I am 17 yrs old tis year,but i had been facing problem about my family for 3 yrs.
The main problem actually come from my father.He work as some part-time job last time but dun no why everytime because little problem then quit.He held his longest job about 1 yrs,if i never remember wrongly,he had a agurment with one of the staff and quit.I really never expect him to earn big buck,maybe just a little bit enough for him to use only.Lucky for me,my mother was working hard to rise me and my sister.I know that she work hard to support the family to pay the monthly fee and every little thing.My parent had a agrument then seperated for 5 to 6 yrs already.But they stay the same house because of both me and my sister,with different room.
My father everyday at home doing nothing,all he did was slacking at home sleep,watching football.He everytime try to look for free meal from friends and relative to fill him up.He wanted job to be easy and high paid,but he was not high educate,so how to expect high paid.Some more job nowadays where got so easy one..He also everyday want my mother to buy him a pack of cigarette and sometime meal.One day,my mother fed up,come home and banging the door,complaining about the work she done.After my father heard,he became angry and started to bang the door with force.He said to me that since my mother was so unhappy about buying,then dun buy.I felt that he was lazy and he don't want to work to support himself.I really dun no what to do with him anymore.
Tell yr father to wake up his idea.
You and your family need help. Professional ones.
Have a heart to heart talk to your mom, and try to convince her that you dad need professional help. This to avoid any misunderstanding between you and your mom, who may be out of love, is bearing the burden alone.
Call up the CDCs or community services for advise or counsellors. Get them to assign a counsellor to your family. They do make house calls and if the timming is right with your dad at home, they will be able to counsel your dad.
Your dad is unlikely to listen to you, your mom, or anyone else. He needs a professional make over job only trained counsellors can give. The counsellor will be able to convince him to make a trip to community services centres to look or even be assigned for jobs, and keep tabs on him.
It is unhealthy for a man with brain, hands and legs, fully capable, to rot and idle at home, or depend on charity, which can be better utilised for the more needy. Worse still if he does not take an active effort to find jobs to sustain himself, let alone the family which shoud be top priority which he had seemed to shirked from.
No one will be left behind. Saving families is important. But that responsibility to reach out for help, will have to come from you and your mom. No one else like to, or even want to, be misunderstood as 'interfering' with a family's life, unless someone within ask for help.
U are 17, with ur family condition, did u work and help ease ur mother burden?
is there a relative or old family friend who can talk to your dad?
Originally posted by gunner77:U are 17, with ur family condition, did u work and help ease ur mother burden?
Goodness, the kid's only 17 and need an education better. Give em a break!
That 'father' oughta get his ass kicked for shirking from his responsibilities!!!!!
'No jobs' is not an excuse. There is no such thing as 'NO JOBS' in Singapore. Only 'No wanted job'. He better be realistic and start earning some money, no matter how mean, and work his way up.
Lying around aint gonna help him or more critically - the family - one bit.
oh poor thing. 17 and u must alr think abt supporting ur family.
Originally posted by xtreyier:Goodness, the kid's only 17 and need an education better. Give em a break!
That 'father' oughta get his ass kicked for shirking from his responsibilities!!!!!
'No jobs' is not an excuse. There is no such thing as 'NO JOBS' in Singapore. Only 'No wanted job'. He better be realistic and start earning some money, no matter how mean, and work his way up.
Lying around aint gonna help him or more critically - the family - one bit.
Ya i know, this whole agony is about his father.
Im just giving him an alternative since his father can't change.
Originally posted by gunner77:
Ya i know, this whole agony is about his father.Im just giving him an alternative since his father can't change.
To save his poor mum... Of cos, it is only the last resort if all other alternative exhausted.
Ask your mother to divorce this rubbish guy
Originally posted by gunner77:
Ya i know, this whole agony is about his father.Im just giving him an alternative since his father can't change.
The father must want to help himself, else all advice on how to wake up his bloody idea is useless.
Best just leave him alone, to wallow in his misery.
The problem is that he spreads his misery to those around him.
Those around him should go about their business as best as they could and show him by example. The father is already at the lowest of the low point in his life, any goading him and he will tune off.
Just leave him alone, don't lecture him, and let him realize by himself what a shame he is. He will realize when there is an occasion like a wedding or some relatives visiting. No need to humiliate him or kick his ass.
I agree at 17 what kind earnings do you expect him to get? In just a while more he would be entering NS. Better of getting a better education before entering NS.
Mancha's suggestion seems right to me, best the rest of you can do is live your lives best you can and not him drag the rest of you down.
I wish you all the best and maybe this experience will encourage you to be a stronger person by yourself or for your mother.
Be strong for yourself and for her.
Originally posted by lopperpower:I am 17 yrs old tis year,but i had been facing problem about my family for 3 yrs.
The main problem actually come from my father.He work as some part-time job last time but dun no why everytime because little problem then quit.He held his longest job about 1 yrs,if i never remember wrongly,he had a agurment with one of the staff and quit.I really never expect him to earn big buck,maybe just a little bit enough for him to use only.Lucky for me,my mother was working hard to rise me and my sister.I know that she work hard to support the family to pay the monthly fee and every little thing.My parent had a agrument then seperated for 5 to 6 yrs already.But they stay the same house because of both me and my sister,with different room.
My father everyday at home doing nothing,all he did was slacking at home sleep,watching football.He everytime try to look for free meal from friends and relative to fill him up.He wanted job to be easy and high paid,but he was not high educate,so how to expect high paid.Some more job nowadays where got so easy one..He also everyday want my mother to buy him a pack of cigarette and sometime meal.One day,my mother fed up,come home and banging the door,complaining about the work she done.After my father heard,he became angry and started to bang the door with force.He said to me that since my mother was so unhappy about buying,then dun buy.I felt that he was lazy and he don't want to work to support himself.I really dun no what to do with him anymore.
Besides the counselling part which someone else have talk about, another part to talk about will be your own future.
What education level are you now at? JC? Poly? ITE?
If you are in the first two, then you ought to work harder to enter uni, so tha your mother will be able to have you as a pillar of support in the future when you get a job.
If you are in the 3rd, or not studying at all now, then you might want to consider selling your soul to the army, or planning what job you want to get ahead.
i agree with the teacher dude...(forbiddensinner)
what education u at currently?? i know 17 is rly a difficult time with such problem but if ur in ITE, try to work in evening job after school.... thats wat i did the last time!! then slowly if everything so far so good.... focus most of that money to lighten yr moms burden!!
its quite logical that yr mom is way better than yr dad, stick ard with yr mom often then
Real sorry to hear about your family problem and I thought it is rare to hear of such story which was so common in the 50s,60s and even 70s Singapore.Did your mother ever brought this up to the social welfare department and what did they try to do? At 17 you can't do much but soon you can start helping your mother have a better life,she deserves it.In the meantime time I am afraid there is nothing you can do to change things around the house but to be supportive to your siblings(if you have any) and be a pillar of strength for your hard working mom.
uncles normally are difficult to change....their mentality. just work hard and earn a lot in future. You need a lot of good luck cos when you're in your 20s and 30s, you will need to support your paretns as well as start your own family. Furthermore, your daddy has no retirement savings.
Hi TS,
I can empathise with your situation.
I am like you..
My dad is a useless piece of shit and he is now 70++ yrs old.
He did a few odd jobs here and there in the past and then complained this and that..
My mum is the one who worked hard to support me till university...
My mum is also very old now.. late 60s...
Now I am the sole breadwinner of the family and tks god I am able to earn enough to support the whole family..
Savings is little but at least we can get by..
My dad is like ur dad... Zero savings I presume.. Useless... Did not feed the family... Live off women (i.e. ur mum) ..
At 17, ur focus now is to survive and climb the education ladder.. Tat is the best choice now...
With a gd education, u can secure better jobs in future to feed the family..
My dad now can be considered retired.. and he gambles all day..
I gave him an allowance every mth (even though he failed to bring me up) and leave him be.
The harsh reality is that in future, you will need to support his sorry ass.. Cos he can take you to court under the Maintenance of Parents act..
So no choice, bear with it till the day he croaks...
I am awaiting the day my dad finally croaks..
Gd luck buddy..
Hang in there..
better pray he doesnt saddle you with sickness debts too......
I wonder these uncles at the coffeeshops in singapore, they got retirement savings or not?