Help! Really scared...
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Thanks to everyone who helped me out so far. Your advice has been really helpful. To Ciin, it's good to have a fellow female's advice on this. :) My period is coming soon. I should be ok right? To Earlneo, TrueHeart, Wanderer and Ciin, your words have made me think deeper into our relationship. And I think I should really talk to him about it. But I've been avoiding him the past since the day it happened. He has been messaging me and calling me for the past few days, requesting to see me and explain everything but I just don't know how to face him. I did try to tell him to stop that time but maybe I wasn't forceful enough. Now I've learnt my lesson. I know I still love him but I don't know how this relationship will proceed from now on. And to Wanderer and Lokey, er... We are both 16 this year. Just finished our O levels. We got together 6 months ago and have been study partners for the whole time.
To gunner77 & larryteo, I'M NOT SOME SLUT OK?!!? I am not some bimbo who goes after guys with muscular frames and neither did I strip and offer myself to him! I was fully clothed the whole time! Didn't even take off an earring!
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Originally posted by trish-gal:
Thanks to everyone who helped me out so far. Your advice has been really helpful. To Ciin, it's good to have a fellow female's advice on this. :) My period is coming soon. I should be ok right? To Earlneo, TrueHeart, Wanderer and Ciin, your words have made me think deeper into our relationship. And I think I should really talk to him about it. But I've been avoiding him the past since the day it happened. He has been messaging me and calling me for the past few days, requesting to see me and explain everything but I just don't know how to face him. I did try to tell him to stop that time but maybe I wasn't forceful enough. Now I've learnt my lesson. I know I still love him but I don't know how this relationship will proceed from now on. And to Wanderer and Lokey, er... We are both 16 this year. Just finished our O levels. We got together 6 months ago and have been study partners for the whole time.
To gunner77 & larryteo, I'M NOT SOME SLUT OK?!!? I am not some bimbo who goes after guys with muscular frames and neither did I strip and offer myself to him! I was fully clothed the whole time! Didn't even take off an earring!
Hi trish-gal,
I will suggest that you tell your boyfriend to keep the limit at kissing, and stop attempting to engage in any sexual activities. At 16, if you really get pregnant because of his foolishness, the two of you will suffer.
Tell him very clearly that if he tries anything similar again, you will end your relationship with him. If he refuse to listen and persist in trying to have his way, be firm and put an end to the relationship. However, if he ever tries to force himself upon you, do not hesitate in calling the police.
Cheers.
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Originally posted by trish-gal:
Thanks to everyone who helped me out so far. Your advice has been really helpful. To Ciin, it's good to have a fellow female's advice on this. :) My period is coming soon. I should be ok right? To Earlneo, TrueHeart, Wanderer and Ciin, your words have made me think deeper into our relationship. And I think I should really talk to him about it. But I've been avoiding him the past since the day it happened. He has been messaging me and calling me for the past few days, requesting to see me and explain everything but I just don't know how to face him. I did try to tell him to stop that time but maybe I wasn't forceful enough. Now I've learnt my lesson. I know I still love him but I don't know how this relationship will proceed from now on. And to Wanderer and Lokey, er... We are both 16 this year. Just finished our O levels. We got together 6 months ago and have been study partners for the whole time.
To gunner77 & larryteo, I'M NOT SOME SLUT OK?!!? I am not some bimbo who goes after guys with muscular frames and neither did I strip and offer myself to him! I was fully clothed the whole time! Didn't even take off an earring!
Woah! Chill! Relax. Don't get too tensed up just because of this. I know you are feeling really confused and lost right now. I suggest you take it one step at a time. You can start by talking to him. Let him know your grievances. Tell him how you felt that night and how you felt after the whole incident. If he really likes you, he should be understanding about it. And for you guys to reach such a stage only after 6 months, I think that is progressing way too fast. Take it slow. Real slow. If he doesn't agree with you on this, then just break with him. He is just one horny boy who wants some fun. You can find other better guys out there who would respect you for who you are and not impose such things on you when you are not ready. Kids these days really let the raging hormones take over them.... -
The same thing to me when I was 16, except it was from the guy's point of view. I was with my ex-GF alone in her house doing O lvl studies, one thing led to another, and BANG, i let out everything inside her.She was shocked when she found out I cum inside her and ran off to the bathroom immediately. After that, she wasn't her usual self and we broke off months after.
Thing is, I did the same thing by leaving consoling voice msgs and told her not to worry, but looking back, probably didn't mean it or didn't understand the seriousness of it. Thank God, she didn't got pregnant.
Point is, the guy is thinking as I was then. He just wants to make you happy and probably doesn't want you to worry. He's afraid he might have hurt you and instead of apologizing for his actions, he's assuring you. He doesn't want to lose you. From his point of view, it was an experiment that went wrong and he feels that it went wrong from your reaction after he cum.
If you don't get pregnant, it's better you talk to him and let him you know how you feel and be very FIRM that you do not want any more sexual activity in the relationship. Unless you want which I strongly don't recommend. If he starts his hanky-panky again, it's best you move off from him.
Word of caution: All guys want to have sex with their GF if possible. It's in the girl's hands, no pun intended, to make it possible or impossible. Needless to say, girls have alot more to lose than guys for that 5 - 10 mins.
Just letting you see things from a guy's perspective.
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Originally posted by leewan:All guys want to have sex with their GF if possible.
Just letting you see things from a guy's perspective.
Wtf? No? I'm a guy.
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Originally posted by NickL_C151:
Wtf? No? I'm a guy.
Ok. Let me rephrase that. A normal guy.
You probably dun feel like banging your GF bcos out of the respect for her and probably bcos she's very firm when it comes to the " recreational activities" in the relationship. Or you could be someone brought up with strong moral values.
Imagine this. Your GF invites you to a hotel room and she's dressed seductively in a sexy lingerie. She sits beside you and rubs her hand up and down your thigh and then your .....
What would you do ?????
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Originally posted by leewan:
Word of caution: All guys want to have sex with their GF if possible. It's in the girl's hands, no pun intended, to make it possible or impossible.
Just letting you see things from a guy's perspective.
I believe that what you wrote would be considered fair statement, except for the above qoute.
It's NOT FAIR to push the blame to the girl. Both do have a part in the act, but IT'S the guy's responsibility to ensure always, always it does not go too far. Males are stronger and tougher than females. If we cannot even control our impulse over this small matter of emotions, what else are we capable of? NOTHING!
Just letting you see things from a man's perspective. No offense intended. If taken, I forthwith hereby humbly apologise, sincerly. I only want to get a point across - we are each responsible and there must be no excuses.
The consequences of such actions are harmful, lingers for life and may even be life threatening. So, please think carefully, espacially if one is still young and innocent. Life is a precious gift.
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=)
glad you find tt the advice is helpful..
you shld be fine.. dun worry too much..
at both of ur age, it is easy to do things on impulse.. and of cux, youngsters at this age tend to be more interested and curious re: sexuality issues and the act itself..
dun avoid him, talk to him about the issue.. dun feel shameful.. he shld be the one feeling shameful because wat he did is wrong..
to prevent this from happening agn, refrain from going to each other's hse to study, especially when it will oni be the two of you.. å¤ç”·å¯¡å¥³,很容易干æ��烈ç�«..(hope the chinese is correct)
hope everything will be fine for you.. =)
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Look at it this way. When did he know that sperm on the panties may lead to pregnancy?
Looks like after he ejaculated.
Come on, he knew all along. Someone must has told him this is a better than the condom trick to get a screw. ("Don't worry, I have a condom, its alright" will usually do the trick, but might raise the question, "Why are you with a condom?")
Its not one thing that led to another, its more like an opportunity seized. And there was a plan to have sex. Only it didn't go the way he envisioned, the panties didn't come off.
He is right, you can get pregnant, and would certainly have, if you have taken off your panties.
Now wait for your menses, that would be a good indicator that you are not pregnant, but it is not a definitive one. Just wait and see. The chances of you being pregnant is almost none, extremely slim. Just don't delete those SMSs yet.
You seriously must reconsider if you wish to continue your relationship with him. He was trying to conquer you. He failed. He may be remorseful, but if he had not failed.... what? He had considered you quarry, he would have lost respect for you if he had succeeded, and you would want to belong to him in order not to feel "dirty". Thats the irony of it.
Take heart, you are still the desirable virgin.
Next time, recognise the situation and avoid it. Parents not at home is a very good one.
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Originally posted by xtreyier:
It's NOT FAIR to push the blame to the girl. Both do have a part in the act, but IT'S the guy's responsibility to ensure always, always it does not go too far. Males are stronger and tougher than females. If we cannot even control our impulse over this small matter of emotions, what else are we capable of? NOTHING!
Just letting you see things from a man's perspective. No offense intended. If taken, I forthwith hereby humbly apologise, sincerly. I only want to get a point across - we are each responsible and there must be no excuses.
I have to say that my earlier statement came across a tad too sexist but I make no apologies about it.
Let me explain the rationale behind it.
It is in a man's primitive instinct to mate with a woman whom he finds beautiful and attractive. Nothing can be done about it. Civility, common sense, respect and the law has dumbed down that instinct over the years but it still exists nonetheless.
These factors and some others prevent responsible male from crossing the line when it comes to pre-maritial sex, but the way some women behave themselves in front of their BF( some initiate it), they are pulling the male into crossing the line. In such cases, you can't totally absolve the women of blame.
I am not implying that the TS was as such, but women should understand this primitive instinct of men and avoid situations where you are making the environment conducive for "it" to happen. As the saying goes, " When it comes to sex, Women need a reason and Men need a place."
That is the harsh truth. I am not diminishing mens' responsibilty here in this tango for two in any way. My point is this : If you wave a piece of meat in front of a tiger, no matter how tamed it is, it would run and grab the meat. Can you blame the tiger for that ?
And about the offence part, none taken. There's no need for you to apologize if you are voicing out your opinion and doing so with respect. You are free to your opinion.
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Originally posted by leewan:
I have to say that my earlier statement came across a tad too sexist but I make no apologies about it.
Let me explain the rationale behind it.
It is in a man's primitive instinct to mate with a woman whom he finds beautiful and attractive. Nothing can be done about it. Civility, common sense, respect and the law has dumbed down that instinct over the years but it still exists nonetheless.
These factors and some others prevent responsible male from crossing the line when it comes to pre-maritial sex, but the way some women behave themselves in front of their BF( some initiate it), they are pulling the male into crossing the line. In such cases, you can't totally absolve the women of blame.
I am not implying that the TS was as such, but women should understand this primitive instinct of men and avoid situations where you are making the environment conducive for "it" to happen. As the saying goes, " When it comes to sex, Women need a reason and Men need a place."
That is the harsh truth. I am not diminishing mens' responsibilty here in this tango for two in any way. My point is this : If you wave a piece of meat in front of a tiger, no matter how tamed it is, it would run and grab the meat. Can you blame the tiger for that ?
And about the offence part, none taken. There's no need for you to apologize if you are voicing out your opinion and doing so with respect. You are free to your opinion.
Thank you for your understanding, civility as well as agreeing to men taking responsibility for their actions.
As much as I agree with you on our natural primitive instincts, you must admit the fact that we are no longer living in jungles, no longer wild primates, but civilised beings living within societies with laws to ensure peaceful co-existance, and had greatly progessed mankind and its evolution. The law of the jungle no longer applies.
With such agreed upon common behaviour, it is thus our responsibility NEVER to revert back to our animal instincts, but always pause and reflect on our actions and its eventual consequences. Our capacity to think far sets us apart from wild canivores.
Failing which, we cannot then lay claim to being civilised and a member of our society, but to become an outcaste, forever chastisized by all fellow beings as an unevolved ape, a beast, a mongrel.
Temptation will always be around us. Reasons and excuses aplenty, to mask beastly attitudes. To give in to our primitive instincts and base emotions is to court trouble with our society and its fellow members.
Desist now, for we men, considered the stronger and tougher species, have the capability to rise above such impulses and emotions, and evolved, and most men did and do still.
Only weaklings will surrender to temptations, and would need help to survive - a bout in a rehabilitation centre with locked doors and behind bars would do fine, either physically in the real world or mentally within their own minds when reality of consequences arrive.
No more excuses, please.
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http://sgforums.com/forums/2866/topics/383509
A good read on holier-than-thou effect titled "Stumbling Blocks On The Parth Of Righteousness" posted by a fellow forumer earlier.
Putting aside the hypocripsy and self-righteousness, who here can rightly proclaim that they do not have desire for their partner? But what? But only "weaklings will surrender to temptations?" Get off your moral high horse already
What I want to say is that intimacy between a couple is not a bad thing, that is if they're mature and know what they are doing.
trish-gal, at your age of sweet 16, you should be placing your focus on your studies. I'm certain you don't even feel ready to handle stuff like this. Just have a lot of fun with your bf and stay out of trouble. Whatever intimacy can wait
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Holier than thou, moral highhorse, self righteousness???
lol! Perfection exist not in mankind, but what other excuses would you like to throw to justify modesty outrage and rape, as well as the scars the victims have to live with for life?
.
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Originally posted by trish-gal:
Thanks to everyone who helped me out so far. Your advice has been really helpful. To Ciin, it's good to have a fellow female's advice on this. :) My period is coming soon. I should be ok right? To Earlneo, TrueHeart, Wanderer and Ciin, your words have made me think deeper into our relationship. And I think I should really talk to him about it. But I've been avoiding him the past since the day it happened. He has been messaging me and calling me for the past few days, requesting to see me and explain everything but I just don't know how to face him. I did try to tell him to stop that time but maybe I wasn't forceful enough. Now I've learnt my lesson. I know I still love him but I don't know how this relationship will proceed from now on. And to Wanderer and Lokey, er... We are both 16 this year. Just finished our O levels. We got together 6 months ago and have been study partners for the whole time.
To gunner77 & larryteo, I'M NOT SOME SLUT OK?!!? I am not some bimbo who goes after guys with muscular frames and neither did I strip and offer myself to him! I was fully clothed the whole time! Didn't even take off an earring!
You are only 16, should be concentrating more on the studies.
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Originally posted by xtreyier:
Holier than thou, moral highhorse, self righteousness???
lol! Perfection exist not in mankind, but what other excuses would you like to throw to justify modesty outrage and rape, as well as the scars the victims have to live with for life?
Funny how you confused intimacy in a relationship with violence against women. And no, neither am I in favor of TS' bf's (Tbf) actions nor your extremism.The fact is I condemn Tbf's action, what he had done was plain recklessness and irresponsibility. But your fanatical view on intimacy as a whole is just... absurb...
Originally posted by xtreyier:
Temptation will always be around us. Reasons and excuses aplenty, to mask beastly attitudes. To give in to our primitive instincts and base emotions is to court trouble with our society and its fellow members.Desist now, for we men, considered the stronger and tougher species, have the capability to rise above such impulses and emotions, and evolved, and most men did and do still.
Only weaklings will surrender to temptations
Not meaning to be rude, but based on what you wrote. I suspect you're either a religious zealot or you never had any meaningful relationships.
Please clarify which category you belong to.
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Fanatical views? Religious zealot? Havent had any meaningful relationships before?
Just because I disagree with your tongue twisting and hypocrisy?
No one is talking about 'intimacy' here. Instead,an outrage of modesty had occured.
Lol! By all means, justify outrage of modesty to women and rape. Its your own problem and to to deal with it if you had lost your own moral compass and succumb to temptations. It's your own cross to bear, but there's no need to justify your actions to gain adherents to follow in your own mistakes.
No need to twist words around such as not in favour of TS behaviour and YET condemn my views as extremism, and you dont mean to be rude? Oh, Stop your own hypocrisy already.
Keep your personal dislikes to yourself. This is not speakers corner. There is no need to fight here. Each is entittled to his/her own opinions, working only in the interest of the TS, who is pouring out her woes.
There is no prize to be won, or adulation, and seldom even a thanks, I remind you. Only a hope that TS may be enlightened to open up her mind, consider written posts and not be confused.
Cheers!
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Originally posted by xtreyier:
Fanatical views? Religious zealot? Havent had any meaningful relationships before?
Just because I disagree with your tongue twisting and hypocrisy?
No one is talking about 'intimacy' here. Instead,an outrage of modesty had occured.
Lol! By all means, justify outrage of modesty to women and rape. Its your own problem and to to deal with it if you had lost your own moral compass and succumb to temptations. It's your own cross to bear, but there's no need to justify your actions to gain adherents to follow in your own mistakes.
No need to twist words around such as not in favour of TS behaviour and YET condemn my views as extremism, and you dont mean to be rude? Oh, Stop your own hypocrisy already.
Keep your personal dislikes to yourself. This is not speakers corner. There is no need to fight here. Each is entittled to his/her own opinions, working only in the interest of the TS, who is pouring out her woes.
There is no prize to be won, or adulation, and seldom even a thanks, I remind you. Only a hope that TS may be enlightened to open up her mind, consider written posts and not be confused.
Cheers!
Ahh, Now you've painted a clearer picture, I think I might have misread/misunderstood you too.Let me attempt to clear up the mess, I condemn her bf's behavior and I agree without any reservation that it was an outrage of modesty! I thought you were referring to intimacy as a whole, thus the misunderstanding.
No tongue twisters here, chum. I've taken the wrong way your post and I apologize. We're all here for the same reason - that is to provide counsel to TS and there's really no need to fight.
Cheers!!!
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Originally posted by Detached:
Ahh, Now you've painted a clearer picture, I think I might have misread/misunderstood you too.Let me attempt to clear up the mess, I condemn her bf's behavior and I agree without any reservation that it was an outrage of modesty! I thought you were referring to intimacy as a whole, thus the misunderstanding.
No tongue twisters here, chum. I've taken the wrong way your post and I apologize. We're all here for the same reason - that is to provide counsel to TS and there's really no need to fight.
Cheers!!!
Thanks for your reply. I too humbly apologise for my post had cost a misunderstanding
I fully agree with you that intimacy between 2 consenting adults is not a bad thing, behind closed doors and is no one biz to mind, for they have a right to privacy and provided they have the capability to take up responsibilities for what happens later - for good or worse.
But what's happening on this thread is between 2 minors who know not what they are doing, presumed to know, but know not the repercussions that will follow if things get too far or the ability to handle them.
May our precious young be more aware of the issues involved and do what is right, at their age and dont have to suffer fear and condemnation needlessly.
Good luck to TS, and may her fears be overcomed.
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trish_gal, You did the right thing by telling him to stop. When you find yourself in an uncomfortable position, no pun intended, always demand your partner to stop. Exercise your right to walk away. You don't have to engage in any behavior you don't want to. Be it with this boyfriend or the next.
It's natural to be curious about sex, especially when you're growing up. Exploring this sexuality with partners can often lead to embarrassing and unpredictable moments. Please don't feel ashamed, there's no point in focusing on these negative emotions. Like what earlneo said, take it as a lesson learnt and start reading up on sex education.
Do avoid putting yourself in a vulnerable position again, especially one you've recently discovered you're not ready for. Since it takes time to figure out which guy is a player, a cad or a gentleman, my advice is to underestimate their ability to contain their primitive urges and simply assume all are animals until proven otherwise. And never bed anyone until they have proven themselves capable of respecting you. Don't date anyone who doesn't respect you.
We're responsible for our own bodies and must never be afraid of walking away from a situation gone bad no matter what happens. That is self care and self love. You'll be fine in time to come. If you find yourself struggling with some thoughts, do approach a counselor for some heart to heart talk.
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http://sgforums.com/forums/1991/topics/378509
Aiyoh, he didnt even tell you he had an account in Sgforums as well. Bad boy...