step to the unknown
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this guy has almost everything a girl would hope for, a career, a car, perhaps a house in due time, i wouldn't be afraid that he'll be unfaithful to me as he's honest and doesn't boast around, not bad looking but i don't feel attracted to him.
we used to be course mate and that's how we know each other, when his frens told me that he like me, i told them it's impossible and thus he never raised the topic. it took me ard one year before i could talk comfortably with him as before that i'm shunning him as frens would always create opportunities for us to be alone.
i'm not chio, i'm in fact a tomboy and participating in activities i feel interesting, never dressed up for all outings unless formal. i guess it's my character that he feel attracted to me.
we chat only during gatherings and it happens just few times a yr. recently, my frens told me about him again, that he's still single all these time. it's 6 yrs in total and i was a bit shocked.
well for me, i'm single all my life lol, i just couldn't accept a guy if i don't have feelings towards him as i don't wan to hurt him or myself. but i think all these yrs hearing, seeing many unhappiness cases ard me has made me more sensitive. i did try online dating but usually the first few msgs i would have stereotype their real motive in approaching me.
frens have told me i need to try in relationship so i'd know why and mprove if it fails, however i find it hard to step out even though i do wish to settle down. i'd often think what i could give to him, is it really what he wants and if he could give what i really want in life.
anyway most probably i'm entering mbs and i believe i'll be able to meet some guys who are sincere to me, hopefully i can make this step out
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1. You know what you want and am sure of what you are looking for in a guy. Riches, good career, or even looks, coupled with honesty does not move you, as rightly so, for love cannot be forced upon by either material or emotional needs. Never ever love someone out of pity or it will be a lifetime of regret for both. Let each be free to find the right one.
2. You have a spontaneous and lively character, which is revealed candidly by your afiliation for tomboyish behavior. You are looking for someone that is similar to your character traits as a life partner, which is right.
Staid, solid respectable guys may be a good catch, but on the other hand, they may prove a bore. Characteristics traits are made during the formative years as a child, and it will be difficult, if not impossible to change overnight or in a few years.
Your character may be attractive to him, but it may be a bore for you, more so if you need to live with him till old age, espacially when you are still young with a full life ahead. Both your characters will clash constantly, and eventuality, love dies....
3. Your friends did the right thing, in their perspective to help a friend, for both of you to get close, but it is your life and only you can make that decision. No one else should do it for you. They may give you the best counsel, but it is not what you want in life. So tell them honestly to back off a little, and let you make your own decision.
4. I believe you are still young, regardless if you are 18 or 80. It is one's perceptions and outlook that make them young and courageous in life. You belong to this category. I wish you luck in finding the right mate for you. Love sets one free. A bird in a gilded golden cage is never free. Don't be one.
But always start with friendships first. There is no such thing as love at first sight. You MUST get to know a person well before making that committment of a life time. And from that circle of friends will you be able to know whom can, if not a perfect fit, at least a fit for the roller coaster ride of your life together as one.
Good Luck.
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Originally posted by camel:
this guy has almost everything a girl would hope for, a career, a car, perhaps a house in due time, i wouldn't be afraid that he'll be unfaithful to me as he's honest and doesn't boast around, not bad looking but i don't feel attracted to him.
we used to be course mate and that's how we know each other, when his frens told me that he like me, i told them it's impossible and thus he never raised the topic. it took me ard one year before i could talk comfortably with him as before that i'm shunning him as frens would always create opportunities for us to be alone.
i'm not chio, i'm in fact a tomboy and participating in activities i feel interesting, never dressed up for all outings unless formal. i guess it's my character that he feel attracted to me.
we chat only during gatherings and it happens just few times a yr. recently, my frens told me about him again, that he's still single all these time. it's 6 yrs in total and i was a bit shocked.
well for me, i'm single all my life lol, i just couldn't accept a guy if i don't have feelings towards him as i don't wan to hurt him or myself. but i think all these yrs hearing, seeing many unhappiness cases ard me has made me more sensitive. i did try online dating but usually the first few msgs i would have stereotype their real motive in approaching me.
frens have told me i need to try in relationship so i'd know why and mprove if it fails, however i find it hard to step out even though i do wish to settle down. i'd often think what i could give to him, is it really what he wants and if he could give what i really want in life.
anyway most probably i'm entering mbs and i believe i'll be able to meet some guys who are sincere to me, hopefully i can make this step out
~..~
what is mbs? anyway everyone hopes to settle down one day, no one wants to grow old alone. you should take the initiative to know more people, date more, sign up for dating packages, put the word out to friends that you are looking, don't be shy.
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U are doing fine and u are already taken yr step. No agony. Marriage and r/s is a lifetime thing.
Of cos, u must pick yr partner carefully.
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Firstly, do not allow your friends to match make for you. They base their judgment on looks, wealth, and what everyone thinks is de rigueur. This may be alright for others, but not for you.
You have to decide if you want to give up the kind liveliness you are living now. Like a lawyer giving up corporate life and becoming a farmer. Do you want to give up your active lifestyle and be a homemaker? Think hard.
What does the other half want? A homemaker, to support his career advancement. A partner to complement his lifestyle?
It would be better if you are both partners in life, building a family together, playing together. That mean being your usual selves and going skydiving together, or snorkling, or dirt bike riding as a family.
Choose your spouse carefully. Just because you are tom boyish does not mean you should not get hitched. Just don't get hitched and be molded into something you are not.
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When one props oneself/relationship/marriage with external factors like house, car .... it is merely material in nature.Even the 'other', is outside of one, in other words, the centre that one thinks that one has is not from oneself but the other.
One is eventually going to be dependent, one is going to be in bondage/slavery. One is being accidental. Most of all, if all these are (for some reasons beyond one's control) 'removed' or 'gone' one would collapse cos the centre that one unknowingly misintrepreted as coming from within oneself was never there in the first place. For eg, the other, the car, the house .... add on, gave one a centre but it is not the centre.
To make it simple in a circle when one who is in 'the centre or centred' one is being essentially (self-full, self-fulfilled in love, respect ...). The circumference (periphery/accidental) is what is outside of oneself. When it does come from the periphery - one who is being essential is cognizant and one knows that it can go or vanish or ...
Many assume that they have a centre but in reality 9 out of 10 misintrepret what is on the circumference(periphery) to be the centre. One misintrepets accidental as essential
That is why many who are in relationships suffer. The love that they assume that they have was never there. The other's validation, appreciation of them gave them the centre. One can add on other egs. respect, esteem responsiblity, even material things. The fear of losing the centre causes immense turmoil and conflict. Hence, possessiveness, jealousy, comparison!
I m not implying that it is rite/wrong but to know, to understand this: "AM I being essential (centred in my being - eg love is within me) or am i being accidental (eg the other's love is giving me a centre or propping me)"?
Two essential beings - are simply soul mates (the 'us' does not destroy the 'me'
Two accidental persons - can become soul mates but if they are sleep-walkers then they would end up as cell mates (bondage/misery) The 'us' destroys the 'me'
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To TS:
I just wish to add that in no way am I suggesting that you lower your expectations materialistic wise for a life-time partner.
Regardless if he is U grad scholar or an ITE grad, both kind would be able to acheive a measure of prosperity in our land of opportunity base on meritocracy. That measure would be how you look and measure wealth - material or emotional wise.
Never look down at the botak headed NS man if he should appeal to you, for no one stays poor or even rich forever. You will need to get to know him better so as to find out how responsible and sincere he is or will be, if encouraged, and there lies your judgement of a person.
It takes all kinds to make up our society, and it is the diversity of careers avaliable that makes our country interesting. Differences makes interesting conversations and open up further our insights.
Ultimately, the best man wins, and it may turn out to be the responsible bookish scholar when you realize you want to settle down to a more sedate life, or a dashing man of his words commando for a more adventurous existance, amongst the many choices you, a capable young lady, can find.
I am sure you are aware of all these already, anyway.
Thing is, like everyone says here, you will need to widen your social circle, if you can find and make that time, vital for your lifetime plan. Good luck.
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--double post.
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Dear All,
Thanks for all the sincere replies, i'm glad i post it here.
mbs = marina bay sands
I really thought I would prefer to be single till i met an online scammer who knocked sense into me and it's the first time i felt so hurt yet i realized how love really feels like.
I don't mind being a homemaker, both parents are ageing and possibility of a baby that needs to be nurtured. anyway i wouldn't feel bored at home since i can always have activites and baking (hell cookies) is my latest hobby =}
Dear Fugazzi, your whole passage seems to be implying it take two hands to clap and with this clap, you have to know what it takes to clap and by clapping you do feel pain? seriously it's too profound for me to understand what are you trying to say.
Dear xtreyier, thanks for the advises you gave. i did tried to change my apparals but like what you said earlier, it takes years to change or i may not change afterall since i am what i am. I am seeking one who clicks with me, i don't mind those botak but they would be a tad young for me since i'm already 27 -_- and as long they stop whining too much about how tough their ns life is, they had forgotten to say how slack their jobs could be also since i was from the SAF too.
I did filled up two dating sites and it was weeks or months before one start to reply, i wouldn't mind paying if it's within my budget of cos.
Thanks once again =) you rox!
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maybe u think too much?
platonic friendships can be just as fulfilling, if he's attracted to you, but you're not attracted in the same way, can still be platonic friends de ma. why think so far ahead, self evaluate and strike him off the list this early in the game?
besides why already 27? 27 still very very young. take your time and get to know more friends, enjoy the freedom that comes with singlehood.
romance will strike when u least expect it, so take it easy.
*pat pat*
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hey you never know until you tried it right? i donno much about relationships but i guess to each his own. i think being together doesnt always mean need to be in love. can be companionship, or hong yan zi ji. ya lor thats what i think.
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probably i'm being too serious or afraid of the future, ppl seeks different kinds of relationship and usually the way they propose i would feel that they're not into serious type. i had ppl telling me that a relationship is like buying a clothe, when u feel it's old or unfit, just change but to me is you have chosen the clothe, you can either alter it or lose or gain weight to fit into the clothe. but you are right, i wouldn't know how far would we go if i don't even try.
and i would like to thank all of you here and the online scammer who really enlightened me a lot into treating a guy and seriously i do wish he'll treat me right as well =)
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Originally posted by camel:
probably i'm being too serious or afraid of the future, ppl seeks different kinds of relationship and usually the way they propose i would feel that they're not into serious type. i had ppl telling me that a relationship is like buying a clothe, when u feel it's old or unfit, just change but to me is you have chosen the clothe, you can either alter it or lose or gain weight to fit into the clothe. but you are right, i wouldn't know how far would we go if i don't even try.
and i would like to thank all of you here and the online scammer who really enlightened me a lot into treating a guy and seriously i do wish he'll treat me right as well =)
think of it as buying your first car. it looks good and it's practical and comfy. so after a few test drives, you buy it.
first time being on the road gives you the jitters but it's exciting. you have no idea whether you'll crash or get into an accident.
but the more you drive it, the more confident you feel. in time to come, you understand what you want and don't want in a vehicle. 3 years later, you realise you want more than just an 800cc point A to point B. then you either upgrade change a new one, or modify it. depends on which decision makes more sense at that given time, and how much money you've got.
won't know what you want in a car unless you drive one first, tio bo?
*pat pat*
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hahaha soleachip, the way you phrase quite cute leh and strangely, it makes sense too! :D and thanks for the pat, it makes me feel more at ease ;)
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Originally posted by camel:
probably i'm being too serious or afraid of the future, ppl seeks different kinds of relationship and usually the way they propose i would feel that they're not into serious type. i had ppl telling me that a relationship is like buying a clothe, when u feel it's old or unfit, just change but to me is you have chosen the clothe, you can either alter it or lose or gain weight to fit into the clothe. but you are right, i wouldn't know how far would we go if i don't even try.
and i would like to thank all of you here and the online scammer who really enlightened me a lot into treating a guy and seriously i do wish he'll treat me right as well =)
I hope the online scammer didn't steal your first time...
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lol he's a nigerian posing as the owner of photo in overseas, even if he's really the owner of photo and we've did it, i won't regret. is the moments that count
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Originally posted by camel:
lol he's a nigerian posing as the owner of photo in overseas, even if he's really the owner of photo and we've did it, i won't regret. is the moments that count
I assume that you are still a virgin then.
Even if you are not that young ( No offence ), there are still quite a number of men in SG who prefer girls who are chaste, so look on the bright side and keep your options open.
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heheh if i didn't cherish myself, i would have gone for one night stand since i've worked in disco in the past. ALL would prefer their partners to be pure. i've realized i myself is old fashioned where i hope old traditions to be abolished, i'm slowly understanding why do people become homosexual in some cases, realizing what i really want in my life this year, i'm no longer shunning lesbians away though i hope my destined one is a guy though =)
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Originally posted by camel:
heheh if i didn't cherish myself, i would have gone for one night stand since i've worked in disco in the past. ALL would prefer their partners to be pure. i've realized i myself is old fashioned where i hope old traditions to be abolished, i'm slowly understanding why do people become homosexual in some cases, realizing what i really want in my life this year, i'm no longer shunning lesbians away though i hope my destined one is a guy though =)
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LOL it doesn't turn me into les, i'm searching for character, not booobs :D
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Don't worry so much la...
Single good what... Got freedom...
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Originally posted by ~N3RD~:
Don't worry so much la...
Single good what... Got freedom...
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Originally posted by Pro-Socialism:
