A Loss of Trust
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I need some advice on a situation that I'm currently facing. The girl that I like seems to have lost her trust in me when I was too truthful to her. Some background information: she says she is not ready to be with me after what happened between her and a guy before(her 1st experience with a guy). Truthful in the sense that I scolded her bluntly and told her to make an effort to get over the guy(she still hangs out with him a lot) and that the relationship between the both of them didn't really take place at all! The problem now is that she told me that wasn't the case and that I assumed it all up all! She said that her not being ready is not equal to her not willing to move on or not willing to forget him. Now she no longer trusts me and my other friends because of our assumptions. I told her that we discussed it together before and they agreed with me that her behaviour wasn't healthy. Now her trust in all of us has gone down the drain. :( The problem now is, how do I win her trust & her heart back? And are we really in the wrong for assuming all this stuff? But the reason why we assumed was because she never divulges anything to us and we can only infer from her actions. In the end, we are all just concerned for her...
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Possible for u to have a 1 on 1 talk with her if u are really so concern about her and try to trash things out properly?
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Just fcuk off la. U just die
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Originally posted by LowHead:
Just fcuk off la. U just die
Don't crash other's topic, u should go back to be flame in urs.
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Originally posted by -Wanderer-:
I need some advice on a situation that I’m currently facing. The girl that I like seems to have lost her trust in me when I was too truthful to her. Some background information: she says she is not ready to be with me after what happened between her and a guy before(her 1st experience with a guy).
Truthful in the sense that I scolded her bluntly and told her to make an effort to get over the guy(she still hangs out with him a lot) and that the relationship between the both of them didn’t really take place at all! The problem now is that she told me that wasn’t the case and that I assumed it all up all! She said that her not being ready is not equal to her not willing to move on or not willing to forget him. Now she no longer trusts me and my other friends because of our assumptions. I told her that we discussed it together before and they agreed with me that her behaviour wasn’t healthy. Now her trust in all of us has gone down the drain.
The problem now is, how do I win her trust & her heart back? And are we really in the wrong for assuming all this stuff? But the reason why we assumed was because she never divulges anything to us and we can only infer from her actions. In the end, we are all just concerned for her…
Hi Wanderer,
You shouldn't have assumed things, especially when it comes to a girl. Even though you and your friends are concerned for her, things are not always as simple as it seems to be.
You could try winning her heart back, but whether she will forgive you is another matter. Besides a sincere apology, you should also get something which she likes, and try to build your relationship with her from scratch again, just as you were going after her back then.
Cheers.
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Fk off la you cmi get laid la.
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halo
assume only makes a
ass out of u n me
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how old are u threadstarter?
and the gal u're talking bout? -
just let her be la. u could be giving unsolicited and unappreciated advice. Help her only if she comes to you. I think she may appreciate it better.
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Originally posted by strum:
how old are u threadstarter?
and the gal u're talking bout?
Both 21. I agree with Rock Star. I should have shut my trap instead of being too truthful. But how do I go about winning her trust back when she is totally ignoring me now? -
Originally posted by -Wanderer-:
Both 21. I agree with Rock Star. I should have shut my trap instead of being too truthful. But how do I go about winning her trust back when she is totally ignoring me now?Hi Wanderer,
As I have mentioned before, you should try going after her from scratch again. Go after her as if she is the most precious thing in your life, and try to be by her side whenever possible. There are only two possible outcomes, she will either find you to be annoying and hint/ask you to get away from her, or she will forgive you after seeing your sincerity and give you another chance. Unfortunately, I belong to the former though.
Cheers.
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Originally posted by -Wanderer-:
Both 21. I agree with Rock Star. I should have shut my trap instead of being too truthful. But how do I go about winning her trust back when she is totally ignoring me now?
"I told her that we discussed it together before and they agreed with me that her behaviour wasn’t healthy."This is a disaster u knw....now she knws the group of you know abt it. Worse, assume means ass u me. Seems to me like both u and her are on gd talking terms before this but she didn't divulge too much to you either.
Seems that she still likes the other guy a lot and doesnt wanna hear too negative comments like "getting over the guy" lol.
Unless she is Jolin Tsai, change target la. People already once bitten twice shy.
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trust? from your post you should be the one saying the words to her. Y is she the one saying that? Very lame the excuse she gave cos what trust did she give u? If a girl likes you, you commit crimes she will find 100 excuses to defend you. If a girl dun like u, she will find 1000 excuses to avoid u.
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Originally posted by Rock^Star:
Seems to me like both u and her are on gd talking terms before this but she didn't divulge too much to you either.Seems that she still likes the other guy a lot and doesnt wanna hear too negative comments like "getting over the guy" lol.
Yes. What you've said above is all true. She has not told me anything so far about her past. All she gave was a vague "I'm not ready". And I thought her friends who knew her longer than me would know about how she is feeling and what she is going through. Turns out they got it wrong too! But what 1 of my other friends said was that it may be true that she is living in denial. She refuses to forget the guy hence she refuses to believe what I'm saying. But that means that what we said are all correct! But if that is the case, then why did she say at first that she was misunderstood and disappointed and is now ignoring me? And yes, you can say that she doesn't trust people easily. Even though I poured out all my secrets to her and told her that there will be no secrets between us, she still hasn't told me anything yet! :(
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Originally posted by -Wanderer-:
Yes. What you've said above is all true. She has not told me anything so far about her past. All she gave was a vague "I'm not ready". And I thought her friends who knew her longer than me would know about how she is feeling and what she is going through. Turns out they got it wrong too! But what 1 of my other friends said was that it may be true that she is living in denial. She refuses to forget the guy hence she refuses to believe what I'm saying. But that means that what we said are all correct! But if that is the case, then why did she say at first that she was misunderstood and disappointed and is now ignoring me? And yes, you can say that she doesn't trust people easily. Even though I poured out all my secrets to her and told her that there will be no secrets between us, she still hasn't told me anything yet! :(
Hi Wanderer,
I hope you will not be offended by my post, but besides assuming too much, it seems that you are forcing things to go your way too much and too fast... She is not obligated to tell you anything about her past at once even if you tell her everything about your past.
And even now, you are still assuming things by saying that: "She refuses to forget the guy hence she refuses to believe what I'm saying." Thus, you may want to rethink again if you really wants to win her trust and heart back.
Cheers.
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perhaps maybe you 2 should talk calmly about this?when you assumed something, it was you in the wrong and that lead to what you are facing right now.however, since she has not told you anything about her past, means that she was not truthful to you, so she is also in the wrong.i guess in order to win her trust back, you have to go through chasing after her again, doing little things to make her happy!i suppose you have your own ways to make her trust you again, show her that you really care about her and you are truly sorry! all the best good luck!(:
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Originally posted by TrueHeart:
Hi Wanderer,
I hope you will not be offended by my post, but besides assuming too much, it seems that you are forcing things to go your way too much and too fast... She is not obligated to tell you anything about her past at once even if you tell her everything about your past.
And even now, you are still assuming things by saying that: "She refuses to forget the guy hence she refuses to believe what I'm saying." Thus, you may want to rethink again if you really wants to win her trust and heart back.
Cheers.
What you said has rang a bell in me. She is not obliged to tell me her past even though I shared with her my innermost feelings. Thanks for enlightening me on that. And maybe you are right on me assuming those things. That she isn't really living in denial. But I know what to do right now. Thanks again everyone! :)
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well, let her be la. there are easier and more optimistic girls out there. Besides, you like her very much but maybe not to the point of love yet.
damn these women, esp when no means yes and vice versa lol.
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I just don't know what to say now. She said she would not open up to me or our friends any time soon. And that she doesn't rule out the chance that she might like the guy again with such male 'friends' like us around her...
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男人��，女人�爱... maybe you are just too caring for her and she choses to ignore you instead. And maybe, just maybe your assumption is really off, and therefore pisses her. Your over concern for her may show that you like her and be there for her. But for her, it may just irritates her.
Give her some time, since she is still so called "in love" with the ex bf. Its really hard for you, because since you like her, you would definitely want to protect her from this ex bf whom you thought that might have hurt her and thus caused this break up.
But you should also stand by her and not assume things. Maybe things between the girl and the ex bf are not what you think?
Its her life, let her decide for herself. If the ex is real bad and she choses to give him another chance, then there is nothing you can do but suck thumb and agree with her decision. Sometimes you need to purposely let people fall down and get up by themselves in order for them to learn. You may have prevented this fall, but it is good to let them fall down and learn, only then will they know the pain.
So, for now, is best that you dont do anything. Dont assume, dont force her to forgive you, dont pester her. Just stay one side and support her in silent. There is nothing you can do now to salvage the relationship. Give her time, maybe she will realise what you said is true or that you are the one that is good to her. If she fails to see this, then you might just as well give her your blessings and move on. Otherwise, you can just stay and wait and wait and wait...
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Originally posted by MaNyZeR:
男人��，女人�爱... maybe you are just too caring for her and she choses to ignore you instead. And maybe, just maybe your assumption is really off, and therefore pisses her. Your over concern for her may show that you like her and be there for her. But for her, it may just irritates her.
Give her some time, since she is still so called "in love" with the ex bf. Its really hard for you, because since you like her, you would definitely want to protect her from this ex bf whom you thought that might have hurt her and thus caused this break up.
But you should also stand by her and not assume things. Maybe things between the girl and the ex bf are not what you think?
Its her life, let her decide for herself. If the ex is real bad and she choses to give him another chance, then there is nothing you can do but suck thumb and agree with her decision. Sometimes you need to purposely let people fall down and get up by themselves in order for them to learn. You may have prevented this fall, but it is good to let them fall down and learn, only then will they know the pain.
So, for now, is best that you dont do anything. Dont assume, dont force her to forgive you, dont pester her. Just stay one side and support her in silent. There is nothing you can do now to salvage the relationship. Give her time, maybe she will realise what you said is true or that you are the one that is good to her. If she fails to see this, then you might just as well give her your blessings and move on. Otherwise, you can just stay and wait and wait and wait...
Technically speaking, the previous guy was a really good guy. He pursued her for over a year. Only when he decided to move on, then she realised that she liked him. But you are right in saying that I should support her in silence. Only time will tell...
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Trust has nothing to do with this episode.
Its about hurt.
When you and your gang assume things about her, and say things about her that is not true, she was hurt. And so she shun you.
Yes, you should have kept your mouth shut, but since it is out, realize your error and apologise to her. And see how it goes.