I always thought that being kind and considerate, polite and soft spoken is a good character, but in my current work, where brawns matter more than brains, these are seen as sign of weakness.
They say I need to be more "rude" and less feeling for others, and when I change my attitude, they become distanced with me...
I do know that I usually had a very conservative outlook when I am shy, but when once I get adapted to the environment, I will talk more loudly and start to joke around... yet somehow people doesnt like that, they dont like me smiling for the least of things, they find it that I am not taking things seriously.
So I try not to smile and they find me unfriendly... tough call... confused...
Granted:
when I do not smile, my face is very grim, fierce and matured, when I smile, I look very cute and boylish...
try meeting other people outside of your job..
smile more...
sounds silly and cliched, but try it out..
good luck!
the problem doesn't lie with you. you just happen to be in an environment where the energy levels of you and the other people are not in sync.
Originally posted by OneBornloser:I always thought that being kind and considerate, polite and soft spoken is a good character, but in my current work, where brawns matter more than brains, these are seen as sign of weakness.
They say I need to be more "rude" and less feeling for others, and when I change my attitude, they become distanced with me...
I do know that I usually had a very conservative outlook when I am shy, but when once I get adapted to the environment, I will talk more loudly and start to joke around... yet somehow people doesnt like that, they dont like me smiling for the least of things, they find it that I am not taking things seriously.
So I try not to smile and they find me unfriendly... tough call... confused...
Granted:
when I do not smile, my face is very grim, fierce and matured, when I smile, I look very cute and boylish...
yah that is not easy. If you joke around too much people find you TOO FRIENDLY, just take note that some people are SLOW in mind. TO you, may be you know them as if for years, but TO them, they may still take you as a stranger. Theory of Relativity.
So if you overboard or cross their line, they will find you strange and distance from you. it is natural. just remain neutral, and let them slowly digest your presence.
just stick to your work, treat ppl with basic respect, be authentic n good-hearted with no ill-intentions.. if u can get results and complete yr work with how/who you are (be it smiling or not), then why shld they bother ? why shld u bother abt their opinions anyway ?
just my 2 cents
If possible, find another job. The environment of yr job and people doesn't seems suitable for u.
Usually, it is the environment of a work place that makes a worker stay longer. Of cos the pay and benefit cannot be too shabby la.
Originally posted by OneBornloser:I always thought that being kind and considerate, polite and soft spoken is a good character, but in my current work, where brawns matter more than brains, these are seen as sign of weakness.
They say I need to be more "rude" and less feeling for others, and when I change my attitude, they become distanced with me...
I do know that I usually had a very conservative outlook when I am shy, but when once I get adapted to the environment, I will talk more loudly and start to joke around... yet somehow people doesnt like that, they dont like me smiling for the least of things, they find it that I am not taking things seriously.
So I try not to smile and they find me unfriendly... tough call... confused...
Granted:
when I do not smile, my face is very grim, fierce and matured, when I smile, I look very cute and boylish...
Old folk home need volunteers. Dun waste your talent. be a FULL TIME.
its like that... ppl can be hard to pleased.
just be urself...
if ur true self can get friends then good, if not dun try too hard, it will make ur life worse..
friends might bring u some gains sometimes.. but only tiny little benefits, the real gains are from friends who really understands u and treat u as friend...
but being polite, smile more is not counted as trying too hard, it is a basic thing to do.. trying too hard would mean doing things u do NOT like just to gain someones smile or favor or friendship...
but of cuz, being ur true self doesnt mean that u dont like this person and u tell the whole world and stare at him whole day long... have to control too...
you know being not overboard...
if cannot get along then fine no need to force urself to change ur character to suit them. Its difficult to live like this anyway. Just treat them as hi bye friends.
wat kind of job you are in? that requires more brawn than brains?
Originally posted by OneBornloser:I always thought that being kind and considerate, polite and soft spoken is a good character, but in my current work, where brawns matter more than brains, these are seen as sign of weakness.
They say I need to be more "rude" and less feeling for others, and when I change my attitude, they become distanced with me...
I do know that I usually had a very conservative outlook when I am shy, but when once I get adapted to the environment, I will talk more loudly and start to joke around... yet somehow people doesnt like that, they dont like me smiling for the least of things, they find it that I am not taking things seriously.
So I try not to smile and they find me unfriendly... tough call... confused...
Granted:
when I do not smile, my face is very grim, fierce and matured, when I smile, I look very cute and boylish...
win people over by
1. being kind but principled
2. being firmed but compassionate
3. being knowledgable with our work to win others over/
be kind n be firm
You just need to find the right group of ppl to hang out with, be yourself and find friends who can accept who you are. Don't bother to try to be someone else.
be presentable.....or try to mimic those cool actors from show n learn their movement!!
First and foremost, knowing this mite help - one has to be a friend to oneself. One has to have a friend WITHIN oneself. One who is inherently lacking ... is always going to seek and in the seeking one is going to compromise what one is - it is going to be a bargain!
However, one who has (the quality of friendliness) it within - overflows, shares, one is abundantly rich within - one may/may not have friends but one is always at peace
u try to please everyone, will end up pleasing no one
think u go read the story of the the Father, the Son and the Donkey
here it is
http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_Miller,_His_Son,_and_Their_Ass