mi that we shouldn't be studying together anymore as he thinks that i'm distracting him. in actual fact, i din disturb him at all, and infact i was helping him with questions which din noe how to do... and i was really hurt.
and after this incidence, he confront mi that i'm being too possesive... and i told him its becoz i love him and care for him too much... it might sound lame, but its really from the bottom of my heart.
i tried to change for him... but how can i at the same time care for him and yet not seems to be possesive...
i really need help... someone please give mi advice...
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The feeling of lost is when you love someone more than you love yourself... -
Hmm...... maybe your way of showing how much you care abt him is wrong??? Every individual views love differently... and maybe he needs lots of freedom in love to feel being loved.
Well... i can't say much , how old are both of you?
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For so long in my life, I wouldn't let love inside
But I swallowed my pride the day you arrived
Now that you're by my side
Everything is all right
It's because of you, I was able to
Give my heart again -
well, maybe you should give him some space then. it might be hard for you at first, but if it makes him love you that much more then why not give it a try. either that, or he will really start to miss the attention that u showered him with. by doing so, u just might realize how much he loves you.
but if the more space you give him and the more u both drift apart, then it would better to juz let go then. it will be difficult for you but please, save yourself and him from more heartaches. love cannot be a one-way street or 1 of you, and most probably it's you, will inevitably be hurt in the end. -
r u new 2 relatnshp? or r u very young?Originally posted by pocketful _of _starz:I am in a relationship with this guy for more than 8 months. And i muz say i really love him.
But recently , we are having more n more quarreling... and it never seems to stop.
The problem is .... he thinks i did not give him enough freedom, or rather possesive over him. i din noe tat the love i have been giving to him has cause him to feel this way.
we are from the same JC of the same course. we study together for test. however, after the test result was out. and i actually score better than him. he told mi that we shouldn't be studying together anymore as he thinks that i'm distracting him. in actual fact, i din disturb him at all, and infact i was helping him with questions which din noe how to do... and i was really hurt.
and after this incidence, he confront mi that i'm being too possesive... and i told him its becoz i love him and care for him too much... it might sound lame, but its really from the bottom of my heart.
i tried to change for him... but how can i at the same time care for him and yet not seems to be possesive...
i really need help... someone please give mi advice...
i agree w urban tt diff pple viewed love differently. similarly, different pple express their love differently. no1 is sayin tt u dun love him, yet no1 wil noe whether u reali love him tt much too..
why nt chnge ur way of expressin.. u mt tink tt by lovin him ur way, u r correct. but, hve u eva reali tok 2 him n ask him abt his views of e relatnshp? 4 instance, u mt tink spendin alot of time w him is love.. or changin urself 4 him is love.. but, does he tink e same way 2?
communicatn in a relatnshp is very impt. communicate more.. tok more.. voice out.. let him say wad he wants 2 say 2.. there's no rite or wrong in a relatnshp.. quarrel if u hve 2.. tts aredi beta dan no communicatn..
but if its gg nowhere, mayB u 2 r juz nt meant 4 each other..? juz nt suitable?
wad we can gv r juz our own opinions.. juz a suggestn.. wad u wan n wad is gg 2 happen depends on e both of u.. cuz we r oni outsiders.. we mt nt noe e whole story, at least nt as wel as u do..
take care ger.. gd luck..
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n e stars jus sit dere n g|immer |ike dey dun notice hw we'r dyin inside, n e rain sti| pours n mocks us in our deaths, n e wr|d goes on when a| e hearts r broken.. -
we are both 20 this year...but i must admit that i still have a childish thinking of handling relationship. i used to think that i wan to meet him everyday, so i spend all my time wif him.
however,my friend told mi to put myself into his shoe, or see the whole situation as a third person. and came to realise that if i were my bf, i can't it long ago.
we just sorted things out and both felt bery relieve now. we came to an conclusion, i.e. couples need not have to meet everyday; distances makes one to know how much it meants to each.
i really felt regreted tat i din realise the foolish/childish act of mi.
~~i will try my bery bery best in our new MATURE relationship. BUT I"M AFRIAD TAT I"M NOT USE TO IT??? will quarrel starts again??~~
[This message has been edited by pocketful _of _starz (edited 20 March 2002).] -
well, gona try again.. diff couples haf diff ways to deal wif their r/s n problems. some couples wan to meet everyday, while some prefer to meet once a week? i mean, too much of anything is bad.. too much of ur love might 'suffocate' him too. dun ask too much from him, but be truthful i supposed. dun be just too afraid of losing him then keep all your sorows n unhappiness to urself, it is more important to share your views wif him. well, dun give yourself too much pressure on wat to do or wat not to do, if not the r/s will be more like a burden...
anyway, i believe that since u 2 are willing to change in order to salvage the situation, u 2 can surely come out wif a solution that helps both of you.. all e best! -
i awiz believe tt along e way in our life.. we LEARN.. bits by bits.. al e probs r juz lessons.. tt we learn...Originally posted by pocketful _of _starz:we are both 20 this year...but i must admit that i still have a childish thinking of handling relationship. i used to think that i wan to meet him everyday, so i spend all my time wif him.
however,my friend told mi to put myself into his shoe, or see the whole situation as a third person. and came to realise that if i were my bf, i can't it long ago.
we just sorted things out and both felt bery relieve now. we came to an conclusion, i.e. couples need not have to meet everyday; distances makes one to know how much it meants to each.
i really felt regreted tat i din realise the foolish/childish act of mi.
~~i will try my bery bery best in our new MATURE relationship. BUT I"M AFRIAD TAT I"M NOT USE TO IT??? will quarrel starts again??~~
[This message has been edited by pocketful _of _starz (edited 20 March 2002).]
dun worry if u 2 quarrel again or wad.. juz learn frm each other.. frm tt, i'm sure u wil learn more things abt him, urself.. n e relatnshp..
GLAD 2 hear tt u 2 had sorted things out..
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Sorry, I forgot to smile... That's why got this extra post...?Originally posted by joanne:well, gona try again.. diff couples haf diff ways to deal wif their r/s n problems. some couples wan to meet everyday, while some prefer to meet once a week? i mean, too much of anything is bad.. too much of ur love might 'suffocate' him too. dun ask too much from him, but be truthful i supposed. dun be just too afraid of losing him then keep all your sorows n unhappiness to urself, it is more important to share your views wif him. well, dun give yourself too much pressure on wat to do or wat not to do, if not the r/s will be more like a burden...
anyway, i believe that since u 2 are willing to change in order to salvage the situation, u 2 can surely come out wif a solution that helps both of you.. all e best!
[This message has been edited by Devil1976 (edited 21 March 2002).] -
Originally posted by joanne:well, gona try again.. diff couples haf diff ways to deal wif their r/s n problems. some couples wan to meet everyday, while some prefer to meet once a week? i mean, too much of anything is bad.. too much of ur love might 'suffocate' him too. dun ask too much from him, but be truthful i supposed. dun be just too afraid of losing him then keep all your sorows n unhappiness to urself, it is more important to share your views wif him. well, dun give yourself too much pressure on wat to do or wat not to do, if not the r/s will be more like a burden...
anyway, i believe that since u 2 are willing to change in order to salvage the situation, u 2 can surely come out wif a solution that helps both of you.. all e best! -
Hahahahaha.... then be more mature !!! Take things easily , love is not every thing , juz treat love as a dessert . You can do or do without , but with love ard , it can sweeten ur life. Being in love should be a happy thing , you should enjoy every bit of it as it will not stay for long.Originally posted by pocketful _of _starz:we are both 20 this year...but i must admit that i still have a childish thinking of handling relationship. i used to think that i wan to meet him everyday, so i spend all my time wif him.
however,my friend told mi to put myself into his shoe, or see the whole situation as a third person. and came to realise that if i were my bf, i can't it long ago.
we just sorted things out and both felt bery relieve now. we came to an conclusion, i.e. couples need not have to meet everyday; distances makes one to know how much it meants to each.
i really felt regreted tat i din realise the foolish/childish act of mi.
~~i will try my bery bery best in our new MATURE relationship. BUT I"M AFRIAD TAT I"M NOT USE TO IT??? will quarrel starts again??~~
[This message has been edited by pocketful _of _starz (edited 20 March 2002).] -
Very often that dessert can become part of that 3 meals a day...?Originally posted by urbanstrawie:Hahahahaha.... then be more mature !!! Take things easily , love is not every thing , juz treat love as a dessert . You can do or do without , but with love ard , it can sweeten ur life. Being in love should be a happy thing , you should enjoy every bit of it as it will not stay for long. -
Very often that dessert can become part of that 3 meals a day...?Originally posted by Devil1976:[QUOTE]Originally posted by urbanstrawie:
[b] Hahahahaha.... then be more mature !!! Take things easily , love is not every thing , juz treat love as a dessert . You can do or do without , but with love ard , it can sweeten ur life. Being in love should be a happy thing , you should enjoy every bit of it as it will not stay for long.[/B][/QUOTE]
3 meals a day??? hahahahahaha 5 meals a day oso no problem , so long as you dun depend on it to SURVIVE... -
Originally posted by urbanstrawie:3 meals a day??? hahahahahaha 5 meals a day oso no problem , so long as you dun depend on it to SURVIVE...
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And there are people who only eat desserts their entire life. heh heh heh...
PocketfulofStarz,
Learn to give and take.
The urge and feeling to be near and see someone you like is self-satisfying for you but may be terrifying for him. Guys need time to be free and pursue their own hobbies; lead a free life.
I'm still learning too but don't scare him to death. I once had a girlfriend in college, she suffocated me to death with her persistent attention. Very annoying and terrifying... broke off with her after 2 weeks and avoided her for the rest of the 3 and a half terms.