my gf (msian in msia) and i (sporean in spore) are in a long-distance relationship. we've been together for 10 months. she's older than me, in her mid-to-late 20s, while i'm in my early-20s.
we sort of broke off a mth ago due to emotional abuse that i endured for 4 months which i shall not elaborate. it's like all the constant criticisms teetering on the edge of insults, contantly putting me down on every single thing, making me feel so worthless, thinking that her XX yrs of life experience more than me is so great and stuff.
but aft that i decided to forgive her and give her and us a chance. so we got back together in the end.
then a few days ago, she said she doesn't love me as much as before.
i admit i didn't love her as much as before during the early stages of patching up. but then slowly, the feelings came back and the love nurtured again.
ytd, she broke off with me, changed her fb status, untag all my photos, deleted all our uploaded photo albums.
but she's known as a rash person and take things in the literal sense, never really delving deep into her heart and be in touch with her feelings for me, and also without sparing a thought for me sometimes.
we're in this r/s and we know what we're in for from the start. i just want her to hold on no matter what because i know with compromisation, tolerance, patience, learning, we'll be good. we're good for each other.
but she's always hinting to me that she needs my physical presence. i would love to go over, but i can't due to various commitments such as taking care of my handicapped and aging parents, cleaning the house, studies (plan to get my degree) and all.
What i asked for from her is a lil' more understanding. but all she can tell me is she can't take it anymore. she can't feel me when she wants to and i can't be there physically for her.
i just wanna ease her insecurities and make things better. but i'm not sure how. she's the only girl i truly see my future with.
sigh.
If you cannot even tolerate each other when you live far apart... imagine life needing to face each other every day.
She hinting you " Get me a Singapore PR" lah !!
But you be stupid to do that. She make a horrible wife.
this type of girl fuck already than can dump her liao
yeah i fucked her already.
but it's not abt the sex. i really love her alot. ='(
Originally posted by trendz:yeah i fucked her already.
but it's not abt the sex. i really love her alot. ='(
find someone else to love lah.
btw its not enought o just fuck her. u must cheat her money too than break up with her
wah. why so bad? i'm a very good guy. honest.
then u shud use yr 'school for dating magic' to fend her off!! that's how i do it....i show them my card trick
coz she cannot get PR in singapore so she dulan you
Dude usually when people complain on the forum it usually means it's dead.I thought her actions are very clear. Facebook pictures deleted and what not and telling you she doesn't love u as much? Wake up!
i agree..if she can delete your fb pictures, and change status, it means she is over you. women tend to attach real significance to actions like this compared to men, so when a woman does this, it really does mean its over to her.
Originally posted by trendz:wah. why so bad? i'm a very good guy. honest.
u need to change to become a bad guy
The exploitation of each other has peaked. Now, there is nothing more lar. Truth is love was never there - what was there is this lar - needs, expectations, lust (not love) and one can add on. It is just that u as well as her, cannot see or could not see that.
U were a 'means' to an 'end'. Only she knows. U mentioned that she is insecure - it is unwise to assume tht u can fill that 'vacuum' in her. At most, u can be there phsically or provide her materially. When that is fulfilled - u are no longer needed. What she does not seem to know and understand is this (I surmise) - that she is seeking fulfilment from u. Frankly, it is going to be misery for u and her.
One is a drug addict n the other is a drug peddler. As to who it is, it is for u and the other to know or not care.
Self-honesty is absolutely needed to change the equation or the bring equilibrium to this so-called relationship lar
My suggestion - unlearn, uncondition urself of what has been told of 'what is love, what is life, what is success ... ' and go within u n u will find it within u - the oasis is within u lar. It has been there always there, it needs ur recognition not discovery
PS : If one does not unburden oneself of these eg. whether if they are needs, love, lust, expectations or ... one is doomed to repeat it again in another relationship or with another or conveniently assume that the other is the 'wrong' one for me. There is no such theing as rite/wrong in existence - truth is never absolute and if it is asumed then one is again going to be disillusioned cos there is truth but RELATIVE truth. Only dead things are absolute.
Originally posted by insidestory:i agree..if she can delete your fb pictures, and change status, it means she is over you. women tend to attach real significance to actions like this compared to men, so when a woman does this, it really does mean its over to her.
she also changed our r/s status in fb before, but aft i spoke to her, she changed back. that happened last time luh, before i broke off with her.
now she also changed again. worse is she del our photo albums.
but i actually told her to del me off fb, msn, phonebook, her life, whatever in a fit of anger. she really deleted some of it though she didn't delete me frm fb and all.
so i guess she stopped short cause she still loves me...
There are so many girls in the world.
Why don't you just go and find a better girl?
If one does not unburden/reconcile these in oneself first, eg. 'whether if they are needs, love, lust, expectations or ...?' one is doomed to repeat it again in another relationship or with another or conveniently assume that the other is the 'wrong' one for me.
The wise would adopt this stance - 'i m unsuited for .... or i m not loving enough'
there are many girls in singapore and lots of stones on the beach. forget her and move on. it is very hard but its really not as hard as it feels. you will be better..you just need to feel it.
Originally posted by alancia:There are so many girls in the world.
Why don't you just go and find a better girl?
Cus this is the only one that'll take him.
Have you both ever actually met?
Do you have a realistic chance that both of you can be together in one place, one city, and for long term?
If the answer is no, I dont think you have a real relationship, it's a kind of virtual thing.
Sorry but I think you should end it.
Long distance relationship is only OK if the parties have established previous relation, in real life, or that they are soon going to be together.
If you are just almost 100% on internet only, it is no wonder it breaks up.
Just be realistic and move on.
i know although the saying "love overcomes everything", i think there are too many factors unfavorable to ur relationship.
nationality-wise, its not an issue. but you two are separate by distance, and from what i read above, you two doesn't seems to have much time to see each other on a regular basis, which isn't advantageous to ur relationship.
in addition, you mentioned that she is a couple of years older than you. normally, if she doesn't make use of this in arguments with you, it shouldn't be much of a problem.
but if she often stressed that she's right about so-and-so issue just because she's so-and-so years older than you, most likely that situation wouldn't change much when you two become married. Would you want to end up as a hen-peck husband? can you stand the emotional abuses she is meting out to you currently, and future abuses?
in my opinion, the situation does not go well for you two. it would be best to end it now, while both of you are still young, and not waste each other's limited time.
but on a side note, if you think you are still up to the demands of this relationship, by all means go for it!.
good luck!
Originally posted by jojobeach:Cus this is the only one that'll take him.
Haha. I think maybe prostituties will take him too
Originally posted by limywv:wake up, and really, forget about this bloody malaysian. The reason why I'm feeling extremely angry right now is because of her malaysian citizenship. WTF a malaysian taking control of a Singaporean guy? WTF
Its ok. such dumb singaporean guy being controlled by a malaysian is the minority
Hi Trendz. if u need someone to talk to add me on msn [email protected]
I am also going through the same with u i dun mind sharing some pointers and its really something to hold on which others dun understand. Only people in our plight will realise the agony. Never mind I am almost 2 years now. Free free to add me we can chat. =) Hope to see u on my msn list.