Dilemma
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Dear all, I am in a relationship with this girl who is currently unmarried with a daughter. We met each other two year ago in our workplace. Recently she told me that she has to go home to take care of her daughter. By the way they are malaysians. For the past few years it was my girlfriend mother and her younger sister who help to take care her daughter while she works in Sg. I been beside her for nearly two years and suddenly she has to go back Malaysia to take care of her daughter, reasons is her mother and dad is getting on age and her sister is planning to come SG to work. I already have plans to get ROM with her. What should I do? Am i being selffish by not letting her go back? I cannot think of a win win solution on what shall I do? Any kind soul can advise me?
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You could move over to m'sia, or move her parents over.
But honestly la bruddah, why dont you have a talk with her, see what she wants, try to compromise. I mean your not putting her in an easy situation as well you know.
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Her main reason is that one take care her daughter and parents getting old
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Originally posted by Derrickyap84:
Dear all, I am in a relationship with this girl who is currently unmarried with a daughter. We met each other two year ago in our workplace. Recently she told me that she has to go home to take care of her daughter. By the way they are malaysians. For the past few years it was my girlfriend mother and her younger sister who help to take care her daughter while she works in Sg. I been beside her for nearly two years and suddenly she has to go back Malaysia to take care of her daughter, reasons is her mother and dad is getting on age and her sister is planning to come SG to work. I already have plans to get ROM with her. What should I do? Am i being selffish by not letting her go back?
I cannot think of a win win solution on what shall I do? Any kind soul can advise me?
Hi Derrickyap,
Please do pardon me for saying so, but by forcing her to remain here in Singapore, it will indeed be very selfish of you. As Xiaoming has kindly stated, the most probable scenarios will be either that of you becoming a Malaysia PR, or that of her families moving over to Singapore and becoming PRs.
The best thing for you to do now is to travel to Malaysia with her, and have a talk with her family about your plans to get married. This is to see what her family and herself have in mind. On a side note, I certainly hope that you have told your parents of your plans to get married.
Anyway, only after you have converse with her family, then should you come to a conclusion as to which are the most appropriate steps of action to be taken.
Cheers
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Originally posted by Derrickyap84:
Dear all, I am in a relationship with this girl who is currently unmarried with a daughter. We met each other two year ago in our workplace. Recently she told me that she has to go home to take care of her daughter. By the way they are malaysians. For the past few years it was my girlfriend mother and her younger sister who help to take care her daughter while she works in Sg. I been beside her for nearly two years and suddenly she has to go back Malaysia to take care of her daughter, reasons is her mother and dad is getting on age and her sister is planning to come SG to work. I already have plans to get ROM with her. What should I do? Am i being selffish by not letting her go back?
I cannot think of a win win solution on what shall I do? Any kind soul can advise me?
Your problem may be bigger and more complex than you think. It's not just about being selfish, but in the bigger scheme of things there is the Foriegn Affairs policies of both nations that you should worry about, with your plan to marry a foriegner.
It isnt so easy as saying 'I do' in any country. Every nation protects its own society and will have screening and regulations for any foriegner marrying their own citizens. They would prefer citizen marry citizen.
Education and earning abilities are the basic requirements or it may end up society taking up the burden to take care of them. Furthermore, abuses in the system caused by 'sham marriages' had led nations to be more catious and to go by the head, than by the heart, no matter how beautifully crafted an appeal can be, even from MPs.
Not to discourage you, but at the end of the day, you may wonder - is it worth it all? If you still think it is, then I suggest you take a trip to MOM, ICA and MFA to find out more of what it entails to marry a foriegner, or you becoming another country's PR to help you decide. It may not be as clear cut as you presume it to be....
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Ok Read the words in bold, whatever else Xtreyier is saying all irrelevent.Originally posted by xtreyier:
Your problem may be bigger and more complex than you think. It's not just about being selfish, but in the bigger scheme of things there is the Foriegn Affairs policies of both nations that you should worry about, with your plan to marry a foriegner.
It isnt so easy as saying 'I do' in any country. Every nation protects its own society and will have screening and regulations for any foriegner marrying their own citizens. They would prefer citizen marry citizen.
Education and earning abilities are the basic requirements or it may end up society taking up the burden to take care of them. Furthermore, abuses in the system caused by 'sham marriages' had led nations to be more catious and to go by the head, than by the heart, no matter how beautifully crafted an appeal can be, even from MPs.
And it isnt as complex as it seems, my Dad is a malaysian and my Mom is a Singaporean, so no worries. Just take it easy, no point rushing into things and making a big fuss over it.
Not to discourage you, but at the end of the day, you may wonder - is it worth it all? If you still think it is, then I suggest you take a trip to MOM, ICA and MFA to find out more of what it entails to marry a foriegner, or you becoming another country's PR to help you decide. It may not be as clear cut as you presume it to be....
And it isnt really that complex. My Dad is a Malaysian, and my mom is a Singaporean, so just take it easy, dun rush and make a fuss out of it.
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Many thanks to all.... actually what are the procedure? To go to ROM first to find out more? Or ICA? not sure what the procedure... then what about her daughter? let say if eventually she become a PR then what about her daughter procedure in becoming PR like the mother next follows by her parents???
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Originally posted by Derrickyap84:
Many thanks to all…. actually what are the procedure? To go to ROM first to find out more? Or ICA? not sure what the procedure… then what about her daughter? let say if eventually she become a PR then what about her daughter procedure in becoming PR like the mother next follows by her parents???
Hi Derrickyap,
I just found out, for a couple to file a notice of marriage in Singapore, the criteria is that at least one of them has to live in Singapore for 15 consecutive days. This applies for all regardless of citizenship.
http://app.rom.gov.sg/internet/reg_info/rom_preparation.asp
As for the application to be a permanent resident, your girlfriend and her daughter are eligible, but not her parents. Unless they take up skilled jobs in Singapore, otherwise the only other way for them to apply for permanent residency is to wait till their daughter becomes a Singapore Citizen.
http://www.ica.gov.sg/page.aspx?pageid=151&secid=150
I hope this helps.
Cheers.
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A million thanks
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Yeah man!
Thats the spirit.
Seeing in terms of solution, not problems.
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Originally posted by Derrickyap84:
Dear all, I am in a relationship with this girl who is currently unmarried with a daughter. We met each other two year ago in our workplace. Recently she told me that she has to go home to take care of her daughter. By the way they are malaysians. For the past few years it was my girlfriend mother and her younger sister who help to take care her daughter while she works in Sg. I been beside her for nearly two years and suddenly she has to go back Malaysia to take care of her daughter, reasons is her mother and dad is getting on age and her sister is planning to come SG to work. I already have plans to get ROM with her. What should I do? Am i being selffish by not letting her go back?
I cannot think of a win win solution on what shall I do? Any kind soul can advise me?
Derrick,
Sometimes women give lame reasons to leave their men.
If you are truly accepting of her being a single mother, you coulda help her bring her daughter to SG instead.
In your case, I believe she is disillusioned by what you had offered her in times of "true needs".
Perhaps after these couple of years, she realized you are not the kind of man generous enough, to be able to take care of her and her daughter.
Think about it ya ?
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Originally posted by TrueHeart:
Hi Derrickyap,
I just found out, for a couple to file a notice of marriage in Singapore, the criteria is that at least one of them has to live in Singapore for 15 consecutive days. This applies for all regardless of citizenship.
http://app.rom.gov.sg/internet/reg_info/rom_preparation.asp
As for the application to be a permanent resident, your girlfriend and her daughter are eligible, but not her parents. Unless they take up skilled jobs in Singapore, otherwise the only other way for them to apply for permanent residency is to wait till their daughter becomes a Singapore Citizen.
http://www.ica.gov.sg/page.aspx?pageid=151&secid=150
I hope this helps.
Cheers.
Now that she is deciding to leave.. then you start thinking of marrying her... maybe too late already.
You are merely marrying her out of fear of losing her.
Women wants a man to marry her out of love, wanting to be with her for the long term.
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Originally posted by Derrickyap84:
Many thanks to all…. actually what are the procedure? To go to ROM first to find out more? Or ICA? not sure what the procedure… then what about her daughter? let say if eventually she become a PR then what about her daughter procedure in becoming PR like the mother next follows by her parents???
Really hate to break it to you, but it is always best to face reality,...sorry....
Read up here, on real life experiences, espacially from the replies, before you make any marrying decision with foriegners, which I think you both may be prepared to proceed, after knowing each other for 2 years and the only reason for going home is for her kid and parents,... Only then will you understand why I had written what I wrote earlier....
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Originally posted by xtreyier:
Really hate to break it to you, but it is always best to face reality,...sorry....
Read up here, on real life experiences, espacially from the replies, before you make any marrying decision with foriegners, which I think you both may be prepared to proceed, after knowing each other for 2 years and the only reason for going home is for her kid and parents,... Only then will you understand why I had written what I wrote earlier....
Note: In the USA, in order to get a spouse PR for your foreign spouse/fiancee, you must prove to the immigration that you are above the poverty line.
Freedom is never free. One must consider who shall pay/is paying this price for the kind of freedom one seek.
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there's more than just immigration here, do you know her daughter and does she accept you? this is not just some goods you plan to import over...is there a relationship between you and her child in the first place....
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Do what you think it is right as long as you are sure not to regret your decision, you only live once, treasure it. Good Luck!
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Originally posted by mancha:
Yeah man!
Thats the spirit.
Seeing in terms of solution, not problems.
I want to thank you for highlighting this.
Cheers
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Thanks again to all ya we only live once and must treasure it