tare >> yes.. all these while, they are only concerned about her son, not her daughter.. very very biased.. her own parents divorced and remarried with kids already.. she has two sisters, but both of them are working and studying respectively..
jojobeach >> she's working in sales line, and she only has 1 - 2 days off each week.. her working hours is from 10am - 11pm.. all these while her son is staying with her mother-in-law.. whereas her mother-in-law doesnt stay at home, but stays in her shop. so u can say, basically her son is with her mother-in-law every single day.
one thing i wanna confirm, is it always the case that judge will award the custody to the party with better financial status?
anyway thanks to all your kind advice.. will try to remind her to visit the Social Welfare asap to get things sorted out fast..
Originally posted by s0nic:
jojobeach >> she's working in sales line, and she only has 1 - 2 days off each week.. her working hours is from 10am - 11pm.. all these while her son is staying with her mother-in-law.. whereas her mother-in-law doesnt stay at home, but stays in her shop. so u can say, basically her son is with her mother-in-law every single day.
one thing i wanna confirm, is it always the case that judge will award the custody to the party with better financial status?
If the court awards custody to the parent with better financial status, then those stay-at- home mothers are screwed lor.
So, the answer is NO.
Court typically award child custody to the parent who can take better care of the child. Not just in financial terms.
But in your friend's case, if the father really did abandoned the children, emotionally and financially, the court will take into consideration these actions and not award him custody but only grant him visitation rights.
Since your friend is working from 10am-11pm. She should make it a point to spend more time with her son on a daily basis before she goes to work.
Your friend needs to get her act together first, if she wants to win this fight.
Originally posted by jojobeach:If the court awards custody to the parent with better financial status, then those stay-at- home mothers are screwed lor.
So, the answer is NO.
Court typically award child custody to the parent who can take better care of the child. Not just in financial terms.
But in your friend's case, if the father really did abandoned the children, emotionally and financially, the court will take into consideration these actions and not award him custody but only grant him visitation rights.
Since your friend is working from 10am-11pm. She should make it a point to spend more time with her son on a daily basis before she goes to work.
Your friend needs to get her act together first, if she wants to win this fight.
alright, thanks jojobeach.. however, one thing is she lives in CCK, and currently her son is at her mother-in-law's shop, 24/7 at Golden Mile. and she works in Jurong. unless her mother-in-law really decides to move back to CCK as she told her that she would in Nov.
she is really strong. if u dont know her, u wont realise that she is troubled by all these problems. she doesnt show it easily.. but i am just afraid she'll break down one day..
get her to record her husband everytime they talk or quarrel. For sure the custody will go to her.
Originally posted by s0nic:
alright, thanks jojobeach.. however, one thing is she lives in CCK, and currently her son is at her mother-in-law's shop, 24/7 at Golden Mile. and she works in Jurong. unless her mother-in-law really decides to move back to CCK as she told her that she would in Nov.she is really strong. if u dont know her, u wont realise that she is troubled by all these problems. she doesnt show it easily.. but i am just afraid she'll break down one day..
Singapore is really very small, distance is not a good excuse to not visit her children.
Get the child support and maintenance from her husband so she don't have to work such long hours to support her family.
Bad marriage is very painful for anyone to have to deal with. My sympathy goes to her.
But do remember that her children will grow up and become less dependent on her eventually.
She is only 20, by the time her children are old enough to take care of themselves, she'll still be young enough to enjoy life later.
Till then, just bear with it. All these nightmare shall pass.
Usually for her case - 1 son & 1 daughter.
If the husband want to contest - husband side will get son & daughter go to the mum.
Unless you husband opt to give up custody of both kids.
She can go to court to get her husband to pay for children support. It will be of some help finanically.
I think when times are bad, you just have to accept what ever help that people offer - whether it is the mother-in-law just to ride over the tough time.
She may be worry that the son may grow attached to the mother-in-law, but that is just one of the things she have to accept, so be it, better then all die of hunger.
Originally posted by s0nic:oh thank you very much Ciin.. awaiting for your good news.. btw pardon me, so your cousin is already divorced? or still in the process or discussion stage?
ah mid, oh is it? hmm ok then think everything has to wait till she goes to the social welfare lor..
No problem.. btw i've asked my mum.. she said that tt bad guy didn't fight for the custody of her children and as there is also no issue regarding alimony, they didn't went to court..
So i suppose in your friend's case, it applies the same if that's what the guy wants?
And i went to this website, not sure if it can be of any help..
http://app.subcourts.gov.sg/family/faq.aspx?pageid=3688
And, yes my cousin is already divorced. So far, the bad guy haven't been coming to visit, and he's a screwed up guy so ya, i guess it's better this way for my cousin too.. Her story is abit similar but more heart-breaking..
Originally posted by s0nic:Hi all. I have an issue which I wish to discuss with you guys.
Let me kick off with some brief description.
I have a female friend, who's married and with 2 kids now. She's currently working in the sales line, but yet to be confirmed as she's still under probation.Her salary is not that high. She's around 20, and her husband is around 24.
Her husband had affairs outside for a couple of years already. For the 1st couple of times, the husband asked for forgiveness. However the third time it happened, my friend, who can't take it anymore, wanted a divorce.
Currently, her son is staying with her mother-in-law, and her daughter is with a nanny as she is unable to take care of them on her own. Her husband's family likes her son more than her daughter, so you can roughly know how the situation is like for her. e.g. if anything happens between the two of them, most likely they will only take care of the boy but not the girl.
Since the third time the affairs started, her husband has not been going home, staying at the woman's place all these while, only going back to get stuffs once in awhile. He didn't even attend or celebrate their children's birthdays this year.
At the early stages, her husband still gave her money for the children's expenses. But I heard from my friend, he recently told her he do not want to bother about them anymore.
Now, her mother-in-law told her that she wanted to help my friend to take care of her daughter, which in one way is good because she need not spend money on the nanny anymore. However what I think is not good is, what if both of her children get too close with her husband's family? What if, after their divorce, she isn't able to get the custody of at least her daughter, because she was the one who single-handedly brought her up to 1 yrs old before she was brought to her nanny, which is why, she is very very close to her daughter. We can't imagine what she will be like if her daughter was taken away from her.
For your info, when her daughter was due to be born, she went to the hospital on her own by taxi. Her husband didn't even bother to bring her there.
Any advice from you all, on how I can advice her on what to do?
Anyway, I apologise for the wall of text, but I need to share this story, and help my friend. I don't want her to get into a state of depression because of her children, especially her daughter.
Hi Sonic,
I am sorry to hear that your friend is in such a bad state, though I will say that cases like hers are unfortunately common in recent times. Besides contacting Welfare and seeking Legal Aid, have your friend considered furthering her studies?
This may sounds absurd, considering that she has two children of her own to look after plus a job, but if she can raise her education level, the odds of her finding a better job will also be higher as well. If possible, she should try getting a "N"-lvl cert, followed by a cert in specialised areas. Her current job, as you said, only pays about SG$1k a month, and requires her to work up to 13 hours for 6 days, and there is no guarantee how long she will hold this job for.
Thus, instead of just trying to make ends meet for now, she may want to consider planning slightly ahead for the sake of herself and her children.
Cheers.
dunno.com >> yea there was once he threatened her over the phone.. too bad that time she was too agitated to do any recording..
jojobeach >> yea it takes time to heal.. it's something like, the good guy in her eyes, just changed 360 degrees overnight, which she found it hard to swallow..
storywolf >> yea thats our worry for now.. but even so, at least we will know that her son will be well taken care of. however it might not be the case for her daughter.
Ciin >> oh so u mean to say they just signed the divorce papers peacefully? no fighting over the alimony? at least your cousin was still able to settle this easily. i guess it would be difficult for her to do the same. so the alimony they just discuss between themselves, and its not decided by the lawyer?
TrueHeart >> yes.. in fact she told me she will further her studies in a few years time. because in her current job now, time doesnt permit. afterall she still needs money to survive and care for her child. her daughter is only 1 yr old, and her son is 3 yrs old. her son is going to kindergarten nexy yr. so she needs to work for now.
Sonic,
Get your friend to contact the legal aid bureau.
And just dont push your friend to decide on anything other then what she wants to decide.
If she felt that the children will be better off with the mother in law. Let her.
If she felt that the mother in law has no ill intentions except to raise her grandchildren. Then let her.
Even if there is fear of 'people snatching her children's affections' from her. Its her cross to bear.
Do not encourage a fight over the children, because of affections, because of benefits or because of what you or everyone else believes mothers should behave. Because at the end of the day. The Benefit should be the considerations for the children.
i volunteer to help take care of dotter
My SUGGESTION only - forget about a pte lawyer - he is going to sponge off all he/she can in terms of $$$ and what would be done is this - within the confines of law what is available is what u get. Unless, there is a contest for $$$, property n . . . that complicates claims or are hurdles.
In court - all claims that u make and state has to be substantiated with ample irrefutable proof/evidence and where it is found lacking - it will simply be ignored.
As for alimony - the court would enforce it - after that it is for u to chase and chase - this is the reality.
Remember this - custody is for well-being of the child (children) and not for the 'convenience' of the biological parent.
Considering the $$$ - seeking a Social worker and legal aid bureau - slow but at least there is emphathy to your predicament.
if she know the husband doing illegal then go get some proof of him doing something illegal.
If your friend WANTS the guy to pay alimony, i think they have to go to court. But they can settle outside court also if they are willing. I guess going to court is when the guy don't want to give but the woman wants the guy to pay, u get what i mean?
My cousin's case is really no point to salvage because she CAUGHT her husband in bed with another woman on THEIR bed.. Somemore that guy is a drug addict n ang gong siao, so even if they go to court, confirm custody to mother..And that guy is penniless, so no point fighting for alimony.. =X
Originally posted by Fugazzi:
In court - all claims that u make and state has to be substantiated with ample irrefutable proof/evidence and where it is found lacking - it will simply be ignored.
As for alimony - the court would enforce it - after that it is for u to chase and chase - this is the reality.
Remember this - custody is for well-being of the child (children) and not for the 'convenience' of the biological parent.
Considering the $$$ - seeking a Social worker and legal aid bureau - slow but at least there is emphathy to your predicament.
Fuggie,
It is important that all legal rights sought are written down in black and white.
To forgo these conditions because they seem too "inconvenient" is a foolish mistake.
Once the legal right is given, to seek it's priviledge or not, is up to the person holding these rights.
Feelings change, living conditions change.
Don't get caught up a mess later because interests were not properly protected at the negotiating table.
assuming TS does seek counsel from Legal Aid Bureau's lawyer or even a social worker - they are well-informed and would stick to the four corners of the legal document/statute.
It is my opinion, not a fact - The difference is the lawyer from the pte sector(s) tend to hide ... so as to be able to leverage and squeeze as much $$$$ from the client before clearly stating what is possible lar. LAB - straight forward - only setback is slow
So it is inherent in the system and hence all claims n 'rights' are and most likely to be in 'black n white' and within the purview of the particular statute and finally for the court(s) to decide.
TS - u can claim all the 'rights' that u feel is due to u or claim that ur spouse was 'irresponsible' - what ways is not the issue - what is essential is there must be evidence that you can show to the court for what u say when u file for .....