should she stay or leave....
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i have a friend who already been with the bf for 2yrs+ .She feel very unsecure with her relationship and considering if she might just want to leave him.her bf can be describe a moderate guy and working as a cab driver.She really in love with this guy even though in the early relationship he did not treat her very well-( this is obvious bcos she fall for him first )He told her that she's not going to be the last girl in his life, he is not good enough for her etc etc....however she never take that in her heart instead she take care of him and continue loving him till now.She will make an effort to buy him bday gifts or to cook for him whenever she have free time-(they are live together) i cant say that he is totally bad but maybe he is just not the romantic type of guy.BUT there is one thing that he said to my this gf that hurt her very badly was when they argue one night he said to her that with or w/o her in his life dosent make any different....They never talk about settle down as her bf ever told her that he is not ready to get marriage.She accepted that w/o any complaint and wish to wait for him to propose which i told her it's unlikely to happen...Thing getting worst as her parent urgue her to faster settle down and want her to go back home to help them with their family business (she's now in her late 20s) she never mention about him to her parent that back in her hometown-m'sia as she afraid will disappoint them.
She really love this guy and really hope that they can get marriage, but how to start the topic to someone that didnt even said that he love her?Countless time i advice her that she might want to consider to find other guy (honestly with her look and attitude, she easily can find a better man) but that dosent seem to work out.I am not sure if her decision to leave singapore is wise just bcos she is afraid that she cant let go her feeling for him without even trying to tell him what is in her mind?.....she wanted to go back to her hometown and never come back again..
Forumer pls give some advice....
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What advice is there to give.
Maybe she like wallow in misery.
Sorry, the circumstances cannot be turned around.
Thats where she's definitely heading.
And its not that she does not know it.
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Originally posted by Angelica1:
i have a friend who already been with the bf for 2yrs+ .She feel very unsecure with her relationship and considering if she might just want to leave him.her bf can be describe a moderate guy and working as a cab driver.She really in love with this guy even though in the early relationship he did not treat her very well-( this is obvious bcos she fall for him first )He told her that she's not going to be the last girl in his life, he is not good enough for her etc etc....however she never take that in her heart instead she take care of him and continue loving him till now.She will make an effort to buy him bday gifts or to cook for him whenever she have free time-(they are live together) i cant say that he is totally bad but maybe he is just not the romantic type of guy.BUT there is one thing that he said to my this gf that hurt her very badly was when they argue one night he said to her that with or w/o her in his life dosent make any different....They never talk about settle down as her bf ever told her that he is not ready to get marriage.She accepted that w/o any complaint and wish to wait for him to propose which i told her it's unlikely to happen...Thing getting worst as her parent urgue her to faster settle down and want her to go back home to help them with their family business (she's now in her late 20s) she never mention about him to her parent that back in her hometown-m'sia as she afraid will disappoint them.
She really love this guy and really hope that they can get marriage, but how to start the topic to someone that didnt even said that he love her?Countless time i advice her that she might want to consider to find other guy (honestly with her look and attitude, she easily can find a better man) but that dosent seem to work out.I am not sure if her decision to leave singapore is wise just bcos she is afraid that she cant let go her feeling for him without even trying to tell him what is in her mind?.....she wanted to go back to her hometown and never come back again..
Forumer pls give some advice....
Hi Angelica,
Your friend may wish to consider having a talk with her boyfriend to clear all doubts once and for all. The most important thing which she needs to know now are his true feelings, and whether he said all these to chase her away or he truly has no feelings for her.
The settling part with have to wait, their relationship is far from stable yet from what I can see. If her boyfriend truly just treats her as another woman in his life, please do kindly advice her to leave him, with support from the rest of her friends.
In such a worst case scenario, you and her other friends will have to be prepared to be by her side, for it will be heartbreaking for a woman to leave a relationship which she has put in so much into.
Cheers.
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The answer and solution is so obvious and right before her.
But I guess she prefers not to see it, not to know it, not to hear about, and just wanna continue on, living on a hope that his attitude and love will change. But it wont. She had been treated only as a companion, nothing more, with no strings attached. The guy lost nothing.
She, sadly, had been like a moth attracted to light, unaware that it had been a fatal attraction. She had lost her youth, and most probably her mind, finding comfort in the delusions of an unreciprocated distorted perception of presumed 'love'.
As she is already matured, not some teenage kid, it is her choice to make. You can advise, but it may not necessarily be heard or want to be heard by her.
If you treasure this friendship with her, then be her shoulder to cry on, and to be her safety net when she falls, on the eventual awakening and realisation that she had been used all along,as she surely will one day.....
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She = you ?
Just do it , if only you love him.
No regrets.
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Is the friend = you?
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???that friend is not me lar ...kns.
**im sharing her storey with you guys is bcos i dont know what else to say to let her understand that she deserved better than that and i dont want to lose a friend like her .....**
Anyway, thanks for the advice.
(******)
Babe...now it is up to you to decide and no matter whatever it is,me and ** the gundu's friend ours** will alway's be there for you, dont worry i make them swear to spend their xmast eve and new eve party all night long with you..cheer** -
your story sounds familiar to mine. using the storyline, i'm the guy, there is the girl and her best friend.
the girl and i were getting along when the "best friend" pops out from nowhere after living in a nunnery for few months repenting for her sins in her last failed relationship.
when the girl and i were about to "seal" the relationship, the best friend started acting very strangely. she is supposed to be best friend, but she send love messages to the girl... she spreads rumours and half-truths about me. she calls and sms me, trying all ways to talk me out of the relationship. i have an online dating account. she would message me as a fake imposter, chat me up and persuade me to break with the girl. lately, she sent me another fake profile with blog accounts of her and my girl's "rendezous", how they love each other, etc.... i wonder what's happening.
my girl said that she tried to contact me many times but i never respond. fact is, i don't want to fall into that best friend's trap again. i don't trust messages from any tom, dick or harry. blame your best friend if you want for creating smoke.
to the girl - you might think you have a counsel in your best friend, but i suggest you look again. you might have a wolf in sheep clothing amidst you. choose your friends wisely. why did you abet your best friend ? why were you playing with your best friend's feelings ? did you think you were a smart ass playing us against each other for your selfish purpose ? don't toy with people's feelings like this. you are partly to blame for this situation.
to the best friend - you don't know me. if you spread rumours and half-truths about me again, you better watch out. don't go too far. i'm warning you. mind your own F*king business. stop sending me the stupid hearts and trying to smoke people. if you are sincere in what you seek, do it well when you were with her. not be a loser and snatch it through the backdoor with low-class tricks like some stray dog after leftover bone.
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let it go now. its no point having no love in the home. sooner than later is they key
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sure i hv let go. but didn't u wanna know why ?
how to have love when u r always fleeting fm one thought to another ? add to that all the complications. honesty and sincerity are the basis foundation which should be adhered to at every stage. if any girl/boy friend is worth the salt, he/she would be able to deal with the truth and even go the extent of helping the other half deal with whatever issues he/she is having.
perhaps you should have had this trust instead of pondering so much and thinking up ways to "protect" this and that.
honestly till today i still don't know your true character and intentions, and i think neither do you know mine.
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gikiwiki...u felt cheated huh??in most cases people will go out there and try to explain themself and even worst try to hurt each other...to be honest, u dont have to cos anyway dont intend to go back to her and further more u dont trust her.so,why bother so much??walk away and move on with your life.treat it as this is just another bad day for you.with this type of girl??sometime ignorance is a blessing.BUT for my friend case is diff..we were once working at the same company and she was my senior.as a new staff i actually dont have any friend and dont knw much about my job.But when she found out that im actually struggling to cope, she was patiently offer helping hand until finally i able to work on my own and thats how the best friend started.
We went trough on and off relationship of our own untill she met her current bf and i met mine.
He(her bf) is not that bad however to me he is a guy that full of ego...we all went out in few occasion and co-incidently we was at the topic that why we should tell someone that we love them.My bf was telling him that girl would love to be told sometime that we love them and bla bla bla but to him,there's no need to tell that someone u love her as long as u treat her nicely,thats good enough.
In some point i do agree with him but maybe as the gf she dosent feel appreciated and rejected.i wanted to do something before she lost her faith in this relationship and give up... .Maybe he do love her but it just he dont know how to express his feeling.Lot of time when we asked him out to join for dinner or any gathering he will try to avoid it and willl make it clear that he will not get angry that his gf went out w/o him..However when she get home he start to ask why is it take so long for her to get home, how many ppl was there (basicly how many guy are there) and bla bla bla..
At one point, my bf think that he doesnt feel secure with the relationship...
But haiz,im just a friend.....i hope that i can do more but at the same time afraid that i might get involve too much so..thats about it.
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feel cheated ? why should i ? you seem to know me hor...
regardless of anything, we all have to answer to ourselves what we have done or said. what is true or lies, only we know best.
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Originally posted by Angelica1:gikiwiki...u felt cheated huh??in most cases people
will go out there and try to explain themself and even worst try to
hurt each other...to be honest, u dont have to cos anyway dont
intend to go back to her and further more u dont trust her.so,why
bother so much??walk away and move on with your life.treat it as
this is just another bad day for you.with this type of
girl??sometime ignorance is a blessing.
BUT for my friend case is diff..we were once working at the same company and she was my senior.as a new staff i actually dont have any friend and dont knw much about my job.But when she found out that im actually struggling to cope, she was patiently offer helping hand until finally i able to work on my own and thats how the best friend started.
We went trough on and off relationship of our own untill she met her current bf and i met mine.
He(her bf) is not that bad however to me he is a guy that full of ego...we all went out in few occasion and co-incidently we was at the topic that why we should tell someone that we love them.My bf was telling him that girl would love to be told sometime that we love them and bla bla bla but to him,there's no need to tell that someone u love her as long as u treat her nicely,thats good enough.
In some point i do agree with him but maybe as the gf she dosent feel appreciated and rejected.i wanted to do something before she lost her faith in this relationship and give up... .Maybe he do love her but it just he dont know how to express his feeling.Lot of time when we asked him out to join for dinner or any gathering he will try to avoid it and willl make it clear that he will not get angry that his gf went out w/o him..However when she get home he start to ask why is it take so long for her to get home, how many ppl was there (basicly how many guy are there) and bla bla bla..
At one point, my bf think that he doesnt feel secure with the relationship...
But haiz,im just a friend.....i hope that i can do more but at the same time afraid that i might get involve too much so..thats about it.
Hi Angelica,
Egoism could easily destroy relationships, be they friendships, kinships, or partnerships. Perhaps he truly feels insecure about the relationship, but his pride is getting in the way.
If left to their own, your friend's relationship is likely to end on a sour note, even if the two of them do get married. I will strongly suggest getting someone who is more experienced in relationships, yet much more senior at the same time, to talk to your friend's boyfriend. If possible, it will be even better if you can find someone whom he will actually listen to.
Cheers.
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**thank u guys for all the advices and thanks TrueHeart i will get someone who he actually listen to,to talk to him...**
cheers