Hi...
I have a problem..need some advice...
You know sometimes there are visitors / guests who visit your home...
Actually, I would say, most of the times, having a visitor is a positive thing...
But there are times when a visitor is visiting too often, or staying too long each time....
Actually I have a problem like that...
This person is visiting too often, stays for way too long, and intrudes my sense of privacy, he even sometimes cook there, etc....
Now I have a problem which does not seem to have a ready answer.
Maybe you ask me, how come he can cook there, and what is the relationship of this man to my family.
Well acually he is the boyfriend of my sister (younger sister)
So this is another layer of complexity which makes me confused (because I love my sister and dont want to offend her or hurt her)
What should I do..?
Whats your parents stand on this?
address this issue to your sister, and see if she can do anything
Originally posted by Veggie Bao:Hi...
I have a problem..need some advice...
You know sometimes there are visitors / guests who visit your home...
Actually, I would say, most of the times, having a visitor is a positive thing...
But there are times when a visitor is visiting too often, or staying too long each time....
Actually I have a problem like that...
This person is visiting too often, stays for way too long, and intrudes my sense of privacy, he even sometimes cook there, etc....
Now I have a problem which does not seem to have a ready answer.
Maybe you ask me, how come he can cook there, and what is the relationship of this man to my family.
Well acually he is the boyfriend of my sister (younger sister)
So this is another layer of complexity which makes me confused (because I love my sister and dont want to offend her or hurt her)
What should I do..?
Hi Veggie Bao,
As much as you dislike the fact that ''this guy'' is intruding into your family's life, but you must understand that it is not an abnormal thing for boyfriends to often go over to their girlfriend's house and stay put there for a few hours. Unless he does things such as flipping through your stuffs and such, you shouldn't put too much thought into it.
Who knows, he may even be your brother-in-law someday! Thus, if you are unable to accept him now, you will have even more trouble with him in the future.
Cheers.
Hmm...
Yeah....it's likely that he may become my brother-in-law (although I wont say it's 100% certain yet due to various factors)
I used to be neutral to him, I did not have any negative impressions of him, but I started to develop an annoyance because he did vist very often.
How often is often?
Almost everyday visit, come inside, stays for some time, during weekdays. Weekdays usually on evenings.
During weekends, almost can be the whole day until night time or late night. Sometimes cooking also.
At this time I was already feeling a bit uncomfortable. Because he almost become a permanent fixture, and that is a bit intruding to my privacy.
Also, something happened.....
Well....they had a couple fight...regarding some marriage arrangement / planning and discussion....Actually a couple fight is not unusual and I dont really feel it's special...but the substance was rather serious, and I had some concerns about my sister's future...but maybe this should be a separate topic.....
But after witnessing that negative event, and including a further complication, my mother inadvertently got involved, and in fact was scolded by him, my feeling towards him turned to overwhelmingly negative.
Now they have patched up, and now he is visiting again.
But you can understand my impression to him is very ambivalent now.
I am a little bit confused because I'm not sure whether I should talk to my sister and tell her that his visits is intruding my privacy. On one hand I want to do that, but on the other hand, she is my younger sister and I love her, and I want to be a good elder bro. It seems that I should just tolerate it and just sacrifice a bit. I'm really not sure whether I would be too selfish and unwise if I bring it up to her.
I dont know what I should do.
Originally posted by Veggie Bao:Hmm...
Yeah....it's likely that he may become my brother-in-law (although I wont say it's 100% certain yet due to various factors)
I used to be neutral to him, I did not have any negative impressions of him, but I started to develop an annoyance because he did vist very often.
How often is often?
Almost everyday visit, come inside, stays for some time, during weekdays. Weekdays usually on evenings.
During weekends, almost can be the whole day until night time or late night. Sometimes cooking also.
At this time I was already feeling a bit uncomfortable. Because he almost become a permanent fixture, and that is a bit intruding to my privacy.
Also, something happened.....
Well....they had a couple fight...regarding some marriage arrangement / planning and discussion....Actually a couple fight is not unusual and I dont really feel it's special...but the substance was rather serious, and I had some concerns about my sister's future...but maybe this should be a separate topic.....
But after witnessing that negative event, and including a further complication, my mother inadvertently got involved, and in fact was scolded by him, my feeling towards him turned to overwhelmingly negative.
Now they have patched up, and now he is visiting again.
But you can understand my impression to him is very ambivalent now.
I am a little bit confused because I'm not sure whether I should talk to my sister and tell her that his visits is intruding my privacy. On one hand I want to do that, but on the other hand, she is my younger sister and I love her, and I want to be a good elder bro. It seems that I should just tolerate it and just sacrifice a bit. I'm really not sure whether I would be too selfish and unwise if I bring it up to her.
I dont know what I should do.
Hi Veggie Bao,
It seems that the main catalyst which caused your sense of unhappiness towards him is due to the fact that he scolded your mother. Thus, now you feel that you will rather have someone like him stay away as far as possible from you.
Unless he starts up anything again, or show anything about himself that will make you want your sister to stay away from him, it will be not advisable for you to bring this up to your sister. If she were to bring this up to her boyfriend, you may just become the catalyst which caused another strain in their relationship. In short, you may end up being viewed as a "spoiler" by your younger sister.
Cheers.
confess it to ur parents...they'll noe wad to do.... =)
Originally posted by TrueHeart:Hi Veggie Bao,
It seems that the main catalyst which caused your sense of unhappiness towards him is due to the fact that he scolded your mother. Thus, now you feel that you will rather have someone like him stay away as far as possible from you.
Unless he starts up anything again, or show anything about himself that will make you want your sister to stay away from him, it will be not advisable for you to bring this up to your sister. If she were to bring this up to her boyfriend, you may just become the catalyst which caused another strain in their relationship. In short, you may end up being viewed as a "spoiler" by your younger sister.
Cheers.
Hmm...yes those negative events impacted my impression of him...but actually they were some time back.....and now actually I am calmer.....
But actually the privacy intrusion is going to start again..?? What should I do??
Actually what you said is true, so thats why I didnt proceed to open my mouth, because I am doing a lot of calculations....
And btw,
thanks to the other posters who advice me also. I am thinking whether I should use some indirect circuitous route (eg through my parents) but I'm also not sure about this.
Originally posted by Veggie Bao:Hmm...yes those negative events impacted my impression of him...but actually they were some time back.....and now actually I am calmer.....
But actually the privacy intrusion is going to start again..?? What should I do??
Actually what you said is true, so thats why I didnt proceed to open my mouth, because I am doing a lot of calculations....
And btw,
thanks to the other posters who advice me also. I am thinking whether I should use some indirect circuitous route (eg through my parents) but I'm also not sure about this.
Hi Veggie Bao,
I am sorry to say so, but there isn't much you can do that will not cause friction between your sister and her boyfriend. Even if you were to tell your parents, they would still end up telling your sister, or even her boyfriend directly, and that may not end well.
Ultimately, you can choose to either possibly be a spark between your sister and her boyfriend, or you could choose to be the one 'suffering' silently. Indeed, there are other solutions, such as locking yourself up or going out whenever he comes over, but these aren't very feasible. Thus, the only thing for you to do now is to make your decision.
Cheers.
Tell your parents la~
I am fairly sure that they wont fight because of my complaints.
Actually I am rather certain they would listen to me and reduce the intensity of the visits....
I can tell....
But the problem for me is....I'm not sure whether my sister would take kindly to it.....I dont want to place a stress on her....Actually due to those negative events some time back, she was very heartbroken, and also got involved in a big argument with my mother as well. So now at this time...I am reluctant to do something which may place an emotional burden to her.....haizzz....
Originally posted by Veggie Bao:I am fairly sure that they wont fight because of my complaints.
Actually I am rather certain they would listen to me and reduce the intensity of the visits....
I can tell....
But the problem for me is....I'm not sure whether my sister would take kindly to it.....I dont want to place a stress on her....Actually due to those negative events some time back, she was very heartbroken, and also got involved in a big argument with my mother as well. So now at this time...I am reluctant to do something which may place an emotional burden to her.....haizzz....
Hi Veggie Bao,
In this case, then you will have to ask yourself, is it worth it to risk the relationship between your sister and you for the sake of keeping her boyfriend away? The only one who could come up with an answer to this question is yourself, for it is your own decision.
Cheers.
c'mon la, ur house eh...jst tell ur sis face 2 face as kindly as possible, if she doesnt heed to it, den ask the bf 2 fk off the nxt time he come. Cuz if u had tried to make things as easy as possible and ur sis doesnt realize that, most prob she doesnt care much abt ur family alr, anyway young couples tend to spend more time alone, y this couple diff one? maybe the bf no $$$ bring her out? LOL jk
urmm try giving the bf some hints? if he were to directly confront u after he get the hint, then be polite and direct.. compromise... maybe he can visit less often but still visit.. like maybe 2 to 3 times a week? just my suggestion.
look on the brite side.
he cld hv been the best dat she cld hv got for herself.