How should one behave in this case?
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i got a colleague who suddendly give me cold shoulder earlier part of this year (around March 09).
now she's pretty much ignoring my existence, don't talk to me during lunch, no eye-contact, nothing etc. Go home take same lift, i tried making small talk with her casually but she only give nods and 1-word reply.
However, when she needs my help, she suddendly smile very sweetly and cutely.
this is what pisses me off.
i think she's like this cos' i always tease her a bit, but i think like that she also cannot.
anyway, in such cases, what will u folks do?
1) ignore her and treat she doesn't exist
2) be casual and take it as if nothing happened, and smile and greet her whenever u meet at corridor etc., even though she don't even look at you
these few months, i've been doing 2) because this is what gentlemen do, but i'm starting to question myself if this is what i should be doing.
1) seems to be very petty and calculating, u know......and i'm a guy.
she ignore me is no big-deal, but i just find it very insulting that she can change face and smile so nicely when asking for my help. It's like, she comes to me only when she needs help.
i've no problems with other female colleagues, btw, and we get along well.
and no trolling pls. this is a serious thread which i'm seeking opinions.
thanks!
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She's your colleague right? Not your friend right? Do you want to treat her more like a friend, or colleague? Colleagues are colleagues, friends are friends, there is a line drawn.
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U are a means to her end(s) in this instance, work lar. Without sounding rude or aggressive - discretely excuse yourself , especially so when u feel she is merely wanting help from u when wrok is concerned. Being polite might stand you in good stead.
No need to be 'gentleman' lar, be u lar! Of course, that does not mean that you paint yourself to a corner!
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Originally posted by ditzy:
She's your colleague right? Not your friend right? Do you want to treat her more like a friend, or colleague? Colleagues are colleagues, friends are friends, there is a line drawn.
actually, she's not my friend lah, but as colleagues, me and her and others used to be quite close and flirt somewhat in the past, but now she suddenly like that to me, i just feel sad. not very sad lah, but kinda like a bit disappointed she behaves this way. I mean, anyone will. Btw, i don't like / love her.
i dunno, it's like complete change and now she's another person to me.
anyway, i thought colleagues can also become friends? no?
some people say never treat colleagues as friends due to obvious reasons, but i personally don't see why not. i mean, everyone should help everyone and be nice right?
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Originally posted by Fugazzi:
U are a means to her end(s) in this instance, work lar. Without sounding rude or aggressive - discretely excuse yourself , especially so when u feel she is merely wanting help from u when wrok is concerned. Being polite might stand you in good stead.
No need to be 'gentleman' lar, be u lar! Of course, that does not mean that you paint yourself to a corner!
thanks. i feel so insulted and humilated everytime she smiles at me / become friendly when she needs my help......to be honest, i really want to give her a good scolding to wake her up to her sense and change her f***ing behavior, because i HATE people who make use of others so blantantly. i'm not a machine.
(btw, she's a chio girl, about 8.5 / 10 marks, but her personality is quite bad).
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For me I draw lines. Colleagues are never friends, so I don't set expectations out which I know don't suppose to exist. Quite hard to get things done also.
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Originally posted by Nikar7:
thanks. i feel so insulted and humilated everytime she smiles at me / become friendly when she needs my help......to be honest, i really want to give her a good scolding to wake her up to her sense and change her f***ing behavior, because i HATE people who make use of others so blantantly. i'm not a machine.
(btw, she's a chio girl, about 8.5 / 10 marks, but her personality is quite bad).
U can give her lame excuse to shoo her away if u don't like it. ' I am not free..'As simple as that.
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Originally posted by Nikar7:
i got a colleague who suddendly give me cold shoulder earlier part of this year (around March 09).
now she's pretty much ignoring my existence, don't talk to me during lunch, no eye-contact, nothing etc. Go home take same lift, i tried making small talk with her casually but she only give nods and 1-word reply.
However, when she needs my help, she suddendly smile very sweetly and cutely.
this is what pisses me off.
i think she's like this cos' i always tease her a bit, but i think like that she also cannot.
anyway, in such cases, what will u folks do?
1) ignore her and treat she doesn't exist
2) be casual and take it as if nothing happened, and smile and greet her whenever u meet at corridor etc., even though she don't even look at you
these few months, i've been doing 2) because this is what gentlemen do, but i'm starting to question myself if this is what i should be doing.
1) seems to be very petty and calculating, u know......and i'm a guy.
she ignore me is no big-deal, but i just find it very insulting that she can change face and smile so nicely when asking for my help. It's like, she comes to me only when she needs help.
i've no problems with other female colleagues, btw, and we get along well.
and no trolling pls. this is a serious thread which i'm seeking opinions.
thanks!
Ask her straight "Can I have 1 night stand with you" -
dun think too much maybe its not u...mayb she got personal troubles so dun feel like talking to anyone. Does she treat every else the same?
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Originally posted by Nikar7:
i got a colleague who suddendly give me cold shoulder earlier part of this year (around March 09).
now she's pretty much ignoring my existence, don't talk to me during lunch, no eye-contact, nothing etc. Go home take same lift, i tried making small talk with her casually but she only give nods and 1-word reply.
However, when she needs my help, she suddendly smile very sweetly and cutely.
this is what pisses me off.
i think she's like this cos' i always tease her a bit, but i think like that she also cannot.
anyway, in such cases, what will u folks do?
1) ignore her and treat she doesn't exist
2) be casual and take it as if nothing happened, and smile and greet her whenever u meet at corridor etc., even though she don't even look at you
these few months, i've been doing 2) because this is what gentlemen do, but i'm starting to question myself if this is what i should be doing.
1) seems to be very petty and calculating, u know......and i'm a guy.
she ignore me is no big-deal, but i just find it very insulting that she can change face and smile so nicely when asking for my help. It's like, she comes to me only when she needs help.
i've no problems with other female colleagues, btw, and we get along well.
and no trolling pls. this is a serious thread which i'm seeking opinions.
thanks!
I think the reason of your frustrations is because she failed to behave according to your expectations?You probably expects to be appreciated by her after helping her on many occasions and you are upset because she doesn't give you the coy reaction and behave a little bit more open and comfortable towards you even after you have helped her many times.
Things can go very wrong and uncomfortable between you and her even if she had a nightmare about you out of the sudden. And there is really no way she is going to let you know and also for you to find out what exactly happened. As we're very emotional type of people, you can only accept it the way it is...that is, she woke up one day and suddenly felt very uncomfortable towards you.
You should help her ONLY if you are comfortable with providing that help or else it is better for you not extend your helping hand towards her.
An alternative method is to buy your way back into her good graces by buying her flowers extensively over a period of time...maybe 1 to 2 weeks?
Reason for doing that? Let her know you are trying your best to RESCUE the person who has offended her. (The reason why her reaction is super bad towards you)
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women are like that, treat her like a bitch and you will be treated like a king lah, just totally ignore her and talk to the rest of the world after a couple of weeks she will come back to you and ask you for more cum!
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Originally posted by Nikar7:
i got a colleague who suddendly give me cold shoulder earlier part of this year (around March 09).
now she's pretty much ignoring my existence, don't talk to me during lunch, no eye-contact, nothing etc. Go home take same lift, i tried making small talk with her casually but she only give nods and 1-word reply.
However, when she needs my help, she suddendly smile very sweetly and cutely.
this is what pisses me off.
i think she's like this cos' i always tease her a bit, but i think like that she also cannot.
anyway, in such cases, what will u folks do?
1) ignore her and treat she doesn't exist
2) be casual and take it as if nothing happened, and smile and greet her whenever u meet at corridor etc., even though she don't even look at you
these few months, i've been doing 2) because this is what gentlemen do, but i'm starting to question myself if this is what i should be doing.
1) seems to be very petty and calculating, u know......and i'm a guy.
she ignore me is no big-deal, but i just find it very insulting that she can change face and smile so nicely when asking for my help. It's like, she comes to me only when she needs help.
i've no problems with other female colleagues, btw, and we get along well.
and no trolling pls. this is a serious thread which i'm seeking opinions.
thanks!
Your only problem is that you don't see her as a colleague you see her as a Woman....So Stop fantsaizing having sex with her and pay attention to your work....she is not giving it to you or you ain't getting it. (go drink cold water)Treat her as your male colleague. Than you see thru a different lens.
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First of all, do you have a sexual/romantic interest in her? I mean, you have to be very clear and honest to yourself. From your post, I would say it's both. If she's not chio, I'd bet you wouldn't give 2 hoots about how she reacts to you. There are many ways to deal with this situation. By close and flirtatious, what do you mean specifically? And what kind of help does she want from you?
I would say you shouldn't let her affect you and continue being your gentlemen self ie always smile when you see her. Do you get affected when a girl you are not interested behaves that way to you? You never know when you may need her help. But there are certain times I feel you should call her on it. Arghh.. these women, sometimes you should call her on it. Try asking her for help and see if she's reciprocates. Does she help you if you help her? How does she treat other people?
From what you describe, she doesn't seem to be very interested in interacting with you as a friends or flirtatious level, only to a point of colleagues basis. You have to ask yourself if she is like that to others as well. If she doesn't want to have anything to do with you except for work-related purposes, I guess there's pretty much nothing you can do and accept it graciously.
Finally, she's not the only chio girl in Singapore. There are tonnes around so I don't see why you should be affected unless you really have a liking for her, which is understandable.
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Your character is the type who help people, but expect something back in return. Especially decent looking girls.
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this kind of thing very personal one
she like u mean she like u
she dont like u mean she dont like u
no body can help u one
she is trying to tell u, we are collick only
nothing more and nothing less
when she come and ask for help and if u are not happy
then tell her off lor, no need to give her face one
told u to accept your parent proposal already
go vietnam and get a young chio bu wife but u still die die want a local chio bu
see lah u asking for it
haiz
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thanks a lot for the replies, guys!
ok, 1stly, i'm not romantically / sexually interested in her lah.
used to be, but after observation, i notice she's quite petty and very practical / calculative, so really not my type. since then, i already no interest in her liao.
as for helping her, i don't have a choice either, cos' very few males in my company to carry those heavy document boxes and they usually out, so leave only me.
and no, she only treats me like this, not others.
it's not so much about helping her or not, because i can honestly say that even if she's not chio, or if she's a guy, or a auntie with BO and she ask for my help, i'll still help.
the thing is she changes so much.....
i mean, imagine u pass by your collick and she walk by you with no eye-contact, treat u as if you're invisible even though u try to greet her very casually (like "Morning!" or "Whoa! Go home loh!" etc)........well, i feel angry and anyone would.
also, this thread is not about chio girls lah.
because ever since i experience this case like her, i told myself if i've to choose between a chio but nasty personality girl or a average but good personality girl, i will gladly choose the latter (in the past, long ago, i would choose the former).
i don't think much about this problem but when i think of how good we used to get along, including setting platonic dates and going out for lunch, i just feel pity things suddendly turn out like this.
and lastly, i don't fantasize about sex with her. she's quite thin xmm type and i prefer those MILFs, u know.
and also, no vietnam or foreign girls for me. i don't like them and would rather stay single if cannot get SG girl.
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You say this thread isn't about girls, and you go on and talk about them, your tastes and whatever. No one cares.
About your little dilemma, don't even greet, ignore. If she becomes all sweet and asks for help, reject or ignore.
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I think she did right.
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probably because you were teasing her and she became offended and finds you irritating....hence the treatment....
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Originally posted by Nikar7:
thanks a lot for the replies, guys!
ok, 1stly, i'm not romantically / sexually interested in her lah.
used to be, but after observation, i notice she's quite petty and very practical / calculative, so really not my type. since then, i already no interest in her liao.
as for helping her, i don't have a choice either, cos' very few males in my company to carry those heavy document boxes and they usually out, so leave only me.
and no, she only treats me like this, not others.
it's not so much about helping her or not, because i can honestly say that even if she's not chio, or if she's a guy, or a auntie with BO and she ask for my help, i'll still help.
the thing is she changes so much.....
i mean, imagine u pass by your collick and she walk by you with no eye-contact, treat u as if you're invisible even though u try to greet her very casually (like "Morning!" or "Whoa! Go home loh!" etc)........well, i feel angry and anyone would.
also, this thread is not about chio girls lah.
because ever since i experience this case like her, i told myself if i've to choose between a chio but nasty personality girl or a average but good personality girl, i will gladly choose the latter (in the past, long ago, i would choose the former).
i don't think much about this problem but when i think of how good we used to get along, including setting platonic dates and going out for lunch, i just feel pity things suddendly turn out like this.
and lastly, i don't fantasize about sex with her. she's quite thin xmm type and i prefer those MILFs, u know.
and also, no vietnam or foreign girls for me. i don't like them and would rather stay single if cannot get SG girl.
Get over it......move on....next please.
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I agree with some above. Treat your colleague as a colleague.
Is it because she's a girl and you are a guy, that's why we are here in Aunt Agony?
If that's the case, this is so sad. If you can treat her like any colleague (like a guy), please move on.
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She obviously is a collegue.
But if you want something more out of her, look into your own self and see whether you deserve more from her.
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Originally posted by dukedracula:
probably because you were teasing her and she became offended and finds you irritating....hence the treatment....
yeah lah, but that time she always laugh and play back......now like this....i don't understand.
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Originally posted by viciouskitty74:
But if you want something more out of her, look into your own self and see whether you deserve more from her.
i seriously know i deserve better s*** than this.
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aiya drop your ego lah......wa loa....a colleague is a colleague you don't shit and eat at the same place....what is there to deserve???