Man vs Child
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Roughly 18mths ago, I met a married man via msn. Somehow he had been in my contacts list for very long and but we never really chat. Then one day he suddenly initiated a chat and this is how we began. I clearly remember it was so when near his birthday (01 May). He told me that his birthday never once a perfect one as everyday there's a birthday but I begged a different.
He was sensitive when I first met him but when days go on he had changed or perhaps I don't know him well enough. This man drove me insane. There's a lot of things happening between us.He had changed my life. I did a lot of things for him yet to him is only a game. Sometimes I don't understand what is a man's feeling?
My first abortion was about 10mths ago which belong to him and without giving a thought and the only replied from him was abort it. That made me so guilty and regretted that I believe him and went for an abortion. He did not accompany me to that abortion but was at a golf game. Neither had he come up after his golf game to show his concerns. That made me turned to alcohol every night.
At that time of point, I'm having issues with my family members as my dad's health was getting bad. I got to hide my abortion from him which was pretty difficult. Dad noticed me abusing alcohol daily and started to ask why. My replied was I am fine. My dad given him a nickname calls "Chipmuck". After my first abortion, we had lessen our meeting as he always claimed that he's busy due to slow market (Run a PI car in the north) and I finally knew that it was excuses.
2 months after my abortion, my dad passed away. I was lost and didn't know what to do. I believe my life got to be rough and tough down the road. On the first night of my dad's funeral, he came down. Not to console me but telling me what happened between his wife and him. All I can do was just to listen.
I'm not a prefect woman but yet I still had my feelings. My feelings to him were like a trash. I was pregnant again from him. This time I do not know how to bring up to him because I knew his answer will still be aborting it. I was lost again but I told myself I will not abort it again hence I turned to my friends.
This news travelled to his wife's ears and got him pissed off. He came down with 3 men to confront me. His friends did not do anything to me but their words seems indirectly insulting me (maybe I'm too sensitive).
Throughout the whole meeting, Chipmuck had been cursing and swearing there. Scolded me will a lot of unwanted remarks and claimed that he do not want to see the baby to be born. I clearly remember one thing that he told me was "My wife wasn't a simple woman, between you and me were merrily a game."
I was disheartened. He lied!! Once he told me that when have me around he felt that I'm too sticky and without me around he felt werid. And the next moment he told me between us were merrily game.
I were so upset and left Singapore to Perth. In Perth, I were enjoying the relax lifestyle but it doesn't help at all. I heard he was telling others that what I'm carrying is a bastard and got nothing to do with him. I'm can easily go to bed with others that pissed me even more.
I was thinking that I want him to own this up and go for a DNA test. Is there anywhere to get his name on my son birth cert even if we are not married? I don't even know what I'm doing and I tried to call him a lot of time but he refused to answer. Why does he got the guts to tell others but not me?
I'm on my 7th month pregnancy, I was thinking if I will bring my son to his office after I have deliver and make him own it. I don't expect anything from him but I want to let him know that my son is not a bastard. Now my love to him had became hatred.
Can anyone advise me what to do? If i turn to my friends again, they will definitely stand by my side. I need a natural reply without judgments.
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Your text is somewhat confusing, but all i know is you should avoid him, forget him. He doesn't even respect you, so cut off all the links between you & him. I'm afraid that if this goes on, he might soon be using violence on you.
If you doesn't want your child, just do all the neccessary procedures, DNA etc & nail him down.
But in the 1st place he is married lah. See, you get yourself into so much trouble~
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I don't what should I do and what am I doing? I just wanted to teach him a lesson that my unborn child is not a bastard. Therefore I was thinking to make him go for a DNA test and make the child offically a son of his. I don't know if this will stop him calling him bastard.
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Originally posted by chipmuck:
Roughly 18mths ago, I met a married man via msn. Somehow he had been in my contacts list for very long and but we never really chat. Then one day he suddenly initiated a chat and this is how we began. I clearly remember it was so when near his birthday (01 May). He told me that his birthday never once a perfect one as everyday there's a birthday but I begged a different.
He was sensitive when I first met him but when days go on he had changed or perhaps I don't know him well enough. This man drove me insane. There's a lot of things happening between us.He had changed my life. I did a lot of things for him yet to him is only a game. Sometimes I don't understand what is a man's feeling?
My first abortion was about 10mths ago which belong to him and without giving a thought and the only replied from him was abort it. That made me so guilty and regretted that I believe him and went for an abortion. He did not accompany me to that abortion but was at a golf game. Neither had he come up after his golf game to show his concerns. That made me turned to alcohol every night.
At that time of point, I'm having issues with my family members as my dad's health was getting bad. I got to hide my abortion from him which was pretty difficult. Dad noticed me abusing alcohol daily and started to ask why. My replied was I am fine. My dad given him a nickname calls "Chipmuck". After my first abortion, we had lessen our meeting as he always claimed that he's busy due to slow market (Run a PI car in the north) and I finally knew that it was excuses.
2 months after my abortion, my dad passed away. I was lost and didn't know what to do. I believe my life got to be rough and tough down the road. On the first night of my dad's funeral, he came down. Not to console me but telling me what happened between his wife and him. All I can do was just to listen.
I'm not a prefect woman but yet I still had my feelings. My feelings to him were like a trash. I was pregnant again from him. This time I do not know how to bring up to him because I knew his answer will still be aborting it. I was lost again but I told myself I will not abort it again hence I turned to my friends.
This news travelled to his wife's ears and got him pissed off. He came down with 3 men to confront me. His friends did not do anything to me but their words seems indirectly insulting me (maybe I'm too sensitive).
Throughout the whole meeting, Chipmuck had been cursing and swearing there. Scolded me will a lot of unwanted remarks and claimed that he do not want to see the baby to be born. I clearly remember one thing that he told me was "My wife wasn't a simple woman, between you and me were merrily a game."
I was disheartened. He lied!! Once he told me that when have me around he felt that I'm too sticky and without me around he felt werid. And the next moment he told me between us were merrily game.
I were so upset and left Singapore to Perth. In Perth, I were enjoying the relax lifestyle but it doesn't help at all. I heard he was telling others that what I'm carrying is a bastard and got nothing to do with him. I'm can easily go to bed with others that pissed me even more.
I was thinking that I want him to own this up and go for a DNA test. Is there anywhere to get his name on my son birth cert even if we are not married? I don't even know what I'm doing and I tried to call him a lot of time but he refused to answer. Why does he got the guts to tell others but not me?
I'm on my 7th month pregnancy, I was thinking if I will bring my son to his office after I have deliver and make him own it. I don't expect anything from him but I want to let him know that my son is not a bastard. Now my love to him had became hatred.
Can anyone advise me what to do? If i turn to my friends again, they will definitely stand by my side. I need a natural reply without judgments.
Bring the matter up to the legal court. This way, you will definitely get his name on your child's birth cert, and there is a high chance that you will be able to force him to give you and your child a regular allowance.
On a side note, don't repeat the same story again. You have been foolish once, and this should have been a good ( or rather, bad ) lesson for you. Married men do not search for romance, they search for flings.
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Originally posted by chipmuck:
I don't what should I do and what am I doing? I just wanted to teach him a lesson that my unborn child is not a bastard. Therefore I was thinking to make him go for a DNA test and make the child offically a son of his. I don't know if this will stop him calling him bastard.
You can't force him to go for a DNA test now if he doesn't want to. You must bring up the matter to court first before you can legally make him do so.
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You need to seek legal advise about this paternity test.
Although you may not be asking for financial support, you may still be opening a can of worms.
Paternity confirmation may lead to child custody battle.
So best is to seek professional advise to make sure your own interest is well protected before you take on the fight.
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Married man, unmarried man, woman, man ----- all rubbish talk.
Where u are today is not cos of the other was - u were privy and participated to all and now u are left with a pregnancy.
One is simply responsible for what one is and one does. Apportioning blame on another is a cop out.
As for the legalities of paternity and what-not - its a convoluted and expensive affair.
Yes, your friends may stand on your side - but they wont live for u and they are not u. Just know that!
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I think send the baby for adoption and than forget the guy and carry on with life is the best way
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You ought to be more aware of strangers.
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Alright, so you fucked up. At a certain point of time, you made a bad decision and it all went downhill from there. What's the big deal? Everybody screwed up one time or another.. what makes you so special?
Get his name on your child's paper? What are you trying to prove? That your son is not bastard? What's there to prove and what do you gain from proving it? Quoting yourself "I don't expect anything from him", do you realize how self-conflicting is that?
What you should do now is to consider your options carefully. How are you going to be responsible for the child? Did you carry him 7 months in your womb just so you can prove a point? If that is the case, you'd be better of setting the child up for adoption, you can't even love your child.
People make bad choices and trip all the time, no biggie.. just get on your feet again and move on with your own happiness.. What I see in your post is a lot of anger and misdirected self-pity..
if the bitterness comes from our selfish foolishness, let it go. If the bitterness is from someone's mistake. we learn grace and forgiveness.
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Originally posted by chipmuck:
Roughly 18mths ago, I met a married man via msn. Somehow he had been in my contacts list for very long and but we never really chat. Then one day he suddenly initiated a chat and this is how we began. I clearly remember it was so when near his birthday (01 May). He told me that his birthday never once a perfect one as everyday there's a birthday but I begged a different.
He was sensitive when I first met him but when days go on he had changed or perhaps I don't know him well enough. This man drove me insane. There's a lot of things happening between us.He had changed my life. I did a lot of things for him yet to him is only a game. Sometimes I don't understand what is a man's feeling?
My first abortion was about 10mths ago which belong to him and without giving a thought and the only replied from him was abort it. That made me so guilty and regretted that I believe him and went for an abortion. He did not accompany me to that abortion but was at a golf game. Neither had he come up after his golf game to show his concerns. That made me turned to alcohol every night.
At that time of point, I'm having issues with my family members as my dad's health was getting bad. I got to hide my abortion from him which was pretty difficult. Dad noticed me abusing alcohol daily and started to ask why. My replied was I am fine. My dad given him a nickname calls "Chipmuck". After my first abortion, we had lessen our meeting as he always claimed that he's busy due to slow market (Run a PI car in the north) and I finally knew that it was excuses.
2 months after my abortion, my dad passed away. I was lost and didn't know what to do. I believe my life got to be rough and tough down the road. On the first night of my dad's funeral, he came down. Not to console me but telling me what happened between his wife and him. All I can do was just to listen.
I'm not a prefect woman but yet I still had my feelings. My feelings to him were like a trash. I was pregnant again from him. This time I do not know how to bring up to him because I knew his answer will still be aborting it. I was lost again but I told myself I will not abort it again hence I turned to my friends.
This news travelled to his wife's ears and got him pissed off. He came down with 3 men to confront me. His friends did not do anything to me but their words seems indirectly insulting me (maybe I'm too sensitive).
Throughout the whole meeting, Chipmuck had been cursing and swearing there. Scolded me will a lot of unwanted remarks and claimed that he do not want to see the baby to be born. I clearly remember one thing that he told me was "My wife wasn't a simple woman, between you and me were merrily a game."
I was disheartened. He lied!! Once he told me that when have me around he felt that I'm too sticky and without me around he felt werid. And the next moment he told me between us were merrily game.
I were so upset and left Singapore to Perth. In Perth, I were enjoying the relax lifestyle but it doesn't help at all. I heard he was telling others that what I'm carrying is a bastard and got nothing to do with him. I'm can easily go to bed with others that pissed me even more.
I was thinking that I want him to own this up and go for a DNA test. Is there anywhere to get his name on my son birth cert even if we are not married? I don't even know what I'm doing and I tried to call him a lot of time but he refused to answer. Why does he got the guts to tell others but not me?
I'm on my 7th month pregnancy, I was thinking if I will bring my son to his office after I have deliver and make him own it. I don't expect anything from him but I want to let him know that my son is not a bastard. Now my love to him had became hatred.
Can anyone advise me what to do? If i turn to my friends again, they will definitely stand by my side. I need a natural reply without judgments.
I am seriously worried about your choice of actions. If you re-read your own post a couple of times, you could have realized that you have made decisions that often resulted in putting yourself into dire consequences, which you end up paying dearly for. This payment littered with misery and much emotional turmoil.Your alcohol consumption merely suggested an avoidance mindset and gradual impairment of your judgement, which is a common behavioral pattern for an individual in a deceptive relationship (affliction in Neptune). Please avoid abusing alcohol (if you haven't stopped) because you will end up creating another set of problem for yourself. At this juncture, your plates are way too full to introduce another set of issues to digest.
Your emotional instability would have contributed to your lack of insights and awareness to remove this man away from your life for good. And this is in fact a classic karmic relationship - albeit our actions might seemed like pretty random decision/s shaped from our thoughts - but the constant fueling of this extremely disruptive relationship over and again, only suggested the karmic ties that bind you towards him, in a vicious debt cycle.
His needs are quite simple - he is having a bad marriage, hence he naturally seeks for transitory comfort outside - for both sex and emotional dependency.
Because you too have unresolved needs, you provided him the platform and this breathe life into the entire sub-rosa relationship.
If you have thoughts to engage in any form of a relationship with someone that is unavailable (especially married) and if you perceive that you will be happy with this arrangement - this delusional outlook will guarantee you nothing but misery. Your cosmic lesson only needs to teach you once - however, if you find yourself having to learn the same grade more than once, you know you are in some serious delusional mode that needs immediate attention, clarification and enlightenment.
Your decision to give birth to this child carries a dangerous agenda. It has now evolved into a weapon spawned from your hatred. You must be aware that the child, regardless of the circumstances that he/she is brought into this world, is innocent (although surely the karmic relationship between you and your child would definitely be intensive).
Having friends to stand by yourself side might be the kind of emotional support you really need right now, but ultimately, it's the unresolved issues nesting within you that needs to be tackled. You see, at the end of the day, your decision in wanting to proof to him that the child is his, only acts to deepen your own pain and suffering and does nothing in value to relief your situation.
You have made two unwise decisions so far (sex without protection that got you pregnant twice) - please do not let yourself sink into another bout of folly in name of hatred because mark my words, you will only have more to lose.
Your decision should now revolves about thinking how you are going to take care of this child. Everything else is superfluous. Raising up this kid is going to be one REAL issue that you have to manage (you can't depend on that jackass anyway).
Cheers
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chipmuck,
what sort of advice are you seeking?
the right course of action from here on in? or a 'how to formula' on leaving an affair gone sour?
what is love. what is hatred, who was right, who was wrong, who said what, who did what... does it matter now at this stage? what's your definition of a good, happy life anyway? forcing him to go for a DNA, thus proving his words wrong... what can it guarantee you? what kind of satisfaction will this 'payback' bring you? how will stirring yourself deeper and deeper, how will becoming more and more involved with this man benefit you? has it given you pain or happiness so far?
the fact is, he is married and he's not leaving his wife. he will not acknowledge the child you're carrying. he has made it very clear you're none of his business. his mentality is violently different from yours - he wants to severe all ties with you after what happened.
so the lesson from now on is, you must protect and respect yourself in all aspects of your life. you must ensure the quality of your well being and no one is responsible for that, no one can give you that apart from yourself.
when you look at your current situation, ask yourself, the things you want to do to this man - are for good reasons or bad reasons.
please don't cause yourself anymore harm that you may never recover from.
the child you are carrying is not a tool to mend a broken affair. have you thought about what you will do when the baby comes?
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The man did not lied.
Your child is indeed a bastard.
Because the child is born out of wedlock. He already is married. You are not married to him.
And for the child to have his name in the birth certificate, is seriously a insult to your child. I do not foresee your child being grateful to your actions about wanting his name on your child's birth certificate.
You are already in Perth, probably due to your efforts to migrate. And since you suggest it has been peaceful. Why make things so much more difficult then what you are doing now.
Just because your friends was telling you things?
You so far, only need to prove that you will love this child despite his birth in in sin. Thats the only way to prove to everyone around you and beyond, that your child is a bastard, but the father is a jackass beyond the likes of any bastards.
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That man has already told you that it's just a game.
You decided to keep the baby and you expect he will be better to you...
Since you already decided to keep the baby, you have to move on with your life without this man. He doesn't want you, period.
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You are no where better then him.
The child is innocent.
He/She is not a tool for you to get ur revenge.
"Now my love to him had became hatred."
Ur child, ur act of love,will become ur hatred soon or later.
Are you sure you will be able to face ur child in the future, telling him or her that his father is a jerk.
Imagine those suffering the child has to go through... ...
His father is a jerk , his mom hated him because of his father...
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Yes. Indeed I hate this man. But I think I had got a few pcs of good advise which is to seek legal advise to get the father to have the DNA tested.
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And he is a local or a foreigner?
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Originally posted by elinda:
I think send the baby for adoption and than forget the guy and carry on with life is the best way
She did just that (carry on with her life) and see what she got herself into ? So she needs to put a stop to her nonsense and fight this one.Keep the baby and I advise that she straighten out her life once and for all. -
Dysfunctional Adult = dsyfunctional parenting = one dysfunctional child. Not again lah!
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Stupid gal. U deserve it.
The only innocent party is yr child!
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Well, to me. It seems that you already know that your relationship with him was a game to him. It was a agreement between the both of you. Making him own up for a child that he never wanted is not really possible and besides, he would not leave his wife for you.
Which leads to another question. You already know that he has a family and his family would not break even if the news of you being pregnant travels to his wife. That shows you the strong tolerance and ties within that family. So, you just have to accept the fact that you are going to be a single mom in this case.
Would it bring you a smile to break a family and yet you still being single?
If not, why not just stick to your decision to bring up your child by your own?
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You should seriously consider your decision of bring him in court as it will affect the child. You imagine when the child grow and found out that my mother sued my father being irresponsible of upbringing him.
I don't think that the comeout of the result is what you care but you only want the child to be well-known among friends. He had already gave you excuses and why do you want to bother again and affect your pregnancy.
There's something in the world call karma. Is either on him or his offsprings so let the god take care of it. Just think twice and move on happliy.