Criticism
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frieendship is something that is hard to throw out, no matter how much pain there is in the relationship
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I would have said bye bye to her long ago... what a bitch you have there as a friend, fancy you helping her so much and she still back stabs you and things like that. Kill her if you can, otherwise just get away from her as much as possible
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A real friend won't keep criticizing u, but give constructive comments or advice. Seems like she's one sort of a shallow person who doesn't think what she says and only gives hurtful remarks. Why bother hanging around with her? Your dignity and pride will only get damaged if you continue to stay with her as friends.
U are not the mean person here, she is. Don't blame urself for wadever criticisms she has made of u. Be strong.
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woow. sounds like someone i'd avoid my whole life if i could
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Originally posted by snowieyun:
I have a friend..I used to treat her like my best friend. Sometimes I feel that she doesn't appreciate my loyalty to her. I always help and give her moral support but she never do the same to me. Instead, she starts to criticise me when things starts to get better for me. She never support my idea and give me encouragement whenever I encounter problems in life. I just feel that she is being very selfish person. I realise I involved in alot of gossips whenever she is around in a group and affects me to start talking behind people's back.
All along I havent been very smooth in career prospect due to my weak personality. I always talk to her and she never advice me much but just answer me things like "is it..oh no choice bla bla.." sometimes she even avoided my calls when I need someone to talk to.
There's once I helped her the whole day for her wedding from morn till night she never appreciate and say that I did a bad job for helping. I tried to defend myself and she insist on the criticism. I was very angry initiatly but I still forgive her. And recently, because I am going back to school to study to get better opportunities and partly to find new direction. She starts to criticise me again. Because of my unsmooth career, she stab me by saying that I am a failure in life dats why I have switched my career direction. She say that in a very rude expression and I felt sad about it. I don't feel like forgiving her but she keep texting me she show that she is remorse for saying those stuff. Sometimes I think if she is worth being my friend or not? Am I wasting my time for friends like her? Am i too mean to ignore her like that?
Hi snowieyun,
You may treat her like a best friend, but it is likely that she is treating you as an item. I agreed with Miss Tiny that she is a shallow person, and I will like to add on that she doesn't see you as anything more than someone whom she can make use of.
Most importantly, you must realise by now that there is no friendship between the two of you - The relationship between the two of you is more akin to that of an user and a tool. You have chosen to forgive her a few times before, but she doesn't change even in the slightest, thus it is likely that she will go back to her old self once you tell her you forgive her.
However, I do not have the right to ask you to leave someone whom you feel so dear to yourself, but I sincerely hope that you will make an appropriate choice.
Cheers.
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obviously, she doesn't treat u like a friend. so dun waste too much time with her.
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Friends are friends, some are good, some not so good.
There is no necessity for you to treat this friend as a best friend. Just help her where ever you can, and move on.
Do not think along this line: I help her, she must help me. I support her, she must support me.
She is your friend, (please down grade her to an ordinary friend), you are a good person, so help her when you can and don't expect anything in return.
Ignore her criticisms and selfisness because that's the way she is.
You direct the course of your life, not her. You don't need her, she needs you, but don't let her use you.
Be yourself.
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Sighs...its my own will to help her and dont expect any returns cos I treat her as best friend last time. But what hurts me to the most is she treat me my shyte everytime I help her and take it for granted. The nasty remarks really hurts my pride. It's like you don't want to say thank you never mind but why do you still attempt to stab me?
My other friend who also side her and keep asking me to forgive her, and I listened to her and forgive. But now, the same thing happens again and I regret for listening to my other friend for being "too kind". Why do I have such a weak personality and being such soft hearted person? People insult you until like that and you still can forgive the person so easily? :(
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Originally posted by snowieyun:
Sighs...its my own will to help her and dont expect any returns cos I treat her as best friend last time. But what hurts me to the most is she treat me my shyte everytime I help her and take it for granted. The nasty remarks really hurts my pride. It's like you don't want to say thank you never mind but why do you still attempt to stab me?
My other friend who also side her and keep asking me to forgive her, and I listened to her and forgive. But now, the same thing happens again and I regret for listening to my other friend for being "too kind". Why do I have such a weak personality and being such soft hearted person? People insult you until like that and you still can forgive the person so easily? :(
Hi snowieyun,
Please do not think of yourself as weak. You have already shown an incredible strength which many people lack - The willingness to forgive wholeheartedly.
Although it is common for soft-hearted and kind people to be made use of and bullied, you shouldn't change yourself into someone similar to those who bullied you, or abandon your heart of kindness.
From such experiences, you will learn to be stronger, and judge fairly for yourself who are those that are true friends to you. This will also allow you to share your kindness more with those who are deserving of it.
Cheers.
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Originally posted by snowieyun:
Sighs...its my own will to help her and dont expect any returns cos I treat her as best friend last time. But what hurts me to the most is she treat me my shyte everytime I help her and take it for granted. The nasty remarks really hurts my pride. It's like you don't want to say thank you never mind but why do you still attempt to stab me?
My other friend who also side her and keep asking me to forgive her, and I listened to her and forgive. But now, the same thing happens again and I regret for listening to my other friend for being "too kind". Why do I have such a weak personality and being such soft hearted person? People insult you until like that and you still can forgive the person so easily? :(
Then it's really time for u to wake up and see what kind of a person she is. After countless times of forgiving her, does she appreciate and change? No right? U said u regretted listening to ur other friend for being "too kind", so what should u do about it?
U should now make a firm decision on whether u should keep or kick this friend of urs.
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yes i will reflect on that and be strong... i have already gotten the answer but just hard to get rid of them for now cos sometimes they keep popping message once in awhile to act pitiful want to gain my sympathy about the wrong they have done.
i really hate seeing those messages and i've already ignored them for not replying but they are kind of persistant and cant move on. what should i do? telling them the truth that i want to befriend them is hurtful to them, just like i do not want to hurt them like how they hurt me cos i know its painful.
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Originally posted by snowieyun:
yes i will reflect on that and be strong... i have already gotten the answer but just hard to get rid of them for now cos sometimes they keep popping message once in awhile to act pitiful want to gain my sympathy about the wrong they have done.
i really hate seeing those messages and i've already ignored them for not replying but they are kind of persistant and cant move on. what should i do? telling them the truth that i want to befriend them is hurtful to them, just like i do not want to hurt them like how they hurt me cos i know its painful.
Once you ignore them long enough they will get the idea. To forgive others when they hurt you so badly already made you a strong person. However, it is important to know who to share your kindness with, and who to ask to talk to your hand.
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Originally posted by snowieyun:
yes i will reflect on that and be strong... i have already gotten the answer but just hard to get rid of them for now cos sometimes they keep popping message once in awhile to act pitiful want to gain my sympathy about the wrong they have done.
i really hate seeing those messages and i've already ignored them for not replying but they are kind of persistant and cant move on. what should i do? telling them the truth that i want to befriend them is hurtful to them, just like i do not want to hurt them like how they hurt me cos i know its painful.
Hi snowieyun,
You are indeed a very kind person to worry that they will be hurt even though they have hurt you so much, but sometimes we can't avoid hurting someone, unless we want ourselves to be hurt. You may not realise it, but every time they send you a message, it reminds you of what had happened before, and you are hurt by the memories once again.
I will suggest that you change your phone contacts if you really do not wish to confront them, though it will be better to be direct and honest and tell them that you wish to end your "friendship" with them.
Cheers.
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Originally posted by snowieyun:
yes i will reflect on that and be strong... i have already gotten the answer but just hard to get rid of them for now cos sometimes they keep popping message once in awhile to act pitiful want to gain my sympathy about the wrong they have done.
i really hate seeing those messages and i've already ignored them for not replying but they are kind of persistant and cant move on. what should i do? telling them the truth that i [do not] want to befriend them is hurtful to them, just like i do not want to hurt them like how they hurt me cos i know its painful.
To tell you the truth, they are playing with you.
They know you can be swayed. They know if they whine, and whine some more, you have no resistance and will give in. They purposely act pitiful just to get you.
"Please lah, Please lah, help me lah, please lah pleeeease...." you relent and then they laugh behind your back.
The purpose of such people is actually to train you to be more circumspect about people. If you do not learn, the lesson will be repeated, again and again, until you learn.
Not all your friends are manupulative. Identify them. Also the onus is on you to teach them not to take advantage of you.
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Originally posted by snowieyun:
I have a friend..I used to treat her like my best friend. Sometimes I feel that she doesn't appreciate my loyalty to her. I always help and give her moral support but she never do the same to me. Instead, she starts to criticise me when things starts to get better for me. She never support my idea and give me encouragement whenever I encounter problems in life. I just feel that she is being very selfish person. I realise I involved in alot of gossips whenever she is around in a group and affects me to start talking behind people's back.
All along I havent been very smooth in career prospect due to my weak personality. I always talk to her and she never advice me much but just answer me things like "is it..oh no choice bla bla.." sometimes she even avoided my calls when I need someone to talk to.
There's once I helped her the whole day for her wedding from morn till night she never appreciate and say that I did a bad job for helping. I tried to defend myself and she insist on the criticism. I was very angry initiatly but I still forgive her. And recently, because I am going back to school to study to get better opportunities and partly to find new direction. She starts to criticise me again. Because of my unsmooth career, she stab me by saying that I am a failure in life dats why I have switched my career direction. She say that in a very rude expression and I felt sad about it. I don't feel like forgiving her but she keep texting me she show that she is remorse for saying those stuff. Sometimes I think if she is worth being my friend or not? Am I wasting my time for friends like her? Am i too mean to ignore her like that?
If you don't know what you must do, then you should continue as her friend until you are able to come up with a decision by yourself.It's rude for us to tell you what you must do with your lives and your friendship only hearing your side of the story.
Because maybe the problem lies with yourself and not your friend?
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Thanks u guys for being very encouraging..I will try my best to overcome this difficult time in my life. Though that was a very hard decision. Seriously, I treasure my friendship with this friend but people changed which is something that is not within my control. I think the only way is to forgive her in heart then move on and will use my time wisely on how to improve on myself for the better and treat her criticism as a reminder. i will be strong..
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i almost have a friend like yours, i consider him as my very best friend but he insults me and never support my idea.. i feel your pain..
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it still hurts me whenever i recalls about how she call me a failure. i dont want to forgive her but what else can i do? people is happy and laughing but you make yourself so miserable and upset about it.
i know i am weak but i am sure i can overcome it one day and become a better person.
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then why do u still stick on as her friend? surely she must have some sort of redeeming qualities.
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i never stick with this friend anymore. just dat i cant get over the insult yet.
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Originally posted by snowieyun:
i never stick with this friend anymore. just dat i cant get over the insult yet.
u can either
1) forget the insult
2) keep it and return it back to her some day
whichever makes you happy.
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Well, all that u did for your friend came with expectations - and that is where u erred lar.
Pix this - if u had not expected anything but did it out of love or whatever u feel it to be so - u would not face this predicament. Unless the word 'friend/friendship' is just a means to an end. Ur end? her end?
I cannot tell u what to be - just know this lar - what u accumulate will eventually surface later - it would be wise to be grateful and unlearn or one can hold grudges and store grievances and live - whichever the situation - what is in u will surface.
Understanding and acceptance mite have u feeling 'better' or 'worse' cos it u!
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sollie to say dis.
bt u're a weaklin.
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Originally posted by snowieyun:
it still hurts me whenever i recalls about how she call me a failure. i dont want to forgive her but what else can i do? people is happy and laughing but you make yourself so miserable and upset about it.
i know i am weak but i am sure i can overcome it one day and become a better person.
You don't overcome it "one day". You learn as you go along, as you grow and learn.
You must learn from your past, and from what just happened. Things may not happen right, but let it happen only once. Its ok to be tricked once, or be outsmarted, or bungle, but learn from it and avoid a repetition. That you must do.