Why the sudden changes in matters of hours?
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Dude, you're comin on too strong.
Just because you are out on a hunt, doesn't mean your prey wants to get eaten yet.
Text technology is just a tool, but it ain't a reliable method to determine human emotions. And yeah.. sometimes it also has a time lag problem. So don't read too much into the log on log off part.
"she actually replied that she wasn't feeling down, and told me not to be so sensitive, I was a little shocked and told her I wasn't, and it was her who said so when I asked earlier." <---- no need to get all defensive about this issue. Sometimes it's betta to just take some comments at face value.
Ya can put a choke hold on this "friendship" or ye can let it some space so it can grow.
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Originally posted by Stucktoes:
I didn't get defensive. She didnt behave her usual self, so I presumed something must be bothering her, and of course I will ask her, and since she said yes, and confirmed it, how could it be me being sensitive? So now knowing how someone you care about feels = sensitive?
Dude, just because a girl behaves in a flaky manner, doesn't means you must keep badgering her to find out the "truth".
Showing a little bit of concern is ok. But if she is not ready to "bare her soul" to you.. ya gota know when to back off....
Gettin all emo because she didn't want to share some of her personal secrets with you ain't a sign of maturity.
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give her some space to breathe ba.....
i can tell from what she says, "I will see". shows that she's either hesitant or still not entirely certain about her relationship with her. Id say give more time. Dont gan chiong.
also ya... is she talking to you now? id say give some time off. From what i see, you're like bringing her go shopping and stuff almost every other time. hahaha. ok. wait. then she should be happy right?
UNLESS, she isnt a materialistic sort of person. Soooo.. try a sentimental approach. Maybe ask her out to lunch or dinner or something. But not always spend $$ on clothes and stuff (can be sian for the person after a while oso)
ohya... about why she suddenly act like that to you. hmmmm. cant really explain why. She got mood swing? Or maybe you said something hurtful to her? Or maybe her family has problems (i mean since she is a foreigner/migrant- got immigration prob?). Well.. id think mostly personal probs and stuff.
yep.. Dont worry. all the best!
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wah, u catch note of so much tiny detail, can see the stalker in you liao.
u make me feel turn off just by reading halfway. i bet the girl feel even worse when u keep hounding her, want u go away but too polite to say
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make her drunk than rape her than she is yours
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the hunter n the haunted... haha~
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Love (assuming it is n it is emanating from within u) would no know fears and reasons. If the latter exist(s) then know this lar - being self-honest about it and unburdening urself of .... might have u standing in good stead.
The moment one's love becomes attachment, love inexorably gravitates towards a relationship... then love starts demanding, it is a prison cos it imprisons the lover n the beloved. It destroys one's freedom as well as circumscribing what another is; one can no longer fly in the sky, one is encaged.
Love is an existential 'herenow' subjective experience. To make it into an object or to objectify is consigning oneself n other to bondage and misery.
PS - One who is 'unfree' on the inside can never free another, in other word 'love' is merely a noun!
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"Then that night, I chatted with her on facebook chat, she suddenly became very cold towards me. Just in a matter of hours! I said hey, she replied with "hi" and thats all. Usually she will ask me alot more or become more cheerful. Then after a few one word responses, I asked if she was busy, she just said she going offline, and bye."
Sometimes a casual remark can cause havoc.
To you it is just off the cuff, to her it might be an insult.
She may be pissed by what you said on facebook.
e.g "Aw come on, thats silly." maybe taken as you calling her stupid, especially when English is a foreign language.
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facebook is evil
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Hi TS..
Being in the gal's situation myself and based on my gal friends' opinions, im quite sure that she only sees you as a friend and sees going out with a guy as no big deal.
Your persistence may or may not do you good but from what we see now, she seems to have sensed your feelings for her even though you dont plan to stead with her yet.
I suppose she's having less contact with you now so that you wont think too much over a little concern for a friend (note that gals are usually more kind-hearted than guys and more so if they are gals from our neighbouring countries).
If she is the type who doesnt like to lose a friendship, she may continue going out with you 1-to-1 or chatting with you on facebook. A casual date, to a gal, doesnt mean that she likes you more than a friend.
I must add that shy/conservative gals usually choose to withdraw 'quietly' from the guy when they are faced with such a scenario. Some wont even tell the guy directly for fear of hurting or embarrassing him. They just hope the guys cleverly catch the hints to stay away. The guys then get very confused suddenly cos they cant see what had gone wrong. Most gals dont wish to spell it out when they reject the guy unless they seriously cant stand the guy or the guy is too dumb to catch the hints. That's why some of them resort to lying that they have a bf or have someone else they fancy already. Some will use the lines, "I wish we can remain as friends forever", "I dont wish to lose this friendship with you" or "You make a good friend and i hope things continue this way" in order to turn him down.
You have noticed her one-word answer when you chatted with her. This is a common technique used to hint that she is not interested in taking the friendship to a deeper level (at least not yet cos if she is, she may act coy but still drop you hints to go after her).
If she neither initiate a chat with you nor warm up to you (eg. not keen to let you see her home/accept your jacket in the cinema/share food with you), then take it as a cue to give up.
Whether done on purpose to impress the gal he likes or done solely out of love for her, sweet and gentlemanly actions certainly are sought after but too much of these at the wrong stages can jeopardise what the guy has with her. Many things can happen. In unfortunate cases, the gal thinks that he is courting her when in actual fact, he isnt. She avoids him at all cost and the poor chap loses a pure and great friendship. The gal may also get the wrong idea that he is being too pretentious and thus rate him poorly.
Be sensitive to her cues but dont be over-sensitive. Enjoy every process and learn from each mistake.
i wish you the best of luck in your relationship.
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我們相�是多麼的美麗，雖然知�沒有�局，就�是一個溫柔的夢，但是我沒有一�怨言。
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wah so many replies.. i haven read finish yet..
but the first reply said u are coming on too strong.. i totally agree
from what i see, and what u posted, b4 the weekend thing, u did not talk to her alot, did u? and suddenly u act as if u are her primary school friend...
concern and irritating is about the same, from what i can see, she is concerned for u and u are irritating her. u feel down and she sms u, she say it is alright if u dun feel like saying, but what u did when she is down is u keep prying for the truth, i used the word PRYING!
if b4 that weekend u are just normal classmate or what to her, and not a close friend.. then u are just going too fast.. at least 1 or 2 months of chatting and relaxing b4 going to eat her la.. how much do u know about her.. and how much do she know about u..
IA
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Just concentrate on your studies, and treat all your classmates equally as friends.
And stop playing mind games yourself.
She is going about her business as herself.
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act gentlemently dude...just because you felt slighted by her you behaved like a dickhead...come on, you're giving her the impression that you are petty and responding to her hot cold attitude badly.....anycase, like others have said, studies are more important...
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smart boi
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Originally posted by Stucktoes:
Thanks gal, really appreciate your advice. Funny thing is, I stopped talking to her after that day. I didnt' sms her, call her, or facebook her. On Thursday, she saw me outside class and she was saying hi to me in a cheerful mood like nothing happened. I gave a fake smile, said hi and didn't keep the door open for her to go in first (I normally open the door for any of my female classmates and she knows), I just opened the door and went in myself. Then yesterday Friday morning, she smsed me asking me is everything ok? Cos she can sense that I wasnt ok yesterday. I replied sayin that I'm ok, and what can be wrong with me? She said that she can sense it but if everything is ok, then its good. And we didn't talk in class after that.
I just want to know if shes playing games or what. Cos some of my players friends are telling me that she is, personally I hate playing games but they told me even if I dont play, she will still play so I just have to play along.
Dude how old are you? Always listen to your heart. You know something is wrong. And it's time to back off. To me this is a very common problem most guys face. I will tell them to not bother that girl anymore and go for a new one. The way you are doing is like breathing down her neck and suffocating her. Give her space. But that's not the point. The point is she has zero feelings for you. Don't waste your time.
And I think there's something wrong with your thinking when you said you love her. How is that possible? Do you know her enough? She's still a complete freaking stranger to you. Has she done anything to earn your love?
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ask yourself is she your girlfriend yet?
you gave me a feeling of been too possessive. she need to have her freedom.
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U say: she will still play so I just have to play along
Yes, u are free 'to play or not play along' - just remember or least be cognizant of this lar - the folly of youth is a dicey conundrum!
Right/wrong - no such thing. cos it is subjective and relative to what IS.