ABO
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hie, my name is jason.
i share a similar story as would many people.
i have 2 best friends who are girls, both of them in the midst of ending their relationships.
but the agony that the breakup process puts them through is just something i cant stand for, yet i can only stand behind them and try to make them feel that there's a better tomorrow. not that it's working very well.
can someone offer me some insight as to how to make them see that there's a bigger picture to their lives or at least make them stand on their feet again?
As for myself, sometimes i come so close to overstepping the boundaries of being a best friend because i care for them so much more than i want to. don't take me wrong, it's not that i want to care less but i'm afraid that things would change if i made a false move.
many times, i've reconsidered my position whether or not my feelings exceed those that a friend should have. here's the thing, girl A is my buddy, in many ways like a brother. girl B is someone who sees me for who i am and takes me for who i am. both of whom i share my interests with.i hate to see change because frankly, i love having them both as my friends.
is what im feeling justifiable?
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TS, you are in a simliar situation as me
what u need to do now is step back and examine how u really feel abt each of them
only by knowing how u really feel abt them will u not make any false move
even if one of them has grown to like u and vice versa, u still must do ur part
let the ending be less agonistic to both
Hope this helps (/me offers ice milo to TS)
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well its not making them see the bigger picture that works...its whether they WANT to see the bigger picture...=)
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not worth it to spoil a friendship
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thanks, mr milo, A.T.R and deathmaster.
appreciate your thoughts very much. ;)
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Originally posted by j03r5:
hie, my name is jason.
i share a similar story as would many people.
i have 2 best friends who are girls, both of them in the midst of ending their relationships.
but the agony that the breakup process puts them through is just something i cant stand for, yet i can only stand behind them and try to make them feel that there's a better tomorrow. not that it's working very well.
can someone offer me some insight as to how to make them see that there's a bigger picture to their lives or at least make them stand on their feet again?
As for myself, sometimes i come so close to overstepping the boundaries of being a best friend because i care for them so much more than i want to. don't take me wrong, it's not that i want to care less but i'm afraid that things would change if i made a false move.
many times, i've reconsidered my position whether or not my feelings exceed those that a friend should have. here's the thing, girl A is my buddy, in many ways like a brother. girl B is someone who sees me for who i am and takes me for who i am. both of whom i share my interests with.i hate to see change because frankly, i love having them both as my friends.
is what im feeling justifiable?
It's only natural for you to feel for your friends. Possibility of romantic feelings aside - people would naturally desire their good friends to lead fulfilling lives without misery. The Greek calls it Philia - but regardless, I think that is fundamental to any perception of how we define the role of a good friend.Personal development of romantic feelings is not of a concern here - I am only concern about the pushing of personal agenda, especially with regards to the outcome of a breakup. As much as you think that you want to provide a 'bigger picture' for them to see, insofar to escape this seemingly 'hellhole' - we have to be cautious about what sort of 'bigger picture' we want to portray and if this is an assumption of our own personal 'bigger picture' or does it implied an unconscious hidden agenda?
We must be realistic and be constantly aware of our action because that will determine what sort of direction it will take when we execute them according to our thoughts. You are afraid to cross the boundary - this is the effect of leaving it entirely to our subconscious. Take note that it's nothing wrong to pursue the possibility of a romantic relationship with either one of these ladies, however the anxiety of your problem stemmed from the fact that you are not exactly clear in your agenda and the labeling of your friendship with them, which kinda created an unplanned situation of a 'conflict in double interest'.
In true platonic friendship, this wouldn't even have bothered you. Since it has, you might want to consider my two cents on a deeper level.
Cheers
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Originally posted by j03r5:
hie, my name is jason.
i share a similar story as would many people.
i have 2 best friends who are girls, both of them in the midst of ending their relationships.
but the agony that the breakup process puts them through is just something i cant stand for, yet i can only stand behind them and try to make them feel that there's a better tomorrow. not that it's working very well.
can someone offer me some insight as to how to make them see that there's a bigger picture to their lives or at least make them stand on their feet again?
As for myself, sometimes i come so close to overstepping the boundaries of being a best friend because i care for them so much more than i want to. don't take me wrong, it's not that i want to care less but i'm afraid that things would change if i made a false move.
many times, i've reconsidered my position whether or not my feelings exceed those that a friend should have. here's the thing, girl A is my buddy, in many ways like a brother. girl B is someone who sees me for who i am and takes me for who i am. both of whom i share my interests with.i hate to see change because frankly, i love having them both as my friends.
is what im feeling justifiable?
Hi j03r5,
It is very normal for you to worry in such a way for your friends, and there is nothing wrong even if you are to fall for one of them.
However, as Yunhaier has thoughtfully pointed out, the bigger picture which you wish for them to see could be a bias one due to your own feelings towards them. Thus, instead of trying to force them to see it, you should remain a strong pillar of support by their side.
Cheers.
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well, im heeding what's being said.
with regards to what Trueheart said, u might totally be right about things.
right now, all i can and should do is to be there when they need me to be.
i'll try not to let my own feelings affect my judgement of the situation again.thanks for all your two cents.
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TS, maybe u should get a "real" gf.
The 2 of them just broke up and rebound is a dangerous thing if u enter anything with any of them now.
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thks for your concern darkseed,but im still within the boundary of friends.
and i don't take advantage of these type of situations.btw don't worry, im already on my own chase for my little miss imperfect.
it's just that i sometimes come close to overstepping.
so i started the thread to get some sound sense.
somehow listening to the advice given by the guys on the thread is keeping my head above water.if there was any relationship at all happening, it'd be my ears taking all the heat by listening to their seemingly endless conversation about the breakup.