anger management
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Dear forumers any tips for that? I lose my temper easily in an argument. I wanted to be a person who can think straight and remain cool in a fight.
My friends got advise me to change my temper before and my parents also did but I donch know how. I'm afraid that my temper will be a liability to me when I started work outside in the future.
Any help or tips will be greatly appreciated.
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TS - u cannot control an emotion, in this instance, anger - all u can be is stay with it and most of all let it pass, just one more thing - don't act out the emotion especially when it is detrimental to u or another.
Act when it has passed and when u are calm.
What one resists, persists, what one accepts frees. Otherwise, one is merely suppressing or at most one pursues at 'sth' else or someone else is subsituted. Whether it is anger, hate, love or ....
The 'problem' or it becomes one when one intreprets the 'clouds' for the sky. One can never be rid of the 'clouds' (emotions). The anguish/pain/anger/ ... is not from the circumstance/event/situation but cos of the identification with the particular emotion.
However, when one understands, acknowledges, accepts and knows that all emotions are akin to the 'passing clouds' and behind the clouds is the real me (the clear sky) one can handle oneself differently.
PS - there is no rite/wrong - it is being caught with what is rite/wrong and mostly wanting to feel important that causes conflicts. Having a POROUS ego - in other words, give up being or thinking as i m 'somebody' and it gets easier to live and relate to so many things n people. The somebodiness is the crux of the 'problem' which is within oneself
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Originally posted by Jobangel sg83:
Dear forumers any tips for that? I lose my temper easily in an argument. I wanted to be a person who can think straight and remain cool in a fight.
My friends got advise me to change my temper before and my parents also did but I donch know how. I'm afraid that my temper will be a liability to me when I started work outside in the future.
Any help or tips will be greatly appreciated.
Hi Jobangel,
How did you get into an argument in the first place? And why will you want to get into a fight? If you truly wish to control your temper, then you should learn how to avoid arguments and fights in the first place. From there, you can try to work on being patient as well - It will have a positive effect on helping you control your temper.
Cheers.
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watch this to fix your temper:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ck_tEdfLv6w -
Originally posted by Fugazzi:
TS - u cannot control an emotion, in this instance, anger - all u can be is stay with it and most of all let it pass, just one more thing - don't act out the emotion especially when it is detrimental to u or another.
Act when it has passed and when u are calm.
What one resists, persists, what one accepts frees. Otherwise, one is merely suppressing or at most one pursues at 'sth' else or someone else is subsituted. Whether it is anger, hate, love or ....
The 'problem' or it becomes one when one intreprets the 'clouds' for the sky. One can never be rid of the 'clouds' (emotions). The anguish/pain/anger/ ... is not from the circumstance/event/situation but cos of the identification with the particular emotion.
However, when one understands, acknowledges, accepts and knows that all emotions are akin to the 'passing clouds' and behind the clouds is the real me (the clear sky) one can handle oneself differently.
PS - there is no rite/wrong - it is being caught with what is rite/wrong and mostly wanting to feel important that causes conflicts. Having a POROUS ego - in other words, give up being or thinking as i m 'somebody' and it gets easier to live and relate to so many things n people. The somebodiness is the crux of the 'problem' which is within oneself
hi thanks fugazzi, your post is difficult to understand I managed to get a gist of it though. You are advising me to drop down my ego level and stop thinking that I'm somebody? -
Originally posted by TrueHeart:
Hi Jobangel,
How did you get into an argument in the first place? And why will you want to get into a fight? If you truly wish to control your temper, then you should learn how to avoid arguments and fights in the first place. From there, you can try to work on being patient as well - It will have a positive effect on helping you control your temper.
Cheers.
Hi TrueHeart,I'm quite hot headed (reckless) and I wish to overcome it.
I usually get into arguments when the other party taunts me or irritates me. I try to avoid arguments most of the time by trying to be accomodate to others, but it will start when the other party cross my limit.
When I try to accomodate them, they start to crawl on top of my head. How to avoid if the other party doesnt know when to stop?
Sometimes its also my fault. Like this afternoon, I got into a quarrel with a cab driver and his family. The incident goes like this: the cab driver was sitting in his cab waiting for his wife. His son then opens the door and knocked my car. I was angry that the cab driver didnt care. I opened my car door and purposely knocked his and went down to check my door if its ok. There's a scratch resulting from the knock and I'm quite upset about it. Then he came down from his cab and we started to quarrel.
I am quite upset by his act blur attitude when his son knocked my car.
After the incident, I did a self reflection and found that I'm at fault.
I could have handled the situation better and in a more mature way by highlighting the issue to him politely as his son could not have done it on purpose as he is only a kid.
But my emotions gets over me and I cant think properly when the incident happens.
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I think first, you might need to understand your anger. People get angry because of different reasons. Some get angry because they are hurt. Others because they feel depressed inside.Or perhaps they are insecure and become extra defensive or spiteful because they tend to perceive that others try to 'attack' them in various ways.
Often it isn't simply because of one incident or another - but rather the particular incident pressed your own 'anger' button.
When you can understand your own anger - it is easier to manage it. You can train yourself to stop, breathe, walk away when you are angry BUT it is very difficult route -in the meantime, you need to manage it by preventing your anger button from getting pressed in the first place.
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Originally posted by Jobangel sg83:
Hi TrueHeart,I'm quite hot headed (reckless) and I wish to overcome it.
I usually get into arguments when the other party taunts me or irritates me. I try to avoid arguments most of the time by trying to be accomodate to others, but it will start when the other party cross my limit.
When I try to accomodate them, they start to crawl on top of my head. How to avoid if the other party doesnt know when to stop?
Sometimes its also my fault. Like this afternoon, I got into a quarrel with a cab driver and his family. The incident goes like this: the cab driver was sitting in his cab waiting for his wife. His son then opens the door and knocked my car. I was angry that the cab driver didnt care. I opened my car door and purposely knocked his and went down to check my door if its ok. There's a scratch resulting from the knock and I'm quite upset about it. Then he came down from his cab and we started to quarrel.
I am quite upset by his act blur attitude when his son knocked my car.
After the incident, I did a self reflection and found that I'm at fault.
I could have handled the situation better and in a more mature way by highlighting the issue to him politely as his son could not have done it on purpose as he is only a kid.
But my emotions gets over me and I cant think properly when the incident happens.
Hi Jobangel,
From this incident, I can see that you are a very impulsive person. You must learn how to think calmly and analyse the situation first before taking any action which you will regret later.
Even though it is a very basic and simple strategy, you could try counting to 10 before doing anything else the next time something similar happens, and then think through about what just happened before planning a series of actions to be taken.
Cheers.
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Originally posted by Jobangel sg83:
Dear forumers any tips for that? I lose my temper easily in an argument. I wanted to be a person who can think straight and remain cool in a fight.
My friends got advise me to change my temper before and my parents also did but I donch know how. I'm afraid that my temper will be a liability to me when I started work outside in the future.
Any help or tips will be greatly appreciated.
how abt thinking the good points about what your chat'ee is talking about, and think about it before you answer them by arguing? if there really isnt a good point then just walk away, instead of arguring back.
think of it this way, the first person who steps down from an argurement is not the weaker one, he/she is the smarter one.
also, by walking away, you demonstrate that you can remain cool (which is what you want?), and after you walk away, you can think about the whole matter straight instead of being in a intense situation which will most likely end with bad words or fists in each other's faces T_T
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can try going for anger management course (:
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yes having a bad temper is very bad. if you are always in a fight with others, it will have an effect on your body and mental wellbeing. when you are angry, your body releases endorphins, which make you feel lousy and feel moody. worse, you may get yourself killed or get badly injured with others in fights outside over a small thingy.
I suggest you use delayed reaction ie when you are angry, do not react immediately even if you are very angry. this may help to bring some sense in a mere few seconds in your thoughts process. if you react instantly, you may end up doing things you regreted later on, like starting a fight and ended killing or injuring people.
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Originally posted by »¤ Liquified ¤« ...:
how abt thinking the good points about what your chat'ee is talking about, and think about it before you answer them by arguing? if there really isnt a good point then just walk away, instead of arguring back.
think of it this way, the first person who steps down from an argurement is not the weaker one, he/she is the smarter one.
also, by walking away, you demonstrate that you can remain cool (which is what you want?), and after you walk away, you can think about the whole matter straight instead of being in a intense situation which will most likely end with bad words or fists in each other's faces T_T
hi Liquified,
thanks for ur advice. In fact most of the time, its the other party that wish to start an argument with me. I try to avoid arguments as best as I could. Actually I'm a soft spoken guy and I treat people well. I expect them to treat me well also. But in reality, this is not the case. Sometimes, I feel certain people are taking advantage of my kindness. Most of the times, I would just walk away because of this. Some people view this as having poor EQ.
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Originally posted by Jobangel sg83:
hi Liquified,
thanks for ur advice. In fact most of the time, its the other party that wish to start an argument with me. I try to avoid arguments as best as I could. Actually I'm a soft spoken guy and I treat people well. I expect them to treat me well also. But in reality, this is not the case. Sometimes, I feel certain people are taking advantage of my kindness. Most of the times, I would just walk away because of this. Some people view this as having poor EQ.
true, its easy to get taken advantage of due to kindness.
people who think arguing to win a fight is Good EQ have basically zero IQ. EQ, or Emotional Intelligence, refers to the capacity of recognising our own feelings and those of others, so basically those people who view ur good attitude as poor EQ have basically zero EQ as well as IQ. very sad people indeed. =[
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slap yourself when u angry
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Originally posted by Jobangel sg83:
Dear forumers any tips for that? I lose my temper easily in an argument. I wanted to be a person who can think straight and remain cool in a fight.
My friends got advise me to change my temper before and my parents also did but I donch know how. I'm afraid that my temper will be a liability to me when I started work outside in the future.
Any help or tips will be greatly appreciated.
Peaceful method: Dont get into an argument in the first place. learn to accept other peoples' idea even if you dont agree to it in your heart.
Violent method: Go and learn Martial Art (like me) and nobody dare to cross my path and mess with me anymore. Change the environment to suit myself. hahaha
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Originally posted by Sgforum King:
slap yourself when u angry
Stupid idea! make you like idiot
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Originally posted by Lokey:
Stupid idea! make you like idiot
this is to take it out on yourself instead of others
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count from 1 - 10 when you are angry.
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it is true that being hotheaded will get you to nowhere, in the society. whether in business, social or work. the other party may not accept and forgive your recklessness and being rude to them. so always act "okay"/ agreeable/ friendly even though you may not like it.
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When others try to make you angry, get away from them.
Even if you manage to beat them up, in the end, you are still the loser.
The best thing to do if you cannot get away is to make fun of whatever they say that they used to make you angry. Eg. If they say that you are an idiot, laugh and say to them that they actually bother to talk to an idiot.
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Hi, controlling anger is never easy... the best way is to take it in a positive light! Do not let the devil get the better of you.
This article on anger management might be useful for you... :)
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Originally posted by Sgforum King:
this is to take it out on yourself instead of others
Some Sumo wrestlers and pugilist hit themselves before getting into a bout and this prove to be effective in eliminating their opponent>LOL -
Originally posted by Lokey:
it is true that being hotheaded will get you to nowhere, in the society. whether in business, social or work. the other party may not accept and forgive your recklessness and being rude to them. so always act "okay"/ agreeable/ friendly even though you may not like it.
Good to hear that you are willing to forget about $270 loan you gave to your good friend.
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Originally posted by Jobangel sg83:
Hi TrueHeart,I'm quite hot headed (reckless) and I wish to overcome it.
I usually get into arguments when the other party taunts me or irritates me. I try to avoid arguments most of the time by trying to be accomodate to others, but it will start when the other party cross my limit.
When I try to accomodate them, they start to crawl on top of my head. How to avoid if the other party doesnt know when to stop?
Sometimes its also my fault. Like this afternoon, I got into a quarrel with a cab driver and his family. The incident goes like this: the cab driver was sitting in his cab waiting for his wife. His son then opens the door and knocked my car. I was angry that the cab driver didnt care. I opened my car door and purposely knocked his and went down to check my door if its ok. There's a scratch resulting from the knock and I'm quite upset about it. Then he came down from his cab and we started to quarrel.
I am quite upset by his act blur attitude when his son knocked my car.
After the incident, I did a self reflection and found that I'm at fault.
I could have handled the situation better and in a more mature way by highlighting the issue to him politely as his son could not have done it on purpose as he is only a kid.
But my emotions gets over me and I cant think properly when the incident happens.
You have to realise that problems with people are not always settled in a fair and righteous manner that way you won't be too angry when that happens...you can get upset though and that is natural. -
Originally posted by Short Ninja:
Good to hear that you are willing to forget about $270 loan you gave to your good friend.you only know 0.1% of the story. That guy is a ex-offender that is out from RTC. This just show that this type of people cannot be trusted and does not change. I already know that this money is a gone-case when I first lent him. But I hate it, when I am right. Sad.