there was a girl whom i loved deeply with all my heart. my love and care for her was genuine. i wld be there for her. almost every night i wld be by her side, when she's alone in another land. she was going through tough times, and i tried my best to be with her. to keep her company, to hold her hand and tell her everything wld be ok, to have faith and keep going.
most of the time, she wasn't with me though physically i was with her. she was wrestling with her past, with herself. sometimes i provided the calm amidst the storm, other times i stirred up a bigger storm.
i felt side-tracked most of the time. my motivation to be with her dwindled by the day. occasionally when her attention was brought back to the present and she was reminded of and acknowledged my existence, i felt happy yet sad. i wanted to leave many times, but somehow every time i decided to leave, i would see or hear something to remind me of her, which made me feel compelled to turn back to her once more. hence our story extends episode after episode. every time you thought it's the end, something would spring up, leaving the story 'to be continued'.
like her, i asked myself where is this going ? the flame dims and relives... so many obstacles seem to pop up all the time to try and extinguish this fragile flame.
i feel tired, so does she. what to do ? she asked if i would be hers. i hesitated, not because i didn't love her, but because the past hurts made me disheartened.
to be in a committed relationship, besides love, trust is crucial. recent happenings have caused me to lose the trust in her. i'm so deeply hurt by a recent incident and discovery, that i can't feel love for her anymore. overnight, i feel that this is a stranger i'm waking up to. who is she ? why is she telling me one thing, but doing something else behind my back ? was she lying to me all this while ? why was she so selfish to keep me like that ? many questions flooded my mind. the recent incident is traumatic. i was shocked to discover the truth. the heart which once flowed with love for her is blocked. i don't know what / how to speak to her. she says i've turned cold to her suddenly. i can't help it. i don't recognise the face of one whom i once loved dearly.
one major obstacle is her past, which came back time and again to haunt her and sabotage us. this is one area which she couldn't give me firm assurance. if she hated her past so much, why is she engaging it ? what is she trying to tell me by her actions ? does she even have any respect for me ? where does her heart lie ? why was she part of the hurt that the past caused me ? why did she allow me to be hurt, if she indeed loves me as she claimed ? why didn't she do more to protect me from being hurt ? what does she take me for ?
sometimes, when we do things, we have to think what is the impression we are giving others by our actions. what is the impact of our actions. actions do speak louder than words.
i hate to be lied to. i really hate it.
don't try to manipulate or influence me with pretty words. i don't buy it. show me with your actions that you really mean it.
i feel betrayed. i have lost trust in her.
initially i returned to say yes to her. unfortunately i discovered a grisly truth. it's traumatic. my heart is blocked. i can't feel anything now. i can't recall how she's like, how we used to be together, the love we once had for each other. i can't feel or recall any of that associated with her
the stuff that i see going back n forth between her and her past is too disgusting for me to bear. their faces are ugly, and yet their mouths sprout love. it's a defilement of something sacred.
p/s : honestly i didn't feel like talking about it. but i thought it wld be good to tell my side of the story
you hurt me deeply. i can't remember how you are like or how i used to feel you.
why perpetuate trauma and hurt to someone else ? shouldn't you know better ? why should i even deserve all that i went through ?
i hate all the stuff that you put me through and let me see for 1.5 years. what makes you say you deserve me ? when you say you love me, what exactly have you done besides sprouting pretty words ?
do you know that when you were engaging the past whether in frolic or whatever, you were hurting the one watching silently nearby - the one whom you claim to love. why allow the past to obstruct and distract you from the present - this is something i failed to understand. if it's water under the bridge, why engage with it ?
you said that you deserve me. in my view, you haven't earned it.
f*ck her and cheat her money than dump her
Originally posted by jacknife:f*ck her and cheat her money than dump her
F off la seriously-_-
if u wan some advice.. u can say in more details.. i am sure some of the ppl here will give some useful advice...
he does not need advices... he is a love guru himself...
aku catch no ball
get a blog or something la
Is this one of those where if you don't tell the story to 13 others then you'll be forever luckless in love???
Damn.. no wonder I no luck.
just tell us what happen... get straight to the point.. or u just want people to listen to u?
i think its very simple
he trying to say
"She is a 2 timer~!!!!!!"
hmm..i think hes trying to say that she isn't very interested in him and that shes using him
Originally posted by Hwaimeng:i think its very simple
he trying to say
"She is a 2 timer~!!!!!!"
hmm, what do u think ? is she one such woman ?
Originally posted by Music-Life:hmm..i think hes trying to say that she isn't very interested in him and that shes using him
hmm, what do u think ? is she such a person ?
Originally posted by gigabyte14:aku catch no ball
get a blog or something la
haha... this is my longest post so far since i joined. compared to some of the stuff i see around here, this is nothing.
it may be nothing to u, but it may mean something to someone else.
Originally posted by novelltie:he does not need advices... he is a love guru himself...
thanks lah. since u say so, i'll accept the compliment.
Originally posted by JDGao:just tell us what happen... get straight to the point.. or u just want people to listen to u?
i was mainly venting, and breaking the silence since someone told me i was quiet.
everyone sees from his/her vantage point. my side of the story is as important as another person's.