In a dilemma
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I really dunno wat I should do. I've been with this guy for a couple of yrs. I've been thru lotsa down sides of his life with him. I was there for him when he got into car accident, I was there when he got into big debts, I was there for him most of the time putting him as top priority in my life. We're getting married soon. Most of the wedding preparations are done and invitation cards are in the midst of being printed. But now I'm beginning to doubt if I'm making the right choice. Much as he was my top priority, I guess I was nowhere near his top. He's either busy sleeping, or playing his games. I had forgiven him b4 when he betrayed my trust. I had never thought that he'd hurt me like that but then I forgive him as I thought that it was juz a moment of folly on his part. Though true he didn't contact the gal anymore, I still don't feel anything like e top priority. Suddenly I feel very tired. Very very tired. I don't feel like hanging on anymore. But I can't bear to let go and don't know how to let go too. Can someone please tell me what to do? Or can GOD pls take me away so I don't have to think abt what to do?
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Whether u marry him or not - the 'doubt' that you experiencing now would soon permeate your every day life.
To change him or be assured by him is a dicey affair cos he is human just as u are. Words are birds!
Preparations and cards for the impending marriage is no big deal.
How u feel now is a BIG and REALLY big lar.
Don't forgo the years of peace for the moments of rapture.
Look within and just be self-honest with what u feel -conscious choices aplenty .
What frees u grab it!
PS : If u feel inclined - M Scott Peck's The Road Less Travelled & Don Miguel Ruiz's the 4 agreements.
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some stuff to ponder about so that u can made up your mind
1. after all those year r u happy together wif him
2. does he thank u for all the things, stuffs u did for him or just took u by granted
3. does he spend time wif u, going out together, celebrating those important dates, listen to u.
lastly - ask yourself why r u so tired being wif him is it everytime he mess up, u clean up for him .....
whatever is your choice
god bless u
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if u have doubts then of course u shud put ur plans on hold
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everything is already prepared.. his parents n my parents r not aware of everything tt's going on.. esp my parents..
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I trust that before you decided to get married, you and your intended have talked and thought things out.
Some couple get married because it is assumed that they get married, and they really get married!
For a marriage to work, both parties need a mindset and attitude to make it work. Otherwise all the promises of commitment and love will come to grief.
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What transpired bet the both of u in the past is all gone - holding onto a cancelled cheque (the past) is trying to give it validity - yes, its real: only psychologically (one keeps playing it on the mind, dwelling on what could have been or what was ...), the reality is everything is change. Change is the only permanence of existence.
No one can change another with words - changes comes about thru (one's) your behaviour - if u can be a catalyst for change that is sufficient. Rite/wrong is subjective and relative.
Self-fulfil love, self-fulfil freedom (not licentiousness), self-fulfil responsibility - the anxiety or in this instance of doubt of a ''right choice(s) simply becomes irrelevant.
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Originally posted by AbsTracT:
I really dunno wat I should do. I've been with this guy for a couple of yrs. I've been thru lotsa down sides of his life with him. I was there for him when he got into car accident, I was there when he got into big debts, I was there for him most of the time putting him as top priority in my life. We're getting married soon. Most of the wedding preparations are done and invitation cards are in the midst of being printed. But now I'm beginning to doubt if I'm making the right choice. Much as he was my top priority, I guess I was nowhere near his top. He's either busy sleeping, or playing his games. I had forgiven him b4 when he betrayed my trust. I had never thought that he'd hurt me like that but then I forgive him as I thought that it was juz a moment of folly on his part. Though true he didn't contact the gal anymore, I still don't feel anything like e top priority. Suddenly I feel very tired. Very very tired. I don't feel like hanging on anymore. But I can't bear to let go and don't know how to let go too. Can someone please tell me what to do? Or can GOD pls take me away so I don't have to think abt what to do?
Girl, listen to your gut.
The problems you have will not dissapear after a marriage, it will only be magnified.
If you cannot be happy now, how can you be happy for the rest of your life with this man ?
Canceling/delaying a wedding is cheaper than paying for a divorce later.
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Originally posted by AbsTracT:
I really dunno wat I should do. I've been with this guy for a couple of yrs. I've been thru lotsa down sides of his life with him. I was there for him when he got into car accident, I was there when he got into big debts, I was there for him most of the time putting him as top priority in my life. We're getting married soon. Most of the wedding preparations are done and invitation cards are in the midst of being printed. But now I'm beginning to doubt if I'm making the right choice.
You're entitled to this one moment of painful doubt.
Whether he can be arsed to clarify and ease your doubts is the real problem.
Originally posted by AbsTracT:Much as he was my top priority, I guess I was nowhere near his top. He's either busy sleeping, or playing his games. I had forgiven him b4 when he betrayed my trust. I had never thought that he'd hurt me like that but then I forgive him as I thought that it was juz a moment of folly on his part. Though true he didn't contact the gal anymore, I still don't feel anything like e top priority.
I don't understand why they can go on for hours playing games too. Biological defect perhaps?
When you figure out how to make him stop or when you manage to psycho yourself to join him, share some tips. You're not alone on this babe.
Originally posted by AbsTracT:I had forgiven him b4 when he betrayed my trust. I had never thought that he'd hurt me like that but then I forgive him as I thought that it was juz a moment of folly on his part. Though true he didn't contact the gal anymore, I still don't feel anything like e top priority.
6 billion people on the planet, why get yourself bent out of shape just for one boyfriend?
Why did you even forgive him to start with?
Never forgive betrayal. Never.
Originally posted by AbsTracT:Suddenly I feel very tired. Very very tired. I don't feel like hanging on anymore. But I can't bear to let go and don't know how to let go too. Can someone please tell me what to do? Or can GOD pls take me away so I don't have to think abt what to do?
Several years ago, before he came into your life, before you knew him, before you wound up with him, there was a Individual inside of you. Recover that spirit. Find that girl.
I'll skip the civil niceties and anything that smacks of being superficially correct.
Your standards for a husband need to be higher than this.
Dump him already.
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wa, u so good one
if i am that guy i will lub u deep deep
eberi day tell u jokes to make u happy
bring u go kai kai
hug hug u when u are sad
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been with him with many of his downs??guess you are bad luck??hehe...just kidding..he might not love you with his 100% as you did..there might come a time he will meet someone who he can love 100%..the exalted position you wanted might not be yours..noone can say for sure..talk to him about how you feel and see what he will do or say..more on the do part actually...and..love is givng..are you willing to take the risk you might be the one to carry his load when hes tied down and when he is happy,some others will enjoy the fruits of your labor...
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how old are you?
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TS, i was like you in my previous r/s. i cleared most of his debts. i helped him work like hell in his pub without complains. and he always sleep and games. gambles and drinks at other pubs. i still continue with the r/s cos i loved him. and were planning for our marriage this dec. but half way thru during may/june. i gave up the r/s although so many years i cant put down just like you. cos i see no future. i'm tired physically and mentally. he doesn't appreciate what i've done so what for doing so much right?
TS, i suggest you have a heart to heart talk with him or talk to his parents about your feelings. since you feel tired. no point forcing yourself into a marriage you aint sure whether you'll be happy or not. good luck!
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By any chances, is your name Melody?
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not asking me right. o.o
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Originally posted by xMissylove:
not asking me right. o.o
Yes, asking u.
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Show him this topic loh. It is all that you wanna say to him & all your doubts about him are written here. Let him reply to u, to assure u, or if he thinks otherwise, then break off before its too late.
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The wise one looks for miracles, happiness, love within himself or herself or creates it .
The unwise - goes around fishing and comparing and tries his/best to ensnare and prop him/her self.
The first is free of anxiety and fears no loss. Love is an emperor here
The second is fraught with anxiety and fears loss. Love is a beggar here.
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Talk to him:
1) tell him what you want (i.e: you want to be the top priority in his life)
2) tell him how you want it (spending time with you? give u flowers/gifts? hug you frequently? etc)
Sometimes guys can be clueless, 'blur', insensitive. Doesn't mean he didn't love you. But u have to be sure he loves you and you are the priority oh his life (higher than games and his personal enjoyment).
Worst come to worst, call off the wedding.. money lost can be earned again... but divorce can change the way u view marriage (and affect ur future).
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Always changin, always evolving - that is what an alive relationship is. It is river-like - flowing. It has climates, many moods. It is uncertain and always full of suprises. A dead relationship, like a pond remains stagnantand smells, is stale. It is repetitive, it is the same, but then it is no more a relationship. Then it is no longer two persons, but two things together. Of course, two things never quarrel. The quarrel arises when two alive persons enter.
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Sounds like pre-wedding jitters.. maybe you are having cold feet which is common before the wedding. When is the wedding scheduled to be?
A month or two before the wedding, I also lamented to colleagues that I wonder whether I was making the right choice because we fight so often, if I marry him, won't that be my life forever? However I shrugged off the doubts after awhile because I decided I do love him and want to spend my life with him, despite the fights.