ok, i know there's another thread with similar title but it's a totally different situation
i came to know a grp of frens some 1 yr + back.
there's a lady in the grp who was very nice to me at the start. i in turn became nice to her too.
aft 1/2 a yr, i find her behaviour towards me change a lot, she started to ignore me, be nasty to me etc. initially i thot she got the wrg idea tht i like her and thus she wanted to make it clear, so i was cool and made sure i was clear also but this carried on for more than 1/2 yr even until now.
the situation got worse, she wldn't even sit at the same table with me to eat.
thru another fren, i asked her is there a prob, she listed out tht she doesn't like the way i talk and tht her ego can't take it.
at 1st, i thot it was true and felt sorry but later on as i observe, there r actually pple in the grp comitting the same or even worse fault than me and i totally dnt see her reacting to them tht way.
i really find it hard to accept tht someone like this actually exist. is frenship tht cheap? can totally not be frens suddenly like this?
she just cannot accept the way u talk to her, maybe its just about u.
sometimes, things differ from person to person..
but i'm very sure i'm not the only one in the grp who's like this leh
you ask us, how would we know?
go ask the woman lah...
I dont really understand women, but perhaps this is her way of dealing with herself for falling in love with you?
She probably loves you but somehow she feels should not do so due to some unknown reason. Distancing herself, and doing everything possible to reject you is her way to tell herself, remind herself, not to love you, even though that love may have grown deep and she is frightened of it.
Just an insight. I could be wrong.
Someone in your group could be hinting that the two of you are an item, and she is showing otherwise.
Originally posted by the Bear:you ask us, how would we know?
go ask the woman lah...
tried liao but the ans doesn't tally leh, so was hoping some exp ladies and/or gentlemen here can help me into figuring wat's wrg since she somehow not willing to tell the truth
Originally posted by xtreyier:I dont really understand women, but perhaps this is her way of dealing with herself for falling in love with you?
She probably loves you but somehow she feels should not do so due to some unknown reason. Distancing herself, and doing everything possible to reject you is her way to tell herself, remind herself, not to love you, even though that love may have grown deep and she is frightened of it.
Just an insight. I could be wrong.
tht's very chiem and definitely i hope this isn't the case :D
i mean this is so selfish, doesn't she ever give a thot to how i feel? i mean how will she feel if i gave her a black face for more than 6 mths? terrible isn't it?
and the worse part is tht she's so obvious that everyone knows there's something wrg, so rumours abt the cause gets spread and my name gets ruined
Originally posted by mancha:Someone in your group could be hinting that the two of you are an item, and she is showing otherwise.
tht might b possible but i made sure i made myself very clear thru my actions tht there's nothing between us. this effort has been gng on for more than 1/2 yr liao.
no one's talking abt it and certainly there r pple who know i'm not interested in her as my interest is on someone else.
i did have someone in the grp telling me tht it's possible tht she received the wrg signal from me but as the situation change and my interest change, she got pissed off with me
Someone said 'I don't really understand women.' And that's generalizing, there's plenty of nice females out there, and that is a terribly sexist comment. I'd say I don't understand some people, because I don't. And as for your case, I've something close to this, except I may be the other party.
You see there was this friend of mine that I could talk with pretty well. Except as I grew to know her, I started to see some things I didn't like. Her morals- oh, there was nothing wong with hers, just everything wrong with mine. No, that wasn't sarcastic. Her take on things, just really random things, and I started to get annoyed. I've done my best to hide it, but I'm no sidhe trained in court politics, am I? Translation: I don't have a perfect poker face.
Originally posted by XxXamuoXxX:Someone said 'I don't really understand women.' And that's generalizing, there's plenty of nice females out there, and that is a terribly sexist comment. I'd say I don't understand some people, because I don't. And as for your case, I've something close to this, except I may be the other party.
You see there was this friend of mine that I could talk with pretty well. Except as I grew to know her, I started to see some things I didn't like. Her morals- oh, there was nothing wong with hers, just everything wrong with mine. No, that wasn't sarcastic. Her take on things, just really random things, and I started to get annoyed. I've done my best to hide it, but I'm no sidhe trained in court politics, am I? Translation: I don't have a perfect poker face.
ok, let me get this clear, u r trying to say tht the situation is in such a way cause she jus can't keep her emotions from showing?
if i got it rite, then i wld say it's rather unfair for me and/or the rest of the grp cause not only is she showing it thru her face, her actions and decision also shows it. a lot of times i'm excluded from activities in the grp if she's the one who organise it, i came to know abt it from others who had their eye on this situation.
her ways of reacting has destroyed the mood and quality of our frenship (with the grp also). there's always something very awkard when everytime both of us r present. in addition, it didn't help much to the rumours spreading ard as pple who dnt ask will think its true. suprisingly also, new pple who join in the grp actually knows the story (one sided), so i really have my thots tht she's been spreading not very nice things abt me but again i wish to give her a benefit of doubt in this too.
at the end of the day, i only wish for a normal frenship, no misunderstanding, no ill feelings but frankly speaking, the way she's handling things has slowly made me change my views on it too.
Just do nothing.
As long as your conscience is clear, have no fear. Maintain that distance, smile always and treat everyone the same - respectfully and others will know and judge the difference by what she had stirred and the reality you present.
In time she will grow out of it when she gets to meet and trust someone else.
You have more pressing and better issues to ponder upon than to let her actions determine a wasted spot in your life. Move on, buddy.
Whether someone loves one or hates one is beyond one's control.
However, when one is centred within oneself, one is cognizant of the Mind(ego) and yet simply partaking of life in all that one comes across. One enjoys the house, the car, the spouse but one is wise and knows that all can go.
My meaning of self-centredness is opposed to the conventional meaning of selfishness (which is hoarding, inconsiderate etc).The one who is centred within him/herself is one is abundantly 'rich' within and is no longer dependent on the outside for fulfilment. One is oveflowing, one is able to share. One is essential as opposed to accidental.
As an aside - insecurity in oneself - is seeking a home in a house, seeking a home(love) in a person. Seeking security outside of oneself, in my opinion, is simply propping oneself and feeling secure. Anxiety belies this state of mind cos one has compromised oneself for that security. In human relations it is bound to cause conflict and ....
Eg, I noticed a woman walking into a coffeeshop and she had a handbag, a grocery bag and it was so very apparent that she was insecure. She was waving her car keys conspicuously!
One who is insecure is bound to flaunt one's wealth, one's achievements, cos one is actually very insecure within -one lacks quality within eg, kindess, emphathy, gratitude. It is a bluff - behind that personality, the projection, the material stuff anxiety dominoes him/her.
I m not implying that it is 'wrong' to seek security (esp in love) but the person seeking has to understand and accept this - 1 it is a compromise, a bargain,a business transaction.
2. that at the end of it all (whether it works or not) one is responsible, not the other.
Originally posted by Fugazzi:Whether someone loves one or hates one is beyond one's control.
However, when one is centred within oneself, one is cognizant of the Mind(ego) and yet simply partaking of life in all that one comes across. One enjoys the house, the car, the spouse but one is wise and knows that all can go.
My meaning of self-centredness is opposed to the conventional meaning of selfishness (which is hoarding, inconsiderate etc).The one who is centred within him/herself is one is abundantly 'rich' within and is no longer dependent on the outside for fulfilment. One is oveflowing, one is able to share. One is essential as opposed to accidental.
As an aside - insecurity in oneself - is seeking a home in a house, seeking a home(love) in a person. Seeking security outside of oneself, in my opinion, is simply propping oneself and feeling secure. Anxiety belies this state of mind cos one has compromised oneself for that security. In human relations it is bound to cause conflict and ....
Eg, I noticed a woman walking into a coffeeshop and she had a handbag, a grocery bag and it was so very apparent that she was insecure. She was waving her car keys conspicuously!
One who is insecure is bound to flaunt one's wealth, one's achievements, cos one is actually very insecure within -one lacks quality within eg, kindess, emphathy, gratitude. It is a bluff - behind that personality, the projection, the material stuff anxiety dominoes him/her.
I m not implying that it is 'wrong' to seek security (esp in love) but the person seeking has to understand and accept this - 1 it is a compromise, a bargain,a business transaction.
2. that at the end of it all (whether it works or not) one is responsible, not the other.
sorry, too chiem for me. i dnt understand.
can explain or rephrase using simpler english?
Simple - ok lar, love yourself, be kind to yourself, be a friend to yourself, be fulfilled in yourself.
Understand your insecurity. understand what is not in u - it will come to u eg, are u a loving person, are u being kind, are u being patient ... add on.
Whatever happens on the outside is an event, the process is in U, always in u.
An eg,
Two prisoners were locked up in a cell and one particular nite both of them chanced upon a moon thru the window cell.
One looked out and delited in the moon , the expereince was uplifting.
The other cursed at the window bars.
Same event - two inner processes (experiences).
It is the same in our daily living - one who is lacking love, lacking kindness ... add on - will always seek, will always see what is missing.
One who is self-fulfilled, one who has love witin, kindness, empathy within ... add on - is appreciative and most of all accepting of what is. Even when things situations go 'wrong' - he/ she can handle without blaming others/situations and tries to change from within.
There is no meaning in life - meaning is always what is inside each of us. If one is always bitter , angry , whining - know this, that one is lacking... on the other hand if one is rich within ......
PS - when i say within - i dont mean the mind, it is your heart, All the riches are within each and everyone of us. It is not waiting to be discovered, only recognition is needed.
The mind(ego) will reject and rationalize. Beware!
she find u anoyying?
She probably gan ni bu xun yan!
Ah Ha! Some complications are simple.
Originally posted by redname:
tht might b possible but i made sure i made myself very clear thru my actions tht there's nothing between us. this effort has been gng on for more than 1/2 yr liao.
no one's talking abt it and certainly there r pple who know i'm not interested in her as my interest is on someone else.
i did have someone in the grp telling me tht it's possible tht she received the wrg signal from me but as the situation change and my interest change, she got pissed off with me
What you need to do:
Originally posted by xtreyier:Just do nothing.
As long as your conscience is clear, have no fear. Maintain that distance, smile always and treat everyone the same - respectfully and others will know and judge the difference by what she had stirred and the reality you present.
In time she will grow out of it when she gets to meet and trust someone else.
You have more pressing and better issues to ponder upon than to let her actions determine a wasted spot in your life. Move on, buddy.
just continue to be friendly. In time, u never know she may starts to develop a comfort of friendship towards u. Be patient. Trust me, she can't show that emotion towards u forever.
Originally posted by redname:ok, i know there's another thread with similar title but it's a totally different situation
i came to know a grp of frens some 1 yr + back.
there's a lady in the grp who was very nice to me at the start. i in turn became nice to her too.
aft 1/2 a yr, i find her behaviour towards me change a lot, she started to ignore me, be nasty to me etc. initially i thot she got the wrg idea tht i like her and thus she wanted to make it clear, so i was cool and made sure i was clear also but this carried on for more than 1/2 yr even until now.
the situation got worse, she wldn't even sit at the same table with me to eat.
thru another fren, i asked her is there a prob, she listed out tht she doesn't like the way i talk and tht her ego can't take it.
at 1st, i thot it was true and felt sorry but later on as i observe, there r actually pple in the grp comitting the same or even worse fault than me and i totally dnt see her reacting to them tht way.
i really find it hard to accept tht someone like this actually exist. is frenship tht cheap? can totally not be frens suddenly like this?
You bad-luck then, who ask you to be so stubborn on this one-sided "friendship"?
In such situations, usually both parties are psychotic because they refused to let go of each other when they don't have any potential reason to hold onto their so-called "friendship".
If she doesn't know how to let you go, least you could do is to let her know or all your friends know that you are letting her go by ceasing all "friendship" with her and never want to know anything about her anymore......in a superbly serious mood of course. <-- This is important because you need to make things clear to yourselves, your friends/her friends and possibly herself.
But if this is not the first time, maybe you are the problem because you chose to mix with the wrong group of friends.